Good post Idiotdogbrain (feels wrong typing that username!)
I remember first seeing Minority Report and thinking “Jesus! I’d be in deep shit if that was real” basically the mind is a mischievous thing and will try to distract you with random stuff. Some plain odd, some plain disturbing. I always figured it was normal. I do find that when I’m low I have negative thoughts about myself that repeat and become very hard to ignore.
Edit - That wiki entry up there describes exactly what I get when very low (suffered with serious depression most of my adult life). Mainly suicidal thoughts and it gets very difficult trying to function at work, at home, just at all when it happens.
I have tried to get help for it but this covid situation has just stopped it all dead (haven’t seen my local gp since before this covid stuff started).
The pandemic really shouldn't stop you getting help. You should be able to access your GP. And NHS Talking Therapies is available. You can self refer if you wish.
Can't say i remember having these thoughts pop into my head mid conversation with people i have no beef with.
Rude people using me as a verbal punchbag to vent their general animosity, well... What i want to say V what i actually say are miles apart.
thanks ernielynch for the link 👍
Wild! I thought I was normal for thinking that way
I'm relieved to read this so thanks to the OP for posting it. Have had this sort of thing for decades and have never mentioned it to anyone. To know other people have them and its not just me being a horrific and loathsome individual is a very positive thing.
Wow I didn’t realise it would be quite so common. I’ve had these thoughts from a young age and always hope that no one can hear my thoughts - which often brings the, I’m gonna kick you in the genitals, thoughts to a stop. As for the sort of “scenario” bit, I have this too. What if I fall out of this rollercoaster, what if my children are snatched from the garden cos I’ve left the gate unlocked, what if I veer into the ditch etc. Since seeing my Mum die those have deffo got darker. I may have read that this is our brain acknowledging a risk so you don’t do it.
As for the sort of “scenario” bit, I have this too. What if I fall out of this rollercoaster, what if my children are snatched from the garden cos I’ve left the gate unlocked, what if I veer into the ditch etc. Since seeing my Mum die those have deffo got darker. I may have read that this is our brain acknowledging a risk so you don’t do it.
I get all of those sorts of anxious thoughts (again, worse since the death of my mother but that could just be an age thing). Driving in particular is something I feel very difficult to relax with and I find I'm very, very reluctant to travel in weather I'd previously have scoffed at. I see that as quite separate from what the OP was discussing.
I had similar, in that a few years ago, coincidental with feeling v flat and detached, I started to get alien thoughts.
I mean they didn't feel like me, it was like some nutter marched into my brain and started going, "hey that door handle would make a great ligature suspension point!" and 'me' would just think WTAF this is so unwelcome I cannot even....
*I* wasn't suicidal at all, but it was like someone else was in my head wittering away that I couldn't boot out, like a drunk uncle at Xmas IYSWIM.
I went on a type of HRT (obvs assuming you are a bloke this will not exactly work for you!) and was surprised and enormously relieved to discover that *within half an hour of the first pill* I felt 'like me' again.
Point being, anyway, that - brain chemistry baby - not saying necessarily "go on meds" as IANAD but - if there *is* stuff you can manage to regulate sleep, diet, exercise then worth sorting them all. And then go to GP (book double appt if poss?) and write down stuff beforehand like "Don't want to rush to meds because *last time* I was given X and this triggered Bad Thing Y" and practice handy phrases like "can you talk me through what you just said again because I'm not sure I quite follow" or whatevs - things to press pause and rewind on the consultation.
+1 for the Steve Peters book.
hey tp, how's things going? have you managed to speak with your GP yet?
I've struggled with OCD and other mental health issues all my life; horrible intrusive thoughts are a daily battle for me along with thoughts of acting in hugely inappropriate ways and fears that I might act on them, so I'm someone else who can relate to what you're going through.
For example this week I’m chatting to a lovely black lady at work I got on well with and all of a sudden the thought ‘imagine you called her a fxxxxx nxxxxx’ just popped into my head
This, amongst a whole shed load of other unpleasantness, is pretty common for me too.
OCD is surprisingly common and I think that most folk fall somewhere on its continuum (sadly I'm at the more extreme end) what makes it particularly unpleasant is the underlying fear of acting on the thoughts (often some sort of 'ritualistic' activity helps mitigate the fear).
"The Imp of the Mind" has already been mentioned and is definitely worth a read and I recall reading "Living will Fear".
There are various approaches that can help. I did a lot of counselling but one of the things that helped most was sharing and normalising experiences in a group setting. I attended a group run by Triumph Over Phobia (don't let 'phobia' put you off, they work extensively with OCD too). In addition to the group sessions they'd set 'homework' which were CBT type activities to work on between groups. It's fair to say though that group settings can fill folk with dread; some of my thoughts were so unpleasant that it too literally decades to start to share them.
Don't discount medication either as there are tablets that can help (I'm on a lifelong, high dose of clomipramine which seems to enable me to live a fairly normal life - prior to that I was pretty much out of action) although not everyone is a fan of psychiatric medication and it can take a while to find something that works for you.
I huge help for me is just riding my bike and just getting out into the fresh air. There's a real danger that we hide away in order to avoid the 'triggers' that bring on the thoughts which I think makes things a whole lot worse.
I'm not a professional, so can't give 'advice' as such but I'm happy to share experiences if it helps. I will say that I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember and (as a counsellor often pointed out to me) I've never acted on a single thought (and there have been thousands)!
Take care mate and all the best. I've never found a cure (I don't think there is one) but it's certainly possible for things to improve hugely and for life to be enjoyable.
I get these from time to time, thinking about it now maybe they are more frequent at times when I'm stressed or down.
My 'favourite' is when driving along a single carriage way at 60mph with cars heading the other direction at 60mph I'll be thinking "if I just move my right hand quickly from 12 o'clock down to 4 o'clock......NOW....then all hell will break loose". I get the saying offensive stuff urges too but not so much. Each time we had kids and they were tiny babies there would be a new round of horrendous what ifs going round in my mind, would never act on any of it in a million years, I read somewhere it's just your brains way of hard coding the "never do that" into your thought process through visualisation which makes sense to me
I think this can be filed under the same kind of thing as having imaginary arguments in the shower or running through all the things that could go wrong in a job interview that would never actually happen, being afraid you'll jump off a cliff you are standing next to, fear of impotence, etc etc, we have this huge brain that gets bored and I think for some people the brain likes to play games or it's dealing with a genuine fer of something by making you think about actually doing it. If it's starting to affect your life you should probably do something though.
I say my wife's nickname which is short and easy to say in my head and think about her, some proper messed up shit in my head. But stress and anxiety definitely make these thoughts worse.
Have definitely had those thoughts when at a train station, but WFH has solved that one. In fact have never had so much clarity in my thoughts, I can remember much more detail about rides I have been on, the sights the smells, due to being less stressed, no three hour commute etc.
I found meditation, for me just simple breathing exercises really helped when at the worse end of things.
I experience intrusive thoughts and they become more problematic if I’m anxious.
One recurring theme for me is images of things I find disgusting. For example, one day last year I saw a photo of something on FB that people would likely find mildly unpleasant but I found it disturbing (can’t bring myself to describe it!) and couldn’t get the thought of it out of my head for a few days. I tried mindfulness and concentrating on my breathing but it had little effect. For the first 48 hours after seeing it, my coping mechanism was to shout “F off!!” every time the thought appeared. Fortunately it was during the first lockdown so I was only shouting in the privacy of my own home!
I think about crashing into HGVs coming the other way when driving. I even wince sometimes when they pass. I also think about the aftermath and my funeral and my kids injuries sustained from the crash, would they die too or just be horrifically injured? all in the blink of an eye.
When I'm on a car ferry I imagine how stupid it would be to chuck my keys overboard.
I’m glad I’m not alone in experiencing this kind of thing, but as it’s now actually impacting my day to day life I’m going to have to address it
Luckily my employer has a partner company who deals with mental health and as part of the employee assistance programme they are going to arrange cbt therapy sessions covered by my private health insurance. Feeling very lucky this is an option I must say
Just noticed this on the BBC website, it might be worth a read.
