I've had ocd and anxiety for years however since lockdown it's got worse, way worse. And it's now manifesting itself in ways I've not experienced before.
One of the more distressing things I'm experiencing at the moment is really horrible intrusive thoughts..basically I'm speaking to someone and all of a sudden the most offensive thing I could possibly say to them pops into my head..and I'm then genuinely in fear for rest of conversation that I'll say it.
To be clear this isn't about speaking to someone I don't like and thinking they are a dick. It's about random, unprovoked and nasty thoughts that just pop into my head. For example this week I'm chatting to a lovely black lady at work I got on well with and all of a sudden the thought 'imagine you called her a fxxxxx nxxxxx' just popped into my head and stayed there for rest of conversation. It's the most repulsive thing i could think of possibly saying to her...but for some reason it's the kind of thing that pops into my head. The other day I was speaking to chap who's most likely gay and all of a sudden some nasty homophobic thought popped into my head..I promise I'm not a nasty person, all these thoughts are truly abhorrent to me..
I know everyone has intrusive thoughts to some degree but this is getting to point I'm struggling to speak to people at work.
Been looking at CBT options (started a thread on here earlier) but any other coping mechanisms? At the moment as soon as it pops into my head it's like a tic, I can't get it out my head until the conversation finishes and I literally have to say aloud what I've been thinking (obviously when no-one else can hear)...
Anyone ever experienced similar? Or is this next level craziness?
Bump so the thread appears..
I think that's fixed now, we're just ignoring you.
Yep, always had it. Just keep it under control, it's only thoughts and no-one can read them.
I think it's pretty common tbh. I recall an extreme one, when I was a teenager, where I just had the urge to punch my gran on the nose. I know I wouldn't, so kept it under wraps.
Face-to face work meetings were the worst places for me.
Saw that Billy Eillish docu and she thought it meant she had Tourettes, but it doesn't.
(Although my family do call a version of it <surname> Tourettes cos we just say shit and hope afterwards to pass it off as a joke.)
I dunno, I think (hope) to an extent that this is just normal. I get random weird thoughts all the time that I'd never actually act on in a million years, like "I wonder what it'd be like to jab this knife into my eye?"
I knew someone who suffered from the 'have to get it out' thing. She'd open Notepad on her computer (mobile devices are available these days), write out whatever was spinning in her brain, then hit 'close' and it was done with. Worked for her, might not work for you, just an idea.
Anyone ever experienced similar? Or is this next level craziness?
Imp of the Mind...Yes, nearly everyone has them; sex with your sister, stabbing loved ones with kitchen knives all that shit...Don't worry, it isn't just you. remember it's just in your head, the other person you're in the room with can't see your thoughts. Also, bear in mind; the person you're talking to? they have those thoughts as well.
brains; full of nonsense
@nickc - sex with your sister doesn't just happen in (lots of) people's heads though.
OP - yeah. Worry less m8. You'll work through it 🙂
Maybe we need pics of nickc's sister to judge for ourselves 😀
edit: sorry got distracted, meant to mention the gruesome accidents I regularly imagine my kids having since becoming a dad. Use to fear I'd one day get so angry with someone I'd smash their skull in with a piece of pipe (after dreaming it). If I'm in a dark mood or an interaction with someone has put me there then I'll listen to some appropriate music to make me feel normal again.
Yeah, get this all the time.
Those disturbing thoughts are not you. They do not express the truth of you or your values. In my experience - although with equally horrible but different intrusive thoughts, they arose when I was stressed, anxious and low in mood.
Is your sense of wellbeing as it would normally be?
Yep, get things like that popping in to my head all the time. Usually not so personal though and more about doing things rather than saying things.
meant to mention the gruesome accidents I regularly imagine my kids having since becoming a dad.
I have been suffering from this recently and usually only at night if I can't get to sleep. There are two that are recurring; 1) a dog attacking my daughters at the local playing fields/park, 2) more weirdly, the thought of them panicking while riding down Ballard Down, not braking and going over the edge of the cliffs at Old Harry Rocks (**** knows where that one has come from!)
See, it's definitely not just you
Yep, very normal to have those thoughts eg what does my boss look like naked, maybe I should just jump off this car park roof, shall I just shove my hand in that mitre saw etc etc.
The worrying thing is I actually say random things out loud but mainly when I'm on my own. It's like my subconscious leaks occasionally. The phrases vary over time, currently it's either randomly 'I hate gays' or 'I love gays'. I'll be doing something and one of those phrases just randomly comes out my mouth, it won't be in anyway related to what I'm doing or thinking either. It's probably an even 50:50 split between the two of them, so I don't even know what my subconsious has actually deciced. Luckliy when I'm actually speaking to someone (eg our gay neighbours who we get on with very well) it doesn't happen (yet). Does freak the wife out a bit, a few years back it was 'Kill them all' and she did find that a bit disturbing.
Basically we're all a bit mad, you just have to come to terms with it.
So I'm the unusual one because I've never had those sorts of thoughts?
Oh god thank **** its not just me! I hate some of the shit that comes into my head, I just try to ignore it and get on with it.
I do sometimes think the fact that its mostly the complete opposite of the way you actually feel is just compounding what you truely feel and believe. Well that gets me through the day anyway!!....
, meant to mention the gruesome accidents I regularly imagine my kids having since becoming a dad. Use to fear I’d one day get so angry with someone I’d smash their skull in with a piece of pipe (after dreaming it). If I’m in a dark mood or an interaction with someone has put me there then I’ll listen to some appropriate music to make me feel normal again.
I get that.
Yes its normal to have these issues, and lockdown is making it worse for those of us who do. Lots of sensible advice and perspective up there BUT if it's getting worse and bothering you, talk to your GP, or any work support that might be available. At the least, you'll be reassured your not going mad, at worst, you'll be offered any proper support you need.
When my regular mental meanderings got out of hand, my GP and counselling through work really helped me turn it back round.
So I’m the unusual one because I’ve never had those sorts of thoughts?
Weirdo!
Glad it's not just me.
In my case it comes and goes, when I'm feeling stressed/depressed the temptation to be offensively blunt builds, where normally it wouldn't.
Was it Reggie Perin who had the internal monologue? When it happens I imagine Reggie saying something, which distracts my brain.
So I’m the unusual one because I’ve never had those sorts of thoughts?
Pretty much, I think there was a paper that suggested that 90% of folk have them, and it's worldwide as well, on every continent.
Most of us have these thoughts but it sounds like they are causing you a problem and have increased in number and severity. If I was you I'd talk to my GP. If nothing else they will confirm what's been said on this thread. They may well point you at good resources to use.
You might also be able to get help through your work - I'm lucky that my employer takes mental health seriously. If it's enough to worry you, it's enough to make it someone else's problem too.
So I’m the unusual one because I’ve never had those sorts of thoughts?
More than unusual I reckon, I would say there's something wrong with you.
Your mind should be free and creative enough to have a whole range of thoughts, from the bright positive thoughts, to the dark "what if I...." thoughts.
You ought to talk to someone to find out why you lack the ability to have wayward thoughts.
Its often called The Imp of the Perverse and is quite a common phenomenon
I often get it stood on railway platforms. When the train is coming in i start thinking "what if i jump on the line?"
I suffer with anxiety and Imposter Syndrome quite badly so get these kinds of thoughts pretty much all of the time, have done for most of my life so to me it's normal!
If you find a way to stop them please share it.
I get these too, only I've watched the thick of it so often, these thoughts now are often in the voice of Malcom Tucker.
Feels like it distances it from me in some ways
Is your sense of wellbeing as it would normally be?
It's way worse than ever at the moment, and it was fragile at the best of times. Current anxiety is crippling me day to day. I've previously been on pescribed meds which led me down a dark dark path of self medication which is why im not going down that route again.
It’s way worse than ever at the moment, and it was fragile at the best of times.
I suspect that when you're fragile, intrusive thoughts have more weight than normal. You could try writing them down, that often helps put them in context. If they just exist in your head they seem to carry more weight, once you write things down it sort of gives them scale and you realise they're not all powerful, they're just words.
Sorry to hear you're suffering TP, with every going on at the moment with COVID an all, it's not a massive surprise, and TBH it's a pretty normal reaction to the situation we find ourselves in. How's your GP for mental health referrals? Are there any support groups they can recommend?
Currently looking into my employee support programme but will also maybe speak to the gp. That said whenever I've mentioned it before they just try to prescribe me drugs plus give me a few links to self help guides
I'll maybe try writing them down. They disappear when I say them out loud however this is clearly a problematic solution given they are offensive in the extreme!
For all the people that say this is normal...Is it a once in a blue moon thing for you or something that is persistently there?
For all the people that say this is normal…Is it a once in a blue moon thing for you or something that is persistently there?
For me, its once in a blue moon.
Yup, totally normal . Even muttering 'I'd like to meet you when riding deep in the woods'.
Not like you're tracking down their home address in Edinburgh or anything mental like that.
.
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Oops 😯
For all the people that say this is normal…Is it a once in a blue moon thing for you or something that is persistently there?
Comes and goes, but it's always been there for me, I'm now 45. I joke about it with my wife now. I don't think I'll ever get rid of it.
Yup another one here who gets horrendous thoughts popping into my head at times. I know it isn’t the real me and that it’s just the mental illnesses of anxiety and depression doing their thing
Comes and goes, I guess the difference with the OP is that I don't really worry that much about it, it's just part of who I am, unlikely to change and not really a problem (so far). So I don't really think about it much.
NB I take SSRIs for anxiety and find they work well for me, I don't really worry about anything anymore or certainly nothing gets too much - it all stays in perspective.
I worry about when I get old and (even more) senile that I won’t be able to stop the thoughts from coming out of my mouth!
For all the people that say this is normal…Is it a once in a blue moon thing for you or something that is persistently there?
Permanently for me. Can go down to just once or twice a day but can be a lot more depending on various factors. Strangely a good day can have lots of them or a bad day only one or two, normal days it's usually on or two an hour. Occasionally they've been known to make me properly laugh out loud at their ridiculousness or un-PC swerve on a situation, especially in new situations. I keep those to myself though.
Yes I am odd.
Stress, low mood, anxiety etc all cause this sort of stuff.
Get rid off all the above and it goes away. From my own experience, the right sort of professional help will allow you do that.
They disappear when I say them out loud however this is clearly a problematic solution given they are offensive in the extreme!
They will disappear when you stop worrying about it.
The more obsessed you are about inappropriate thoughts the more likely you are to have them. The more you have them the more you become obsessed with them. It's a vicious circle in which both stages feeds the other.
Actions are easy to control, thoughts aren't. To give an example : if you walk to the edge of a cliff with a sheer drop it is very easy not to jump, you really don't have to force yourself not to. However if you attempt to force yourself not to think "what would it be like if I jump" I can guarantee you will fail.
To give another example, if you say to yourself "I must not under any circumstances whatsoever think of Christmas trees" (to pick a random object) I can one hundred percent guarantee that you will think of Christmas trees.
The point I'm making is that as long as you keep telling yourself that you mustn't have these thoughts you will have them.
Stop worrying about them, after all they are just silly inconsequential thoughts, and they will simply go away.
Break the circle.
Wilt by Tom Sharpe has this in the book.
I'd not worry.
By the very fact you know it's an unpleasant abhorrent thought instantly means your not a dick and your not mental.
We have no means of controlling our thoughts and we don't know where they come from or where they go. There are though meditation techniques that one can use to recognise what they are - transient - they don't own us & we are not slaves to them just witness's.
Another freak here who has these thoughts!
You asked about CBT earlier in the day - those techniques will help.
Mindfulness performed daily will be the biggest help as its the teacher of quietening the internal monologue, its possibly the one thing that'll help the most in the short term, the other being to reduce anxiety and stress.
It's the revolution in the head, nicely represented by the surrealists.
i have suffered with this for years (depression,anxiety,anger issues and intrusive thoughts etc),and it is horrible.
i have tried to get help for it but this covid situation has just stopped it all dead (haven't seen my local gp since before this covid stuff started).
i just try and ignore it when i'm out etc and tbh i can keep a lid on it,but really wish i can get some real help at some point for it all (that will work for me).
to everyone who suffers with any mental health issue,i wish you well for getting help with it and being able to try and get back to a normal mindset (whatever that is).
apologies that i havent explained very well what i was trying to say,am bloody terrible at trying to write stuff down what i mean properly.
good luck to all 👍
Good book for taming your inner monkey.
Interesting to see this topic come up as I've been watching a black comedy on Netflix which deals with this very thing.
https://www.netflix.com/title/81254306?s=a&trkid=13747225&t=cp
I mean no disrespect to anyone trying to help, but I think a few people need to read this to truly understand what intrusive thoughts are: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought
To the OP - I've suffered from them intermittently all my life, and only found out about the term and classification of "intrusive thought" within the last few years. Up until then, I spent a lot of time thinking that I was a genuinely evil person for having these thoughts, and trying to get rid of them (which only made them worse and more prevalent). What worked for me was acknowledging them and saying in my head "I cannot stop you, but I know that you are not me, and I refuse to give you power over me".
I hope you can find some level of peace from them.
