[Closed] Good friend has started living in his car...

if he's got plenty of money why is he living in a car?

I don't want to be... but I'll do the right thing.

Visited him on the way to work in his new home ( Honda Civic) I went mad at him I know I shouldn't have but my emotions got the better of me.

Honda Civic sounds a bit pokey.. You should recommend that he gets a transit or summink..

So he's living in the car because the house is so full of stuff?

gps and social services next stop

At least he won't have an issue finding his way about 🙂

I'd say he's living in his car because a mental health problem and needs help.

if he's got plenty of money why is he living in a car?

Not sure how the amount of money you have has a bearing on whether you suffer a mental illness?

Highlights the ignorance around mental illness.

Glad he seems happy, must be bloody horrible for family and friends, especially this time of year. 🙁

jekkyl - Member
if he's got plenty of money why is he living in a car?

because he has a mental illness...

Horrible first few responses on this thread 🙁 .

Sounds like you're doing well by him by going to visit, and maybe a bit of 'tough love' will help - or maybe not. Just be there to chat I guess, and check he's taking care of himself.

I have a friend who decided to live in his car for a bit. He also lived in a tent for a couple of years. He was always a little unusual in his approach but I wouldn't assume that he has mental health issues necessarily just because he's doing something most wouldn't.

Oh, and i just need to get this out of my head....

I wouldn't assume that he has mental health issues necessarily just because he's doing something most wouldn't.

You'd definitely want the experts to check he's OK though, yeah?

Hope your pal gets it back together OP.

I'd say if he's living in a Civic he's definitely got mental health problems.

I think that you need to get GP and local mental health team involved, i think it has probably gone past the point where he just needs family and friends trying to assist. At worst, he could harm himself sleeping in car if temperature drops and personal care could be compromised. he may not thank you for it, but in the long term it sounds like he needs real help from professionals.

What scud said.

I think that you need to get GP and local mental health team involved,

He said that in the OP, tbf.

Some good advice from Scud... but... and this is something I get to deal with, but usually in older people.

Some of this depends on his age, and his mental capacity. People have the right to make bizarre and poor decisions, providing they have mental capacity and aren't harming others. This can be very very difficult. Making choices like he has is not automatically a sign of mental illness, and even if it is, until the moment he lacks legal/mental capacity he gets to choose.

If he won't engage with you/family/healthcare and you feel this is more than him being a bit odd, I would contact Social Services and perhaps say you think he may be a "vulnerable Adult" - the key words to get thinks moving...

Google "Diogenes Syndrome" for an extreme end of this sort of behaviour.

Professional help required.

I suspect the ££££ maybe a thing of the past. Does he still own the house ?

He's 44

And still owns the house

In that case - I'd go and listen to him - ask him what he would do if the situations were reversed - ask him how he thinks this makes his family feel - try and assess if he [i]does [/i]know where/who/when he is (it is very easy to assume people do) - look for odd speech/behaviour which might make you think he was experiencing some kind of hallucination/delusion. Gather information for speaking to Social Services - and contact them if he won't engage. They will usually have a single direct call number for anyone with any concerns.

If I am his GP and you ring me up and tell me this story, and your friend says he won't come and see me, that is probably the end of what I can do.

Difficult

Did you ask him why he is living in a car and what was his response?

He doesn't want to go back in till some of it's cleared but he's not capable of clearing it. Won't except help though and I draw the line at that point - ongoing slipped disc.

Unfortunately mental health provision in the UK is woeful. If he is as good a friend as you say you should intervene. Can I suggest you call the Samaritans first as they can offer you good advice on some approaches and resources. Sounds like you don't know what to do but if your friend is a hoarder and is now in his car he is likely to have some issues you're not trained to deal with. It's going to be hard work and take some of your time and I'd get it if you walked away but equally there may be some helpful things you can do.

He doesn't want to go back in till some of it's cleared but he's not capable of clearing it.

Easier said than done - we've suggested this for a long time.

TBH I don't have the space for it now which sounds awful have an unwell wife and a messed up head !

Please try and help him out as much as you can,although i think he probably needs professional help. Someone i knew jumped off a bridge last night, wish i could of helped them before they came to that idea

It would appear on the surface he is in that grey area where he is certainly struggling mentally but where the state has no right to intervene because he is no danger to himself or others.

People have an absolute right to make stupid choices and odd behaviour is not indicative of being unable to make competent decisions.

Difficult situation tho - I seem to remember on TV as situation with a hoarder which was resolved by all the neighbours getting together and sorting his stuff out for him - after gaining his agreement.

It might be worth getting social services involved - they do have cleanup squads available to deal with this sort of situation.

if he's got plenty of money why is he living in a car?
Not sure how the amount of money you have has a bearing on whether you suffer a mental illness?

Highlights the ignorance around mental illness.

This seems harsh, for somebody asking a genuine question - seems like an ignorant response to me.

Stoatsbrother's advice seems sound and well informed. So long as he's not a harm to himself or others at present, then johndoh's suggestion may be a goer, or perhaps he could rent somewhere,whilst he gets his house sorted. He may well be ill, it's impossible to tell from the information given; but if my wife didn't clear up after me I'd soon live in a midden, I do not have the skills/inclination to live a tidy life.

Is it crap (like, leftover pizza boxes), or is it stuff?

How long before he fills his car with it too?

Aide, sorry to hear that. Have you had a chat about it with somebody?

OP- approach your mates GP as a first call, tell him of your concerns and ask if he'll go and see him on a home visit. He may have had previous contact with him for similar issues and the GP can access the MH services for further assessment.

Chopchop, thanks for the thought, the man was almost a local legend, used to work with him years ago,always had a smile on him, many people knew him here, there will be lots of talk for quite a while a think, still feels like a kick in the chuckies though

aide.... That sucks. My mum found her little sister hanging from the landing a few years back.

Wasn't there a STWer living in his van.... Sharkattack? What happened to him? Lots of offers of work and accommodation. Was very heart warming.

Have tried a search but not found the Fred.

OP... Not much to offer. Was hoping it was going to be a positive/jovial post.

Deal with your own shit first.

I know a very famous mountain biking husband and wife who lived in a car when they got married. Used to run a Cafe in a forest, now in the holiday accommodation trade. They were very happy there.
OP, this guy needs help clearly but he needs to be dealt with carefully. It was his choice to move into the car so it must be his choice to move out. Looks like he doesn't like the house. Maybe bring him a flask of soup, tell him there's a meal on the kitchen table at yours/mothers/wherever, offer your shower to him, little incentives that will get him out. When he's eating at a house, offer him a bed. If he want's to go back to the car, accept it and give him a hot water bottle. Any forcing him to do something he won't want will just drive him further into the problem. Maybe just even go to the car and have a chat. If he's a good mate talk about the fun times you had, play music he loves on the car radio and sing loudly with him. He needs to get back to feeling good. I am not qualified in anyway but have a lot of experience on mental health as a patient (sectioned twice). These are the kind of things that people did to bring me back to where I am now.

Deal with your own shit first.

Whilst that would seem a sensible approach, before you know it, this:

Someone i knew jumped off a bridge last night,

Don't delay. Better to err on the side of caution, whatever that means. People are so blind/numb to mental illness these days. This from someone who suffers from depression. People at work just think I'm a moody ****; no one has ever bothered to ask me how I am. Just that question would mean a lot to someone who is struggling.

Ask him if you can borrow a few £. 000', then stand back and watch the reaction.

Okay
He's booked himself into a hotel for the night though this solves nothing as tomorrow he's back to square one.

His sister is contacting social services again tomorrow.

The whole situation is a mess and as I have said I'll be there for him but on my terms I need to look after myself.

Thank you for all your help

Good to hear. Hope it goes well.

Social services won't want to do anything - unless there is some identified risk involved. If he has mental capacity ... the decision, no matter how bizarre it seems, is his decision.

@alpin: i think you're referring to sharkattack and last i recall he was settled in sheffield and working in a bike shop.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things, hope it turns out well Op 🙂

Yeah I'm still here. This thread piqued my interest.

I did have a few awkward, smelly weeks in a van while I had nowhere to go and nothing to do. It felt like things were spiralling a bit out of control and I had to concentrate really hard on staying calm. Trying not to go into negative thoughts and regrets and grinding myself down. I tried to treat it like a little holiday from reality and went riding a lot but I honestly didn't know what was going to happen.

I did vent a little bit on here. I actually got a job offer through a Facebook group then used an accommodation website to find the room I'm in now. I'm working full time and staying in a big old house with an elderly couple. I've been here a couple of months now. I'm safe but still not sure what (if anything) I'm going to do next.

The thing is though, I was actively trying to sort myself out. I don't think I was suffering the same kind of breakdown that the OP's mate seems to be. It's sometimes easier to let everything fall apart than it is to show up to real life every day acting normal. There's times when I'd drive away and sleep in a small hatchback rather than go to work. You've got no idea what's going on in his head so don't sit on it too long.

shermer75 - Member

Sounds like you're doing all the right things, hope it turns out well Op

+1

I was serious when I asked if you'd advised him to upgrade to a transit..

A bit of gallows humour is a good way for blokes in crisis to bond.. better than yelling at him maybe anyway..

Good luck!

There was a guy in our village did this. He lived in 1 room for years having filled the house with newspapers. They made some TV programs about him. It was a long road back so if you can nip it it the bud then that would be great. I have the feeling it's a long haul so as I said - good luck!