[Closed] Give me your best management speak ........

lets touch base

That's real outside the box thinking, lets cascade this down through our teams and see what gets run up the flag pole at the next overview committee board appraisal. Ciao.

"let's discuss it offline"

I was sat in a meeting and used the phrase "It's like the blurring of lines when pornography becomes gynaecology".

They are pushing back but I don't want to die in a ditch over it

My boss's favourite is "in reality." Not horrific in and of itself, except he uses it at least once every two sentences. And I'm not exaggerating.

[i]lets land this bird[/i]

Anyone else play bullsh** bingo in meetings?

[img] [/img]

I hate the term "service user"

Bingo - yes. Colleague of mine shouted "house" once.

IT "solutions"

Apologies in advance to the sensitive for this but,

At a previous company a few years ago, in a meeting with the senior techs (hence me being there) and the directorial board, a recently employed sales manager came out with the politically correct "well, just to chuck a **** on the woodpile" ... in front of a wholly Asian board of directors.

Needless to say, his career was high profile but brief.

I am appreciative of the holistic participation being displayed by the top down call to action within the demographic customer centric content management of the stw massive ----- HOUSE 😀

jeeebus....

Well I have some comments, but I think we need to keep our tinder dry on this one.

I'm just progressing that right now.

We don't need to re-invent the wheel, just repaint it.

[i]We don't need to re-invent the wheel, just repaint it. [/i]

I think you need to consider the event horizon that the wheel is rolling towards. A helicopter view on that will allow us to progress this one.

anyone using the expression "back story" should be given a Chinese burn

We just had a paradigm shift requiring our palimpsest to be scrubbed clean with a new tabula rasa, which involved a schism in the burolandschaft.

I think I instigated the paradigm shift when I threw in the thought grenade.

If we keep reinventing the wheel we're going to need a wheel warehouse.

never get your giggling pin stuck in the laughing shaft ......... nasty

The reverse poché is quite engaging, no?

I think this esquisse has just left the cobbled road for smooth macadam.

Action that.

make it so ......... 😯

Stakeholders seems to be a favourite at the moment

'They're pushing back' gets used loads where I work, It always makes me smile.

what's the blue sky outcome?

Once I had a goal to do something with a technology insertion funnel

'synergy' is a devious one. As in 'we will make synergies between team x and y'. It means half of team x and y are getting fired.

i was told our organisation was 'bottom heavy'.
anyone who says 'vis a vis'
'action that' can also be 'actioning'
there's a lot of 'liaising' going on too.

Used intentionally - telling someone they need to "take a bite from the pasty of understanding".

Having a physics/chemistry background, "quantum leap" is one that annoys the hell out of me.
Eevry time I hear it I feel like telling them they don't understand the meaning of the word "quantum".

Can we have translations for the above, please?

I might be able to use some with my students.... 😆 😆

Best day ever with my ex boss.

If you don't sort out my **** up I'm in the shite, what are you going to do?

'thought shower'

from a Dilbert

"Quality is my global added value"

Could you cascade that please.

Seen on a lorry

supply chain logistic solutions !!
or in English
We cart stuff about

We used to play a game when we used to go to meetings with marketing people and we create three phrases from the site below and try to fit them into the meeting. Marketing folks will never ask you WTF you're on about

[url] http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html [/url]

My boss seeing the new Trek trade pricelist:
[b]How ****in' much?! Bloody protestants and their prices![/b]

come on this is not rocket science 😆

I had a bit of an outburst @ our management meeting today about the use of "going forward" all the time.
After that it was funny watching people start to use the phrase and then either use "next time" or "we could" 😉

A Scots boss talking to a load of Germans.

"Ok lads its an FIFO moment"

That would be Fit In or **** Off, not First In First Out as I and a couple of others thought.

"Going Forward"

we can't use the word "Problem", it has to be "Issue" I use problem all the time, just to piss people off