[Closed] Girlfriend Advice

I remember a thread recently about who pays on a first date and I wondered if women were (in general) equally confused about it all. So consulted the Oracle - [url= http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1775484-What-is-the-ettiquete-regarding-who-pays-of-a-first-date ]Consensus is 50/50[/url]

Yeah that's what they say, but you know what they say about what women say...

Wonder if Hora fancies doing some more 'research' over at the Darkest side? We need to know about Lynx, why are women lying liars, and accepted toothbrush protocol on new relationships?

I love the way women get all uppity about "equal rights" and "knuckle draggers"....

However when you take them out for dinner... you're getting your wallet out...

Or when you don't hold the door open for them, give them your coat when it's raining... or asking them to pick up heavy items from the shop.

Yeah, womens equality.... would be great if they REALLY wanted it... just not the bits that suit them.

[img] [/img]

Cougar - Moderator
I'm well aware of this. I also know that she's about as likely to have an affair as she is to spontaneously turn into a penguin.

Sounds like a challenge!

*breaks out the [s]Sex Panther[/s] Lynx, and gold medallion/chest wig combo set.

I dunno, 'back in the day' when I was free and single I never had a problem paying for meals, it wasn't about paying for their meal, I just hate that awquard time in a restaurant between the plates being cleared, drinks finished, then the bill arrives, then there's a wait for the card machine. If it's busy (or sometimes it's worse when it's not and they don't need the table) it's anything upto an hour!). If the date's gone well you just want to pay up and head to a bar. Or maybe I'm just impatient and like dark corners of pubs and drink.

It only gets annoying if they never pay for anything, I'd be irked if they didn't pay for drinks, cinema or whatever else afterwards in return.

Anyone ever had sex with a Penguin? The way the OP is going that'll be his next sexploit.

Apparently nearly half of women in relationships have a back-up bloke – a man waiting in the wings in case things don’t work out with you.
A whopping 43 per cent of women have a Mr Plan B, according to a survey of 2,000.
Unsurprisingly, the most likely candidate is an ‘old friend’ – yes, it’s that guy who is ‘just like a brother’ to her.
Others might be ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands, colleagues or someone they have met at the gym.
Back-up bloke is typically someone she’s known for about seven years and there’s a one in three chance you’ve met him already.

There's some truth in this in my experience. There's always that one guy orbiting around who you just know desperately wants to bang her. Of course you can't say this. You must ignore the elephant in the room and respect her platonic friendship, which is fine, all in the game etc... but whenever you have an argument, she'll always end up round at his (I don't think anything's going on, just that he's the only one that would drop everything/drive 200 miles to pick her up etc, and maybe... just maybe, a little part of her might think it'll wind you up). When you suggest that she might at least give the poor besotted backed-up fool a handjob, you're suddenly the villain again...

Anyone ever had sex with a Penguin?

What kind of penguin?

[img] [/img]

I sort of agree with Hora here (Gulp)...

You can't be utterly certain of your loved ones behaviour, however the more you know them the better you get at being able to understand/predict and hopefully trust them...

If My missus had texted me two months into our relationship to tell me she was out at a nice restaurant with another fella, I'd have taken that as an indicator that we were on shaky ground...

There's some truth in this in my experience. There's always that one guy orbiting around who you just know desperately wants to bang her. Of course you can't say this. You must ignore the elephant in the room and respect her platonic friendship, which is fine, all in the game etc... but whenever you have an argument, she'll always end up round at his (I don't think anything's going on, just that he's the only one that would drop everything/drive 200 miles to pick her up etc, and maybe... just maybe, a little part of her might think it'll wind you up). When you suggest that she might at least give the poor besotted backed-up fool a handjob, you're suddenly the villain again...

I did have one Ex, who started spending lots of time with a platonic male friend to try and get me jealous and crash the relationship, after about a year, I didn't bite and she ended up having to be honest and just say she'd had enough, which was fair enough...

It's a tactic either gender can use; you break no spoken or implied promise to be faithful to the other party, but sail as close as you can to that boundary in order to make the other party seem controlling/jealous/unreasonable, cause an argument or two and then end it because they're [i]a bit mental[/i]... The OP knew this when he took his platonic female friend out for a curry and a whine about his current GF...

Just crack on and put the poor girl out of her misery, do it via text if you like:

Ha! Thats reminded me- my ex had a bloke who was always round her as a friend. It annoyed me and so with that (and I met mrshora)- I dumped her flat. She chased me down the street, jumped on my back asking me not to end it (infront of EVERYONE) - then the next week she was cuddling him in the nightclub at the top of the stairs with the intention of being noticed 😀

Apparently nearly half of women in relationships have a back-up bloke – a man waiting in the wings in case things don’t work out with you.

I really don't get this...

I've been in a relationship with MrsPJM for seven years but I've always maintained a number of platonic friendships with women, TBH I've always had female mates, even when I was a single bloke.

In my single days, once I'd socialized with a lass for a finite length of time (usually weeks) and nothing happened then they'd move into the friend zone. At this point, the thought of sleeping with them simply becomes a tad weird. Of course, I have had plenty dalliances with women who ended up long term mates but very, very few dalliances with women who were friends first and then ended up being something more.

I'd hate to think that I had ever been someone's back up bloke...I think I'd be very disappointed if I learned that this was ever the case 🙁

I've been in a relationship with MrsPJM for seven years but I've always maintained a number of platonic friendships with women, even when I was a single bloke.

You're probably several Women's "Plan B" then, they probably all reckon they could supplant MrsPJM...

The best way to put them off will be to get a prominent tattoo of your missus face, preferably looking stern, or just a bit sad at having been betrayed by those close to her...

To answer the question on page 7- I don't have a "back-up bloke". I have quite a few bloke friends because I go mountain biking with them, but I have no plan B!

thanks for your honesty VP- you must be one of the purported '57%'...

the plan-B is definitely a real thing, and I've known female friends to openly discuss who there's is and so on.

as a bloke I'd personally find this attitude offensive and not what (we're told) 'real love' is supposed to be all about and all that sh1t.

any other female forumites care to add their views/experiences?

Most mens Plan B = anyone breathing.

NZCol - Member

Most mens Plan B = anyone breathing.

perhaps but there's not the element of specifics.

And

You're probably several Women's "Plan B" then, they probably all reckon they could supplant MrsPJM...

I dont think it works like that, the plan-B bloke definitely wants to be it (or rather plan-A)!

Vicky I am not sure how best to tell you so i will just blurt it out......I think it might be Hora

the internet has no access to the actual data nor methodology of said survey - lots of variation of number and location though. I am going with Bollocks so far in that figure - if it were true no one would ever be single would they.

Is there a backup to the backup bloke?

A sort of uber-Weasel

I am not sure how best to tell you so i will just blurt it out......I think it might be Hora

DenDennis- I haven't ever heard any of my female friends say they have a back-up bloke, so maybe it's rarer than you think?

Ok. Do we get backup-birds?

Ah. They are called the mistress/bit on the side? Well you have to be practical/keep her well-oiled?

Junkyard- I've never (knowingly) met Hora 😆

You wouldnt notice much tbh. Just another average Anglo-Saxon looking male in generic cycle-kit 8)

Everyone looks the same in cycling kit! Four of us went to the Alps this summer and we all wore black shorts and red jackets, so we're indistinguishable on the holiday photos, ha ha!

Most mens Plan B = anyone breathing.

Fussy bastards.

If anyone breathing is most men's Plan B, I hope they're a bit more discerning for Plan A!

If anyone breathing is most men's Plan B, I hope they're a bit more discerning for Plan A!

They are, Plan A is "women."

Everyone looks the same in cycling kit!

You know, this thread has made me go from absolutely dreading my impending divorce, to thinking that I should stay with my wife just to avoid having to deal with being single again.

I wonder if the Benedictine monks are recruiting...

Careful you don't slip into any dodgy habits.

Willard - speed dating apparently is fun

I have never met anyone with a Plan B!!

Would they tell you if they had?

dunno, maybe? probably.

we'd know. I have spies everywhere

The Plan B thing is true.

An old flatmate had a guy who was "the one that got away" on her phone just in case things didn't work out with her current boyfriend. She split up with her fella shortly after they moved in together because she couldn't hack it.

Another one took it too far. She was seeing a bloke in the army she was madly in love with. He cut off all communication without warning. She started going out with her back up bloke and married him. A few years later the marriage fell apart and she rebounded onto a male friend from work. Her fella knew what was coming because she constantly kept talking about him and insisting they were just mates. She's now married to the bloke from work.

Hora, I appreciate the suggestion, but I think I will be avoiding any type of relationship for a good long while after this one finishes.

Isnt it enough to have someone to bang with at any given time? Maybe cook and do laundry for you occasionally? And freedom to ride your bike without guilt that there is someone waiting for you at her/your house.. Keep it tidy mate, her own place and your own place leave it at that.. Get a cat or dog if you fancy company. 🙂 (late response)

I love the way women get all uppity about "equal rights" and "knuckle draggers"....

However when you take them out for dinner... you're getting your wallet out...

Or when you don't hold the door open for them, give them your coat when it's raining... or asking them to pick up heavy items from the shop.

Yeah, womens equality.... would be great if they REALLY wanted it... just not the bits that suit them.

They make you pay because they find you unattractive, in the same way that I'd make 200lb birds pay me.

I bet you take propecia and drive a BMW.

Tom_W1987 - Member

They make you pay because they find you unattractive, in the same way that I'd make 200lb birds pay me.

I bet you take propecia and drive a BM

I like the way you segue between 'mysogony/banter is bad' and 'I hate fat chicks and men'.

Are you one of Horas plan B eunuchs?

Such a good thread, any more advice for me?

I don't even have a plan. She's just sort of there.

7 months later you're still after advice???

OP she doesnt like your stuff left incase one of her other boyfriends spots it and tbinks shes seeing another bloke

You arent still living in seperate pads/similar setup to the start are you? If so ..trouble ^

Women baffle men.. Thats because women can have the same desires, mentality etc as men. Men cant compute this so blank it out.

To be fair you baffle me so you may be on to something 😛

Such a good thread, any more advice for me?

did you stop using Lynx?

I thought Lynx was abit 'council estate'

Let me translate Hora's post for everyone.

OP she cabbage like your nipple left brown one of her bump wibble spots it and capacitor shes weeeeeeeee another cheddar.

You clown chicken living in crispy pads/similar beetle to the flange are you? If batter ..squirrel ^

Farts baffle clouds.. Thats because Wales can flump the hairy turtle, mentality similar as geese. Men smell chips this so cheese it out.

Prime examples ^ of men who think women are from mars.

I think that's where you're going wrong Hora. Isn't it Venus, according to popular fiction?

she cabbage like your nipple left brown one of her bump wibble spots it and capacitor shes weeeeeeeee another cheddar.
You clown chicken living in crispy pads/similar beetle to the flange are you? If batter ..squirrel ^

Farts baffle clouds.. Thats because Wales can flump the hairy turtle, mentality similar as geese. Men smell chips this so cheese it out.

'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me!

She doesn't love you.

Do you love her?

Move on!

Best thread ever!

Just read this lot again off the back of another dating disaster. The two terms that spring to mind are "melters" and "rinsers".

We all know what a melter is but a rinser? A bird who rinses you of funds.

Met one on Tinder recently, all seemed sensible, met in town for a drink, then we were hungry then more booze etc. Before I know it I've been "rinsed" of £150 ffs.

Next date we go for pizza and cinema and hey presto guess who doesnt put their hand in their pocket?

Some hard luck story about being skint, happy enough to go to posh restaurants and nice watering holes with MY money.

Not best pleased when I binned her for being a "rinser".

Women, eh?

Just try Mincers in future eh?

For that money, go for coke and a hooker. At least you're guaranteed a good night (I imagine).

Good advice usual.

You're not going to like marriage.

When I was using tinder, I'd buy the first drink & if they didn't make a move to buy the next week then that'd indicate the date was coming to an end. No biggie.

Best thread resurrection in ages. If only for this;

Wales can flump the hairy turtle, mentality similar as geese. Men smell chips this so cheese it out.

[I]A bird who rinses you of funds.[/I]

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but blokes have always paid - if they want a **** that is 🙂

You're not going to like marriage.

I got rinsed there too

Isn't marriage more like a really unpleasant enema?

that suggests there's a pleasant one piemonster.

If a partner wants children while the other does not yet stay together they are not going to be happy. Doom relationship.

If you stay together for 3 years or more or both are in their 30s without marriage (majority) the relationship is doomed.

😛

I like you chewkw, but you really do talk some twaddle.

Absolutely agree on the first point, but the second is patent nonsense.

Chewkw, you are Hora and I claim my £5 Sports Direct Coke & Hooker bundle.

Actually, I don't want to claim it.

Cougar - Moderator
I like you chewkw, but you really do talk some twaddle.

Not just me then. I find Chewkw really likeable - despite disagreeing with almost all he posts - some stuff I would even say is borderline offensive. However, I can't help but think he's a nice guy.

Bizarre! 🙂

Cougar - Moderator
Absolutely agree on the first point, but the second is patent nonsense.

Try to observe them ... you will see there is truth in my observation.

bearnecessities - Member
Chewkw, you are Hora and I claim my £5 Sports Direct Coke & Hooker bundle.
Actually, I don't want to claim it.

It's true or at least unfair to one of the partner. A doom relationship is a doom relationship ... the longer they stay together the more likely they are passing the "sale by date". Not good.

jamj1974 - Member
Not just me then. I find Chewkw really likeable - despite disagreeing with almost all he posts - some stuff I would even say is borderline offensive. However, I can't help but think he's a nice guy.

Bizarre!

I am a nice guy. Really ...

Nahhh ... not offensive ... it is entertaining!

People are simply too sensitive that they decide to take offense at everything FFS!... I don't take offense but rather see them as different perspectives that should be investigated. 😆

Here is another thought, these crazy 38-42 years olds who are shitting themselves about having children and ask you would you consider having your snip reversed? LIKE WTF?

I've met a few of those too ffs

JoeBones - Member

Here is another thought, these crazy 38-42 years olds who are shitting themselves about having children and ask you would you consider having your snip reversed? LIKE WTF?

I've met a few of those too ffs

If they do not want children they should mention that criteria the first time they meet rather than pussy footing trying to shag each other silly, only to find out that they have ventured into serious relationship without knowing.

Tick tock tick tock ... there goes the [b]"sale by date"[/b] and one day when they wake up from their enjoyment they are in their 40s ... they now want children but shhiiittt ... then they think of the complication even with today's medical advances.

I have seen so many ... very sad.

It's not unreasonable. Frightening on a first date I'd imagine , but think of them and what they want - if they want babies, then fair play for at least telling you.

No need to be all

LIKE WTF?

EDIT: I've been beaten to it by Chewkw Rayner.

Have so many what, children?

JoeBones - Member
Have so many what, children?

Two should be enough if one partner wants it otherwise it's a doom relationship.

😛

edit: I know few girls who are very good looking who when I met them were in the mid to late 20s ... they were a bit picky I think and very career minded. They did have few relationships ... fast forwards until now ... they are in the mid to late 40s ... still single ... now they are in deep trouble coz they have all passed their "sale by date".

Very sad coz they are all alone ... I feel very sorry for them. No they did not choose me coz I ain't superstar!

Some girls like that, taken out, fed and boozed up. Pampered and treated. Again as with your OP I imagine they'd have multiple dates a month with guys until they hit the money-shot. The guy that arguably has alot of money and can provide for them to enable nesting.

until they hit the money-shot.

😀

What planet did Hora come from? 😆

[i]"Here is another thought, these crazy 38-42 years olds who are shitting themselves about having children and ask you would you consider having your snip reversed? LIKE WTF?"[/i]

So you dont like being messed about, used, taken for a financial ride and various other moans and complaints - but when women are genuinely up front and totally honest with you plus do not wish to waste your time as well as their own, you sneer and call them crazy.

Wow, and here you are wondering why none of your relationships work out and why you are alone.

Ever thought of seeing women as actual people instead of just useful objects or irritating obstructions?

What planet did Hora come from?

I think of Hora as a bit like Gonzo from the muppets. An alien stranded on a planet where nothing quite makes sense. 🙂

We are lucky though. This is a thread where Hora hasn't said its all because the OP isn't good enough at cunnilingus or has a penis less "beautiful" than Hora alleges his own is... 😉