MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
The issue:
I've been invited (with Mrs tiger and the cubs) to a Platinum Jubilee garden party at my parents in law. I think it is going to be a bit on the gammony side. For example, my brother in law recently used the word 'magnificent' to describe old Liz Windsor...
Do I:
A) Refuse to go on a point of principle and earn multiple reverse brownie points?
B) Agree to go whilst secretly praying it pisses down and is called off?
But B), should it not piss down leads to options:
i) Try to stay out of the way of the gammoniness and muck about with the kids as far away as possible from the festivities and agree not to have a beer so I do the driving.
ii) Get shitfaced and harangue anyone within earshot about my republican views - starting with the reddest-faced tosspot I can find.
Discuss.
Aren't republican views and gammony views fairly closely aligned?
I understand your sentiment but if you are going to attend a
Platinum Jubilee garden party
I think you have to put on your Union Jack underpants and go with it
You could just go and actually try and have a nice time with your wife and kids.
Do whatever you want to do, you're a grown adult.
When my street had a garden party for VE Day, I joined in by hanging an EU flag from my house. I think you need the right outfit and then you will be able to drink quietly and peacefully in a corner.
Perhaps a nice clean new t-shirt?
Perhaps a nice clean new t-shirt?
Let me know what you decide and how it works out.
Whilst not quite the same, I have a lower level dilemma with the local village effort, a four day gammonfest in honour of the Saxe-Coburg-Gothas.
This:
A) Refuse to go on a point of principle
Or this is also reasonable:
ii) Get shitfaced and harangue anyone within earshot about my republican views
Definitely not this:
You could just go and actually try and have a nice time with your wife and kids.
I’m basically B followed by backup plan i) aka keep quiet. Which almost stopped my posting on this thread because I now expect this to run to 5 pages.
My daughter has one of these, could work.
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If you love your wife go.
Otherwise sort that life is too short do whatever you want.
Just don't go. I'm sure if they knew what you were thinking they probably wouldn't want you there anyway.
'B' it is, then.
<Goes off to research Navajo rain dance techniques>
Aren’t republican views and gammony views fairly closely aligned?
Not in the UK sense, no.
Go and say how disgusting the behaviour of dumbojo and his scumbags was to her royal highness and that you’ll never vote for them again.
A true blue gammon can only agree . The revolution starts with you brother.
FIGHT THE POWER.
You needed to play the long game. When my cousin's husband was bitching about Meghan during the black lives matter protests I just posted pics of randy Andy and creepy Jeffrey on his Facebook page. Blocked and no invites.
Go and play your own game of Gammon Go a bit like Pokemon Go but you choose targets and coerce them into being more gammony for which you score points.
I go with B but pull a last minute A if needed
I was most pleased when my wife suggested we just go away on the WE of our local street party. She normally moans that I'm just a miserable bastard (true), but obvs a street party is a step too far for her as well.....
My road is doing similar, hope they enjoy it as much as my bike ride…
Go, and deliberately out-gammon them. Goad them on.
As you escalate their ranting, turn it up to 11.
If someone starts shouting whilst red in the face, all the time agreeing with your views, you win. If someone figures out your game before the shouting/heart attacks start, you lose, and make a swift exit, stage left.
The 'gammons' around me asked if they could use our drainpipe for the street party bunting but it all was going to be republican.
Go and play your own game of Gammon Go a bit like Pokemon Go but you choose targets and coerce them into being more gammony for which you score points.
Never mind football, this is sounds an awesome spectator sport 🙂
Definitely B with sub-option i)
Suggest you head to redbubble.com to buy some EU logo clothes - tees and some very natty leggings.
Maybe tiger cubs are in need of some new tees?
Download a recording of Ode to Joy to play in car as you arrive - windows down and volume up.
Also find flash mob clip of same on youtube and play on your phone repeatedly through the 'party' keeping phone in pocket but at max volume.
HTH
I think you have to put on your Union Jack underpants and go with it
I say, no matter what, turning up in just your undercrackers could be a step too far...
Do you believe in God ? do you celebrate Christmas ? Just because you don’t agree with something doesn’t mean you have to be a dick about it, moaning about the royal family at a family party isn’t going to suddenly change others views live and let live. I think the Monarchy is bollox but I’m really looking forward to my week in France only using 3 days holiday, cheers Liz. Bonus, I won’t see any of the celebrations
You could just go and actually try and have a nice time with your wife and kids.
This. If you can't manage to be civil to people who don't share your political views then I think it says more about you than them.
Agree with the last 2 posters, other people probably don't care about your deeply held passionate beliefs. For most of the attendees it's just an excuse for a party, they won't have though too much about the monarchy. It's a shame but most people in this country are like it. Go and enjoy the party or dont go because you dont like parties but dont project your prejudices onto others, you're probably assigning political views onto others that really aren't there.
but I’m really looking forward to my week in France only using 3 days holiday, cheers Liz. Bonus, I won’t see any of the celebrations
the state she was in i am wondering if its only the first extra holiday we get this year in the name of the chief sponger.
Find some urgent DIY jobs to busy yourself with. Drill through a pipe or something.
drill through your foot trying to erect a flag pole.
get drunk and make a scene, urinating on the germans portrait should do it.
Life's too short, go ride a bike instead. If your missus loves you, she will forgive you. If she doesn't, more time to ride bikes.
Ride there in your full sausage fest lycra. In fact enhance your package with a strategically placed courgette.
Have some nice gammon sandwiches and crisps, remove courgette, ride home.
You might get offered some extras from tipsy ladies. Best declined if you want to stay married.
What could possibly go wrong
Just go and let your kids enjoy playing with other kids, your wife chat to her friends/family and just mingle, it's the way of life for most, be it kids birthday's, family events, etc, etc, you just have to suck it up at times, show up and put on a happy face!
Go dressed as Jeremy Corbyn. Full geography teacher look, stick on beard with a little Stalin hat, Free Palestine badge, carrying round a framed, signed picture of Gerry Adams
I’m not into the Royals but my wife is. We’re going to a street party because she wants to, I’m not a cock, I love her and it isn’t a big deal as the neighbours are all nice people.
Go and say how disgusting the behaviour of dumbojo and his scumbags was to her royal highness
And watch their heads explode....
Enjoy the extra day off. Don't be a dick.
Mr stainypants has it right.
Aren’t republican views and gammony views fairly closely aligned?
Not in the UK sense, no.
Right. I've no idea what that means, then.
It’s a long weekend off, at the time of year when the weather is likely to be at its best.
Sod staying at home and going to a gammon fest garden party - get away for the weekend; ride your bike, pack a walking rucksack, stick the tent in the back of the car, do anything so long as it involves sleeping somewhere that’s not your home postcode and enjoy a malt or similar watching the sunset.
Can I go? I'll learn a few Irish republican songs and start "singing" them at the top of my voice in my worst exaggerated Orish accent, after getting atrociously drunk on Guinness 🙂
You may just find that other invitees don’t all share opposing views to yourself having turned up as it’s a good excuse to have a drink in the sun / feel obliged to go like you, and you can have a good time socialising with like minded people whilst avoiding those you don’t wish to converse with.
Agree to go but drop a shit tonne of acid before doing so. Strap a GoPro to your chest and post the footage on here
Get absolutely banjaxed on Stella and nosebag, fill a child’s paddling pool full of Bisto then swagger around with your top off challenging random people to a gravy wrestling bout. If you get no takers, rugby tackle a gammon and drag them in
He’s not asking about your evening so far, binners. That Bisto is never coming out of those Calvins. Oh, and switch off your webcam.
I find that whatever the social situation, a Guerrillero Heroico t-shirt, a sense of humour, a 30 gram packet of Golden Virginia Yellow and some king size Rizla will usually repel gammon and attract those with a small bag of pure MDMA.
You could just go and actually try and have a nice time with your wife and kids.
This + however many have said the same thing. Personally, although I don't mind the Royal family (certainly not a Royalist), I can't stand the idea of street parties (for anything)/garden parties for the Jubilee or such like, but....
This. If you can’t manage to be civil to people who don’t share your political views then I think it says more about you than them.
Are you new here - the collective despise anyone that doesn't have the same socialist mindset as the hive?
I can't imagine falling out with people I know because they have different views to me (obviously there are some limits).
What a party pooper you sound.
I don't fit in here (the STW gang) as I'm a woman, ride a mtbike and like the queen.
Go for the sake of the children.
It's history being made.
Leave early if you have to.
It’s history being made.
So was the black death, but we don't celebrate that! 😛
As a fully paid up republican, I despise these festivals of the common peasantry doffing their caps to their supposed superiors, who just happened to have ancestors who were more ruthless when it came to raping and pillaging. Its frankly embarrassing.
However, I'll just do what I did last time (when 2 of the horse-shagging inbreds got married) and head off out on the bike. As most of Her Maj's subjects appeared to be sat in front of their tellys on a lovely sunny day, the trails were empty and I bumped into another forum member doing exactly the same as me, so we had a rather nice ride, then finished at the pub* 😀
* a pub with no telly or anything and not a union jack in sight, obviously
If I had my way, we'd be going Gallic and marking the occasion with one of these..
If I had my way, we’d be going Gallic and marking the occasion with one of these..
They were invented in Yorkshire.
Do you believe in God ? do you celebrate Christmas ? Just because you don’t agree with something doesn’t mean you have to be a dick about it, moaning about the royal family at a family party isn’t going to suddenly change others views live and let live
Yes and no. I'm a heathen but still do Christmas. Or rather I have a nice day on 25th Dec. The 'Christmas' I do is remarkably short of baby Jesus references. There's a tree (but the god squad stole that so I have no issue with nabbing it back), some thoughtful but lowish value presents and nice food. No babies or mangers, no wise men, no angels, no prayers and carols. No one who believes in god is in the building. That's not a conscious thing - just I don't seem to know many people that do. Does that constitute 'doing Christmas'?
What I'm driving at is....does a queenie fan club party (sorry, I have genuinely forgotten what we are celebrating next month - is it years on the throne, years alive or pounds in the bank?) have a heavy queenie flavour? If its mainly about flag shagging and furtive leg trembling over a privileged old lady, I'd avoid. If it's a family BBQ and a good chat over a beer on a random extra day off then why not go.
I’m a heathen but still do Christmas.
it was your festival first, just been hijacked by god botherers and retailers.
They were invented in Yorkshire.
They may well have been, but it was the French that truly unleashed its potential 😉
Can you still use Covid as an excuse? Say your going to go, call in sick first thing in the morning, go for a ride. Everyone will feel sorry for you, you get a ride and dont get black listed for not going.
The interesting thing about this thread is that a question that was basically "should I go to a BBQ that'll be full of opinionated pr1ck$" has elicited many responses to say avoid it, but a number of said responders come across as opinionated pr1ck$ themselves...
It's not a family barbecue. The in-laws have clubbed in with the house opposite to put on a communal garden party.
Although they have a nice garden I don't think there'll be enough space for total gammon avoidance.
I think the most I will be able to muster is something along the lines of "well seventy years as a monarch is impressive longevity".
It's just that the monarchy is a ludicrous anachronism and once Liz pops her clogs we're left with what is basically a soap opera with castles. Charlie boy is a bit of a dunce and son number 2 wouldn't be going on a show like Jeremy Kyle for fear of 'the test'. Uncle Andrew is a wrong'un and the other one is totally irrelevant. Then there's auntie Ann who seems to get trotted out for the Calcutta Cup match once a year. Oh and once rode a horse a bit well.
There is simply no need for them in what should be a modern, forward-looking state. But then of course we aren't one of those anymore (1995-2015 were just a blip it seems). Then I look at the type of person who gets a bit of a stiffy at the mere mention of Sandringham, usually a bit Brexity, and I want to see everything they hold dear smashed on the floor in front of them, royals included.
🙂
I think you'll fit right in.
It's occasions like this that make shift work seem great, working the entire weekend, and as a bonus i'll get overtime for working the extra bank holiday😁
What do anti royals actually propose?
We just get rid of them, take all their money off them, give them a 3 bed council house in Bradford?
What do anti royals actually propose?
President Blair dur!
What do anti royals actually propose?
A phased withdrawal from the institution. I'll do a Johnson on this one and say "someone else can sort the details".
Requisition their estates one by one and convert them to public parks protected in perpetuity from development. Demolish the buildings if needs be. Two or three generations on you should have kids being born into relative normality. I'm sure other former monarchies have coped (assuming they weren't offed on the spot).
Basically I don't really give a shit, but the mere presence of such an anachronism in the modern world is ridiculous.
take all their money off them, give them a 3 bed council house in Bradford?
Nah. That'd be jumping the queue.
We just get rid of them, take all their money off them, give them a 3 bed council house in Bradford?
We just get rid of them, take all their money off them, and they get a job like everyone else and rent or buy a place.
What do anti royals actually propose?
😀
About 1/3 of the way in fake an epileptic fit.
Plus its worth at least a weeks 'dont exert yourself' pampering when back at home.
unfortunately Binners we tried that once before and they came back, may require the "russian" solution.
Similar issue here with a street party. Wasn’t planning on going so originally declined as I’m quite anti royal (however I do like some of the neighbours and the mrs said we’ve nothing better to do and can leave whenever it suits as it is local ……) so when the bloke organising it (who is a bit old fashioned and royal loving) chased me up about it I said ‘could I come as dressed as prince andrew with some inappropriate ladies’ he just burst out laughing and said that’s fine, so we’re now going, it’s not all good news though, the organiser plays in the brass band and they’re very considerately fitting us in twice on their schedule.
This thread has to be thread of the week!
Me I'd go with keeping the boss happy its her you have to answer to not us.
Me I’d go with keeping the boss happy its her you have to answer to not us.
That's the most sensible thing on this thread. Including my OP and the basic premise.
😉
As a non brit it's interesting to see all the anti Monarchy sentiment and I can understand where it comes from. Wouldn't have any strong feelings one way or the other (not my Monarchy).
On the cost side they probably generate more income than they cost both from tourism and good PR on the foreign trips (albeit it's been balanced out a lot by very bad PR recently).
You probably are used to it if you're born in to it but I think it'd be a miserable existence. The ultimate golden cage, can't go where you want when you want, can't walk down the street, can't just go for a mountain bike spin, all the freedoms the rest of us take for granted denied you. Your daily schedule dictated to you (true for all of us but not to the same extent), can't just hand in your notice when you're pissed off, no thanks.
Is the food and beer free? In which case I’m not sure what the issue is.
On the cost side they probably generate more income than they cost both from tourism
Go to France, people still visit all the Chateaus long after they lopped their heads of......
We were invited to a garden party by Her Maj at Buck House once. I bought a new hat and had a grand day out. Nice sandwiches, eclectic mix of guests and a huge hailstorm rolled in so we all dashed for the throne room and we carried on til last orders. I’ve invited Her Maj back for our barbie for her big weekend, but haven’t seen a reply yet. Must check the spam folder.
Her Majesty was responsible for me winning a fancy dress competition.
After trawling many charity shops I got an outfit fit for a queen.
Dressed as Queen Elizabeth 2nd I won a prize of 'meal for two' at a Beefeater (get it?), this was the 1980's after all. :O)
Disclaimer: some of the above may be an outright lie - I came third.
I don’t fit in here (the STW gang) as I’m a woman, ride a mtbike and like the queen.
Totally OT but I’m genuinely upset to read the first two bits of this. Sorry you feel that you don’t fit in. Despite us all acting like massive dickheads at times this place is still great.
Back to the original post, just go. Stay if it’s alright and leave if it’s shite.
Sit in a corner and sulk.