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You should start off with a compliment - "that's a lovely blouse madam" or something along those lines. Then perhaps you could do an erotic dance to accompany the starters. If all else fails, you could burst into tears and write "help me" in your own faeces on the wall. HTH.
[url= http://arianeb.com/dategame.htm ]no idea if this is safe for work.... [/url]
get some practice in before the date!
Chances are that you will not be taking this woman to bed, so ensure you touch her as much and as intimately over dinner as possible so you have something to think about later while you are having a consolatory crank.
After giving this some more thought, I think you should just chin the wine waiter when he comes to your table. Really hard, and then laugh like a Bond villain. I am assured that ladies enjoy that sort of thing.
Tragically, I'm well acquainted with 'Ariane'.
😳
Good to have you back Mitch!
Hello my love! Been a bit busy lately wrestling lunatics, but hey ho, every day a new adventure!
barnsleymitch - MemberAfter giving this some more thought, I think you should just chin the wine waiter when he comes to your table.
That should convince her that I'm soave.
TAXI!
Been a bit busy lately wrestling lunatics
The you take some down time on here??
New job going well?
This thread is hilarious. 😆
BH - I've just had a word with Mrs Mitch, and she's started knitting you a lovely dating suit. It's an all in one number, brown with a cream stripe, and an open crotch to let your cockleshell bay peep out whilst you eat your dinner. No need for chat up lines once you're wearing that bad boy!
Turn up in full dayglo lycra. Pretend you have just finished a very long bike ride, women go mad for that shit.
Tell her about your ex's in detail.
That should do it.
You could tell her, in minute detail, about which tyres youre currently using, and just as she's falling asleep, make a sudden and unexpected lunge for her bazoomers, whilst bellowing like an enraged gibbon.
Slight aside... I started a thread the other day about a girl who wants to go for a date, but turned out to be due to drop in a month or so... thought I'd let her down gently... ignored her for a bit, etc... last night she sent me a picture of her bed?! That's normal behaviour... right?
completely normal 😐
i think she wants you to climb aboard!
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If her bed had looked like that I'd have set aside my reservations about her well being.
@BH.... how well do you know ariane?
Well, I 'had' her in the back of her Jeep.
That was probably the highlight of my sex life* in early 2008.
*That seems like a rather grandiose term for gazing at women on public transport.
"Last time I ate here that young waitress gave me a lovely semillon."
Seaman Stains?
last night she sent me a picture of her bed?! That's normal behaviour... right?
i had one sent to me of an open bed with two pairs of scanty panties on it and asking me to choose which pair she should wear
her name was Jo King (so unlikely it's gotta be true!)
I'm liking that bed phil. Mine, unfortunately, looks like an old wheelbarrow. To be perfectly frank, it is an old wheelbarrow, with a bit of hay in the bottom. In the shed.
RD... was she heavily pregnant?
Actually, I've just realised that she told me she can put any guys name she wants on the birth certificate... that's not true.. is it?!
More to the point, it was in yeti's shed, but I still think of it as mine. Our's, in fact.
I've just realised that she told me she can put any guys name she wants on the birth certificate
I think you are missing out on a wonderful opportunity.
I've got some new felt for the roof mitch.
Luxury! I kinda miss the barrow of love, but that spider was a bit scary. And the biscuits you left out were always stale, with all the cream licked out of the custard creams. Aw who am I kidding, I'm on my way back! (starts shoving his knitted stalking suit in an aldi carrier bag).
I let the spider move into the house after you left, it looked lonely and it's the only thing I've got that makes me feel close to you 😥
I'll be back hiding in the loft before you know it. Or one of the kitchen cupboards. "Every breath you take..."
Ahh-wooo... It's like Shakira, but Sexy!
I returned from a bike ride wearing full lycra one day a long time ago. My GF of the time (who had yet to see me suited up) was sitting around with my female housemate. The housemate had previously commented on me looking sexy in my cycling gear and had consequently boosted my ego. My GF however collapsed in fits of laughter.
Right, shirt advice now...
Is this Brokeback Mountain or Heartbreak Ridge?
As a guide, I want to look like a semi-formal faux lumberjack who may or may not have experimented with my sexual orientation.
back to BH's date chaps!!
EDIT - 47 seconds faster than me BH!
this is what you should wear:
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Back to the op,show how considerate you are.Don't shake her hand upon arrival. Explain it is because you stopped off for a shovel,sacks and a bag of quicklime,which burst over your hands.She will be impressed by how caring you are and will watch your every move and listen to every word you say VERY closely
OK then, here's a definite winner - when she's stuffing her gob with a cream egg ice cream (presuming you've splashed out on dinner at McDonalds), you could serenade her with a romantic song, "me so horny" or somesuch, before trilling like a bantu tribesman and attempting to put your hand up her vest. And remember, you cant touch her where she wees until the second or third date.
... you have arranged to meet her at a secluded woodland spot, right?
If not, make sure she knows that's where you want to go for your next date.
It does surprise me that joking about being a serial killer seems a sure fire way to secure a 2nd date...
And remember, you cant touch her where she wees until the second or third date
😆
Serious note: Be yourself, 110%
Unserious note: Be yourself, 10%
Take a newspaper, and rustle it and scowl every time she attempts to make small talk.
"i bought you some paracetamol"
"why?"
"well don't you have a headache?"
"no, why.. what?!"
"awesome, so we can have sex now?"
"i bought you some paracetamol""why?"
"well don't you have a headache?"
"no, why.. what?!"
"awesome, so we can have sex now?"
lol very good.
Let me know if that works, by the way?
BH - can you hire a 'mother goose' costume from anywhere? I'm sure she would be charmed by the effort you've made, and not at all startled.
Don't punch her in the back of the neck.
I have often found that sacrificing an animal on the first date shows her that you are serious about her, provides good fresh food and appeases the gods in one easy blood offering.
Afterwards, ask her if she is a virgin.