Currently sat in a room in Pinderfields hospital with my 85 year old mum. She is slowly fading away.
Been in since NYE. Late stage dementia. Pneumonia in both lungs. Kidney failure. She has a DNR in place. So treatment is making her comfortable rather than keeping her alive.
She is sedated as she won't tolerate a oxygen mask and is also pulling her drip out of her arm.
What a bloody horrible end to a lovely life.
5 kids 7 grandkids and 10 great grandkids.
All been to say goodbye.
Just me here now.
The staff here are amazing. Nearly all non British. But they are soo nice. Treating the patients with kindness and gentleness and respect.
Got me thinking how broken the NHS would be without it's mainly immigrant workforce.
Sorry for the gloom but I feel pretty humbled by it all.
Thoughts are with you. :_(
am very sorry to hear that may i offer my best wishes to your mum.
Yeah been there, my nan was basically left to drown in her own lungs with a bit of morphine.
****ing barbaric, a lethal dose of morphine would have been far kinder.
Sorry to hear this Ton. I lost my Mum this year, sounds pretty similar, and the NHS were incredible. We are very lucky.
Such a sad time, thoughts are with you and your Mum.
Sending love to you and the family big fella.
My old man died in March last year after a battle with prostate cancer. I’m horribly familiar with seeing someone you love suffer, while you’re powerless to help. It’s so tough.
His carers, who came in to make him as comfortable as they could, and stayed by his side alll night if needed, were all Ghanaian. A lovely, more caring, committed and compassionate bunch of people you couldn’t possibly hope to meet. They were incredible!
I find the anti-immigrant rhetoric of the usual gobby suspect's (I’ve no need to name them) deeply depressing. I know who I think contributes more to our society. Which group enriches it. We should feel honoured that these people want to come here and do the amazing things they do
Sorry to read this it's a horrible time. My mum had both alzheimers and dementia when she died, So although she lived on a few months the person I knew and loved was gone some weeks before she died. When she finally died there was an element of relief or release for me and my sisters too
Sorry to hear that Ton, I'm glad they are working hard to make her as comfortable as possible. Look after yourself.
Feeling for you big man. Been there and done that (twice) so I've every admiration for you sticking around. One word of warning - my old man hung on for ages (awkward bugger that he was 😂) and it was hard to make the decision to leave him to eat and sleep for a while. Let the staff guide you as to when they think would be most appropriate and don't beat yourself up if you're not there at the very moment.
Feel for you. 6 years ago with my mum, lasted a week and it’s heartbreaking.
My Mum past in hospital in November of 2020, not because of Covid but right in the middle of the pandemic. Because of this she was only allowed one visitor per day, my brother visited her on the Saturday as he had travelled a long way to see her. I got a call early on Sunday morning to say she had passed. Never got to see her. I last saw her on the Tuesday before. She was at home getting her eyes tested by Specsavers. I remember the optician getting her prescription right and Mum joyously stating that she could see again! The glasses turned up a few days after she died.
Desperately sorry to read this post, ton. It's a real blessing that you and your family have been able to say your goodbyes and your thanks too for being a great mum and nan no doubt.
To my mind the NHS is the single most transformatively positive achievement any government has ever made to this country, it's why I really took it's neglect to heart over recent times.
I've never met you ton but you've always come across as a decent guy, no doubt your old mum played a big part in that, me old mate.
All the best,
Poopy.
I assumed my mum’s demise would be helped along.
She was basically left to starve to death. The nursing home staff were brilliant ,the sadistic “procedures” not so.
Sorry to hear that Big Man.
Have been in a similar situation myself. The care that these people, chosen to be demonised by the knuckle dragging elements of society, give is amazing. I hope that the end comes painless and peacefully.
Oh Ton, I'm so very sorry. Let's hope your much loved mum has a quick painless passing.
Nothing useful to add other than offer my sympathies and wishes for a peaceful end.
The NHS is worth fighting and paying for.
I assumed my mum’s demise would be helped along.
She was basically left to starve to death. The nursing home staff were brilliant ,the sadistic “procedures” not so.
As you probably know this is a big issue to me. Under our current laws we can only treat symptoms - but can do so "recklessly" so we can give painkillers to someone in pain or sedatives to someone in distress and do so without regard to the consequences ie addiction or respiratory suppression. Well managed there should be very minimal periods of pain fear and distress but under our current laws its impossible to legally ensure there are none.
A dignified peaceful death at the end of your life should be a human right.
Many folk probably die of dehydration at the end of their lives - secondary to what is slowly killing them just the loss of ability to swallow and absorb water gets them first
Hopefully this looks likely to change as laws are going thru at the moment to allow in very limited circumstances an assisted death but the religious right are using every dirty trick in the book to try to stop it
All the best OP - we went through over a week for MIL to pass. Things eventually got easier once the syringe driver got sorted out correctly (wasn't working at first). It was my SIL's causing the distress, in so much, I had to tell them.
Sorry to hear this Ton. We are lucky to have the NHS and importantly, your Mum is lucky to have a caring, loving son by her side at this difficult time. Thoughts are with you.
Sorry to hear this, we went through similar 18 months ago with my Dad. The clinicians put him on what they called their 'Gold Pathway' it was basically a 48 hour easing him into the afterlife. Unpleasant to witness, but they made sure he wasn't in pain as he passed.
Thanks for all the kind words everyone.
Sorry to hear this, I hope the end is as painless and peaceful as possible.
Mrs DB has just been through this with her mother who passed just before Christmas at 93. She’d been in a nursing home for 5 years and progressively worsened to being bed bound and immobile and more recently some dementia. For the last few weeks she was on palliative care, some oral morphine and then IV morphine at the very end. Pretty traumatic to have to sit through.
Hoping that the assisted dying bill finds a way through parliament such that when a terminal condition is reached, then a more managed approach can be given under medical supervision without consequence for those that follow the rules. There’s little dignity is death, but quite why some feels it needs to be such a drawn-out and painful experience for all is beyond me.
Sorry to hear this Ton.
Good to hear that your mum is being made comfortable through this awful time.
Take care.
Hello again ton, I hope today is passing for you, your mum and family as well as it can given the circumstances.
What an awful time for you, I feel for you. My Mum died in Pinderfields too, the staff seemed great - the doctor said therte was no point treating her as it would "not change the outcome", she was SO very dehydrated that was hard to see.
It was extra distressing for my sis & me as she wasn't recognising us any more and hadn't for maybe a year.
Hold her hand man, sing to her, try think back to the good times - I so regret that I was 300 miles away when she finally gave in.
she finally went today. the final 28 hours were pretty horrendous.
the staff were amazing but the system is completely broken.
give you loved ones a hug. let em know they mean something.
So, so sorry to hear that ton.
Sorry for your loss x