Am due to leave my current job next month along with another colleague. Wanted to avoid a leaving do - not because I don't like the people I work with just that I have nothing in common with them other than work, also been a difficult year at work anyway due to a re-structure straining relationships which has led in part to my leaving. I also rarely see my real friends due to kids etc so if I am to get a night out I would rather it be with them! But a joint one has been organised and I really cannot be bothered to go.
Am I being unreasonably grumpy/difficult?
no. not like you'll ever see them again, is it?
I think I've had one leaving do in over 25 years
I think its probably your choice if you go or not, it can't be enforced. If it was me then I wouldn't.
Treat the leaving doo as a free pass out for the night. Arrange your work doo for say 6. However also get your friends lined up for a night out starting at 7 (best do this at a different pub!).
Go to your works doo for one, slip out and go meet your friends, have a good night, a few pints then a dodgy kebab on way home.
Bob's yer maw's brother!
Are they going to give you a big present?
If not, sod-em!
Polite to go, I would only avoid if I had a really strong reason. In fact I did just leave under unhappy circumstances, did attend the leaving do, it wasn't the most fun party but neither was it the worst day of my life. Even though I was happy to leave the employer, there were some nice people there. (I also had a proper leaving party just with friends, which was much more fun of course.)
I changed jobs maybe 7 times and have only ever had one leaving do and that wasn't for leaving the company but for a transfer out of the country. If you don't want a leaving party don't have one. If it's a joint thing and you want to maintain some kind of relationship business wise, just go along a the start, make sure you do a quick lap thanking the people you want to then sneak out. The other person can bat on.
You definitely want to go to your leaving do especially when they do the rounds on collecting cash to buy you something ... you could get a new iPhone or iPad etc ... Isn't this the norm here?
I rarely go on works nights out, even when they're paid for.
Like you say, would much rather spend my own time with actual mates...
It's a meal 20 miles from home so if I do have to go I was thinking of heading for the meal and then making my excuses. I would also drive so avoiding the issue of drinking but getting the train could provide an alternative way to get out early...
Are you sure that [i]they'll[/i] be there?
Unpopular bloke I worked with was leaving and he was told that his leaving do was on Thursday in the pub, all of his collegues went to the pub on the Wednesday to celebrate.
Seems a little churlish, and you might get a bottle of booze out of it. Scruff's idea is a good one.
If it's a joint one then just explain politely why you would rather not go and wish them all a nice evening.
@acid - work nights out are career enhancing, assuming you behave ! You should think of them as part of your job. Just saying.
I went to mine, I was the only one there, mind I only invited myself.
qwerty - MemberAre you sure that they'll be there?
Unpopular bloke I worked with was leaving and he was told that his leaving do was on Thursday in the pub, all of his collegues went to the pub on the Wednesday to celebrate.
Crikey he must be very unpopular ... 😯 😆
jambalaya - Member
@acid - work nights out are career enhancing, assuming you behave ! You should think of them as part of your job. Just saying.
I spend enough time at work - don't mind a quick pint after work but a whole evening, time away from work is precious, I love my evenings and weekends!!
When I say 'I wouldn't go' I mean I wouldn't have a doo in the first place, not do a 'yeh can't wait for the party this evening' and then not turn up.
If you don't want to go then tell them that.
To the op, just go, be nice and don't get drunk. There's an expression "never burn your bridges". If your bosses will be there you will always be remembered as the bastard who never turned up for his leaving do. You might need them in the future. Be it a reference or maybe even you're own job back.you never know.
Just go. It's one night for the rest of your life.
Just go along and have a few beers, its only polite if people can be bothered turning up to say goodbye to you.
Depends on the drink buying convention. Here leaving = pay rise so you buy the drinks, so you'd be remembered as the grumpy bugger if you don't go, if they're buying then free drinks or be remembered as the grumpy bugger who wouldn't even go out with them for free drinks!
Can't win (unless you go).
Just go. Whats the worst thing that can happen? Well ... theres Lynda the terrifying predatory divorcee in accounts, who's always had a bit of a thing about you, and is preparing your Rohypnol dessert.....
On the day of the event phone in sick and you might get a get well present and card on top of your leaving gubbins. Result!
ps I asked for no cards, no speech as management had changed and I'd had enough of them. However, I did get loads of pressies, cards and texts from the people I valued. I just couldn't face the hypocrisy of saying nice things about people I knew to be sh1tz and being in their company for one second more than I had to.
I'm not having one. One of the reasons I'm leaving is the commute distance, so the last thing I want to do is have a do arranged miles from home. they can come to ours if they want - but that ain't gonna happen...
work nights out are career enhancing, assuming you behave ! You should think of them as part of your job
eh? what greasy pole are you trying to climb? besides, it's his [i]leaving[/i] do, enhancing his career there is no longer pertinent
I've not gone to my own leaving do before. Colleagues said I need to have one. Told them I don't like any of them and if they arranged it I wouldn't go. They thought I was joking, arranged a night out. I wasn't, didn't go. Never spoken to any of them since - result.
Another way out of going is to suggest not having a leaving do and donate the money to a charity instead!
If you can't be arsed, you can't be arsed.
On the other hand, a drink's a drink.
there is a school of thought that says you don't have to do anything that you don't want to..
especially when it comes to utterly illogical social constructs put in place to oppress the feeble minded..
like work
Dear me there's some miserable gits on here, how do you even manage to work as a team?
I organised a day out for our station a few weeks back, people took holidays and swap shifts to get. We had a great day and it's boosted moral in what has been a upsetting year, first thing they asked was when was the next one and can we have it sooner.
My Boss' leaving do is imminent. I have worked with him for seven years or so and shall not be present on the night. Whether or not he attends his own leaving do (a celebration for some) is entirely immaterial to me so long as he doesn't attend whatever venue I happen to be in that night or interrogate me next day about why I did not attend the 'End of Year Staff Night Out'.
Bitter, me?
Thankfully, I don't work with the sort of people who spell "do" as "doo", so there's no need to worry about avoiding them on nights out.
Oh, and as for behaving on work nights out? You've clearly never been out with lawyers....
I have needed them by the end ...does that count?
FWIW I never go as I dont like them that much tbh [ staff and the concept]
If things in life like this stress you out or piss you off so much that it becomes an utter ball-ache trying to work out what to do that's best,don't do it if it makes YOU feel miserable. That's the way I go about it. Folk that know me well,now realize that if I said no the first time.. It'll be the same answer they'll get a dozen attempts later.
Being me,I'd also tell them the truth about why I don't want to go (in this case I'd be expected to give them a reason - explaining well in advance that I'd not be going)not make up some other nicey nicey tale to make it look more acceptable.
You'll no doubt put the 'weird sod' questions out amongst them all but what's more important? You stressing out like this through life to please others or being honest and having none of this crap you're going through right now?
Awaits anti-social weirdo flaming :O)
'leaving do'? I'm not even going to tell anyone I'm leaving, never mind having a 'do'.
**** that, I'll be either out on the bike with me mates or fishing with some different mates.
You don't want to burn bridges and you don't want to 'waste' your social/free time, that's fair enough.
Just send a gracious sounding email explaining that you're honoured that a leaving do is being held for both you and college but unfortunately do to pressures from family and new job, you won't be able to attend. Hope you all have a fab evening and enjoy yourselves. Kind Regards, Blah.
Suggest you all head out for a pub lunch, much easier and contained. If it's your last day normal practice is to shake hands with the boss and hand back passes/keys and head home after lunch. Solves most issues.
If you are certain you don't need anything, want anything etc. from that lot then turn down their hospitality. If not it's one evening in your life. However if you are like some of the miserable gits above they are probably having the real party elsewhere.
get utterly shitfaced
Not going is quite a strong statement, so don't do it lightly. If you're indifferent to it, I would say either just go or persuade them not to have one (make excuses like no childcare).
If it's a meal it would be OK to go for the meal and drink afterwards, then leave saying thanks to everyone but you need to get back early for whatever reason.
Cor, I can see why STW is like it is with so many of you miserable at work. Makes me wonder if it's those you work with that are the problem. 😉
I'd go on the leaving do for any of my direct work mates as long as I was able. Lad just left and every member of the watch turned up. We all liked him and were sad he was leaving.
Unpopular bloke I worked with was leaving and he was told that his leaving do was on Thursday in the pub, all of his collegues went to the pub on the Wednesday to celebrate.
If that's true you are a c**t and I hope I never have to meet you.
Some food for thought here. It's not that I am miserable (although at times maybe) just that I have not really felt part of the "team" for over a year now and really cannot wait to leave. If one is arranged, all gone a bit quite, then I will go as as some of you have mentioned I do not want to burn bridges/leave an impression of being a dick (more than I already have)
If you don't want to go don't go 🙂
We have a works do every year at Christmas I went last year and just hated it so will never bother again.
To be honest as I get older I just have little time for people full stop, my mates are my mates most of the rest outside work i would not be seen dead with.
It depends on who I work with i'd say. At my last place I had a leaving: free curry and got pissed. At my current place I don't want to spend any out of-work time with my colleagues. Thankfully there are no leaving dos where I work.