No. If I stop paying I default which will mess up credit rating.
The relationship with the new bloke will last two years max.
Sorry to hear you are going through this, sounds ultra-crap, vent on here if need be and best of luck.
She has been cheating on you and is dumping you because she thinks she has found someone better who will stick around, lawyer up and don't be a push over. Take what little comfort you can from the fact that if this guy is as good as all that she said then he won't hang about for long, he himself will be off with someone better.
Looks to me like she's either still got feelings for you or she wouldn't be trying to hurt you with the new man bullshit. Looking for some kind of reaction which you're not giving as you feel jack for her.
If she felt nothing she'd be more amicable and civil.
Either that or she's a repugnant vile horror of a human being and you should start to grow a pair and match her attitude with a worse one all the while staying with in the law and make things so unbearable that she has no option but to move out into big cars joint. Leaving you in peace.
I feel sorry for you buddy.
Watch War of the Roses for some pointers.
Best of luck.
Why does she get 70% of the house sale when she sounds like a horror? Can that be rethunked?
She gets the majority of the house equity so I get to keep my pension. Works better for me in the long run.
fair enough - basically though it sounds like you're a good guy in a bad situation. Enjoy having a moral compass and once this blows over you're going to have a great time!
Speak to a few solicitors/legal execs and consider mediation as well. You'll probably get different views on the final outcome so go with the one that you feel is realistic
...kicking these last 18 months. The range of emotions...
Massive roller coaster for you, consider counselling so that you can be at your objective best in what will be a trying time
Some great advice there, cheers guys. Appreciated.
Funnily enough she is away this week with him, I took a call yesterday from Chester Racecourse to say the Polo they were going to watch next weekend has been cancelled due to poor weather...so the question is when do I tell her????
I used the legal services of wikivorce.com.
You fill out a spreadsheet with everyones assets on and details of your situation and time together, kids, pensions, etc.
They come back with their idea of what a fair split looks like, so then you can either accept that or use it as a basis for some negotiation, swapping some maintenance or house equity for pension rights, etc.
If it's all transparent to her then you are a lot more likely that things will remain somewhat amicable, albeit it with some gritted teeth, and you will avoid getting too angry about the whole situaton - which is something that I was keen to avoid as that can take years to get over.
Going to solicitors is likely to drag it out, get you more angry, and cost everyone more than if you had made the 'fair' settlement in the first place, even if it favoured one side more than the other.
Not sure if these no-blame divorces are a thing yet, but if not then one of you should sigh for adultery to get it finished quickly.
If the house isn't selling the price is too high - simples.
And I put down that I had mediation, as it is a requirement now, based on the wikivorce solicitors providing advice and us accepting it.
I went to a mediator and he seemed pretty useless - they can't give you legal advice about whether what you agree for the split would stand up to scrutiny as 'fair' by a judge, so you 'could' mediate a settlement and then have it dismissed and have to start again.
If you get a third-parties advice like this and then don't argue about it but accept it, then there is nothing to mediate over, so that requiement is bs.
If you think you are having a rough time with her you would not believe what is happening with me and my live-in girlfriend at the moment - makes louise look like an amateur...
Funnily enough she is away this week with him, I took a call yesterday from Chester Racecourse to say the Polo they were going to watch next weekend has been cancelled due to poor weather…so the question is when do I tell her????
ASAP, don't make yourself the bad guy.
I took a call yesterday from Chester Racecourse to say the Polo they were going to watch
Chester racecourse?
Polo?
Let's guess, he drive's a Bentley or a RR Sport?
All a bit Housewives of Cheshire.
Has the ex been sprayed orange yet?
It's a bit like New Bike Syndrome.
When you first get to try your new ride it feels fantastic, you want to ride it all the time, and you look back and wonder how you ever got on with your old one because it was crap at everything. Dull, heavy, wrong angles, hard to handle etc. etc.
Same with bikes.
Threads like this have kept my marriage going for 17 years now...…
That may not be a good thing
It’s not ‘normal’ behaviour but in the context of a divorce anything goes unfortunately. As others have said she may not be saying these things to hurt you and/or may be being driven by him. Doesn’t make it right but not retaliating is the right response. Difficult I know though.
As house/pensions/kids are involved I’d get proper legal advice on the severance. Online ones are ok for simple divorces with few assets, no kids etc but you need to make sure it’s done properly to shield against getting screwed over in the future.
The fact she’s with someone apparently with bags of cash could impact the settlement on your favour.
ASAP, don’t make yourself the bad guy.
Poor OP, having to resist that temptation. 🙂
But really, polo, in Chester? Trying a bit too hard really. Polo is only properly posh when it's in the Great Park or Guards Club.
I’d kill her with kindness.
“I never felt that spark with you”
Reply with:
“I loved you dearly for each of our 21 years, even though circumstances may have occasionally got in the way.”
Be positive, reflect her negativity with your positivity. You’ll feel a lot better for it and she won’t. Win win.
😂😂😂 Cheers big John, I feel like an old bike some days. Yeah , told her straight away about the Polo. Hopefully "Gary" won't be too upset...I like the idea of giving her loads of positivity... albeit through gritted teeth.
Some similarities with my ex
We decided to split, was all very amicable, I was very nice, moved out, split the debts 50/50, agreed to let her stay in the house we jointly owned and gave her a lump sum to help make the house her own.
2 weeks later she tells me she’s seeing a bloke in San Francisco!! Proper dickhead (fast cars, massive whitened teeth, spoilt brat type) Hahaha! This had clearly been fermenting for a while before we decided to split. She proceeded to pretty much ignore our two boys and head off over there every 3rd week (this bit did not amuse me. At all). Until a few months later he spectacularly dumped her just before she was due to fly out for the whole of Christmas and new year.
All of the cash I’d given her had disappeared by that point of course. She crashed hard, damaged her relationship with her kids and made a tit of herself.
She’s now seeing a dull man who fixes pensioners computers.
Like others have said, don’t be an arse, stay inside the law, think of the longer game and hang in there.
2 years down the line and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Great relationship with my kids (have them 50% of the time), nice little house, a lovely girlfriend and have just started my own business. Life is good, possibly because I made some good decisions back then and stuck to them. And it’s funny how the universe pays back.
I've been through very similar recently. My advice is to not leave the house. Have minimal if any contact with her. Ignore any insults and simply don't say anything. Don't let things escalate or next thing if she's anything like my ex she'll be calling the police and lying to them to try to push you out.
Secondly, please get a good lawyer. I did the same as you and kept my pension. Cost me around £10k in legal fees but I came off better than I think I otherwise would have.
Best of luck. It's a shit situation but it does get better with time. Much better.
A couple we are good friends with broke up 3 years ago. For some 'unkonwn' reason, it was the bloke that turned into a nasty piece of work, and he was the one who ran off with a girl half his age.
Youre lucky, mate of mine came home one day and his girlfreind had nicked all the furniture,and moved into a new housing association house, without telling him till he found the letter on the floor, saying to keep away from her, he couldnt afford to pay mortgage and house was repoed, havent seen him since.
Also a customer, rang up to say to put a new lock on door,as house was empty key was under the bin, went round and door smashed open, rang him up as a neighbour asked what i was doing, explained i had come to change lock etc, asked them about door, it appears they had split, and her dad and thugs had emptied house, police had been called and said it was a civil mater and left.
So sad he was a nice chap.
Got nothing much useful to suggest on the legal front, just, stay strong, keep things good with your daughter, it sounds like you're dealing with it very well, be proud of how your handling it.
She has met someone else. No problem there. She then proceeds to tell me how over the last 21 yrs there was never the spark she feels towards this guy, he drives a big car, has his own business, I was an embarrassment to her. To be honest the ex loved her designer stuff, jewellery which I mostly funded.
It sounds like she feels entitled to a lot of stuff just for sitting about doing not a lot. Obvioulsy I've only heard your side of the story, but I feel your frustration. I've been trying to get a financial settlement for over a year now, facing every delaying tactic only to have her solicitors now saying she needs the money as she's got herself >£10k in debt over the past year.
I would suggest getting some independent legal advice, probably you'll need to get the house valued (what is her asking price/valuation based on?) and use that as a basis if you weren't to sell it - although the fact it hasn't sold indicates the price is wrong!
It is worth being civil for the kids' sake. It doesn't matter if she has cheated or not, what matters is that you look after yourself, and avoid any similar situations. The timing's not too bad, as at least when your daughter goes to uni you can then proceed to get a partner her age and really wind up the ex.
Have you made provision to put your Daughter through Uni in case maintenance loan is insufficient.. or will you be expected to pay for that too?
Aye, that was at least something we both agreed on. There is a savings pot in the daughter's name to put her through Uni.
Just thought I would post an update. I have sought legal advice which was great and very informative. Got a good local Solicitors.
As for her behaviour...turns out her new chap is still married. With 2 kids but has promised my ex he will leave his wife...I can't help but feel a bit sorry for her. It will end up a mess, and it's a dangerous game she/he is playing where people will get hurt.
As for me, I am just looking to the future to put this mess behind me.
It is nice to be able to have the moral high ground tho
Just thought I would post an update. I have sought legal advice which was great and very informative. Got a good local Solicitors.
As for her behaviour…turns out her new chap is still married. With 2 kids but has promised my ex he will leave his wife…I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for her. It will end up a mess, and it’s a dangerous game she/he is playing where people will get hurt.
As for me, I am just looking to the future to put this mess behind me.
It is nice to be able to have the moral high ground tho
Ta for the update. She's blatantly going to be the loser in all this and she knows it which is why she said what she said. You're right to feel sorry for her, well done for being the better person in this situation. Respect.
Don't let the fact you feel sorry for her impact the decisions you make.
Go on a dating website.
While she doesn’t want you - her mood, she doesn’t want you with anyone else.
Hide your toothbrush though.
Don’t move, you’re paying the mortgage and the divorce should include this!
She’s saying it too piss you off.
She’ll be dumped when the guy has had his fun.
Get busy with your own life too!
It's worrying, but don't worry. What goes round comes around.
My (long gone) 1st wife did the same, she nashed off with a mate of mine who became a millionaire, which she knew was gonna happen & they got hitched, moved into a massive house, had a kid that turned into a local bike, the marriage broke up (he'd gone 'bust' beforehand) & buggered off to a new wife. My ex is now in a rented terraced house with a dog, a wayward daughter & 2 grand brats.
Chin up, you'll see & you'll be right.
My ex is now in a rented terraced house with a dog.
Sounds a bit like my ex wife, went off and lived the high life with a much wealthier man but critically never married him and house was in his name....
