[Closed] Dilemma - "balanced" STW advice welcome 😛

I can't see that it makes any difference to the situation. It's still his kid. No method of birth control is 100% guaranteed, so it could have happened accidentally at any time.

I suppose that the question to ask is what's gained by telling him? If you think that it might affect his relationship with his child then IMO you'd be better off keeping it to yourself unless there's some other very good reason to tell him...

Can't see what good it would do to tell him, other than resent her more.

Won't help the kid.

won't do him any good to know, and isn't going to be good for the kid to know that he/she was used to trap his/her father into a dead relationship.

personally I would keep quiet.

Don't tell him you're going out to celebrate this step in his life ending (except for the child which I no doubt he loves dearly), if you tell him it will makes things worse and he may become bitter towards his child as well! DON'T DO IT.....

What coffeeking said - if you tell him, all its likely to do is stir up more animosity between a child's parents, and that's never a good thing. Plus your mate might think your an arsehole for not telling him soooner. It's a losing plan all around!

won't help your mates situation with his ex or child, plus he might want to injure you for keeping it from him for 9 years

If she fessed up that there was another bloke doing the deed around the time she became pregnant- yes I'd tell him.

Its old old water under the bridge. I don't see how telling him this information will make him feel any better. Its not exactly nasty vindictive is it? Of course not great but its best kept firmly unspoken IMO.

Let your mate get on with his new life and leave the old firmly behind.

There seems a consensus however it means you have to continue keeping your secret which may or may not cause you problems.

you might want to look at it from another angle would telling your mate do him any good or just make him even more bitter & twisted towards his ex??

To me it sounds like you are the tormented one with this secret & you want to unload it to absolve yourself.

Keep quiet.

The divorce has finally come through and he can prob see light at the end of the tunnel. Last thing he needs is for one of his mates to tell him that his ex trapped him into marriage in the first palace and that his mate has kept it from him for this long.

Won't do anyone any good including yourself as you could well lose a mate.

Its hardly a torturous secret is it?! I know of someone who ****ed two prozzers on his Honeymoon. I aint telling NO ONE about that and neither is my GF.

Is your gf one of the two prozzers Hora? (presumably you're the other one...) 😉

Maybe, maybe not.

Its surfaced after 9 years however, hardly insignificant.

I would say nothing.

Not going to do any good telling him, apart from making him feel like an idiot. All water under the bridge now. Only thing that'll happen is he'll wonder why his 'friend' didn't tell him 9 years ago.

clubber, I could do a dance for you?

[img] [/img]

shhh

You can Hora but I'd be expecting you to pay me to watch that...

If you feel you need to say something, tell the ex wife. Just say that you have known for years and it has always hurt you to have to keep quiet about it.

That way you get it off your chest and she might stop to remember her past and appreciate what she did every time she gets funny with the ex hubby which is bound to happen with a kid around.

If you feel you need to say something, tell the ex wife. Just say that you have known for years and it has always hurt you to have to keep quiet about it.

That way you get it off your chest and she might stop to remember her past and appreciate what she did every time she gets funny with the ex hubby which is bound to happen with a kid around.

WOAH definitley [b]don't[/b] do that, if it's an acrimonious split and she hated his mates as your OP hinted then she could well tell your mate you knew all along and never told him. Chances are she doesn't know you know, don't enlighten her.

Keep shtum!

I agree with the majority here, nothing tobe gained by telling him. Say nothing.

Can I just add...what his ex like? Might as well like 8) 😉

[i]WOAH definitley don't do that, if it's an acrimonious split and she hated his mates as your OP hinted then she could well tell your mate you knew all along and never told him. Chances are she doesn't know you know, don't enlighten her.[/i]

Good point - keep your trap shut. Write it down then eat the evidence. Then go on a godallmighty bender so you don't even know your own name any more.

He probably knows already. She will no doubt have shouted to him "I only let you get me pregnant so you'd have to marry me" many times during high points of their blissful relationship.

Not the time dude, one day maybe but not right now.

Tell him the kid's your that living the night up.

Wow!!!! An unusually sensible response
You guys are losing it LOL

But seriously Ive sat on this for 9 years with mixed feelings and never blabbed so Im not about to tonight

Over that time I have watched her drive a bigger and bigger wedge between his old life and his close mates until the inevitable (inevitable to me cos shes not a nice person) happened

He doesnt hate her but does have a reasonable amount of anger to deal with but he's moved on as of today and is the happiest Ive seen him in years

Actually seeing him being the major thing as she really did drive him away from us and its been quite sad seeing it happen and not having much to do with your mate

So who fancies a pint cos we are hitting the boozer big time in just under an hour!!!!!!!!!!!

I suspect I will take my secret to the grave but would I want to know if it was me?
Thats the 64,000 dollar question and I just dont know

Cheers

PS Hora - nice pic, whats your phone number 🙂 ??

I was a bit confused and thought that YOU had boffed her during that time and got her up the duff - but on the tenth read I sense thats wasn;t the case.

FWIW I would keep it under your hat - nowt to be gained.

Thanks for that pic, Hora, that's a nice mental image to go to bed with. Got to try to find some pron with cute Japanese girls in to try to erase it now.

keep your trap shut. Write it down then eat the evidence. Then go on a godallmighty bender so you don't even know your own name any more.