[Closed] Dilemma

Are there to be any cucumbers involved here?

A person, I reckon a chick has got to be a better kisser than a chimp...

Dumb question! A seal every time, all those curves, loads of blubber to hang on too, need I go on. Goats - legs are too skinny, chimp - bad breath and a hairy arse does nothing for me.

Are you asking for any reason BigDummy? What are you planning to do??
😆

Two phrases immediately spring to mind:

"Any hole is a goal" and "You're only gay if you take it."

Therefore I'd go for the same-sex option. What time do you want me round BigDummy?

[i]I reckon a chick has got to be a better kisser than a chimp[/i] Ah you thought about kissing, you're a girl aren't you.

Graham raises an interesting point.

I think we have to assume for these purposes that the same-sex-same-species coupling is fairly each way rather than necessarily involving just giving and taking.

I guess with the straight animal sex we would be looking at (for the boys) penetrating the animal, and possibly some oral each way if the animal is not too bitey. Girls will be penetrated by the animal, and probably again oral each way, teeth permitting.

And, obviously, as much kissing and cuddling as you like in all scenarios.
🙂

if the animal is not too bitey

I'm trying hard not to giggle too loud and attract attention in the office :o)

Suddenly celibacy seems so much more attractive...

Mind you a chimp would be pretty good on the cuddling side of things, a seal would be a bit slippy for that and I could never cuddle a goat. No I'm sticking with the seal.

Oh and is it any sex of the other species or same sex/opposite sex scenario.

No I'm sticking with the seal.

you mean "No I'm sticking to the seal"

and suddenly slippy is bad ??

simonfbarnes - Member

Suddenly celibacy seems so much more attractive...

I'm sure all your ex-partners reached the same conclusion.

I'm sure all your ex-partners reached the same conclusion

oooh, harsh 🙁

Gary_M - Member
I reckon a chick has got to be a better kisser than a chimp Ah you thought about kissing, you're a girl aren't you.

Well, I wouldn't be getting much length from any of the options, so I thought I'd look on the positives and go for the best kisser...

How many of you saw the film Animal Farm at some point during your adolescence? (And I don't mean the 'four legs good two legs bad' version either 😯

I rather vividly remember it being on at a mates house party when I was about 15 or so. I have no idea who had the copy or where they had got it from, but **** me it was bad.

Mind you, not as bad as the viral marketing video that went around a company I used to work for. This was a round 1996 so it was when email was still pretty new. It was a short clip of a woman felating a horse (a grand national winner by the looks of him). The really bad part is when the horse deposits himself, copiously into her mouth and it's sort of too much for her to contain so to speak. This little video went round the company being constantly forwarded on by everyone until one day, someone opened it and screamed in horror at the contents just as the MD was walking past.

The only reason no one got fired was because they would have had to fire about 70% of the company but the next day we all got a note that defined what was 'acceptable' and what was 'unacceptable' email behaviour!

So that'll be the end of this thread then.

[i]Well, I wouldn't be getting much length from any of the options[/i]

😯 😯 😯 😯 😯

Gary, I rather assumed the animal was of the opposite sex. I think if you [i]want[/i] a same-sex animal then the each-way rule applies.

So you're saying that if I was gay male I would have to get jiggy with a male seal? If the seal was my preferred option.

Is this like a real dilema you have BigDummy?

why couldn't it have been a fluffy sheep ?

FoxyChick - Member
Well, I wouldn't be getting much length from any of the options

Just explaining my reasoning to the chap who thinks that I'm soppy for thinking about kissing 😉

Jeezzzuuusss ... My brain hurts just trying to come up with a reason.

The answer is perhaps just go with human of the same sex. Safer in the sense that you will not create a manimal.

I still think you have a 3rd choice by not doing anything at all or with your own hand.

No, the sin of onan is absolutely not an option here, it is a coward's way out. You must choose.

🙂

You'll be riding a singlespeed next, moreover a Marin singlespeed.
[shudder]

Is this an easier choice for a woman than a man then? It seems a no brainer to me.

[i]Is this an easier choice for a woman than a man then?[/i] Obvioulsy. If I 'went with' a man it would be disgusting, if a woman went with a woman it would be interesting.

A person, I reckon a chick has got to be a better kisser than a chimp...

You never know, 'till you give it a go................. 😉

[img] http://images.fotopic.net/?iid=yvt6yb&outx=800&quality=70 [/img]

What the hell is your life like BigDummy that this a dilemma for you on a Monday afternoon? 😯

Oh, and it's a no brainer...I'm with Jojo on this!! 😉

You see, I'm absolutely with jojo on this. Bloke every time for me. It's quite fun to think about the seal, but it's not a serious option. 😯

FoxyChick - Member
I'm with Jojo on this!!

Pics?

😈 😉 😈

Is the bloke gonna tell his mates that BigDummy shagged him - yes. Is the seal? No brainer for me.

Seal goat or chimpanzee...what kind of a fu&*ed up choice is that? It's like a pornographic petting zoo.

some hot chimps ride bikes

[img] [/img]

Is it even a dilemma?

Here's a dilema:

For them that like women: Brad Pitt or Anne Widdecombe?
For them that like men: Angelina Jolie or Michael Winner?

I would imagine it would be difficult to find where to put it with a seal... they look so.... hermetically sealed, if you'll excuse the pun!

With all that blubber it wouldn't be a problem.

But they don't have any 'folds' for the purposes (or should it be porpoises?) of frottage...

thomthumb, she's a honey. I'd have saved that one for this Friday's A&A 8)

[i]What the hell is your life like...that this a dilemma for you on a Monday afternoon?[/i]

Obviously, I like to have a well-planned Monday evening.

[i]Seal, goat or chimpanzee...what kind of a fu&*ed up choice is that?[/i]

I was thinking that they were, in order, an animal that was a bit odd but quite clean-looking, an animal that was like a sheep but had none of the Welsh bestiality baggage, and an animal that was very like a person.

🙂

[i]a bit odd but quite clean-looking,[/i] Now I know why I'm attracted to the seal, thats what I see when I look in the mirror 😉

But they don't have any 'folds' for the purposes

You're putting a lot of thought into this Jocarda! I hadn't got as far as thinking about what might go where...

and an animal that was very like a person

maybe in the company [b]you [/b]keep 🙁

and an animal that was very like a person

maybe in the company you keep

Or he's seen the mugshots thread?

aah g'warn! A chimp looks more like a person that most animals do! Think of the rhino, or the otter. How about a tortoise? Face it, if you want animal loving but don't want to get too far out of your comfort zone a chimp is where it's at. 🙂

are you allowed to veet the chimp first, so at least it's like a skinny girl with big arms and bow legs. Oh, and a big red bum?

Or, are you allowed to go clubbing with the seal first, just to, err, drop it a couple of roofies?

so at least it's like a skinny girl with big arms and bow legs

now [b]there's[/b] a mental picture I could have done without 🙁

Also if vetting is an option can said chimp be shaved and maybe dressed up a little, and obviously unconscious?

You really want to make the chimp [i]more[/i] angry and uncomfortable before sex? It's up to you...

You're only gay if you take it

So if a heterosexual man is raped by another man, that makes the victim Gay? IE, being Gay is solely about the sexual act, and therefore has absolutely nothing to do with love, companionship, sharing, etc?

And is the original question based purely on the idea of the sexual act, and nothing else? And does it also apply to Gay men, who would therefore need to consider the option of having sex with a woman or a male of another species? And of course vice-versa with Lesbians? And what about Bi-Sexual people? Can they just choose?

As a heterosexual man, my main priority would be to have some form of meaningful relationship with any partner, so another Human wins every time. At least there would be the possibility of negotiation, regarding the sexual act itself. As for sex with another animal, well, no, because that is way beyond my own sexual boundaries. Human Homosexuality is a Human sexuality, involving a Human relationship. With Bestiality, there is the issue of consent, which again, is something beyond my own sexual boundaries.

Somehow, I can't imagine having a philosophical discussion about Ingmar Bergman's 'Silence', or the fortunes of Liverpool FC, or Jade Goody, with a seal. Or a chimp. Or an otter.

Somehow, I can't imagine having a philosophical discussion about Ingmar Bergman's 'Silence', or the fortunes of Liverpool FC, or Jade Goody, with a seal. Or a chimp. Or an otter.

For a moment there I thought you were bringing necrophilia into it!

Needless to say, there was a certain light curiosity about people's level of gayness going on here. I am sure nothing of great use can be deduced from people's responses on here, naturally. It is (at best) mildly interesting that some of us will cheerfully admit to being quite gay enough to leave the chimp well alone while others ask whether they can shave it.

And thanks for the speculation on the mechanics of shagging a seal, I enjoyed that.

😉

I'd say it perhaps shows more about how various people place more importance on emotional involvement, or the purely mechanical act...

You're over-thinking. No-one else wondered whether otters did good pillow talk.
😉

they look so.... hermetically sealed, if you'll excuse the pun!

(Wonders where the pun is, in 'hermetically'. Then, it suddenly dawns on him. Wonders quite how he's got by so long, without Social Services intervention...)

Rudeboy...you really do spout some absolute S H I T E !!! 😉

you really do spout some absolute S H I T E !!!

I thought his remarks were the most sensible on the thread - although, admittedly, it couldn't really be taken seriously, so therefore they were inappropriate :o)

Foxychick; what on Earth have you got sand in your knickers about now?? 😯

rudeboy in over analysing shocker.

so, rudeboy what you're saying is that you couldn't have a meaningful relationship with, say a lowlands gorilla from the Congo?

You know what, I'm offended by that. Time after time you've got angry cos people have judged you on here, and yet straight off you've rubbished the idea because of your prejudices. What if the lowlands gorilla was called Michaela, and actually was a great dancer, kept up to date with current affairs, and was an accomplished writer? What if she had a large group of friends that you could potentially get on well with and would enhance your relationship further?

Frankly, I know she could do a lot better than you, but that's not the point. You judgmental muppet.

[img] [/img]

[img] [/img]I wouldn't do other animals...

Guess I'd take Brad Pitt? thinks again?

What about if a woman was registered as a man by mistake so legally she was a man but physically woman?

Crap-been done=Jerry Springer Transsexuals!

How much do we get paid? £100 million and no anal.

Can my Gf watch? can I watch her? where does it end?

Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry!

Now I know how monkey aids got into humans! hey hey we're the monkies!

What if the lowlands gorilla was called Michaela, and actually was a great dancer, kept up to date with current affairs, and was an accomplished writer? What if she had a large group of friends that you could potentially get on well with and would enhance your relationship further?

Frankly, I know she could do a lot better than you, but that's not the point. You judgmental muppet.

(Hangs head in shame, for being so Gorillarist) 🙁

^^Tag^^

A chicken. I once read about auto-poultry-philia where you 'mount' the chicken then at the point of orgasm you snap its neck and 'ride' the orgasm.

I once read about...

I've read bits of the Marqius de Sade classic '120 days of Sodom', but I have no desire to try out many of the practices described within...

Can we change the seal for a dolphin? Allegedly the ladies of the species are quite up for it.

then at the point of orgasm you snap its neck and 'ride' the orgasm.

how the hell do you tell when a chicken is coming ??

and does the egg come first?

Well with geese, you should never penetrate them, as according to the wonders of the web you can loose your lover that way. So you have to toss them off by hand. I imagine the same is true of chickens.

[i]

then at the point of orgasm you snap its neck and 'ride' the orgasm.

how the hell do you tell when a chicken is coming ?? [/i]

Impossible. Surely men are the only species on God's greens earth that experience orgasm's? 😉

Surely men are the only species on God's greens earth that experience orgasm's?

in [b]YOUR [/b]house anyway...

Well SFB, does that mean other men tend to come in your house when you arent in then? 😆 😉

Well SFB, does that mean other men tend to come in your house when you arent in then?

I'm not sure I follow your logic, but if this [b]is[/b] the case, they certainly cover up the traces very well...

simonfbarnes - Member

Well SFB, does that mean other men tend to come in your house when you arent in then?

I'm not sure I follow your logic, but if this is the case, they certainly cover up the traces very well...

Checked the back of the curtains, recently?

Nah I wouldn't fancy doing it with a chicken, you'd end up hen pecked.

I think Gail Tuesday said it best:

"If you like it, do it. If you don't like it, do it. You might like it."

Regards

WhatWouldJesusShag.

Nah I wouldn't fancy doing it with a chicken

I'm told by a colleague that carnal knowledge of fowl is not illegal (provided it does not cause a public nuisance) and you have the rare privilege of effectively taking both 'approaches' at once as birds have a cloaca instead of the mammalian reproductive arrangement <<<shiver>>>

I'm perturbed (thankfully) by RudeBoys "Meaningful Relationship" stance.

Are you saying you want to marry your seal/goat/chimp before entering (oops) upon "The most wonderful night of your life ?"
And
Does the unholy wedlock have to follow a suitable period of courtship ? How long is that in seal/goat/chimp years ?
e.g. dating including trips to the zoo/wildlife park to meet the "outlaws". Gifts (just what do you buy a seal ? A well stocked aquarium perhaps) and possibly a bunch of flowers for them (to eat if they are a goat).
Because
I'm surmising that for the porpoises of carnality that an arranged marriage would not fulfil the depth of commitment unless that was culturally appropriate ("So happy our RudeBoy has found a good Jewish/Moslem/Hindu/Catholic seal !!").

And as for Anne Widdicome scenario just how sick is that !!!! 😯

And then:
Shaving your chimp and "dressing them up a bit"
What In ?
Suspenders and a peephole bra ??? Y'know just to get you going !!
What about a bit of pole dancing to really crank it up. The chimp would love that and you could tuck a banana into her suzzies to show your appreciation.

But if I won't play happy families with the porno petting zoo, I have to be bummed/fallate a handsome chap.

Frankly NO!

Now I'm off for a sex change followed by a cuddling session with JoJo. 😉

[chuckles at shaved chimp in suspenders pole-dancing]

😛

[img] [/img]

One for the straight men and lesbians:

[img] [/img]
or
[img] [/img]?