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Classical, tedious and German. I give you Extrabreit (Extra wide) with Hart wie Marmelade (hard as jam) with a full orchestra.
I have got to say this is the only forum I use on a reg basis and for good reason, I know we can all bitch and moan about anything and everything, but when push comes to shove and people are struggling in life, its not about the car you drive, or the bike you ride its about being healthy and a healthy mind is just as important as a healthy body in my view, and when its not working right there is always support to be found on here, genuine support as well, people offering to talk to you out side of the forum
I have struggled like a lot of folk, thought I was invincible, but im human and I went faulty, spent a bit of time on the phone to the Samaritans and went to see my doc, who was so nice, he made me feel like I was a person, not just some one that he had to get in and get out,
im feeling better these days, not always a bed roses but much better than I was
I just want to say thanks to every one that's posted on this thread and I hope every one that's not in a great place takes advice offered and start to get better,
craig
funkmasterp - Member
Everybody at work assumes I'm a confident, Teflon coated individual. It's difficult when you know their image of you is so far removed from the truth.
brassneck - Member
A lot of truth in this - a lot of people can 'cope' and by cope I mean perform well at work, but be a mess when they get out. A big problem is these people tend to get pushed harder and harder by themselves, and others thinking they are some kind of cut above who can deal with anything in any quantity.
That's me pretty much exactly.
Everyone at work thinks I'm superman even to the point where I'm referred to as SuperNige!
Its mostly my own fault as I do take a huge pride in my work & hate things not to be working perfectly (yes I'm an Engineer)
the job is pretty much 24/7 in being available but the added complication of being my wife's primary carer is just exhausting me both physical & mentally.
Hats off to Rusty for doing caring both for work & home
Nige, I have absolutely nothing but admiration and respect for how you live your life.
You are one of the very best.
To hear something like that from you makes me feel very humble.
Thank you.
Good luck to everyone today, I'm thinking of you all.
Not a good couple of days for me. Off work and in a big rut.
Sorry to hear that Colin. Are you seeing a Dr or seeking other advice? Hang in there.
No. Can't face the doctors at all. Been trying for years and get the 'here's some meds' and been referred a couple of times for CBT/counselling. Just going it alone with my own head. Slept to well after 12 today and haven't done that for years.
This time last week I'd just completed a marathon. That doesn't even seem real.
@St Colin, have you ever actually gone down the medication route? It's an idea I hated and avoided for a long time but I regret that now. I'd seen friends on really heavy medication and that's not for me but there's much lighter touches- like, for me citalopram is a fairly gentle helping hand. But the really important thing is it doesn't feel like it's changing me at all.
I cannot do mindfulness/cbt, not compatible with my head.
Slept to well after 12 today and haven't done that for years.
This will certainly help!
Just going it alone with my own head.
I've never had much success with this approach but you prob know your own best way out of it by now. For me it's all about winching my way up to doing things again by doing other, easier things. Go for a walk, bike ride, bake a cake, phone a buddy, that kind of thing. Good luck! It'll pass, it always does!!
Yea, been on around 6-7 different ones over the years citalopram being one of the most common. I was on Venlafaxine, a different type, lastly before stopping.
I like the idea of mindfulness. But I'm such a perfectionist that if I can't do something like that 100% correctly with the best results, I can't cope.
I spent most of todays saying 'I should be doing this' and not doing any of it. And that just puts me deeper into the rut. Ruminating about every thought, and wearing myself down about it. I've been like this for years. I found some emails to a friend from 2006 when I think people (and me) started to see changes in me.
Perhaps give meds another go. As per Northwind I was reluctant, tried them in my twenties and it wasn't good. Been on Citalopram for nearly three years now and I have a lot more good days than bad. They keep me on an even keel emotionally speaking.
Keep posting if it helps, but please do speak to somebody.
st colin - MemberI spent most of todays saying 'I should be doing this' and not doing any of it. And that just puts me deeper into the rut.
This is the single thing that gets me worst. I can deal with standard depression, loss of interest, lack of energy but losing days to a misfiring brain is awful. And knowing it's happening, while it happens. "do this now so you can do that thing you want to do" don't do it "do it" don't do it "now feel terrible because you've not done the thing you wanted to do "OK".
I spent most of todays saying 'I should be doing this' and not doing any of it. And that just puts me deeper into the rut. Ruminating about every thought, and wearing myself down about it. I've been like this for years.
This sums up most of my adult life. :-/
Sorry to hear you are struggling too. I only properly realised after my meltdown that I have just learned to accept/live with a moderate level of depression for years.
I'm currently feeling like a combination of medication (sertraline this time), CBT, talking therapy and hard work at improving my habits might be able to get me to a better place. We'll see.
I realise I am never going to be 'cured' but I really don't want to live the rest of my life like this.
This is the single thing that gets me worst. I can deal with standard depression, loss of interest, lack of energy but losing days to a misfiring brain is awful. And knowing it's happening, while it happens. "do this now so you can do that thing you want to do" don't do it "do it" don't do it "now feel terrible because you've not done the thing you wanted to do "OK".
So familiar... 🙁
Hiya.
Doc's today for me.
Very positive experience.
Referred for CBT, lots of other help available.
3 week trial of Setraline, minimum dose, then it's up to me as to whether I continue.
Managed half a day in work and actually enjoyed it.
The pay issue has been resolved thanks to some pressure being applied and they've been very understanding.
Feeling so much better.
The negativity in my previous posts is interesting to read at the moment.
I shall remember writing this post and the way I'm feeling at the moment, if/when it gets that bad again.
Cheers folks, love to all.
Great news Rusty. Glad you are feeling more positive this week.
This is the single thing that gets me worst. I can deal with standard depression, loss of interest, lack of energy but losing days to a misfiring brain is awful. And knowing it's happening, while it happens. "do this now so you can do that thing you want to do" don't do it "do it" don't do it "now feel terrible because you've not done the thing you wanted to do "OK".
So familiar...
I too know this feeling way too well. I've lost entire weekends from just not having the energy to do anything. Made worse by having a three year old who is so full of life.
Really identify with lots of these posts.
I was wary of meds but citalapram does seem to help me, makes me feel a bit crappy for the first week so just getting through that at the moment.
Also has the added bonus/side effect of making "bedroom activities" last a very long time lol, however im single this time...
[quote=st colin ]I spent most of todays saying 'I should be doing this' and not doing any of it. And that just puts me deeper into the rut.
Another +1 on this one. The great thing about this thread for me* (and I hope for some others) is to realise that some of these things aren't just me being useless. Sure I know the depression makes my brain not work properly, but this at least is one of the things I wasn't particularly aware of being a common symptom - and for some reason I don't think I ever brought it up in counselling - I thought it was just me, with the depression simply enabling it. Because it's something I had problems with way before I identified as being depressed. I end up with a whole list of things to do and don't do any of them, when I'd feel better if I just did something.
I also had a shit day - for similar reasons. Was supposed to be going to watch my son play cricket this afternoon. I dropped him off and came home. Sure I'd have liked to watch him play, but couldn't face the combination of having too much time to think (I'm not sure cricket is a good spectator sport when you're depressed) and socialising with other parents. TBH I'd probably have just kept myself to myself maybe exchanging a few words - but then that's part of the problem, it feels lonely when other people are successfully managing something you can't do.
Though I have at least managed to get myself a routine of things I really enjoy doing which rescue me - feeling much better now having been to play roller hockey. Which is a great thing for me to do, as there's no time to think about anything else and it's also sociable in a way which doesn't seem forced in the way conventional social situations are.
* I'm not sure what it is that's different about this compared to most threads on depression - usually I avoid them when I'm depressed as I find them unhelpful.
Feeling worse today. After sleeping most of yesterday I have been awake from around 4 this morning. Another thumping headache too.
I need to speak to my boss. He's very understanding and is aware of my situation, but I know I'm letting him and others in my work down by not being at work. All I've done so far today is faff around on YouTube. I've tried to arrange a ride for this Saturday, but I don't know if I'll make it out.
citalopram is a fairly gentle helping hand. But the really important thing is it doesn't feel like it's changing me at all.
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time St Colin. But Notthwinds advice above makes sense to me. Exactly my experience.
I think the lack of motivation/ability to do ordinary stuff is one of the worst symptoms of depression, and then we get into a cycle of beating ourselves up for being useless, and it goes on. I think it's really important to recognise the symptoms and not beat ourselves up when we suffer them. Easier said than done, I'm really struggling at the moment, having heard that my younger brother, who has spent most of his life abusing his body with drink and drugs, has advanced lung cancer (he's been ignoring coughing up blood for six months). I feel like I've been kicked in the guts by a horse and can't do anything. Luckily I'm retired so don't have to, but I feel so bad. Ironic that this news makes me want to go on a bender!
Lots of Type A personalities on here. Look on the bright side guys, at least you still want cake - not wanting cake is where you get ****ed. Although I get the feeling that some of the people who seem to be linking their depression to perfectionism might be missing something.
Bojack would be a good watch for some on here!
Grum, how you doing?
I've been doing ok thanks. Done a couple of photography jobs which I had to massively psyche myself up for and got very anxious about - went ok though. First one was very draining and I spent the next few days in bed feeling very low, second one a bit better. Think the meds are kicking in now and have definitely improved things with no noticeable side effects so far.
Really want to try and get into better habits and not just 'get by' as I've been doing most of my life.
How is everyone else doing?
Good to hear Grum 🙂
I'm making an effort to exercise, get out on the bike, go for short runs etc and I'm looking to do a circuit class once a week too. The weather definitely helps for me. I really want to be fitter and hopefully off the meds for when the entirely unexpected Funk Mk3 arrives in November.
Good news grum. Fellow photographer person here, although my demons give me a hard time about that too.
I'm still feeling tired from my marathon back at the start of the month. Been on a few bike rides and the odd run but still feel a bit drained. But I've been really struggling with work. For the last few weeks I haven't done much at all other than react to some things. I work in sales (engineering) and I'm based at home.
Glad things are looking up for people.
I am doing a bit better now, got used to my new routine in "single-dad" mode, meds are leveling me out a bit so less anxiety.
Been trying to get out more and actually going on a date tomorrow!
Sorry to drag this up again. How are you doing Grum? (and everyone else)
I've had another bad spell made worse by my bad back. Over a week ago I ran a trail race around Sheffield and afterwards I could hardly walk. Got to the doctors on Monday morning and been resigned to home since then with diazepam amongst other things. Going for an MRI scan tonight and another physio appointment in 2 weeks. My back issues have been ongoing for over 10 years with no clear reason for my problems. Came from a football injury when I was younger and it manifests itself in different ways; stiff lower back, sciatica, spasms, cramps etc.
Really down in the dumps. Had to miss the PMBA Enduro in Kirroughtree at the weekend and can't do other stuff I've booked and paid for.
Sorry to hear that Colin. My plans to exercise more have been scuppered by work. Big project on at the moment. Having a lot more bad days than usual, but I'm coping.
I'm on the comeback. Anger has subsided and dark thoughts are slowly becoming more spaced apart. Not right but getting there again. No longer a need for phone calls from the docs to check in and make sure I'm okay.
Hope you guys can pull it back, too. Good luck.
back issues have been ongoing for over 10 years with no clear reason for my problems. Came from a football injury when I was younger and it manifests itself in different ways; stiff lower back, sciatica, spasms, cramps etc.
If you can afford it find a decent local sports physio and gt yourself along there asap. Quality physio, delivered quickly is worth every penny. Waiting two weeks for NHS is no good, by then you will stiffen, over compensate etc.
Simply can't afford it 🙁 I have a basic Bupa scheme with work, might be worth exploring.