[Closed] Dating girls, who should pay?

depends how fit she is

Depends what she lets you do in return I guess.

Amount spent should be proportional to how dirty she is.

I'd get some pictures ready, as someone's bound to ask.

DrP

Is she hot?

wow too slow and I was quick.

How old/well off are you?

I'd probably pay for her (let her know).

Sell the videos of your night of passion to cover the costs. She wont mind as its costing her nothing.

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depends what happened in the hotel 😉

Also I think (been a while) that early on it depends who asked who to go where, if you took her somewhere to "impress" etc. or as a date then expect to pay. If you both decided to go somewhere then split it. More importantly be up front.

The person doing the asking does the paying, in my book.

If your in a relationship already, you should be talking about this stuff before hand.

Let her go out with someone else scrooge.

22yrs with mrshora - I said I'd take her away last weekend, I did- hotel and all petrol etc by me. You can't take your money with you when you die. If shes on the same money as you and expects everything but then buys herself expensive bags and clothes non-stop then you need to think quick if shes right for your mindset/what you want.

if you're minted (relative to her) then pay for stuff but not everything, if you're evens or she's got more spends than you tell her to get her purse out.

edit the "who decided where to go" argument is bang on too tho.

Maybe you should clear up any potential confusion for all parties involved, and simply publish an Excel spreadsheet of whats expected in return for each particular piece of largesse from your good self? With rising and sinking levels of unspeakable depravity depending on whether you're talking a quick drive through McDonalds, or the full banquet. So to speak.

22yrs with mrshora - I said I'd take her away last weekend, I did- hotel and all petrol etc by me.

Not sure that paying for your wife is anything special is it?! Well what's mine is my wife's and what's hers is hers apparently.

We have separate bank accounts.

Maccy Ds gets a hand down your jeans and a quick jiggle (warmed hands are a vanilla shake option)

A weekend in Paris...?

hora - Member
22yrs with mrshora - I said I'd take her away last weekend, I did- hotel and all petrol etc by me

emsz - I'm guessing your milk shakes don't bring any boys to the yard?

If the hotel bedding is fit for the incinerator when you leave then it will be money well spent! Lighten up you tight git 😛

[i]22yrs with mrshora - I said I'd take her away last weekend, I did- hotel and all petrol etc by me[/i]

You still run separate bank accounts? All comes out the same pot here, the only reason one of us can have a moan over who pays is over avoiding having to carry a wallet/purse 🙂

A weekend in Paris...?

You still run separate bank accounts?

She'd clean me out if she knew how much I really earnt 😯

If you asked her to go away and so on then I'm afraid the cost is on you, if you've gone out and ended up overnighting then she should contribute you shouldn't have had to ask. I don't like anyone who is on for a free ride and it sounds like you think she is. Get rid, there are plenty of women who wouldn't dream of being kept and prefer to paddle their own canoe, hard to respect someone who never puts their hand in their pocket or who has modern views about equality unless money is involved...

Get rid, there are plenty of women who wouldn't dream of being kept.

Reading a match.com thread on Pistonheads it looks like dating is a nightmare/trouble.

....you still have a concept of individual ownership of assets? Not the best basis for a relationship, surely?

Well.....

22 years together...

Seems to be doing ok, despite your opinion on it 😉

Who pays should be whoever wants to.

In the heady days of pseudo-equality, we no longer automatically have the man as the breadwinner and the woman as the housewife; it's entirely possibly that she earns more than he does.

If I wanted to "take someone out" then I'd pay. Conversely, I'd be quite happy to be taken out by a well-salaried date. If it became apparent that I was [i]expected [/i]to bankroll everything we did even when she's also earning, I think I'd be considering a trade-in.

If said date had been promoted to "girlfriend" status then I'd like to think it'd be something we could have an adult discussion about. If "who pays for dinner" is causing friction now then you're going to be Donald Ducked by the time you're shopping for mortgages.

In my current relationship there's been periods where one of the other of us (or both) have been out of work, periods where we've both been comparably salaried, and periods where she's been bringing in nearly double what I am. So what we do is, whoever is feeling flush that day picks up the tab, or maybe she will pay for the hotel or whatever and I'll pay for dinner and drinks.

Applying a policy of "X always pays" is clearly unworkable nonsense here; if she gets a high-powered job and I lose mine, am I still expected to pay for everything?

First couple of dates and I'd pay, from then on it depends upon who asked who out..

Next time you take her out for a meal, do a runner

That will teach her

One of my mates had a seriously uber-high maintenance girlfriend. She earned over double what he did, but never ever put her hand in her pocket for anything, and expected him to pay for absolutely everything. And she had seriously expensive taste too.

She was [i]really[/i] fit though.

we have seperate accounts but also a joint account for pretty much everything, pay a little spending money into each account....I've saved mine and bought winter wheels/tyres for the car....that she drives!!!

/Hmmmmmm

you still have a concept of individual ownership of assets? Not the best basis for a relationship, surely?

I fail to see why you need to lose any and all sense of self in order to be in a successful relationship.

My money goes into my account, OH's goes into hers. If one of us is short that month, the other will pick up the shopping bill or transfer some money across.

You're supposed to be a team, not symbiotes.

22 years together and you still have a concept of individual ownership of assets? Not the best basis for a relationship, surely?

Depends what you think a 'relationship' should be to start with.

Hora is a bit of an expert on relationships and wedding planning,he will have it all sorted.
Plus,he doesn't want to risk getting cleaned out. 😉

Two of my younger colleagues have professional footballers as friends (not premiership). They tell me that it's really common for girls in bars and clubs to immediately start googling their pay levels when they find out what they do. Seems a bit of a shame people can be like that but hey ho.

My money goes into my account, OH's goes into hers. If one of us is short that month, the other will pick up the shopping bill or transfer some money across.

This is kinda what we do.

I never (nor she) keeps tabs on who bought last weeks food shopping/cooked etc etc. I pay the mortgage, she pays the bills, I pay the car and petrol. None of it was sat down and worked out/calculated. Never has, never will. I had a new toilet and sink put in last week. It cost me £500, mrsh gave me £200 ontop. All I said was 'how much do you have free to give'?

I worked with someone who had joint account, everything was worked out exact between them. They even had files that they updated/kept in date etc etc. They never went out as they were saving for that two week dream holiday every year. Every penny accounted for . They split. I think he got bored of his life with her.

Two of my younger colleagues have professional footballers as friends (not premiership). They tell me that it's really common for girls in bars and clubs to immediately start googling their pay levels when they find out what they do. Seems a bit of a shame people can be like that but hey ho.

Shows how utterly thick and shallow those particular girls are. Even a Prem players career could be measured in weeks worsecase.

My money goes into my account, OH's goes into hers. If one of us is short that month, the other will pick up the shopping bill or transfer some money across.

This. We do both contribute a chunk to a joint account, from which mortgage, bills etc are taken, but we still have our own accounts.

Get rid, there are plenty of women who ....... prefer to paddle their own canoe

Fnarr!

[quote=binners said]One of my mates had a seriously uber-high maintenance girlfriend. She earned over double what he did, but never ever put her hand in her pocket for anything, and expected him to pay for absolutely everything. And she had seriously expensive taste too.
She was really fit though.
have they been together about 22 years ?

Funny how its equality till the bill arises

Most of the grown up answers have been given and there is a really inappropriate joke about emsz and vanilla milkshakes that I am just resisting posting....Misses TSY who would have delivered

DP

One of my mates had a seriously uber-high maintenance girlfriend. She earned over double what he did, but never ever put her hand in her pocket for anything, and expected him to pay for absolutely everything. And she had seriously expensive taste too.

She was really fit though.

Was she a prostitute?

Hora - If this is all true, how come you've never ever got any money by the time you get to the pub? Surely you can't spend it ALL on new frames?

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I thought that the standard rule was you pay until you get into her pants

or at least until you've been into her pants a couple of times and are now officially an 'item'

once you're describing each other as boyfriend and girlfriend then [s]she ought to be paying her way[/s] you ought to be both contributing to the relationship

Hora - If this is all true, how come you've never ever got any money by the time you get to the pub? Surely you can't spend it ALL on new frames?

[img] [/img]

Was she a prostitute?

To be honest, it'd have cost him a damn site less if he'd gone down that road, and was getting serviced by a high class escort every night.

All of us found it absolutely unfathomable how the hell he put up with her. There is only really one conceivable answer, but I'm not going down to speculate on that here, as I've only just returned after a visit from the ban hammer 😉

Junkyard - lazarus

DP

In that case you should be splitting the cost three ways

In that case you should be splitting the cost three ways

Never heard it called that.

There is only really one conceivable answer, but I'm not going down to speculate on that here, as I've only just returned after a visit from the ban hammer

Some sort of love thing?

[i]"Vanilla Shake"[/i] is now my new favourite euphemism...

OP, spring for the Hotel unless you're really just looking to crash a relationship your not all that into. Women love a fella who'll splash the cash, right up until the point where your finances become joint and you're being generous with money that's 50% [i]Hers[/i]...

"Generosity" is apparently a quality when wooing, You never here women saying "I really love how frugal my Boyfriend is"...

...newish GF...

Sounds like some of the glitter has fallen off already TBH...

OH very good NW

"Generosity" is apparently a quality when wooing,

Yes, but it's down to expectations again. There's a world of difference between buying someone a gift and being told to buy one.

Cougar - Moderator
Who pays should be whoever wants to.

This. We have separate bank accounts because we both believe that whats left after our mutual financial committments is our own, so she doesn't lose money to bike stuff and I don't lose money to tat.

Because she is part time 15hrs a week and earns a fraction of my salary, I insist on paying for meals out & stuff, although she'll get my birthday meal out kinda thing. She does what she can with sometimes admirable committment - pays her own phone bill, treats & entry fees for the kids days out without asking that kind of thing, she once saved £50 a month for two years to get me a Ti frame for my 40th (I felt quite guilty).

Eject eject!

It's not about the money, equality, "rules" or tradition. By all means buy a girl dinner-out somewhere classy and show her she's worth it, but...

Do you want to get emotionally involved with someone you expects you to do things she should be prepared to do herself? And gets in strop when you challenge her expectations.

[quote=P-Jay ]There's a name for people who provide sexual favours for money.

Wife?

she once saved £50 a month for two years to get me a Ti frame for my 40th (I felt quite guilty).

Can we just pause the thread there. Stop and admire this woman. Forget that its a bike part, this act shows this ladies metal. I salute you for having landed such a lady.

Separate accounts here too, for no other reason than we both have expensive hobbies and the feeling that you're taking from someone else's money to fund yours doesn't feel right.
Mrs Deviant has horses that cost more than the mortgage each month, my motorbikes and bicycles aren't that expensive but aren't cheap either.... amongst our friends joint accounts seem to work for those with children and those who sit in front of the TV every night.

Re. The original question, yes it is weird that in these days of equality a startling number of women expect to be treated to everything as they float through life!
If I invite the other half out on a date then I'll pay, if she takes me out she'll pay and if it's a joint decision like a holiday we'll split it...it works for us and seems fair.

Some of my friends have partners who earn similar amounts to them but the woman expects to be taken on holiday, never gets a round in, never pays for dinner etc etc....I couldn't do that, I hate freeloaders....but if it works for them then I suppose that's all that matters.
However what is funny is getting us all out on a lads night and hearing them moan about it when they're safely away from the girlfriend...is it an act of defiance in front of their mates or are they so afraid of being single that they'll turn into a doormat rather than sort out their dysfunctional relationship?

I know I'll have to fund virtually everything for a while if we breed but i accept that and plans are in place to move somewhere with land so the horse can be at home and not kept on livery which is Mrs Deviant's main outgoing.

emsz - you're my hero and I shall make a point of following your relationship advice forever 🙂

Rachel

Hmm need to chat to her about this as her comment at the time was along the lines of 'if you can't afford to keep a lady'. Yep I earn more than her and I want to treat her now and again and generally pay a little more. But I don't want to feel like a mug either and it would be nice if she sometimes offered to pay. Not providing photos but yes she is hot and yes she's very generous in other ways ;). Still, if she's totally closed to the idea then it's auf wiedersehn I'd say.

Any ladies please feel free to add your thoughts as would be very useful to hear it from the other side of the fence.

You know it!!

It's not like every single one of my relationships has ended in utter disaster and mounds of Kleenex and empty Ben and jerrys cartons. Oh no, wait...

Personally I think it's a plot

Happily hooked up for ten years joint bank account merged all my assets with Crankygirls she still has a current account in her name we pay I hope all expenses from the joint stuff but I suspect she also gets stuff that should be joint from her account which is supposed only to cover her needs as a student.
So I can't really recall the new dating rules that well , I think we broadly split everything unless I wanted to do something stupidly extravagant and beyond her budget in which case I paid .

Realistically if you cant talk about this and work it out are you right for each other?
I do recall a girl who asked me out to a particular restaurant when I was on the dole and she was working then at the end of the meal made it clear she expected me to pay given that was nearly 30 years ago it shows how annoyed I was by that stunt.

Bottom line how other couples manage finances is only a guide as to what is possible you need to work out what is good for you . You don't want to feel used or ripped off but on the other hand do you want to push her/him into expenses she/he can't afford and so does not enjoy or make them feel like they are using you. Do you want to forgo a romantic weekend in Paris cos your partner can't afford it and you are too tight to pay?

I can't imagine saying that to anyone, rebel12 - who want's to be "kept" for goodness sake???

Rachel

emsz - Member

It's not like every single one of my relationships has ended in utter disaster and mounds of Kleenex

Sounds very similar to mine but probably not quite the same...

EDIT: Applauds

or keep someone

Odd attitude tbh I am now going with run away

[b]allthegear[/b]

me!

not going to happen though... back to work... 🙁

It all depends on your views regarding traditional gender models, some blokes want a wifey type that does as they're told, keeps house and is in turn kept, it works well for a lot of people. Others prefer the idea of two independent, equal people that share a life together but are still capable of supporting themselves both financially and emotionally.

I know what I prefer, even if at times I browse the patio catalogs...

'if you can't afford to keep a lady'.
RUN AWAY NOW get a real woman to sped time with, not a "lady" who thinks she is an expensive hobby for you to spend your money on .

+1

and real ladies would never call them self a "lady"...

It's not like every single one of my relationships has ended in utter disaster and mounds of Kleenex and empty Ben and jerrys cartons. Oh no, wait...

Emsz - a lot of blokes relationships both begin and end with mounds of Kleenex. Some people still go misty eyed about probably the most significant relationships of their life - that fondly remembered bumper Razzle Readers Wives Special, found in the bushes by the old electricity substation. I'm welling up here 😥

This. We do both contribute a chunk to a joint account, from which mortgage, bills etc are taken, but we still have our own accounts.

This is my arrangement and it seems to work well. I have money for shoes, she has money for sports gear...hang on, that's not right it is...

Re. the OP, first date I would say the guy offers to pay but doesn't get too upset if she wants to split the bill. After that it is split bills with an understanding that occasionally if you asked her out/took her away somewhere you may end up footing the whole lot.

If you're paying, it's not a "date".

😉

creamegg - Member
depends how fit she is

weeksy - Member
Depends what she lets you do in return I guess.

Amount spent should be proportional to how dirty she is.

+1

Don't get me wrong; it's **really bloody nice** to be taken out for a lovely meal and the date pick up the tab. I just couldn't imagine it being an "expectation".

Oh - and I don't like McDonalds. Maybe where this is where I'm going wrong at the moment????

Hang on a sec - I took the ex-gf to Bruges for the weekend recently, paid for motorbike jacket for her, petrol, ferry, hotel etc etc. I feel short changed!!!!

Rachel

Classy girls prefer Nandos.

Don't get me wrong; it's **really bloody nice** to be taken out for a lovely meal and the date pick up the tab. I just couldn't imagine it being an "expectation".

If the tab was picked up, would it make you more accepting of potential advances later in the evening?

I should add, I'm happily in a relationship (and we tend to split the bill). I just want to know if it's where I was going wrong during my dating days. 🙂

Off on a slight tangent: If I was single again I'd arrange a lunchtime meet first- take the lady for Sushi. If it was in the evening I'd probably go Lebanese or Sushi still. If the girl had a veracious apettite for large glasses of wine I guess I'd realise quickly she aint for me.

A meal costs **** all in the grandscheme of things. Its when you add in glasses of wine onto the bill that it gets silly. Any girl that loves a fair few glasses and taken out on a fairly regular basis wont look pretty anyway. Same with a bloke who loves his pints out on a regular basis.

Why not do a sly trade off? She drives you to a beautiful country pub, you have a few and she drives you back?

A relationship isn't all equals or 'she gives me great head in return'. You can go out for a meal cost-effectively (some great Korean places in Manchester- one doesn't sell alcohol) for instance near me.

Also- why eat out? Cook for her and watch a chickflick.

her comment at the time was along the lines of 'if you can't afford to keep a lady'

I really couldn't GAS who pays, if we are going out I will take enough to cover us both, I know if I m short at the end of the month She will bail me out.

However the one thing that does really grip my shitt !

"Can I have a packet of crisps"

"Only if you eat 5 pickled eggs"

Picnics FTW.

Hate Nandos

Oh no, hang on...

Dates and paying is pretty easy, if I'm asking someone on a date, I'd expect to pick up the bill, and even if they offered, I'd be all " your money's no good"

2nd date, if they didnt come out with something along the lines of " you paid last time, at least lets go halves" then there pretty much wouldn't be a 3rd date.

If I was single again I'd arrange a lunchtime meet first- take the lady for Sushi. If it was in the evening I'd probably go Lebanese or Sushi still.

I'd be screwed. Our local Lebanese restaurant has just shut and the sushi place has been done for food poisoning. Again. 🙁

if you can't afford to keep a lady

Maybe she is nice, but that would put me off!