MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
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Week three of school and all of a sudden we have encountered 'I don't want to go to school' - it was first triggered on Friday morning when we were discussing what they (twins) would be having for lunch and one of them said she didn't want it. It quickly descended into chaos and we had to bring her home, leaving her sister almost equally upset at the school
Have tried to find out why it all started by talking to her about it but she just goes from 'the dinners' through to 'the days are too long' and 'I go there too much' but she was used to longer days at nursery (although only part-time).
This morning (after much cajoling at home just to get her dressed and ready) she was left screaming the place down and kicking everything in sight. Apparently after about 10 minutes and lots of encouragement from her teacher to do something to distract her she calmed down.
The only thing I *think* it might be is that the teacher is male and she has never really got on with men - but she hasn't actually mentioned anything to do with that.
So - what techniques has anyone tried that might work - knowing how she works (she *never* forgets) it won't be a simple case of her forgetting what she was upset about and we fear we could be in for a few weeks of hell until she accepts that no amount of crying will change anything (ie, she will still have to go to school every day).
You have a few weeks of hell in front of you ......
Sorry had this with my eldest, nothing we did helped, but 2 years on he loves school, although we sometimes (this morning) have "I want to stay at home today".
Not to sound callous, but why did you bring her home on Friday ? chances are she will now think she can get out of school ?
we fear we could be in for a few weeks of hell until she accepts that no amount of crying will change anything (ie, she will still have to go to school every day).
This, I'm afraid. Although in reality, she'll probably realise that you aren't backing down far faster than a few weeks. I'd give it days before she'll be knuckling under.
Definitely DON'T give in again though.
3 days to break a habit on average... you are in it for the long haul so sooner rather than later.
Not to sound callous, but why did you bring her home on Friday ?
My wife did yes, but she was properly distraught. She was taken back after about two hours though so she only missed part of the morning.
Definitely DON'T give in again though.
We absolutely will not bring her home again.
I have a mate who does "deals" with his kids i.e. if he wants them to do something or they want something then they work out a deal. In cases like this it's no deal. They do learn whats negotiable and whats not eventually, what you really have to worry about is when they get better at the deal making than you and the logic torpedos get fired!
Not to sound callous, but why did you bring her home on Friday ? chances are she will now think she can get out of school ?
+1, why on earth did you give in?
And not to be pessimistic, but it could take longer than a couple of weeks. My eldest cried every day for at least a term - she'd be fine at school, and happy as anything at home time, she just hated being left there. She did get over it eventually, and it wasn't something I was prepared to negotiate!
quick, someone disagree - we're in danger of consensus. See what happens when SFB is poorly!
Deals... I did suggest she gets a nice treat at the weekend (a 'gold coin' - ie a £1 coin) to spend on something she wanted but that escalated things - it made her realise she has 5 days to go 🙂
Home schooling ? 🙂
why on earth did you give in?
I didn't, my wife did. But I accepted her decision because our daughter was tying herself in knots, wringing her hands, giving herself stomach ache etc. I have *never* seen her like she was on Friday morning.
Deals
I find my 6 year old has trouble thinking 5 days ahead, he is getting better but certainly at reception he was very much instant or it may as well never happen.
School is one of the things I personally don't do deals for - he is going, end of story
I didn't, my wife did. But I accepted her decision because our daughter was tying herself in knots, wringing her hands, giving herself stomach ache etc. I have *never* seen her like she was on Friday morning.
Yeah, kids can be good at that, and as parents we're programmed to try and sort out whatever's bothering them. But this is one time when you have to be firm, the school will be used to it at this time of year, and your daughter will soon get over it.
our daughter was tying herself in knots, wringing her hands, giving herself stomach ache etc.
Oh. In which case, you might need to consider changing schools, if it was like that. And getting her straight in to Italia Conti. 😉
Our daughter responds very well to a sticker/reward chart.
She quickly learnt that if she is good and gets to the top she soon earns a reward, and if she is naughty then the sticker moves down.
You have to be strict and consistent with the chart as parents.
Good luck.
But this is one time when you have to be firm
We are going to be 100% firm, I've already said. I am just asking for ideas on how to tackle it. I know what kids can be like but I also know my own - she has never been like that, ever.
Clearly you are evil and should be home schooling and not exposing her to the vile machinations of the unwashed masses! 😛
Is that sufficiently controversial????
I actually agree with most off what others have posted above but the standard of rants and arguing has been much reduced lately so thought I would have a try.
The only thing I *think* it might be is that...
... school is shit.
My kid loves to play her own games. Her own world is a rich and wonderful place. We have to force her to stop that and go to school and do as she's told. And guess what - she's not so keen. I wonder why? She takes after her dad.
So I'll keep forcing her until her will is broken, and she does her job just like Daddy.... 🙁 Imagination and spirit be damned, get up and go to school. Or work.
Well she went today with no fuss. We primed her with the promise of being allowed to feed the class fish (distraction) and all went perfectly smoothly.
Thank gawd.