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Girl, 3.5 yrs old.
Every time we try to dress her she melts down - pants not right, trousers uncomfortable, top too tight, shoes hurting etc. Then when we put her in the car seat we go through the same again.
If we leave her (as we do with her twin - who generally gets ready by herself (including putting lipstick and perfume on *lipsalve and Hello KItty smelly really*) she just doesn't get dressed/ready/out.
Been trying for several weeks now (rewards, stickers, simply not taking her out, letting her choose her clothes to wear, encouraging her to get herself dressed etc) but we are running out of ideas now - does anyone have any tips/ideas please!
Mine is the same. 😀
You have my sympathy.
It'll just a be a stage she's going thru'.
Have you tried the "get dressed or stay at home on your own"?
The same...
I suspect all kids -boy or girls do this.
School fixes it though. Its school uniform only and nothing to get petty over.
Get her dressed but don't engage with her, talk to her sister or your missus whilst your doing it
It's the drama/attention she craves so don't give it to her
I have 16yr old and 18month old daughters
Bribery.
My 4 year old boy has been similar. We have an old jam jar that gets filled with marbles. Every time he behaves himself, a marble goes in it, every time he's naughty, a marble comes out.
When the jar is filled, he gets a special treat of his choice (within reason): a new bike helmet; a toy motorbik; a trip to the homemade ice-cream cafe; a rugby ball, and the jar gets emptied and we start again.
It really works, but it took a while for him to see the advantage.
with twins it'll work a treat as your other daughter will no doubt get it filled up in no time, so "naughty daughter" will be able to see the advantage of behaving.
Have you tried the "get dressed or stay at home on your own"?
They soon learn its an empty threat though as you wouldn't (would you?) really leave them. Then all future threats fail too...
bollock her? Mine responds to the "daddy looks sad face" every time - not a word needed 🙂
Ours has always been the same, anything "stiff", "scratchy" or "tight" is a no-no and you would think we were chopping her legs off when we try socks with any sort of seams or stitching on them. As for shoes, its a nightmare, although the 'free' makeup with Lelli Kellys usually helps her decision making process. Ski boots was a trial of patience I can tell you.
So she lives in trainers, leggings (which don't feel tight apparently) and t-shirts/hoodies. She's 6 so a little longer for you to go yet!
We had this with our daughter. What I did was to select a couple of outfits and let her choose. That way, she's being a "big girl" and making her own mind up.
I thought it was just a woman thing.
Our 4 year old is exactly the same.. I suspect its a phase that she will grow out of in her early twenties
How hard are you hitting her? Maybe up that ante a bit....??
DrP
(this is NOT medical advice :wink:)
Exactly the same situation here, girl 3.5 yrs.
and knowing that everyone else has the same problem doesn't really help, it still drives me insane!!!!
Calmly but firmly dress her, don't kick off or engage with her.
As mentioned above, talk to someone else while you're doing it.
How hard are you hitting her? Maybe up that ante a bit....??DrP
(this is NOT medical advice :wink:)
No, medical advice* would be to put 0.5mg/kg midazolam in her juice, after which you'll be able to get her dressed no problem 😛
We're also having problems with an independent (2yo) lady who insist on doing everything herself (so takes an hour to get dressed), asking for multiple things (eg choice of DVD) then when what's been asked for is provided wants something else, and won't eat at home (strangely, eats fine at nursery).
Our solution is to grit our teeth and hope it's a phase.
Andy
*in case the GMC are reading, THIS IS A JOKE
It's called being a parent.
4 year old twin girls here: We solved this by getting them to choose their own clothes the night before.
Its a control think, and this puts the ball in their court.
Worked a treat for us
Calmly but firmly dress her, don't kick off or engage with her.
I suspect that if you have kids, they are really quite compliant and good kids. I don't know if I have a particularly wriggly one (she is surprisingly muscular and wiry now I think about it), but at just under 3, our daughter is well past the point where you can dress her when she doesn't want to be dressed - it is just physically impossible; I'm relatively strong from swimming and stuff, but she is just too capable of resisting for it to be possible. She potty trained herself early, because she decided she didn't want nappies on, and it wasn't physically possible to force them onto her.
Not to mention the obvious failure of this idea with a strong willed child that once the clothes are on, by the time they're 2 or so, they can just take them off again. If you have one with a strong will, which it sounds like this one is, then the only possible thing is to get the clothes on with some level of cooperation or agreement from them.
Oh, and we don't have this level of fussiness, but like all normal kids she does sometimes refuse to get dressed or go out or whatever. I personally tend to resort to a combination of distraction and bribery, in that I say that I'll lift her onto the window sill, so she can watch the birds in the garden (or the snow, or rain or fog or whatever is out there) whilst I get her dressed.
Is she okay putting pyjamas on, or leggings or other completely smooth clothes? Presumably she could actually not like the feeling of non-smooth clothes?
There will be no perfect solution (certainly not from anyone on here 😉 ) but why not see through: Tell them they are going out - choose a suitable destination where if she chooses to really test you it wont matter too much if she is butt naked in the car park - e.g. remote picnic site if she chooses not to get dressed then leave with her in which ever state she's in but have a bag of clothes in the boot. It might work, it might not. Good luck, mine btw are 8 & 10 and still bitch about labels and stiff clothes or scratchy waist bands...
Dave Vanderspek - Member
Calmly but firmly dress her, don't kick off or engage with her.
As mentioned above, talk to someone else while you're doing it.
POSTED 6 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST
Even if we got the clothes on, they would come straight back off. Tried having her choose her own clothes - doesn't work. This morning she had a pile of new knickers to chose from, changed her mind about 5 times then when she eventually put some on, decided they were uncomfortable.
A 3 year old can have a very weird sense of logic and reasoning.
Does her mood depend on level of tiredness and or when she last ate??
Has she recently started school / nursery full time??
Ir bandito - no you make a good point.
Flankers has it. I have used the same tactic for bed times too and I works.
Johndoh
If that was our near four year old they would go straight back on. Off on off on until you win.
We have a count thing for ours. He gets until 3,5 or 10 to comply or there is an immediate consequence....this morning Miguel and Raoul went in the high level kitchen cupboard as it was a minor rudeness. Raised voices work well from me as it is used sparingly and I'm pretty boomy! Always keep it polite but loud and strong. Know other kids that would just wash over but works for him.
We do the reward chart thing too but sometimes you need a (metaphorical) stick in place of the carrot.
Tough age all in all. Definitely presenting a few challenges.
+1 he countdown, works every time, I very rarely need to count past 3!
Countdown doesn't work either - seriously we have tried the lot.
Not recently started nursery or anything either.
The thing is, if we try to talk to her about it, she is understanding, doesn't want to upset us, wants to help etc, but when it comes to them going on then it all falls apart. For example, this morning I *really* needed to get them dressed and packed up off to their grannies house because I had to be in work to do something really important with a very tight deadline. Before we started, I asked her if she would help daddy so he could get to work and do the important things he had to do etc. She said yes, was very helpful and polite. Then as soon as the clothes started going on she melted down.
When she was eventually dumped in the car she was a screaming wreck and I told her off for not helping daddy like she promised and that she was making daddy late. Two minutes down the road she was right as rain again and asking about why I was late etc. It is almost like a switch flips and she actually forgets what she is doing.
If that was our near four year old they would go straight back on. Off on off on until you win.
I would hate for it to get to that situation. Perhaps we need to do it...
"Get dressed or you're going out naked."
(I am not a parent)
Get dressed or you're going out naked
We have tried that one, she was sat in the car in the nude without a care in the world, our bluff well and truly called.
It is almost like a switch flips and she actually forgets what she is doing.
Completely normal for toddlers, I've found. One minute screaming about something, next minute happily playing. Emotions are hard things to control, even for adults, and it's scary when you can't stop crying.
Bribe my boys to get dressed by promising them fruit......that probably doesnt help.
sounds familiar. i took my daughter out to the car in her pants the other week. she hasent moaned since.
My Little Monster would happily go out naked. She is always throwing off her clothes.
Miss cloudnine jnr (4 yo) had a monumental tantrum at the end of our street on the way to school this morning. I also had our 2 year old pootling along with us on her scooter. Today I had my patience pushed to the limit. She started school after Xmas and is finding it very tiring and is absolutely knackered. I had to carry a rabid 4 year old and a screaming 2 year old who flipped when realised I was taking them home and not scooting to school and back.. scooter between my teeth, frothing, screaming child under each arm trying to deflect stares from the neighbours who had come out to see what the commotion was. We also have a 6 week old baby to mix things up a little too. Deep breaths.. deep breaths.
It is a power thing. They are clever and have worked out you need them to put clothes on so they and you can go off to where you need to go to. Same with the dreaded food thing, they know you want them to eat their food. The trick in my experience is to not let them know you are bothered one way or another. So send them to nursery in pyjamas with no shoes. Put them out naked. Let them go without food etc. Reward charts for doing it properly often work well.
4 kids here all different. Nothing worked for all of them all the time apart from laughing at their tantrums.
Good luck.
laughing at their tantrums
We did that with her sister recently – she melted down and my wife and I just looked at each other and started laughing. 😆
But that last post does make me think - I am sure it is power related. We had been going through it with her and food but we just let her go hungry because we knew she would give in eventually. Now she knows she hasn't got that one to use on us, she has found another tool. Right. Time to let her do what she wants and go out naked but for a pair of my slippers and a 'Rapunzel' wig on if she wants...