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So going to be a dad soon and the wife is reading all kinds of books and has mumsnet. So obliviously singletrack=dadsnet will be my main source of information about parenting but can anyone suggest any books that are good to read from a dads perspective. Preferable something I can download onto a kindle. I know you cannot get everything from a book but it might be nice to get a heads up on a few things!
read what you like.
it'll turn your world upside down regardless...
Haynes manual for babies if he's mechanically minded
I figured that already! But I am off on holiday so need something to read, so though I might get something useful for a change.
You think books are going to help? Boy, are you in for a rude awakening! 😉
Seriously: I'd take the opportunity to read any books you fancy, as that'll be one of the many things you're not going to be doing for a while. I was off with the kids yesterday. I bought the guardian at 7am. I opened it to read it at approximately 10pm last night. Had a great day though 😀 Welcome to my world!
"Sh*t My Dad Says" for inspiration for your own words of wisdom?
The female pregnancy bible 'What to expect when you're pregnant' has a great section at the back for Dads. Has Mrs mrl got that one?
I read that, and then looked for some other books but in the end didn't bother. Chose to really on instinct and common sense. Most of the time that's all you need.
Good luck, its so much fun seeing a baby grow up. Mine's only 1, and she just gets more and more amusing and cute by the day
Seriously - I don't remember reading a thing that helped me. Just understand that the new family order is going to be:
Baby > Mummy > Cat > You > Anything you want to do
and you will be fine.
Ohh, and the being woken every five minutes during the night normally stops at about 10 years old.
Have fun and don't work to hard in the first few years - spend every waking minute with the little one as it will soon pass. (said after seeing one of my (soon to be 3 years old) twins sat eating a Weetabix by herself like a proper little girl). I really don't know how they suddenly got so grown up.
I'd recommend an audio book. Doesn't matter which one so long as you can put your headphones on and drown out the noise of your child for the first couple of years. They get interesting after a bit but up until then you'd have more fun with a kitten.
A good novel for you and get her off "witchesnet"
Seriously.
We Need to Talk About Kevin
Some useful replies! Given the above I don’t think I will both with a book! Might get the Berkmann one for a laugh. Thanks
[url= http://www.amazon.co.uk/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach/dp/0857862650/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338286331&sr=8-1 ]Go the f to sleep might give you something to think about but the Samuel L Jackson reading of it found on you tube is better![/url]
Just don't bother, you'll end up with conflicting advice. Best just to wing it like e and the missus. Spend the time [while you've still got it] riding your bike!
No need for a book when you have STW
[url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/going-to-be-a-dad-omfg ]http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/going-to-be-a-dad-omfg[/url]
Try this: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fatherhood-The-Truth-Marcus-Berkmann/dp/0091900638
Another +1. Good book with a decent sense of humour about the whole thing.
Slightly "blokey", but not in an over-the-top "Nuts"-stylee.
[b]NOT[/b], I repeat NOT "Raising Boys" by Stephen Biddulph. Complete waste of time.
more for the other half?
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I read What to Expect When You're Expecting more than Mrs North.
Also, there's a sequel - What to Expect: The First Year.
Get those (if you haven't already) and memorise what you can. Because your memory will never be the same.
PS In spite of all the gloom, it's ace..!
Dad of two here - one aged 5, one aged 6.5.
Don't bother with the books, they won't help. NCT classes were a reasonable starter for 10 but we relied on instinct and the selective taking of advice from friends/family who'd been there and done that.
The missus bought and read a couple of books but the advice given was conflicting. She bought me the book by that Ford woman which made me so cross, I dropped it in the recycling after a few chapters.
Good luck. Everything changes. It's ace.
EDIT: +1 for STW = Dadsnet!!
We enjoyed the NCT classes but I can honestly say that they didn't actually *help*. In fact the terror they instilled was much greater than the reality but we did make some great new friends there.
It might just be me, but I found that our own natural instincts were pretty much all we needed in the first few months. The only time we have needed external help was help with sleeping and we found www.babysleepanswers.co.uk to be very good - buy their (reasonably priced) book and you get free run of their private forum and the moderators did give us lots of helpful advice with getting our two sleeping something like reasonable hours.
Toddler Taming.
Sorted.
We enjoyed the NCT classes but I can honestly say that they didn't actually *help*.
we never made it as junior turned up a bit early....
We enjoyed the NCT classes but I can honestly say that they didn't actually *help*.
We only ever did one class. An NHS one on breastfeeding. It was excellent, very informative and probably the main reason our little one was happy on boob for the first year.
Never bothered with NCT. They did seem like a good way to make friends with other nearby families though.
I wouldn't bother with a book. I'm pretty sure that the baby won't have read one either.
NCT - good for the mums to make local friends with same aged kids.
The birth plan certainly goes out the window though 😯
1-Its not rocket science having kids.
2- You can still ride your bike plenty, I do anyway
3- get used to the lack of sleep!
We only ever did one class. An NHS one on breastfeeding. It was excellent, very informative and probably the main reason our little one was happy on boob for the first year.Never bothered with NCT. They did seem like a good way to make friends with other nearby families though.
I am glad we did the NCT one. The NHS one was meant to be over four sessions. Session one went from conception to birth. Session two became 'birth to going to university' as budget cuts and under-staffing meant there was no-one to complete the course.
I wouldn't bother with a book. I'm pretty sure that the baby won't have read one either.
Neither has your car, but a Haynes manual is still useful 😀
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Blokes-Guide-To-Pregnancy/dp/140190288X/ref=pd_sim_b_2
I bought this and thought it was patronising rubbish. Lots of weak, blokey jokes about fatherhood, watching football and going down the pub, but not much useful information about having a baby. Didn't even bother finishing it.
Don't have experience of NCT, but in my area they have a men-only Dads 2B programme which I thought was great. No-nonsense practical information about pre, during and post birth, including the basics of nappies, bathing the baby, etc. My partner actually got a bit upset because she thought I was receiving better info than she was.
I wouldn't bother with a book. I'm pretty sure that the baby won't have read one either.
"Neither has your car, but a Haynes manual is still useful"
To simulate buying a baby book go to halfords pick a Haynes manual at random while blindfold now service your car using the manual selected.
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I think that should just about cover it.
Did not bother with NCT, but found the 2 free NHS classes covered all the basics well enough and a booby feeding class. You soon realise a lot of it is just common sense with a bit of winging it - you'll quickly tune into your baby and their needs and signals. If you must read anything i'd go for one of the popular books concentrating on understanding how your baby sleeps as this will change dramatically several times over the first year.
What I would also suggest for peace of mind is a first aid course covering babies and toddlers - Red Cross for example run them and they are usually 2 evening sessions.
Silly me, forgot one.
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Definitely Toddler Taming. The only child development book I've thought helpful. The section on tying the doors to prevent egress at bedtime is sound common sense.
Things they don’t tell you about baby rearing…
[b]General[/b]
1. Never use a baby monitor, baby’s lungs will be loud enough!
2. Baby asleep – YOU rest.
3. Don’t buy a wide age range car seat – you may have another that needs it.
4. Muslin squares are your clothes’ best friend.
5. Cheap pushchair – expensive buggy.
6. Babies get too hot – seldom too cold.
7. Accept offers of help – food especially.
8. If baby is getting heavier don’t worry.
9. Babies can cry for 26 minutes for no reason.
10. Being dressed at midday is a sign of denial.
[b]Nappies[/b]
11. Keep a nappy and wipes in the Glove box of your car.
12. Never buy cheap nappies – colloid research costs and is worth it!
13. Fold the willy down (unless you like washing).
14. Changing mats should detach from the changing bag.
15. Keep a changing mat downstairs.
[b]Feeding[/b]
16. Breast milk during the day, a bottle at night (helps with sleeping).
17. You can microwave milk on low power (about 90 seconds then shake).
18. Electric breast pump – never manual.
19. Button-up shirts not lift-up tops.
20. Add one Weetabix to baby rice.
[b]Things to try if overdue[/b]
1. Hot curry
2. Raspberry tea
3. Brisk walk
4. Speed humps
5. Trampoline
6. Sex (the only one that works)
[b]Essential home equipment[/b]
1. Infacol (colic drops), for boys especially.
2. Calpol (paracetamol)
3. Kamilosan (look it up)
4. V-pillow (for feeding and resting)
5. Microwave sterilizer and four bottles
6. Nappy disposal unit
7. A changing mat downstairs
8. A large carton of ready-made baby milk (SMA)
9. Bumbo® baby seat
10. Digital TV (CBeebies AKA “The Babysitter”)
The hardest thing is dealing with sleep deprivation and fatigue.. be aware of the severe symptoms of a sleep debt as it can make you very ill!
The most important things to learn are a good burping technique as a crying windy baby will take hours to get back to sleep at 2am.. also get some comfy house walking shoes.. you will cover several miles everyday pacing round the house. It's worth remembering that its almost instinctual for a baby to be quiet/fall asleep when carried on fast paced walk. Once you get through the first few months it gets a bit easier and more enjoyable as the baby becomes more self aware and starts to do more than drink milk, scream and shit. Oh.. and whatever your idea of the birth is.. under no circumstances look as its coming out.
Tried a few books but only really got somewhere when we put them all down and chilled out about it all.
My wife and I almost murdered each other many times in the first few months but it gets easier quite quickly.
Things they don’t tell you about baby rearing…
My list would be quite different to yours, which tells you that what works well for one baby doesn't necessarily work well for all babies...
[i]My wife and I almost murdered each other many times in the first few months but it gets easier quite quickly.[/i]
It's the baby causing the problems. But it's you who got her pregnant so it's all your fault. See? it all works out in the end.
My list would be quite different to yours, which tells you that what works well for one baby doesn't necessarily work well for all babies..
It's a bit tongue in cheek, but I completely agree. Our second was a completely different experience to the first.
I have a copy of Dr Spock's interesting view on child rearing. Most of it is okay, but some things, well, erm, provoke controversy.
Sod books, just sleep while you can and go out for meals/cinema/pubs with the wife while you have the chance.
Also, feel free to re-open this thread at any time 😀
http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/welcome-to-the-mtfu-daddies-breakfast-club
I have a copy of Dr Spock's interesting view on child rearing. Most of it is okay, but some things, [s]well, erm, provoke controversy.[/s] are most illogical Captain.
FTFY
Actual advice books are all bobins unless you are good a taking advice with a pinch of salt.
Don't bother with a book, seriously. Your missus will devour all of them anyway.
Your job is to be a taxi driver, hod-carrier and house clown.
"I figured that already! But I am off on holiday so need something to read, so though I might get something useful for a change."
Dont read, just sleep now while you can and try and remember what its like, because you will feel tired, no exhausted for years to come.
We didnt bother with a book, as every kid is different and there are too many variables. What works for one family might not work for another.
Babies are very hard work for little reward, its just a cycle of feeding, pooing, sleeping, crying etc etc. Dont get me wrong its quite amazing at the same time, but as above a cat or dog is more fun in the early days.
One thing I quite often here, but very few people wont say in public is that they fined babies very hard work, with little reward. I think this is true, and certainly Jnr FD was hardwork being seriously ill nearly every week and not sleep well. However now just over 2 being a Dad is the most amazing experience, and as a family we have never laughed so much or felt so loved.
Plus in August I'm going part time to look after Jnr FD 😀 and maybe ride my bike a little more
and whatever your idea of the birth is.. under no circumstances look as its coming out.
Or, as a colleague said: "It's like watching your favourite pub burn down."
and whatever your idea of the birth is.. under no circumstances look as its coming out.
And if your missus just had an emergency C-section DO NOT be tempted to give her a loving look as you are gently led away with the new baby - you are the WRONG SIDE OF THE SCREEN at that point and seeing someone you love with their innards hanging out is a haunting sight!
"C-section DO NOT be tempted to give her a loving look as you are gently led away with the new baby - you are the WRONG SIDE OF THE SCREEN at that point and seeing someone you love with their innards hanging out is a haunting sight!"
Oh I loved that bit. As Mrs FD is a surgeon, her and the team were giving me a talk about the different layers they were cutting through as they went, and what bits were what. Its quite incredible whats inside a human body!
The important thing to remember is no book is right, what works is right.
This goes for everything, although I guess a book could well help you with ideas of why baby is screaming, although there may be no reason!
You'll like it anyway, and to all the doom mongers, I had plenty of sleep and loads of riding from day one. 18months in and it's still ace, despite a 'rough' night where she woke up for 25 mins at midnight then slept till 7:45...
as the father of a 2 week old boy, I agree with all of the above.
Google is my biggest friend at the moment - much more useful than any knowledge gained through reading anything before his arrival.
my first day back at work today and it's like being on holiday...
however I disagree about lots of effort and little reward - I even find trying to get him quiet at 4am good fun. I imagine that will get tiresome quite quickly though.
Brakes.. wait another 5 weeks and revisit this thread at 5am after you've had 2 hours broken sleep and the little man has just shit on your hand then pissed in your eye.. :D. Then 10 mins layer pukes down your back and the floor and promptly falls asleep whilst you are trying to fend off the dog who is enthusiastically trying to jump up to lick your back... except you can't shout at the dog because the little man would wake up.
Ours never threw up.
Brakes: 2 weeks? you're still in the Honeymoon period. Post again when you haven't slept for 3 months.
I used to regularly spend my lunch hour at work curled up under my desk with the lights off.
Or, as a colleague said: "It's like watching your favourite pub burn down."
😆
Ours never threw up.
how odd... baby puke is a piece of cake anyway. proper projectile Toddler puke all over the bed at 3.00AM when you have had a few beers is worse. Then to have it again 30 mins later is a double pain.
I'm hoping he's peaked early as I've already been sequentially shat, pissed and spat on by my darling child at 3am, with a new nappy/ vest on each time. then he proceeded to cry for 2 hours for no known reason.
advice: get a good, quick, reliable washing machine - you'll need it.
....but he does wake up every night for circa 2hours demanding milk, then shoving it away. Demanding it, then throwing it on the floor...repeat..
Ah the lovely tanrum 2yr olds.
Jnr FD probably only ever threw up once or twice as a baby, and to be fair I didnt mind it, wasnt particularly unpleasent stuff. Toddler puke is an all together different thing, its putrid.
"fend off the dog who is enthusiastically trying to jump up to lick your back"
We would often find ourselves fending the dog off, to stop her eating the sick 😯
Please don't trust 'experts' who write books. An experienced parent just telling their own story maybe, but no 'experts'.
And [url= http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119448/ ]this movie[/url] is an absolute must.
This was on again at the weekend....
[url=
O'Brien on NCT classes...... NSFW etc[/url]
My advice is do not read books. If in doubt ask your mum. I found the nct classes good and helped with the labour bit, but they could have done it all in a few hours.
We would often find ourselves fending the dog off, to stop her eating the sick
What the hell have you got a dog for, then??? When our first used to throw up the first thing to do would be call the dog, gets the worst cleaned up then it's just a quick mop and you're done 🙂
OP: you really don't need a book, although one that tells you roughly when baby will start sitting up / smiling / talking etc. can be interesting. Everything else you'll work out very quickly as you go along. Mind you, that "Fatherhood: The Truth" looks quite entertaining.
Do not, under any circumstances
The advice will contradict what the mother of your child thinks is best and you will be persona non grata.ask your mum.
If you do
do not divulge where the information came from!ask your mum.
You know they will put it back together again but it will never be quite the same.Or, as a colleague said: "It's like watching your favourite pub burn down."
This is good: http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Contented-Little-Baby-Book/dp/0091912695/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338306052&sr=8-1
Can be a bit contraversial but together with djaustins excellent post, this'll help massively. Above all (and ours is now 3.5yrs) the "routine" allows predictablity you and mum can rely on for years. Its great for her in the early years becuase she's so in demand, yet she'll be able to plan simple things like lunch, naps etc. Later on, everyone can plan thier day as jnr falls into the routine - not to be taken lightly, ask anyone whose kid isn't in a routine and demands constant attention how much free time they have.
Its also great now in the latter years as I know 7pm is always [s]beer time for me[/s] bedtime for jnr.
Oh, and instinct is your friend. You know what to do, the change / sleep deprevation / life change is a shock at first but you'll cope, don't panic.
We were given a copy of "What to expect in the first year". We didn't bother with it until 2 weeks or so after ours came along. If we had read the first 2 chapters before that we may have avoided 2 calls to NHS24 and a trip to hospital! It's set out really well with questions and answers rather than preaching, it's heavy on breast feeding tho'. Just use it to take what you need rather than as a set of rules.
All kids are different, listen to all advice but do what is best for you and your baby.
As others have said, take help when it is offered. Don't be afraid to sleep in the middle of the day when you get a chance.
The first 6 weeks will probably be a blur, but remember that it will get easier/better!
And most of all being a dad is ace!!!
Razzle,escort or playbirds they were my old mans shed reading material when i was dragged up.
Post again when you haven't slept for [s]3[/s] nine months.
FTFY. At least our second slept through. Sleep deprivation is a very efficient torture. Brakes, you aren't even warmed up yet!
And I agree that the first 12mo are a bit of a slog, then they wake up and 18mo onwards is great. Then they become teenagers, steal all your bike kit and generally know best. Still at least I can drop him on the climbs 😈
Mine is 1 today 
I didn't read much, but when we had issues to deal with I would do a little googling to get some pointers. If your wife is reading plenty then she'll be up to speed on the current medical advice for the important stuff. I would agree that the early stages are a massive adjustment and can feel like impossibly hard work for no return, but the first proper smile wipes it all away. Then it gets better, and better, and better 🙂
Listen to your friends advice if they have good kids.
Take note of your friends who have badly behaved kids.
And there is no real advice for the first 3 months apart from survival and sleep. After that, aim for a routine but don't get too hung up on it.
My wife has used the Baby Whisperer Sleep book as a reference point.
No useful guide book for blokes. Dad of 2 here and what I have needed to learn has come from the wife's books all of which contradict each other.
No. 1 job for dad in our house is to back up mum in the baby phase. Whatever that is on any given day. Oh and earn money. You don't need a book of your own to tell you how to do.this (well you shouldn't).
You should, however, get a copy of
The Gruffalo
Tiddler
Tyrannosaurus Drip
But especially The Gruffalo.