Considered using a throwaway on this, but folk have shared much more personal stuff on here, so here goes!
My wife and I have been trying to conceive for 3 years and on the IVF waiting list for 2. We've now reached top of the queue and have circa 6 weeks of treatment until the first fertilised egg is implanted and we start to hope.
As you can imagine, getting here has been pretty traumatic and an emotional rollercoaster, but we are here now.
One curve ball we have just been told is that should either of us get covid in the next 6 weeks, then the whole IVF treatment is off and we will have to wait another 3-7months. I work from home so I'm golden and pretty safe.
The Dr's at the clinic told my wife to WFH, but on finding out she was a teacher, said to get a risk assessment done by the Covid/H&S rep.
She spoke to her covid rep today to outline her concerns and ask for a risk assessment. He today declined to do a risk assessment (he doesn't like them apparently!!) but answered "just to wear her mask and they'd give her some disinfectant spray". Granted later on today they found an air purifier too.
Bearing in mind, my wife has this morning alone, been in contact with 3 people all of whom have covid positive partners or children at home and were not wearing masks. As of this week the pupils will not be required to wear masks either.
Question being, under the circumstances what are the reasonable expectations we could expect the school to take to safeguard my wife? At a time where my wife should be remaining calm and collected, she is riddled with stress and anxiety over this and not sure what I can do to help.
Thanks
No advice on the work situation, but good luck! Look after her, it's pretty rough at times.
I know that this may not be the approach that many would sanction, but one option is to revisit the GP and request a period of sick leave due to work related stress. As an ex-teacher I am very well aware that this would be a very difficult decision to make at any time of the academic year but the school does have a duty of care to your wife and it doesn’t sound like they are taking this particularly seriously.
Buy her some FFP3 masks, it's primarily an airborne virus so hand sanitiser isn't going to cut it.
She spoke to her covid rep today to outline her concerns and ask for a risk assessment. He today declined to do a risk assessment (he doesn’t like them apparently!!) but answered “just to wear her mask and they’d give her some disinfectant spray”. Granted later on today they found an air purifier too.
Bang out of order. That is such a poor attitude, I would be straight to the union and management with that.
How bolshy at work does your wife want to be? I would seriously consider going off work with stress. Not something a teacher would like to do i am sure but given both the cavalier attitude of the government and that safety rep I think it may be justified
FFP3 masks will help
All of the above and one other thing.
Make sure that you/she follow up the "chat" and refusal to do a risk assessment with an email expressing your concerns, confirming the conversation, and requesting who else they suggest could carry out the required risk assessment professionally?
It's amazing how much more seriously risk assessments are taken once there's responsibility confirmed in writing.
I would be straight to the union and management with that.
My first comment but private school so no union presence.
Management also wouldn’t be interested - there was a significant Covid outbreak on the run up to Xmas and the heads comments were “we don’t care if folk get Covid, they will only be isolating over Christmas if they get it”.
She can still and should join a union!
Private school - eff em. ( I have been drinking) Given the heads comment and the H&S guy I would not be going back in tomorrow even without the IVF thing.
This has made me more angry than anything has for a long while. That attitude is so bang out of order
Edit : I think I need to put my alcohol lock on - sorry
It is a horrible situation. Are the hormones self administered? What reason has the clinic given for scrapping the cycle if she tests positive? When does she start treatment?
It is a horrible situation. Are the hormones self administered? What reason has the clinic given for scrapping the cycle if she tests positive? When does she start treatment?
hormones will be self administered/I will jab her daily and will start in around 7-10days I think. (Would need to check our timetable)
The reason the drs gave is the virus can be traced for around 3 months post illness in my seamen. They will have to wait ‘til all this has gone then go back for the scans we had a month ago with then waiting for the bleed/pill/bleed/hormones cycle to start again.
He today declined to do a risk assessment (he doesn’t like them apparently!!)
Gotta say, my response here would be "couldn't give a **** what you like, do your job." Doubly so if two years on he thinks a mask is for the wearer's benefit, I've litter-trained kittens in that time and one of them is retarded.
The hell is wrong with people?
So do they check your sailor sample for the virus? 😛
If this is your only funded cycle, I'd probably pull a fast one as well and get a doctor's note. Frankly, you could do without the additional stress.
Based on the Covid reps response, the schools attitude to Covid and the fact it’s a private school I would also suggest sick leave with stress.
Good luck!!
I’ve litter-trained kittens in that time and one of them is retarded.
I'm borrowing that.
First things first - hope the IVF treatment is successful.
That's an appalling attitude - ignorant and arrogant.
What about the school's duty of care to it's staff?
You can be sure they expect your wife to comply with duty of care requirements in everything she does at school.
Can the school representative legally decline to carry out a covid/H&S assessment?
If your wife becomes pregnant and then has a medical problem which can be reasonably linked to covid at school there must be an argument that the school are liable due to their negligent attitude in failing to fulfil their duty of care obligations.
I'm with jimw regarding stress related sick leave - and for as long as possible.
If treatment is successful and you become parents does your wife intend returning to work?
Your wife could ask her GP for a view on best practice in your circumstances from a strictly medical perspective - which includes emotional/mental health.
FFP3 masks need to be fitted professionally to deliver maximum efficacy; wearing them for school day, 5 days a week for (potentially) several months will become expensive; that's a cost the school should cover.
Good luck.
I've mentioned before I'm an occ health nurse, also have a 2yr old via IVF so quite qualified to respond for a change.
****'em, speak with GP and get signed off sick with stress. The cycles are gruelling enough, the meds she will be on are miserable and you need minimise stress as much as possible.
I would have zero issues with going off.
As an aside, if you ever need/ want chat about the ivf stuff happy to discuss as we went through many cycles, self-funded abroad. You are doing plenty by being supportive, there's little practical us blokes can do during this process unfortunately.
As you are going to the extent of IVF having a kid must be important to you. More important than her job. As a teacher she can always get another job
Unless you're desperate for cash then I'm in the "f*ck 'em" camp. Do what's right for your wife and you. They are clearly happy to take advantage of your wife and her good nature and loyalty to the kids.
Once it's all sorted then join a union.
Best of luck with the IVF!
I've got 2 daughters through IVF, it's stressful. I was lucky, my boss had had children through IVF so was very supportive.
Re unions - the school may not have a recognised union, that doesn't stop your wife joining one. My wife was made redundant from a non-union employer, having the regional union rep explain to the MD why his staff had not followed process took the pain out of getting the proper compensation.
Re the schools response - the attitude of the head and covid rep sucks. Your wife is not going to change them, so sick with signed off due to stress and a new job seems the way to go. Make sure that you get everything in writing - the request for a change in working pattern due to clinical advice is reasonable, if they refuse it they should put it in writing.
Good luck with the IVF, it'll be worth it in the end.
Does having IVF treatment have equivalent status as e.g. having cancer treatment or supressed immunity? Or is it considered a discretionary vulnerabiliry like choosing not to get vaccinated?
Won't that dictate the legalities and the options?
As someone who's other half is a teacher who's also been treated badly by her management both during and following medical issues, I sympathise with your situation. My wife went on stress leave a few weeks before going on maternity leave with our no2. She had agreed a return to work date which they changed at her initial meeting just before going back which she had to fight to correct. In that same meeting they accused her of being too emotional and their idea of a staggered return to work was one week of 60% teaching while still being expected to be at the school the other 40% (of which she ended up doing cover lessons and duties).
She still does what they expect because "that's the done thing". I've given up providing advice and now just offer support.
My advice to you is to keep encouraging her to take time off with stress. She will be stressed knowing that she isn't at school but it will help in the long term.
I’ve mentioned before I’m an occ health nurse, also have a 2yr old via IVF so quite qualified to respond for a change.
****’em, speak with GP and get signed off sick with stress.
Spot on. That’s my feeling reading your OP, and then seeing some one with relevant experience absolutely nail
It.
But hang on. We’re getting that feeling based on a very short post from you. That’s about all you can get from t’internet. So we don’t have the whole story from you. And you don’t have the whole story from your partner. Marching into work and saying “stuff you” is the thing of dreams, it’s not easy. You know this.
I agree with (wow consensus) everyone here that your partner has not been given the respect she deserves from her employer.
Now have a talk about how you two are going to sort it out, but don’t go blazing in with “that’s bang out of order” because that could cause her as much stress as letting it happen.
but don’t go blazing in with “that’s bang out of order” because that could cause her as much stress as letting it happen.
:Lolz
A really nice post goldfish
OP, it sounds like a really tough situation for you and your wife. I think there's some good advice in the thread so far and I'll say from my similar expereinces that your wife's wellbeing needs to be number 1 priority at the moment (followed by yours of course).
I'd echo that it's worth having all requests and responses around this in writing - even insisting that things be kept recorded can sometimes change the mindset of otherwise cavalier management.
Also worth noting that as a teacher in a private school your wife does still have the right to join a union and I would recommend she does so at the earliest opportunity.