[Closed] Clinical depression - how do you persuade someone to get help?

Fairly common imo - when the medication kicks in many people suddenly feel that they are no longer depressed and therefore no longer require treatment.

I can't give you any advise I'm afraid other than remind you that people can only receive help if they want it (obviously unless they're sectioned) It's highly likely that when they find things start to deteriorate again they will once again agree to seek help. Allowing other people to make their own mistakes isn't easy I know - specially when it's someone close to you for which you care a lot 🙁

I had two staff in that boat - I don't know a good answer. In their case they knew they needed it really - but they couldn't admit it to themselves because then they'd "have depression", which scared them. So they went on in a state of denial for a while, knowig that something wasn't right and then eventually came round to the opinion that if the doctor was telling them it was depression then maybe the treatment for depression would help. They're still going through it. Don't know if anything I said or did helped. I got the feeling that Occupational Health needed me to apply guidance but no pressure. I understand that applying pressure can be bad - but this is only what I've picked up. I have no training and no real knowledge.
It isn't fun, but they all tell me that depression is treatable and most people do make some sort of recovery.

The one bit of advice that I would actually give is don't let it drag you down. That isn't good for you or anyone else and it's very easy to be affected by someone else's mood.

Thanks for the replies. It's really a case of not seeing the wood for the trees. You can't force someone to take medication, particularly if they feel they have been stigmatised and it has gone against them. I know we're in enlightened times but prejudice/judgment will still exist.

I can understand about pressure, which is why I'm looking to come at this from another angle.

The common cure for depression is to tell them to MTFU. This seriously affects their self image and how they try to deal with it in themselves. Be aware this may well be what they're trying to do
Pills don't cure depression, they just kill some of the pain and bleakness, which means when you're taking the tabs, you really feel like it's not so bad after all, and in fact, what you should do is what everyone is telling you to do - Man Up and just get on with it - after all it's just a bit of feeling down isn't it? Sadly, this is just the point at which you think you don't need any help, and people who try are really just interfering, but although it's the start of climbing out of the hole, it's also the point at which falling is most likely and most damaging - like you're getting by on your own, life is looking up BANG! oh no it's not.
Back off, but not too far away. Keep an eye on them, but don't be too obvious about it. Sometimes a friend really is the best medicine, but don't be suffocating.

All the best with it - it probably won't be easy

I know we're in enlightened times

C_G, I have a relative in the same depressing state. In my (albeit limited) experience, the best approach is one of supportive honesty. If you feel able to to say that something needs to be done, then you should do so. It's hard, [i]Duw, it's hard[/i] (as Max Boyce would say!) but I feel that supportive honesty is all that you can do.

Medication is not always the answer, rarely is. Offer support, don't sufforcate as already said. Suggest some reading, self help books, NLP, all available at your local bookstore. 1 in 5 people will suffer depression in some form or another, be it work related, bereavement, relationship breakup, family problems etc, most pass through this naturally without drug intervention.

IMO medication is only suitable for short term depression but the unlucky souls who live with it installed in their minds have to find another way to control it... Some take to counselling but others do not find this helpful and you being supportive and understanding as a friend may possibly help more but every case is different

Can't help them until they want to be helped.

Wait for them to pick up the phone.

Depends if they are in denial or are easily convinced or trust you. Gain their trust after you observe what they need for a convincer?

be as supportive as you can but you can't make them get treatment they are not ready for imo.

I suppose what I'm really asking is how to get them to help themselves. Rather than me nagging my friend, I want my friend to decide that they need to be proactive and take the first step. Or is that being unrealistic?

Sorry, I have no experience of depression and therefore feel quite useless in knowing what to do.

I honestly don't think you can - it has to be their decision. People are different and you know you're friend better than we do, so you you know how best to judge how to approach it and when advice turns into nagging. What you have to bear in mind though is the general perception that depression is nothing more than feeling a bit down and sufferers should just pick themselves up and get on with it. IME, where you seem to be aware that this isn't the case, the people who believe it most are the sufferers and they do feel a need to get themselves out of it.
The first step to dealing with any problem is recognising the problem, being nagged into doing something builds up esentment against the person doing the nagging (often the person you can least afford to lose), and can push the person into even deeper denial ("I'm down because that bitch won't stop nagging at me")

look, sorry if this seems a bit flippant, but have you tried being a bit down yourself? Go round to their hose, tell them you've been a bit down and need someone to talk to, see if that gets them to open up?

As others have said you can only help people who want to be helped, that said some people don’t recognise that they need help, nor do they recognise that they have alternative options – Therapy can be a difficult process and at times it can feel that things are getting worse – this is often why people disengage from it – medication is only a chemical crutch it supports but does not cure.

CG all you can really do is be supportive of your friend – that is not to collude with any negative thinking, but be open honest and consistent with them – try and guide them back towards therapy – explore different forms of therapy – encourage them to go back to their GP and request a referral to community mental health service

When you find the answer, let me know 🙁

Has your friend taken the medication yet or refuses it? Difficult to get them to take it but maybe you can point out that the counselling etc doesnt seem to be working.

Whats the worst that can happen if the friend tries the medication? Ok side effects arent much fun but it may make a difference. That difference may be enough to make them see that the treatment they have had previously wasnt working.

Personally it took 12 months and a couple of stupid incidents before I resorted to the meds and they were great. Took a month or so for the effects to kick in and start to work and I was on them for a year. 18 months later life is much better and I wouldnt be here now if i hadnt decided after everything else to take the medication.

But, its not for everyone. Good luck and you are obviously a good friend, the best help someone in that situation can have.

Depending on how close you are to them, a little nagging may help. Also you could facilitate the self help process - ie do some research for them into local counsellors or whatever. But it really depends on the personality of the individual as to whether they will see that as you being supportive or if it will make them retreat further.

CG - how long have they been taking the meds - Anti depressands usually take 2 to 4 weeks to have any noticible effect - any longer then 6 months they need to be reviewed & possibly changed

Medication was taken for a short while last year. Apparently medication is not an option now for employment reasons.

I remember there being a thread where CBT was mentioned, presumably there are specific CBT counsellors? Does anyone have experience of this please?

I honestly feel that my "persuading" will have a detrimental effect, ie not being seen as supportive. Talk about treading on egg shells!!

Thanks again for the helpful replies.

CBT provides a structured and managed approach to looking at thoughts, behaviours feelings and physical responses and can be effective wide range of problems, it can be less intimidating then more psychodynamic therapies as it looks at specific events and situations, rather the exploring more unconscious emotional response. One criticism is that it relies too much on structure and the person themselves can get a bit lost in it

Are you able to expand on my medication is no longer an option due to work, as I’m un clear why this would be an issue
[url= http://www.psychotherapy.org.uk/ ]
This may be of use[/url]

It is hard, but really I think all you can do is be there for them, and make sure they know you will support them whatever they choose to do, rather than make them feel that you'd only support one course of action (ie. go to the doctors). Otherwise you risk alienating them in the case they don't do what you want them to do.

Bearing in mind that treatment is complex, and what works for some people doesn't work for others, particularly where medication is concerned, but also with respect to counselling / therapy stuff. The only person who can evaluate any of this and choose what to do has to be the person themselves.

Joe

Ex wife suffered from a young age, we had very big waves of good and bad. When things were at the worst I couldn't say anything right. I just had to leave her to get on with it, which was very hard to do as I never knew what I'd return to.

Meds worked for her to a point but as everyone says, once they kick in people feel that they no longer need them. In the end she got involved with hypnosis, this seemed to sort her out and I believe it's now what she does for a living.

I'd say the important thing is to keep yourself stable. I found that if I got too down then she'd get worse due to feeling guilty but if I was up too much then she'd feel rejected, etc. The depression caused us to split up in the end ... me getting kicked out with nothing but a sleeping bag as the guilt of that would be easier to handle than the on going day to day stuff we'd had for 7 years.

Sorry for rambling 😉