A salutary tale of family ties (partly following on from a thread a few months back).
My sister’s partner of 20 years, let’s call him Bob, aged mid 50’s, had a very fractious relationship with his father going back into the mists of time.
He took his money but never went to see them. The parents had other children and did not bother with him much by return.
Bob resolved to go and patch up their relationship this Easter as his parents were by now in their 80’s & in poor health. His father died 3 week before the reunion.
At the funeral there was some bridge building with the rest of his family after a somewhat cold restart, yet funerals always seem to be times of regret and not simply loss if you do not keep open lines of communications.
Bob’s children (21 & 25?) live with their mother many miles from home.
He’s adopted a lassie fair attitude towards contact with them, not seeing much, if anything of them in the last few years.
His son was killed in a motorcycle accident on Sunday.
I’ve written to him expressing my sympathy but no parent should bury their own children.
So, to those who might still have unresolved issues or family with whom you would like to settle your differences, my heartfelt advice would be to not go down Bob’s chosen path as this leads to a loss and pain that can never be resolved.
My father fell out with his family after his dad died, and they spent 30 years wrangling over the estate - by the time he got some of the money he didn't need it. As a result I don't know any of his relatives apart from one sister (since emigrated) and I don't think I ever met some of his brothers and sisters.
Hmmm. Sometimes one moves on with life and family doesn't figure. I don't actually see anything wrong with that if there are unresolved differences. You can't keep looking back and say 'what if'. These things are not necessarily top priority.
I do know, however, what it is like to not have contact with my adult children. They did not want to know me for a period of time but we're fairly OK now. The relationship will never be as it was.
Sad. Very sad....
Don't be sad guys. You're part of the STW family!
with all its fractious backbiting love
I can go 6mths without speaking to my parents. They just dont see the point in making the effort so i have reduced my efforts accordingly over the years.
To give you an example. I got a call off my dad recently. I was full of news about his two granchildren. I mentioned that his 7yr old grandson had completed a 35mile ride that weekend for charity and would he like to sponsor him. His reply was that he sponsors local people enough (A lie) and where do you draw the line. I said probably below your own grandchildren and left it at that.
Another one was a couple of years ago. My mam and dad were visiting the area (Always stay at my mums siters house). They called me on the friday to say they were arriving and could they come around at about 5pm to see the kids. I finished work early and let the kids know their grandparents were coming. Imagine my reaction when i got a call at 5pm saying that they were going to bingo with my aunty instead. I can handle the dissapointment but i want to protect my kids from it.
Some people dont have the 'family' gene. My parents definately dont. I would give my right arm for them to have more to do with my family. Where do you draw the line at the dissapointments.
Hobo, thats horrendous.
Wouldnt sponsor his grandson doing a ride ?? ffs... some people.
I remember the thread Ti29er because I identified with it. As others have said, it's not always clear cut. My parents, for example, disagree with my lifestyle choices in a black and white kind of way. They have said in the past that they wouldn't come to my wedding if I was to get married, or have anything to do with any children that I had. They've said other things of equal toxicity that I find difficult to even talk about.
I can't ignore this, I don't really feel like mixing with people who have this attitude towards me, so at the moment we have a very distant relationship. Of course I'd be upset if tomorrow they had fatal accidents, but your story doesn't change their attitude towards me, or my feelings.
[i]Family ties !!!! I am concidered DIFFERENT just for being a keen cyclist and STW is my family now.....I can feel the lour've flowing.
They have said in the past that they wouldn't come to my wedding if I was to get married
bizarre 🙁
My dad died 15 years ago and I still miss him fiercely. My mum was 80 in March and we had all the family together (bar my sis who's in Oz, and joined in over Skype-o-vision)
I've never really understood the need for close family, but maybe that's because I've never had one. Our family has been pretty much scattered ever since I can remember.
Kev
I've never really understood the need for close family
if you didn't have parents you'd be a fish or a vegetable...