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Boy oh boy there are some resonances between you and me spudulike!
I can't add to the good advice already given, do talk to wife, boss, GP, and be candid about how you feel.
I was quite open with people when I keeled over, and almost everyone either had first hand experience of similar or only one relationship removed; there is lots of it about.
Good luck.
Money isn’t everything, speak to your wife again because it sounds like something has to change.
I'd second this. Life is short and we're here once, it's not a dress rehearsal. You have my sympathies OP and anyone else in a similar boat because it's a [i]properly[/i] shitty boat to be in (been there, done that, got the 'breakdown' t-shirt).
If I could capture the energy and pace I have in the 2 hours before finishing up for annual leave and employ that all day, every day, I would have a stress related heart attack by the end of the month.
....which is only 3 days away, FWIW
Much resonance here. I hate work, am goodish at it in an emergency but it holds no pleasure at all. it's not the main source of stress for me at the minute but it's definitely the area being most affected. Make sure it's work that's tipping you, if it is then change, if it isn't a new job might just make things worse.
Thank you P-Jay, that is an exceptional and pertinent post. I am genuinely humbled by all the deep consideration from everyone. I will read and re-read all the posts.
I'm glad you found it helpful, and no smoke was blown up any backsides, I meant every word.
I'm going through the same thing myself. I've detested work in the past, I was marginalised, overlooked and taken for granted. I'll never know if it was my depression that made me feel that way, or work making me depressed, it's probally both.
I actually went 'full Tonto' or, as close as I dared. I do have a good relationship with my Boss, but and I'd say this to him, he is a terrible manager. The worst I've ever had. Not because he's a bully, or he's a bad person, he's neither, but he's never learnt any management skills. So I told him I was going to leave as soon as I found something else. After a few weeks, we spoke again, I was honest about what I needed, not just money, although that was a small part of it, but what I needed for my motivation and my personal development.
I only got there through Counselling / Talking Therapy, someone who I trusted considered my career and experience and told me that I was actually really very good at what I do and capable of a lot more. More importantly though, he helped me accept that despite the fact I'm a 'bloke' and my Boss is also my 'Mate' that I do deserve some feedback and recognition for my efforts.
Sorry to hear you're feeling the way you are, it really is more common than you think and as you will see many on here, their spouses/ partners have been there. I recognise much of what you say and I personally go to the point where I cracked in 2019, we're always very busy, key part of the countries' health system and it all got too much. There were signs, but as a senior manager I shouldered others' pressure and eventually it got too much. On a Monday morning I was due on a train north and just couldn't get out of bed, it had been building over the weekend. 4 days later I chatted to the GP and was signed off with stress and depression. It really was the best thing I could have done. Over three months I rested from work, exercised daily, but still never got back to where I wanted. I'd shunned medication and relied on the exercise. Eventually had a moment when trying to head to work on my phased return where I just broke down, managed to call my wife and she found me on the floor of the garage in my bike kit. At that point she got me to the GP and I had a year and bit on antidepressents before coming off them at my own choice with help of GP. I have to say my employer is great and we have lots of support systems inc OH and external providers which were great for me inc the therapy sessions, my boss and colleagues are too and I've made changes to how I work, my own boundaries that I won't cross routinely and so far it's worked. I recognise when I'm getting stressed and put things in practice to mitigate it. That said, given what I do, there will be other major events that will trigger stress, and it's part of the job and is needed to do what we do, but I know how to cope better now. My wife remains convinced one major incident triggered things some times prior which I'm not sure about, and there were many many others far more exposed to it than me.
So it might not be the job per se, best thing is to see your GP, either on your own or with your wife. Be honest with them, as others have said it's your health - they don't see it any differently to an infection etc. Look after yourself and remember it's OK not to be OK.
Lots of good advice here which I won't repeat, but I will say a couple of things.
These days you are the odd one out in the room if you haven't suffered from some sort of mental health issue. There isn't the stigma there used to be, so just like with any other health issue get it treated and if you need time out, then take it.
Secondly please don't leave it too late. 14 years ago I was in a position like you. 6 months later I was being removed from work in an ambulance having suffered a proper "final straw" moment. I have no memory of this but apparently I was drawing random shapes on my bosses office wall with my fingers and completely freaked out over some post-tik notes! The next 2 years were not fun. I couldn't work, I'd get up in the morning to convince my partner that I was OK, then spend most of the day curled up in a ball under the kitchen table. I couldn't drive - didn't have sufficient brain power, and even walking along a road was a nightmare because I didn't have sufficient processing power to decide how to get past obstacles like lampposts. No chance to ride a bike as I couldn't balance.
These days I'm in a really good place and life is great, but those years were very, very hard. Don't be like me, no-one will thank you if you can't function at all, make the changes you need to as soon as you can. If your employer will support you, then great. If not then walk away. As the consultant psychiatrist said to me on "that" day. "There is no job in the world that's worth this, is there?"
Be kind to yourself, there is a lot of help available these days so take advantage of it, and if you need a chat just shout.
^^^^^ thank you - very powerful. The scene described above reminds me of when Blackadder pretends to be mad by sticking a pair of underpants on his head and sticking two pencils up his nose so that he can be invalided back to Blighty.
Hi. Just a quick report back on how things are going.
Firstly, the main advice on here was to talk to people was right. It took a bit of time. The problem is when you are broken you are not very good at getting thing done or doing them in the right way.
I spoke to my wife initially, it took a few conversations but we have come to the conclusion that something has to change. I have now spoken with my boss and the upshot is that he wants me to take a minimum of a month off work (from Wednesday) and not to worry about the projects - he will deal with them and reallocate the work.
Unfortunately (fortunately), I have had COVID for the last two weeks which has brought things to a head. I am feeling quite shell shocked and have a nagging feeling that I am just slacking off. But in the back of mind I am looking forward to a guilt-free day where I go for a ride in the morning with a friend and maybe a spot of gardening in the afternoon (or watch a spring classic on Eurosport). After that I am not sure what I will do but I guess that is the point.
Thanks again everyone. I am genuinely very grateful for all the advice on here - it is a lovely community.
I'm hearing this sort of thing more and more from all sorts of different people. Don't underestimate the psychological toll what the last two years have brought.
In my expert opinion, you've recognised that there is a problem, now to do something about it. Personally, i'd brooch the subject again with the wife and talk it through properly....no need for anyone to get excited, just an open honest conversation.
Maybe talk to someone at work too, if you are behind as you say you are don't wait until becomes critical then you're all in the sh1t with nowhere to go!
See if you can take some time off to recharge the batteries? Time and space are great for contemplation.
Thanks Lamp - did you see my past post (above your)? - basically you are right
Still a way to go though
Glad it's working through for you.
I've been signed off for a month, still at the
when you are broken you are not very good at getting thing done or doing them in the right way.
stage waiting for meds to kick in. Facing some difficult conversations with work and MrsMC about how I find the best way to emerge on the other side.
Facing some difficult conversations with work and MrsMC about how I find the best way to emerge on the other side.
I have just had a few of those today. I did a lot of apologising for dropping colleagues in it and letting them down. But I am letting them down at the moment anyway.
I am very lucky that my colleagues and boss are really good people.
Best of luck
Ah, jobs. I recognise a lot of this thread but I know that it's not me, it's the job. I just don't ****ing care any more, if I ever did. I could give you a rousing speech about how we need to enjoy life to the full and blablabla but that's fundamentally incompatible with work. Only slight issue is that I need the money...
Don't blame yourself for working life being shit.
OP,
Glad to hear that you have managed to sort out your problem.
Breakdown? Yes, I have in the past. There is no way to describe it.
Lost my career completely and only managed to hang on to zero hour contract to sustain myself for a very long time (20 years a long time?).
What I went through (still am) I do not even wish it on my enemy put it this way.