[Closed] Best Man Speech Advice

How much you love and admire him,try not to cry.

And some nob gags.

Express your love for the groom.
Thank the bridesmaids,say the bride looks lovely.
Flowers for the mother/mother in law.
Funny anecdote.
I used notes & didn't drink too much before,or eat and sleep...ha.

I won't cry 🙂

I've not thought of a nob gag yet, but I'm sure that I can put one in.

A week, get cracking !

The odd amusing story is good but remember his new wife (or the parents) will not be impressed at blue jokes and horror stories. Compliment the couple, say he's chnaged man since he met her - delivered right that can be a double-entendre. Maybe get some help from other mates. Write it down, practice it out loud in front of the mirror. Try and be natural and don't just read it.

Also say how honoured you are to have been chosen as best man

When my step sister got married her name changed to Hardy.
The best man likened her to a flower...a hardy perennial that's good up against walls.
I laughed everyone else pretended he never said it.

I think you may have left it a bit late!!

I wrote a poem when I was best man for my brother. It took me about two months but it went down really well.

Edit - this is great advice, I used to do this every day or two when home alone:

jambalaya - Member

Write it down, practice it out loud in front of the mirror. Try and be natural and don't just read it.

I was fortunate enough to be the first best man out of my mates so the standard was pretty low. Had a speech prepared and practiced in front of my other half.
I had a couple of jokes that were close to the mark and a few anecdotes from our youth.
Have seen some great speeches since - use of props to make the groom look ridiculous and even a couple of humiliating PowerPoint presentations!

For every attack on the groom, throw in a self-deprecating line. You can get away with being much more of a **** if you put yourself down too.

I wanted some cliches, and someone suggested that I find someone famous who got married on the same day. I decided to find someone famous who got married on the same day, whose marriage had been a disaster, because I'm a bad human being. But stastistically improbably, there weren't any. So I looked at world events and found the opening of the Forth Bridge- used that as my example because at the time it was overburdened and on the edge of collapsing because of long term corrosion, and replacing it was going to cost a fortune. Excellent metaphor for marriage I thought. Let your mind wander.

(Another mate discovered the wedding was on the day of the release of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. The bride loved Rocky Horror, he hated it. What I wouldn't have given to have something like that to work with...)

You may want to give some consideration to whether or not you want to **** a bridesmaid. There were 3 at this wedding- my awful ex who had ballooned to about 4 times her former size, the groom's sister who I <redacted, he must never know>, and an 8 year old girl. Otherwise I would have done more bridesmaid flattering. I remember this in particular because it was such a goldmine of excellent and awful comic material that I couldn't use, it made me feel like Frankie Boyle.

Whatever you do, make it personal and about them and about you. Not just generic jokes!

I think you may have left it a bit late!!

You have not left it too late.
Definitely practice.
Don't drink until after you're through.
Try to make them laugh, try to make them cry.
Along with thanking on behalf of the bridesmaids, you may have to read aloud telegrams from the lazy who couldn't make it on the day. Surprisingly this may include the recently deceased. 😕
It'll all be fine.

I did one a few years back.......just rip all the jokes from the net, and then throw in a few stories about the groom ...sorted

My mate like my speech so much that a year later he had to do a BMS so I gave him my one and he jogged a few bits around.....sorted

The best Best Man speech I heard was one where the BM said nice, sincere things about the groom and the couple.

The worst was at my own wedding when my younger brother tried to embarrass me by dredging up some family events that really shouldn't have made it into public knowledge. It was a touch too private and nobody laughed.

I've done a few now. I find it easier to write if I come up with a basic structure, this helps to get the words down and then it begins to flow. My suggestion is

1. Introduction, maybe an opening joke
2. Thank everybody for being there, thank bridesmaids, parents etc
3. Funny anecdotes/piss taking of the groom
4. Wrap up with heartfelt bit about bride and groom

Easy peasy

You haven't left it too late, so don't worry about that

My three nieces were my best man.

I was impressed at the amount of knob gags they managed to fit in, tbh.

I got some embarrasing photos of the groom, printed them off and popped them in envelopes on every table. I then shared stories for some of them. Much mirth was to be had.

Everyone watching wants it to go [s]badly[/s] really well.

If in doubt play it safe. I wasn't sure about my BM speech and was right up until the father of the bride speech I was in two minds about doing something PC off the top of my head. I'd contacted the grooms Facebook friends for amusing stories and received no replies which I know there were bound to be. I did the speech and the look the groom gave me halfway said he wasn't amused and then at the end of it I went over to them both to be told by the bride that I'd ruined her day...... Everyone else thought the speech was amusing and ok but to the Bride and Groom it had gone too far.

I once went to a wedding where the BM opened saying something about "if you want the dirt on the groom and the good stories I'll be at the bar after". He gave a great speech afterwards without upsetting anyone....

Keep it reasonably short, three to five minutes is fine. I've been to some weddings where the speeches have really dragged on, father of the bride speeches that go on for twenty minutes without mentioning the groom are not good form. Just remember everybody is there to celebrate so there's no pressure on you.

Agree with all of above. Simple and light hearted where you're not really digging up the bad stuff. I themed mine as the groom being lucky. Lucky that his mum didn't throttle him for wrecking his first communion suit before the service, lucky his dad didn't throttle him for tying his shoe laces when he was sleeping etc etc and lucky that he has such a lovely wife which all went down well.

Also be prepared to send yourself up I'm in the police and opened it with me thanking/complimenting everyone and then turned to the groom, put on a toy police hat with flashing blue light and said "I'm not obliged to say anything but anything I do say you may find embarrassing" ... Folk loved it. Nothing rude, or smutty and well received.

Best advice I can give is just relax. You'll never have a more favourable audience, everyone is happy and most will be half cut. Even my piss poor jokes got big laughs.

I use the same method as Space monkey. Place sets of photos from the Groom's life on each table, only to be opened for your speech. You can get plenty of laughs from old baby photos and embarrassing teenager fashion faux pas without resorting to your knowledge of the Groom's carnal experience, which only his drunk mates might laugh at.
Keep it short (5mins) and finish with a genuine comment on your mate's positive qualities, a compliment for the Bride and toast. Finally, remember everyone wants you to do well, you haven't left it to late, practice a bit but have a script or prompt cards (whichever works for you).

Don't hold back on the smut. The speed I gave for my mate I thought was pretty close to the bone but with hindsight I wish i'd squeezed in more nob gags. I think the audience expects it.

I'm not sure that speed is such a great idea on your wedding day...

Use cue cards and practice out loud in front of the mirror..

Keep it short, hint/refer to bad stuff don't actually describe in detail, keep it short

You will be at least 3rd on the bill and everyone will be starting to get impatient so keep it short

Make him feel loved. That dons't mean being gushing and you can certainly poke fun at a loved one but a wedding day is about sending a couple on their way feeling positive. He selected you because you know him best and have probably been through a few highs and lows together so I'm sure there is a material there. A good speech also needs a hook rather just a rambling set of stories or comments that abruptly stops. Is there a virtue or personality that makes him and bride really suitable? Can you theme the speech around that theme and draw it to conclusion with the day's events and how it was always destined to be so.

I think I mentioned this in a similar thread a while back but my best mans opening line was ....

"On the way here today Dave and I were discussing all that we had been through ..... and how glad we are none of them are here today"

Some Advice:

* Thank the previous speaker.
* Don't fret, Everyone is on your side - it's the easiest gig you'll ever do - people *want* to launch at your jokes.
* Short and sweet is better than too long.
* Don't do it drunk.
* Traditionally you should compliment the bridesmaids and what a great job they've done looking after the bride.
* End seriously

Muxh good advice here. Take it in and go with your gut feel.

Opening line 'A BM speech should be the same length as a ladies skirt. Long enough to cover the important bits, short enough to be interesting'

Or

'I always like to be prepared, so I practised some of this speech when I was guest speaker at the Haemorroid Sufferers annual dinner last week. Well, I say dinner, actually it was a stand up buffet'

Then stick to the main script with telegrams and bridesmaids, etc., add in a few funnies that aren't smutty to cover the whole of his life (not just the Uni/RAF years or however you know him, it's not a speech for your mates it's for everyone), how he met Mrs X, why they're great for each other and wish them luck.

How about a Brexit themed section as it's topical - whaen asked 'Do You' what answer would the guests give. You could get in something about the decline in his economy now they'll have a shared account; buyers remorse (lack of, hopefully); almost 100% support for 'I do' apart from Auntie Mavis (every family has a comedy relative, just find out who) who'd already had 4 gins before the ceremony and didn't understand the question and the crowd on table 4 (choose the rowdies) whose votes weren't counted because intellectually at least they haven't yet reached voting age.

You could then (if the crowd is suitable) also allude to the wedding night which will be in and out. And in. And out. And in and out and in and..... and with any luck repeated again until she gets the result she was looking for 😉

just rip all the jokes from the net

Do not do this! Everyone there who has ever researched a best man's speech has looked at the same websites as you, so you can guarantee a significant percentage of the audience will have heard your hilarious gags used in a speech before. Possibly more than once.

Get drunk and wing it. If you drink enough you will think that it's going well at the time, and not remember it from the next day onwards. What could possibly go wrong?

father of the bride speeches that go on for twenty minutes

I went to a wedding where the father of the bride went on for 40 minutes. At least 5 of those were devoted to the Bride's dead brother.

It would have been funny if it wasn't so awful.

I would stay away from too many in-jokes, you & your mates might have a laugh but everybody else in the room (including Aunt Mabel) won't have a clue.

Make sure the guests are all seated before the speeches begin.

At a wedding this weekend, stood up for 2 hours listening (as it was a nice day out, but no where to sit in the courtyard they used...) to the best men (yep, both of them), father of the bride, brother of the bride, groom and even the brides speeches.

Props. I arranged a slide show with photos and diagrams... amusing stories linking them with telescopic pointer (old radio aerial). All acted as focus away from my face. I drank 3 pints before. It went well.

Short and sincere. If you aren't naturally funny, don't try to be. Say what a great friend the groom has been and how lovely his new wife is.

No one is ever going to think "that speech was awful, not nearly rude enough", whilst you may well make some guests feel awkward with lots of really rude jokes/anecdotes.

Amusing anecdotes that paint the groom in a slightly embarrassing picture are good, but IMO you don't really want anything that'll truly make him cringe. Some others see it as an opportunity for a character assassination, I'd avoid that! Being self deprecating is good, but it's not about you.

Don't insult the bride. At all. Ever.

IMO presentations tend to be more hassle than they're worth.

- Make notes, both electronic and paper. Writing it down will help you memorise it, and give you a backup in case technology fails for whatever reason.

- Keep it simple. I'd avoid anything that would need a power source, or more than one person to set up. Props are interesting, but they add a level of hassle.

- Is there anyone there who should have been, but couldn't for whatever reason? Hit them up for a message. My mate's weddding was in Oz and some of his dearest relatives couldn't make it because of the cost. Getting a card from them to read out at the wedding meant a lot to him.

- Know your audience. E.g: If the bride has a large, very religious family, then perhaps tone down the jokes to suit.

- Remember you're there to make your mate look good first.

- Enjoy doing it. It's an honour. Most people are lucky if they get asked to be the best man once in their lives.

Please ignore any suggestions to "wing it". Appointing you as the best man is not something your mate would have done lightly. Aside from the speech, try and find out as much about the wedding as you can. You'll be front and centre and people will be asking you questions all day long. You're part of the wedding, so it helps to know some basic things like what time food will be served, when the bride and groom will enter. If you're a sociable type, then try and get to know some of the guests and help them have a good time.

"Now, all the couples here today, I want you to just take this opportunity to face each other and look deep into your partners eyes...

...Because statistically you are now looking at the person who is most likely to murder you"

Don't try and make a super-funny stand-up routine if that's not you - follow the basic structure and add in a couple of jokes

Everyone knows how hard it is and will laugh along no matter how nervous you are

Once you've actually stood up and said a few lines it gets easier

I've seen quite a few, some good, some not as good and some very nervous - at no point did I ever think this is terrible - everyone has been drinking wine and in a good mood - dont put too much pressure on yourself

Whatever you do, make it personal and about them and about you. Not just generic jokes!

This x10.

Keep it short. Be genuine. People are on your side will laugh at almost nothing. The most laughter I got in my speech was a simple statement of fact about the couple that I didn't even expect a giggle at.

If people do laugh, pause, enjoy it, look around at them and smile 🙂

Also remember being best man is not just about the speech. Your job is to buffer them from any hassle or problems on the day. If you take the job seriously then its hard work !!!

If anything goes wrong they should not know it went wrong on the day.

+1 to being the man friday on the day. If you have a couple of responsible ushers too, their job doesn't end after the ceremony.

I ushered for a mates wedding when the photographer announced they needed an extra 20 minutes to complete the photos and had to 'negotiate' for the chef to delay service by the same amount - with about 30 mins notice. I'd have hated for the groom to have had to take that level of abuse on his wedding day 😉

Curiousyellow +1

Myself and by brother made a video, we're not great speakers so it provided a bit of entertainment, we had it playing on a projector but had to wait till the sun went down as it was setting directly behind the screen.

opening - recommend all guests recharge their glasses.
every single person you mention, toast them
every drinker will be rolling drunk before you finish and think you are amazing.

That's ace!

"Tom place your hand on top of Barbara's, congratulations that's the last time you'll ever have the upper hand"
"Tom, marriage is about learning the 3 phrases you'll need every day, 'I'm sorry' 'you're right' 'I was wrong' "
lol 😐
I've done a few speeches. You'll brick yourself right up until you're up and doing it and get your first laugh. Once you sit back down you'll wonder why you were nervous and wish you could go back and do it again but slower. So that's my advice, take your time and don't forget to look up and see every single pair of eyes in the room looking at you! hahaha

Your job is to buffer them from any hassle or problems on the day. If you take the job seriously then its hard work !!!

I've been photographing weddings for over a decade and can count on one finger the number of times a best man has done anything useful (other than be entertaining).

As has been said, please don't just nick a bunch of lame jokes from the web - everyone's heard them before and they weren't funny back in '01. By all means take the mick a bit but keep it heartfelt where it counts.

don't forget to look up