MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
Dear All,
So, my maternal grandfather passed away in Spring of 2008 leaving a largish house in the middle of the Oxfordshire countryside, filled with 3 generations of furniture/antiques/belongings/rubbish and memories. The house was valued, and would fetch enough to allow my mother and aunt to retire in the not too distant future. However it is fairly much a certainty that whomsoever bought the property would demolish the 1950's house that my grandfather designed and built, and build a posh security gated bankerpad like all the others in the area. So it goes.
More than three years after the funeral, almost nothing about the house has changed- despite my father and I trying to move the process on. House clearing just isn't happening. My Aunt (well off, single, older) pops back to the house most weekends, but in 3 years hasn't really managed to shift more than about 3 plastic bags of magazines. My mother (the younger sister, who has been quite seriously ill in the last 5 years) doesn't feel she can do anything without her sister's agreement and can't take the stress of fighting - they can't set a date between them, and the bills for keeping the place are mounting up. It's been having an adverse effect on my parents' relationship, something my grandparents would have hated to see...
So, what I am wondering is has anyone else had this stage of bereavement/shifting the deceased's stuff drag on this long? Does anyone know if there is any kind of an expert who specialises in helping families through this stage of bereavement? The undertaker was fantastic, and really helped at the time, but long term I don't know what support is out there.
Any thoughts, suggestions, much appreciated 🙂
molotov at midnight
Who was named as executor of the estate?
Sorry for your loss.
it is fairly much a certainty that whomsoever bought the property would demolish the 1950's house that my grandfather designed and built, and build a posh security gated bankerpad like all the others in the area. So it goes.
With respect, this isn't your concern I'm afraid. Whoever buys it can do what they like; if you can't let it go, you'll have to keep it.
I think in your situation, I'd get an auctioneer to empty the place, then split the money equally between the beneficiaries. Diplomatically, you could tell them this is what you're proposing. After three years they either don't care or care too much.
My mother and aunt are joint executors- unfortunately they don't seem to have the necessary ommf to deal with it.
My father and I would happily get an auctioneer in tomorrow, and have suggested this (I think we have both privately imagined your solution too Falkirk Mark...) but the two women are still far too close to it all, even after all this time- out efforts to intervene are seen as interference. They want to move at their pace, all the while losing money
You're right Cougar, they are still too close. What I'm really looking for is an outside expert who can guide them through this in a reasonable time, without the family imploding as a result!
It's up to them what pace they want to move at, although if it's left too long it will be harder. There may be issues they have with each other surfacing. Parental loss changes the relationship of the siblings an it can take a long time for the status quo to return. They may not know it or want to except it but clearing the house together is the best thing to do.
Three years is a long time and it all opens a big can of worms.
Jeepers - nothing to suggest really but I do wish you luck.
Might be different for you, but I was "first named" of two executors (myself and my Uncle) as such, I've done all of the gathering in, asset disposal etc.
Your best bet would be to get them to appoint a solicitor/lawyer to take it out of their hands. However, if the older sister is in no hurry, I doubt that you'll be able to speed it along. You have my condolences.