[Closed] Being asked to contribute to a friends party expenses by his spouse?

Yes it sounds a little odd, but as you say that don't really mind and he's a great lad then I wouldn't dwell on it. Have a nice time 🙂

Thanks Ernie!

Just remember to charge them for anything you give them anytime they visit you.... 😉

What a tightwad!

pay her in scottish notes

I'd be happy to contribute to a mates party, but bearing this in mind:

they're flush, have no kids and are both on great incomes. Really great

...its a bit ****in' rude!

I think if you are expected to pay for the grub then you have a right to complain if its crap!

Is this odd, or is just me?

Very odd!

We've helped out with food at parties - everyone bring a plate of butties/pudding - that sort of thing. But never been asked for cash.

£10 for a buffet would have me starved from the day before, and trousers with an elasticated waist to make sure I got my monies worth

sounds a bit off TBH but just stump up and go I guess. Deduct the £10+ from any gift you may have been thinking about giving though 🙂

It's definitely weird and I suspect may derail the whole party as I would think that a lot of people will baulk at it and not go?

If he's a good mate then I'd just pay and go as it's not worth worrying over but I do think there'll be diminished numbers when you get there.

Regarding the salary and income thing it's always dangerous to make assumptions I think, you never know what people's private circumstances are.

Hypothetically, maybe they have a sick close relative and are paying $$$$'s to look after them and so she can't afford to fund the party?

More likely she's just tight, but you see my point.

Have a great time! And forget about the £10*

*hand in an invoice for your 'appearance fee' at the end.

Just turn up and forget about the money

I went to a BBQ a while back where people were supposed to bring their own meat, hardly anyone did.

I wouldn't be very happy with that. How about no tenner if you promise not to eat anything?

pay it, then at the party tell your mate the buffet wasnt worth the tenner you were all asked to pay for it.

Sit back and enjoy the free entertainment that ensues.

Bit bizarre, I always thought the unwritten rule was that you were either asked to bring a 'dish' with you or the host provided all the food - the upside being the host is generally left with a load of untouched bottles of wine, beer, etc. afterwards.

a)they're flush as

Thought this was going to be about his misses asking you to fund his naughty nose

I have a mate who does this, throws a BBQ 2 or 3 times a year and asks everyone to throw 20 into the kitty for it, thought it was bit odd the first time, but he does go to town a bit, get's a load of Argentinian steak in and plenty of booze.

For a one off celebration, thrown by a partner for a special occasion, I would still see it as being a bit off.

She sounds like a right muppet. But its not the guy's fault so just pay and go have a good time. I think your right in that it may put a lot of people off just for the rudeness of it.

Better be the best buffet ever. I'd be bringing a bag to ensure I get my fair share.

Think a photo of this buffet better be supplied.

Deduct the £10+ from any gift you may have been thinking about giving though

They'd end up owing me money.

Pretty odd IMO especially as there seem to be no mitigating circumstances.

But I would pay the tenner and have a good time. Life's too short.

Just you wait till she sends you the present list!

Why not suggest you all pay in a bit more and have a free bar - Carnage 8)

It's a bit odd but I would never turn upto a party empty handed and would usually offer to bring some food, so it's no different in that way. It's better than asking everyone to turn up at a restaurant, which might be one you don't like or one of those god awful overpriced Michelin starred things that turns everyone into food ponces waffling on about purée's and foams all night before you pay £100 and go home hungry. I wouldn't take offence, it's a party for a mate and these are two way events, as much for you as the recipient. If it's not a close mate or an acquaintance then I'd consider if I really wanted to go and might politely decline, say I'm washing my hair or organising my DVD collection or something, and stay in and get a curry instead.

What ever you do, don't pay her by pay pal gift then post that she's robbed you of the buffet doesn't arrive

pay it, then at the party tell your mate the buffet wasnt worth the tenner you were all asked to pay for it.

I always thought the unwritten rule was that you were either asked to bring a 'dish' with you or the host provided all the food - the upside being the host is generally left with a load of untouched bottles of wine, beer, etc. afterwards.

Have organised a celebration ceilidh in the past for significant birthday / wedding years for ourselves. Was catered, ceilidh band, hall hire; I guess it did all add up. Maybe she panicked at the cost of what supposed to start off as a 'little do'?

Wouldn't dream of asking folk to chip in though, despite being a Scotsman born in Aberdeen born to a Yorkshire lass..

*skip to the end*

Just make sure to fill your pockets with £10 worth of buffet.

the upside being the host is generally left with a load of untouched bottles of [s]wine, beer, etc.[/s] Malibu, Campari, Stones Ginger Wine etc. afterwards.

Fixed 😈

Is she from a different cultural background?? Maybe its the done thing in her home country.

If not, then imho it is a very odd thing to do.

Did they charge for invites to their wedding???

ninfan -

the upside being the host is generally left with a load of untouched bottles of wine, beer, etc. Malibu, Campari, Stones Ginger Wine etc. afterwards.

Fixed

We've got a can of Skol in the pantry still from two years ago. Not surprising it got left, I wouldn't give it to the dog. And we haven't even GOT a dog

It's a bit odd but I would never turn upto a party empty handed and would usually offer to bring some food, so it's no different in that way.

The difference is that's you bringing a gift, not being asked for payment.

pondo - Member

We've got a can of Skol

dangeourbrain - Member

...for drowning scaring slugs.

I'll give you £10 for it as we've got slug problem in our kitchen (I know), Paypal gift ok? Keep meaning to make Ladybadger watch Slither sometime just to freak her out a bit more...

Take along a bag of Greggs donuts and tell her that your buffet contribution.

I'll give you £10 for it as we've got slug problem in our kitchen (I know), Paypal gift ok? Keep meaning to make Ladybadger watch Slither sometime just to freak her out a bit more...

[url= http://www.gizoogle.net/index.php?search=http%3A%2F%2Fsingletrackworld.com%2Fforum%2Ftopic%2Fbeing-asked-to-contribute-to-a-friends-party-expenses-by-his-spouse&se=Gizoogle+Dis+Shiznit ]My useless contribution.[/url]

If they really are flush, then I reckon £10 is getting off lightly compared to you having to pay your own way at a restaurant she might otherwise have organised the party at, say.

Wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

You could always go out for a phal the night before and make sure you use their en-suite toilet (I'm assuming they have one from the flush description).

LOL at bearnecessities!

Thanks all. I'm not complaining, its just....unusual.

I went to a BBQ a while back where people were supposed to bring their own meat, hardly anyone did

Me too. Even worse, we did, taking some nice butchers sausages and decent quality burgers with us. By the time i'd realised what was going on, i either had to throw myself over the barbecue like a second row forward counterrucking, or stand on and watch in dismay as the tight arses all got tucked into my dinner, leaving me with a value burger and charred chipolata.

Being english, naturally I chewed on the chipolata and then thanked the host for a lovely evening.

when a good friend passed away last year was told it was going to be £25 ahead. by the time the funeral came any mention of money had gone

Significant year, what is he 10?
Tell her to jog on.

Having a whip round for a funeral sounds a bit harsh 😐

It is odd I would never do such a thing

But if it is a good friend I would pay

I went to a new years party once after being there 5 mins they came and asked for cash towards the food (didn't know that was coming) anyway me and another mate were found eating the gateauxs straight out of the packet. The hostess wasn't impressed 😀 I'd had my tea before going so I was having desert.

Don’t be hasty to think it's a cheek – the fare might be a veritable smorgasbord of delightful delicacies and well worth a nominal contribution. If not, get lashed, cut-up-rough and create a scene by throwing sloppy trifle and stale Vol-Au-Vent's at the hostess and any guests that have annoyed you over the years.

a)they're flush as

You don't get rich by spending your own money.

[url=

didn't get rich by writing a lot of cheques[/url]

Is she planning a Chinese buffet?
[img] https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSnkVsO3JaGufO_0O9-e6co1s2XfQIwBOcawnCv1fUdozKhPxxQKA [/img]

Say its fine, and ask for an itemised bill to see that she isn't paying herself a wage for all her hard work.

mrs has a friend who must be your mates wifes sister.. kids partys its bring food, adult gatherings its can you cover the cost of desserts i was once asked to service the gas fire before the party as my contribution.. teachers.. i havent accepted an invite since..

I don't really mind, but a)they're flush as b)have no kids and c)are both on great incomes. Really great....

Is this odd, or is just me?

i would happily pay if they really needed it/the party would not happen any other way or I really wanted to go.
This is just mean IMHO.

Not normal.

You should pay with luncheon vouchers.

I'd be breaking out the Tupperware and taking a packed lunch.

Pay and enjoy! I hope the buffet is superb, if its not we need pics!

def a bit odd......

.......and if its just for buffet! not drinks thats a bloody expensive buffet!!

[url= http://www.iandbcatering.co.uk/shop/page/9?shop_param= ]a good guage of buffet costs[/url]

How many people are going? If it's over 100 I can maybe understand. Regardless forgot convention, he's a mate and you'd spend much more on a meal out.

Showed this one around my local. Unamous bring a bottle or plate, asking for cash is just cheap and nasty !!! I wouldn't go mate or not.

I wouldn't go mate or not.

Surprised there are so many cheapskates on here. I think the OP is just jealous when he says

I don't really mind, but a)they're flush as b)have no kids and c)are both on great incomes.

(I don't really believe half of this stuff)

Odd. Very odd. You don't invite people to a party and then charge them. Just tell them you'll eat before you get there.

I've never charged anyone for coming to my house for dinner. It's a what goes around comes around thing. So if over the years everyone puts a meal/occasion on it evens out. So, have you ever had these people around for dinner?

Personally I would be a bit miffed as she is obviously showing some resistance to doing it, by putting a small block in the way. It's a small amount of money really but what's going off here is a bit awkward and it would wind me up no end.

I would basically make my excuses and not go and offer an alternative to your mate. But then I hate penny pinching.

And as for friendships being worth less a tenner; not at all. Offer to take mate out for birthday meal instead, or cook for free?

Would definetly go if only to take the piss out of mate for having such a nightmare of a wife.
Had a mate in work who was the loudest and most outrageous guy you'd ever meet, but I front of his wife he had been castrated.
The look on your mates face when he finds out you know what he's got to put up with will be pure comedy gold. Worth at least a tenner I say.

Maybe from her pov she's not inviting her guests to her house, she's organising a party on behalf of a group of her husband's friends. In which case I suspect this will be the last time, judging from the skinflint responses.

[i]It is odd and it is not you[/i]

+1

Never heard of anyone doing this either. But then if he was a really good mate you'd know already how his Misses works/thinks, so maybe not that good a mate.

And there is a world of difference between spending £10 and been asked for £10.

Evidently your friendship isn't worth "north of a tenner".
Surprised there are so many cheapskates on here.

LOL at Konabunny! Slightly tongue in cheek I believe. 'Course I'm not jealous..... 🙄

(and I haven't mentioned exactly how much the amount was in case anyone else on STW recognises this, and them, and embarrasses him in some way. It was significantly more than a tenner....)

DrJ- I think you've probably hit the nail on the head re his wife's thoughts. That would explain it.

I sort of get it . My girlfriend now wife organised my 40th at a restaurant everyone paid their own and brought booze . No one objected and given her finances and it being a surprise for me it would never of happened otherwise .
For other events though it is more normal not to ask for anything . Within my small group of friends it is normally for the host to lay on the food and an adequate supply of drink and the guests to bring at least enough booze to cover their own consumption normally the entire groups this tends to mean sore heads all round the next day.

Do you get an entry ticket?

My 30th was 10 years ago and we had a big house party. Most of our friends were struggling artists / students. We spent about £200 on meat and beer and invited everyone round (granted, not a surprise, buy hey!). People came from all over the country - good opportunity to catch up with old mates.

Asking for money is plain rude and she is clearly not in synch with the rest of humanity. That said, in your case I'd still cough up and go. Then pebbledash the toilet.

Do you get an entry ticket?

I'd want an access all areas pass if she's that tight!

😉

codybrennan - Member
Strange one this, etiquette wise.

Mate is getting sprung a surprise party for a significant year by his OH. She's surreptitiously finding out who can and can't make it.

I'd said yes- he's a great lad- and she seemed pleased.

However, a formal invite has arrived to the do, and there within is a little note, asking me to contribute a sum of money (north of £10) for the buffet.

I'm assuming all other guests have also been asked to do this.

I don't really mind, but a)they're flush as b)have no kids and c)are both on great incomes. Really great....

Is this odd, or is just me? I'd planned on getting him some kind of pressie too.

as above if they are rich,and you not so,tell her to shove the invite 😉 the cheek of it.

Yup.
Tell her to whistle.

But take your mate out, just the two of you and buy him a few beers.
Don't invite Madame Gnats-Chuff.

Good idea. Take your mate out and tell him how you spoiled his wife's idea for a surprise party for want of a tenner. I'm sure he'll see the funny side.

Good idea. Take your mate out and tell him how you spoiled his wife's idea for a surprise party for want of a tenner. I'm sure he'll see the funny side.

Well it made me laugh!!