Baby talk (Dads give me some hope)

Whether it's good or bad, it's probably a phase. Hang in there.

It will get easier, you just have to accept that you don't have a much free time for the next year or so. After that you actually want to spend time with them, so you still have less free time but you tend to not be annoyance and want to give up some of it

Forgot to add, during bathtime he soiled that too! 🤣 he also has a cold which may have a bearing on his body clearing it out? I have no idea, sat here so long with his 7kg on me my arse is going numb!

So just got him into a routine at 3 months

At 3 months the baby doesn't have a routine and will change its mind based on its immediate needs. You have a routine your trying to make it fit into.

So I basically lose 2.5 hours of my night getting him to sleep and that’s if he doesn’t wake up! If he does when going to put him down it’s drawn out even longer.

This is relatively normal at this age. Been there done that.

It does get better and it is worth the short term pain.

Wait till teething starts.

As I say… any tips most appreciated 🤣.
I just end up watching GCN, GMBN and Pinkbike videos sat in bed just waiting for him!

Exactly what I did. Ours is three now and asks to go to bed. We now have to run round the park chasing her on her bike.... Soon be MTB.

You soon forget about the lost time every night.......we have another on the way in may.

It might get better!

At two months- a year ago- I was considering a minor nervous breakdown from the ‘sitting up late with a baby who wouldn’t sleep easily and woke up all too easily’. Into month three we really managed to get a routine sorted out and things calmed down*. Since then I we’ve been pretty lucky to be honest. Some NCT friends had it quite a bit worse and for longer though.

*For us it was getting a routine in the day that worked that made evenings click into place.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sensational-Baby-Sleep-Plan/dp/0593062817

This worked for us for #1 and #4. (Twins don't count)

At 3 months the baby doesn’t have a routine and will change its mind based on its immediate needs. You have a routine your trying to make it fit into.

so much this - if you thought you’d nailed parenthood after 13 weeks then you’d be a god to every other parent out there. You will have challenges in one way or another for a long time yet so strap in and enjoy the journey.

At 3 months the baby doesn’t have a routine and will change its mind based on its immediate needs. You have a routine your trying to make it fit into.

Now that I find interesting as that’s the exact opposite of what we had. We weren’t expecting a routine to be something to aim for at all at that age, but ours was really not great at sleeping in the day, got to the evening tired and then didn’t sleep. Getting some more stable sleep time in earlier in the day at the right time meant she hit bedtime at about the right amount of sleepy.

Thank you so it sounds like it does get easier! Yes we try to make sure he doesn’t sleep too much during the day or go out and keep his mind active out in walks etc to tire him out.

Kudos to anyone who’s had more than one child, if I’m totally honest because our biking lives has changed so much in the first I’d say 2 months both of us found it incredibly hard due to sleep deprivation, him having no personality and you feel like you’re just there to supervise a blob with legs…. I was waiting for a bit of an personality to show which it finally has but genuinely I look forward to when I can get him on the weeride so we can go on gentle rides and when he can eat and feed himself, I’m sure it’ll be Carnage but being able to chat to him and teach him things is what I’m most looking forward to!

As above it'll be a phase. You're probably sick of hearing that though as I know I was but unfortunately it's the truth.

I remember your thread about the reflux, we had similar with no2 which we managed to get cleared up so there is light at the end of the tunnel. Took us a while but we figured out it was a reaction to soya, cut that out of mum diet (breastfeeding) and it seemed to clear up fairly fast.

Yep, sounds similar to ours. “Routine” comes and goes. They keep you guessing. The constantly changing landscape played with my head quite a bit.
I used the late night shift to watch The Soppranos. I hope the violence doesn’t leave a lasting impression, on them😂🐴

Top tip for getting exercise in is...... Parkrun. It was our saviour.

Baby in the pram loved running along the beach promenade - I did wait till 6 months though.

There is no hope🤣. Once you get the hang of things the second one comes along………

I look forward to when I can get him on the weeride so we can go on gentle rides and when he can eat and feed himself, I’m sure it’ll be Carnage but being able to chat to him and teach him things is what I’m most looking forward to!

Try not to wish the time away - they don’t stay small for long and before you know it they’ll be moving into their own place.

At 14years I'm still sat with my son watching pink bike videos at 11pm...

Yep, sounds similar to ours. “Routine” comes and goes.

+1 to that, as they develop they will change needs and 'routines' - next phase I recall was as they grow bigger and more active (even if that is just wriggling for now) they will also get hungrier....means waking more often again and so on. That'll persist until you can start weaning.

Sorry, it will all pass but better be prepared for the 2 forward and 1 back that is your destiny for the foreseeable.

As above, it's common to get a routine then it goes out of the window. Babies change all the time, kids change all the time.

Our youngest was a terrible sleeper. I used to sit with her in a chair by her cot, and then as soon as we could we put the sides down and I lay in it with my legs over the back. This continued until she was about ooh, two or three. Then she was always up in the night until 7 or 8 and we just gave up. She's just an extreme night owl. However your kid is far too young to have a circadian rythmn.

You could try a later bedtime. So many parents are putting their kids to bed at 7 or even 6 but I really don't think it's necessary for all kids. Same for naps. Our youngest never needed much in the way of sleep and stopped taking naps at about 9mo. My mum says I was the same. Some parents are still trying to force their kids to sleep at 3 or 4, but really - can you imagine someone walking in, stopping you from doing whatever you were doing and attempting to force you to sleep? You cannot force anyone to sleep, that's not how it works.

I just end up watching GCN, GMBN and Pinkbike videos sat in bed just waiting for him!

If that's what you've got to do, then that's what you've got to do. But I'm a big advocate of flexibility with routines. Try to find what works for the kid, don't just do what you think should work.

12 weeks is a classic time for a growth spurt (ours fell into that pattern, and came out of it with some new talents, such as playing more with toys). We found The Wonder Weeks really useful for both knowing what to expect, and what to do.

Our first child settled terribly at first - what worked for us in the end was using a bondolino (a soft body carrier) in which he would sleep until the early hours before I’d hand over to my OH with whom he’d co-sleep for the rest of the night. The key point, as others have said, is that this was a phase and things eventually got better. Other sleeping tricks: slinging and walking up and down the stairs; taking a short walk outside; and a nursing chair in which he could be rocked to sleep.

I just end up watching GCN, GMBN and Pinkbike videos sat in bed just waiting for him!

Luxury - didn't have that in my day!

Firstly, well done for taking on the bedtime routine and giving mum a break. Though if you are working full time, getting disturbed at night etc, maybe mum could do one night a week so you get a mental break - I got one midweek night ride a week.

Secondly, as others have said, at that age, there will be no easy routine. Sorry.

Thirdly, it never gets easier, the problems just change. Mine are 19 and 16.

You're welcome.

Has anyone said it's a phase yet?

Eldest here is 4 1/2. He was a terrible sleeper until bizarrely we took the cot sides off and boom that was him.

Youngest is a worse sleeper. At nearly 2 he is still in with us. Made worse just now with a cold that he keeps choking with.

They do grow up very quickly and we're now looking at school starting this year, it seems like yesterday I was a blubbering wreck in the maternity unit.
Youngest tries to blame his brother for farting which is funny.

Ours is not much better for getting to sleep at 5 months, we have a very similar routine with bath time at 7, feed and sleep. We can't really go any later as she is in full fussy 'witching' mode by then where nothing will placate her.

Make sure you get plenty of bibs ready for the teething stage. (Started seeing this around 4-5 months) They drool constantly and if you let it slide at all with damp on their tops you get a dribble rash which is hard to get on top of.

It does get a bit easier and more fun over time. Less household arguments too... when you're getting screamed at it can be easy to lose your filter!

I also have found it challenging in these early stages of not being able to ride! We’ve both given each other one ride so far for an hour each at the weekend once which felt amazing!

I do miss the early morning rides I used to get in, nowadays my morning just exists of 30 mins to be able to shower, eat and change and then start work as I work from home.

We’re both bike nuts, so maybe will be able to find a way to bring those back in on occasions!

I suppose another thing that takes up the time is that she’s trying to express until he’s at least 6 months so every morning she has 30 mins of doing that so only gets the same 30 mins as me to get ready…

What a commitment having a child is 🤣

whats up with you man, it is so so easy the first time round, when you are young and healthy and mobile.

just imagine it 25 or so years down the line and you are looking after grandkids 4 days a week.
that is when it is hard and the fun starts.................. ;o)

We're also both bike nuts. On weekends we've found a way to work it so we can get a ride in each on both days (unless we go for a trip somewhere). This really helps with sanity. This morning while I was on duty I took her out for half an hour in the pram and she then napped for a couple hours which was a nice luxury!

When I work from home we tend to alternate lunch hours where I'll either taken the baby reigns for an hour or go out for a quick spin. Can't do it everyday or I'll turn into a right grumpy git at work.

Does your other half have any sort of social circle with other mums yet? We've enrolled in a few baby classes - 'sing and sign', and baby swimming which is a nice thing that takes up a few hours with something fun and the mums get to socialise a bit afterward. Takes some of the strain off.

Oh yes thank you, she gets out a few times, baby yoga on a Friday. Off to see her friends at least once a week… she gets out more than I do in all honesty but I tend to manage easier.

Some days i get three days into the week and realise I’ve not even left the house so going to try and make the most to have a full lunch hour and time to walk around the village at the very least!

Some great advice/words here from you all though so thank you. Don’t get me wrong i’m smitten on him it’s just been such a huge adjustment

If you’re blessed with one, neuro-divergent kids tend to need a lot more support for a lot longer.

I've done the same recently a few times when WFH, staying in for days - particularly when the weather isn't great. It's aggravating an old back injury which I need to get on top of before it gets any worse.

I've made it a new years resolution to make sure I get out everyday.

Don’t get me wrong i’m smitten on him it’s just been such a huge adjustment

Are you suggesting you weren't aware of that before you dropped your trousers? It's a bit late to reconsider now 😉

Totally agree Commencal! Also I have a back issue I HAVE to keep on top of which means regular yoga and in some cases I’m just struggling to find the time to do it, we don’t live in squalor or anything like that but the floordrobe is a real thing as I just don’t get around to putting some clothes away 😂

I will say this though, a lot of this is because he sleeps in our room as he’s meant to for 6 months. Soon as that time passes and he has his own room to sleep in then that should make life easier! We won’t have to tiptoe in every night avoiding waking him, or not watch South Park in bed for fear of waking him or not be able to put clothes away at the end of the day for the fear of you guessed it…. Waking him!

We also always sleep with the window open to get fresh cool air in, had to stop that too so he doesn’t get too cold in our room…. So it’s the countdown to when he sleeps in his nursery so we get some normality back!

Haha, I've long since stopped getting undressed in the bedroom. Had to use another room for months. Undoing a belt with a baby in earshot was like defusing a bomb.

You sound like you've got him sleeping in a cot? If so you can count that as a win. We have to co-sleep, she never sleeps for more than half an hour in the cot at night so it isn't practical for the time being. It won't be forever but just have to go with what works sometimes.

Haha I sure was, but we have both said actually how little we knew about certain things and people never discussing it but clearly had All gone through it. My friends who have nearly all had kids never said in the beginning they’ll need to be fed every two-three hours. You lose your bedroom for 6 months and you will have to learn to be so quiet, so many other things as well as whenever my friends started talking about babies (female friends) I’d just turn off and find the guys (who were dads but never said anything) to chat about everything but babies!

I realise I really should have paid more attention back then, but yes we both knew it was going to be challenging but don’t think we realised how much. I remember my friend saying to me “will you be trying to carry on biking when you can then” and me saying “yes we’ll take in turns at looking after the baby and still get out on the trails”. What a load of bull that was, more to keep the relationship strong for a while biking ceases to exist to give full support to Mum especially after recovering from the episiotomy and there isn’t time inbetween the sitting up after feeds and the crankiness trying to settle little one to the constant nappy changes and taking over when she’s worn out or can’t take the crying bouts anymore and needs to have some space. Not to mention in the early days any time I even thought about biking was spent thinking “I could go to sleep now” even in the middle of the day, which of course also never happened as there’s so much to do, washing, pots, cleaning, more washing oh and more washing 😂

If I’m getting deep and meaningful it’s just love that rules overall and you do whatever you can to get through whatever is thrown at you 👍

Kids, they are hard work but are very rewarding. Hang in there, it does get easier. Try to enjoy as much as you can with them especially when they're young as they grow up and change so fast.

It won't be long until you're being beaten at FIFA by them and chasing them down the trails.

So ruddy unpredictable as well! He’s just guzzled through 120ml of food showing no sign of stopping….I stick a bunch more food in his bottle, go to carry on feeding and he refuses to drink it!
So it’s going to go to waste now and it’s not easy to get it in the first place…. He never only just drinks 120ml argh!

Our eldest starting sleeping through at 3 months, few blips along the way but nothing bad.

The 2nd (and last!) nearly broke me, he's three now and still doesn't sleep through very often.

No two are the same!

BiL just had a little girl that just seems to sleep all the time, barely even has a whinge!

Our youngest, now 5, was a terrible sleeper and it was horrendous. Both me & MrsFlyingOx spent months full-on sleep deprived at our wits' end, made worse by having friends around us with kids that all seemed to sleep through from around 10 weeks. We were second-guessing our parenting methods and those bedtimes are not something I look back on with particular fondness. It was around 7 months we finally gave the "timed crying" method a try, where you first go and settle after 30s crying and then leave & close the door, then 1 minute, then 1m 30s, then 2m, then 3m... you get the idea. It's hard to do as a parent as it goes against every instinct you have to ignore your child when it's crying, but at that age it can just be about how they attempt communication. He wasn't needing fed, wasn't too hot or cold, wasn't ill, wasn't needing a fresh nappy, he probably just wanted reassurance and was making a sound he knew that would get it. We only needed to try it that one night, think we got to about 7 minutes waiting before he finally got the message and he's slept through ever since. Absolute snooze machine now, will be zonked about 30 seconds after his head hits the pillow.

I'm not saying it's what a 3 month old needs and I certainly wouldn't have tried it at that age, but it's worth keeping at the back of your mind for when all else has failed.

It'll get better. For the first year, they need constant attention. Your life is just a daze of lack of sleep and frantically trying to keep up with things. Once they start talking and walking, it gets much easier and they start being fun to hang out with. Then they turn into teenagers and all you get are grunts and sulking in response to anything you say and you wish you could reset them to being 3 years old again.

I preferred mine as teenagers, much more interesting than babies. Which as the OP is discovering are demanding and lead to sleep deprivation and you can't even have a decent conversation with them.

Of course being 18 doesn't stop mine from messing with my sleep: I got up at 4am today to take her to the airport... Anyway try and enjoy them while they're small, as others have mentioned it really does go by in a flash.

I will say this though, a lot of this is because he sleeps in our room as he’s meant to for 6 months. Soon as that time passes and he has his own room to sleep in then that should make life easier! We won’t have to tiptoe in every night avoiding waking him, or not watch South Park in bed for fear of waking him or not be able to put clothes away at the end of the day for the fear of you guessed it…. Waking him!

Lol, the difference with shifting them into their own room is you lose half your nights sleep bedroom hopping trying to get the blighters back to sleep when they wake up.

3 and 6 here. Not sure 'gets easier' is the right expression. 'changes just when you start to get the hang of it' is probably more accurate!

good luck!

I read your long post in response to mine and think that should be the preface to all these perfect baby books. "If you thought it was going to be easy, you've not been paying attention. Put it away again, and have a long hard think what you're about to do"

It will be worth it, IDK how or when but it will change and while it never gets easier, just different, there are rewarding times to come.

One comment, about tiptoeing around. Don't create a bad habit like that, eventually you'll want them to be able to sleep anywhere (and they can if they're tired enough) - ours have curled up in the corner of rooms at parties and weddings and dozed. And at some point in the future it will completely change where not even 3 fire engines outside when the house next door's shed catching fire woke them. Genuinely amazed, and that's an 18 year old, slept through it all.

So mine (3.5) still won’t sleep through, we’ve accepted he’s just not a great sleeper. Doesn’t wake up for long though.

And it does get better - he loves building Lego sets now, and sat building Lego with my son is one of the best things ever. Or riding round the park with him on our bikes. Or exploring some woodland etc.

We're at 6.5 months and sleep training has helped us massively. A little bit of crying has created a baby that sleeps through the night.....mostly.

Over the christmas period she learned to pull herself up and blow a raspberry at you. It's amazing the pride you have at the smallest achievements!

f I’m totally honest because our biking lives has changed so much in the first I’d say 2 months both of us found it incredibly hard due to sleep deprivation, him having no personality and you feel like you’re just there to supervise a blob with legs…. I

I felt the exact same, but then they start drip feeding you things like smiles, giggles etc. as rewards!

The little man is now 3.5 years old…
He’s now riding his proper singlespeed bike and the sound of him laughing when he first got it was amazing. Bikes, Lego, ‘helping’ with DIY and gardening, it’s all good.
Doesn’t stop him being a little so-and-so sometimes, but it does make up for it.

Yep first few months can be divorce tackle:)

Ours is now 10months old and its only really in the last 1/2 months that her character is really coming out

Dinner 5:30pm; Bath 6pm; last bottle, 2 teeth brushed, nappy changed and story 6:15pm, asleep at 6:30pm

We know how lucky we are with her sleeping through till 7am unless shes poorly with a blocked nose

We've never tried to keep quiet and always had lots of noise

For the fist 4months she was in a crib next to our bed and woke every couple of hours - put her in her own room at 4 months and she started sleeping through instantly

EDIT - with regards to biking and missing out on it, you'll get back there in your own (baby's) time - we found that planning and making best availble use of time is key - it's amazing how much redundant time you really have before children

As others have said, don't wish the time away to quickly. My almost 3.5 year old has refused to use the potty and toilet and has an issue with going for number 2s, holds them in until he's in huge amounts of pain (6 days at a time). You cannot reason with them at this age so we just have to grin and bear it. Due to school in September we've taken the plunge with potty training anyway as various professionals have said he's ready physically at least, he's just refusing. It's been a gut wrenching nightmare in all honesty. He's in hysterics asking for a nappy and we just have to say there are no more day time nappies. He's not stupid, he then asks to go to bed and have his night time nappy on. 4 days in a row this has happened after holding a wee in for a ridiculously long time. Last night was a sort of break through as he had a major accident, we got the potty underneath him to catch half of it. We cheered and laughed and got him to smile and laugh while he did it (keep the oh **** it's on the sofa/carpet etc in your head and just smile) Back to square one this morning with getting upset wearing pants and off to the child minder who was also prepared as she is amazing. He's managed two wees on the potty, very relieved he hasn't held it in. Issue now is he expects toys in return which we will just have to accept for now to move forward. The next test is home again. He is much better in considering the potty at the child minder, at home it's a different story.

He's extremely stubborn and always wants to do stuff his own way (when with us), been like that since forever.