[Closed] "as happy as a penguin in a microwave"

Wasn't there a film where they put someone in a human size microwave? It was a gangster film and the guy exploded??

Anyway... you could've fit an emperor penguin in that one.

Yeah there's little ones, innit? Should fit in a standard microwave. Dunno about an Emperor though.

I seen penguins in Australia once. Mad little bastards; hop up onto rock, shufle forward, throw self in water. Swim round, get out, repeat. Over and over again.

Like, WTF? 🙄

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Wasn't there a film where they put someone in a human size microwave? It was a gangster film and the guy exploded??

Anyway... you could've fit an emperor penguin in that one.

[url=

u're thinking of Kick Ass.[/url]

But can you actually fit a penquin in a microwave?

How about a baby penguin? They're identical to baby robins apparently. They would fit in even the most modest of microwaves.

What about if it was still in the egg? That'd be interesting.

....and quite tasty, TSY!

"thick Jamie"

*s****s*

*clutches straws*

Damn, someone else found the edit function!

There is an edit function?

You might get a Fairy Penguin into a large microwave, but an Emperor? No chance:

The largest living species is the Emperor Penguin (Aptenodytes forsteri): adults average about 1.1 m (3 ft 7 in) tall and weigh 35 kg (75 lb) or more. The smallest penguin species is the Little Blue Penguin (Eudyptula minor), also known as the Fairy Penguin, which stands around 40 cm tall (16 in) and weighs 1 kg (2.2 lb).

the small ones are 40cm tall it says on wikipedia. you could squash one in. but I don't trust wikipedia. It can't be a baby one, it's got to be grown up with full rational thought and understanding intact.

Pretty sure I could ram a Rockhopper into the microwave.

you could fit several emperor penguins in a microwave if you cremated them first.

TSY, a few minutes ago:
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‘ninja edit’ made me s****.

Rockhoppers are metal and will break the microwave; any fewl no that!

excellent countzero. That's what I did. It makes me smug in the knowledge that I can use the internet to find things out about small penguins! no practical experiences then? bah.

They're identical to baby robins apparently

Cept that Baby Penguins float, and Baby Robins soak up water like a sponge and sink.

I don't trust wikipedia

See, a lot of people say this to try and sound cool, as though somehow they have access to more 'accurate' information, but tbh, Wiki's usually pretty much spot on. Same as people try to claim 'oh the trains never run on time', when in reality, they mostly do actually. There's often sources and stuff listed so's you can check it out, and quite often, the Wiki entries are quoted form the 'bona fide' sources anyway. Plus, you can always challenge any content, so entires pretty much need to be on the mark, or some clever clogs will come along and 'correct' you...

I trust Wiki. Mainly.

Not sure if I trust penguins though.

Definitely don't trust cahs. Sneaky buggers. 🙁

But it would go with a good bang 🙂

Penguin in a microwave = Elfinsafety in a dinner jacket in a phone booth?

No?

I know they are doing experiments in underground labs in switzerland trying to fire penguins faster than the speed of light. but shh, you didn't hear it from me. I didn't read this on Wiki either. I have sources.

Why would I be in a 'phone box when I've got a mobile innit?

Duurr! Stooopid! 🙄

some daft ****s on here Elf.

You mobile is a cardboard box with numbers drawed on, innit?

and you int got no change for the phone box.

Cheers Jamie, it was doing my nut in trying to remember that film!

look. I want some serious engineer/IT/logical type to come up with an equation to fit penguins in microwaves. or I'm going to play xbox..

none of you smartarses have noticed my misspelling of "spelling". how smart are you know hahahahaha.

Why do you keep going on about penquins Jamie?

Did we ever resolve what a penquin was?

Wouldn't roast penguin taste better than nuking it?

it's a penguin

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They turn into R&B singers. You just need to put it in until its bill withers.

Easy lads, it looks like one of us is a penguin spy.

If only there was a clue as to who it is.....

You mobile is a cardboard box with numbers drawed on, innit?

and you int got no change for the phone box.

You dunalf talk some rubbish, you. 🙄

'Carboard box with numbers drawed on it' ffs...

Your 'mobile' is just a piece of bacon with price stickers stuck on it. And you walk round shopping centres talking loudly into it trying to pretend to people you've got a fancy phone. And you even make ringtone noises to add to the illusion...

It's bloody Elfin! Put him in a DJ, put him in a phone box et voila!

excellent Cougar! you get a free herring! lol @ Elfs bacon phone!

or I'm going to play xbox

Got any prawns Kev?

I have, so ner. 😛

Wouldnt you have to take the wrapper off first?

They taste like chicken I heard...

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...and even more bizarre;

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I'm all outta prawns. boo. So if I put a donk on a baby fairy penguin I could possibly fit it into a morphy richards 17 ltr microwave? You lot are all mindless chat, no FACTS! I give up with this place.

See Ya!

Don't let the penquin hit you on the microwave on the way out!

How d'you know it's 17 litre though? You don't know that fo' sho though do you?

Fill it up with water, then measure how much water it holds. Only way to be sure....

there's a sticker.

Oh right, and you believe that, do you?

There was one on me prawns, it said 'Use by 12 Jun 09'. Pfft.

Lies. All lies.

I had one on my bacon with all numbers on. I used to pretend to use it as a pho....

Oh.

well, this is why I am consulting the oracle of STW. To get some proper factual, means tested experience. what do I know with my ****in sticker and limited access to small penguins. I don't know shit!

sorry in advance for this total waste of adult time ....

[url= http://www.ewobo.co.uk/WhackthePenguin.htm ]whack the penguin[/url]

TSY's penguin happy-slapping vid has just had me crying with laughter! Thankfully I'd just swallowed a mouthful of tea, otherwise I might have been making an insurance claim on a soaked iPhone.

That was my birthday Elf, you could have made me a nice prawn food fink.

I ain't making you NUFFINK!

You're on a diet, innit?

Crikey how can you use a piece of bacon with stickers on a pretend it's a 'phone???!

What an idiot.... 🙄

It was a pack of bacon, actually... Waterproof see?

NOT happy, been punched in the tit in the pub, going to bed.

NOT happy, been punched in the tit in the pub, going to bed.

This evenings non sequitur award, goes to Emsz.

quality Emsz. End of thread I guess.

Oo dunnit Emsz? Bastards! Show me, I'll bloody 'ave em! 😡

My mum come round yesterday, left a Muller Rice in the fridge. I said 'mum, I don't like Muller Rice' but she said 'oh it's ok, I'll leave it there in case you get hungry'.

😐

Elfins mum; she knows the score with you matey, she just knows...

i didn't expect this thread to end up with punches in the tit and pointless wasted muller rice. Ya live and ya learn.

He'll eat it when he's hungry, but bad show in the pub/tit/punch issue.

I do hope Emsz isn't too hurt and upset, poor little thing. 🙁

Crikey; my mum's obtuse. She's always leaving odd things in my fridge. Mostly things I don't like, so I make her eat them when she comes round next.

And broccoli. She's always bringing broccoli. I don't mind, but beer, chocolates, yes. Broccoli? 😕

Brocolli's great! Better than beer (yacky stuff), not as good as chocolate 🙂

And leave the poor penguins alone!

Emsz - hope you're ok?

how do you know penguins are poor? I reckon they've got a right racket going on with all the wildlife programmes and such. Bet they make a few quid out of the BBC alone. Penguin acting classes and what not. That's MY TV license paying for that!

I seen penguins in Australia once. Mad little bastards; hop up onto rock, shufle forward, throw self in water. Swim round, get out, repeat. Over and over again.

Sorry to piss on your chips and all that, but they aint real penguins.

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my sister had that! the penguins were on little wheels and the escalator shuffled them to the top. art imitating life.

No, they was, Geytape. They was.

Phillip Island Penguins.

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Little nutters.

You can watch them all day can't you.

I remember the wee African Penguins near Simon's Town in SA. Pong a bit though.

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😳

ah, thought I posted last night....vague memories before I passed out

little bit drunk, it all kicked off last night in the pub, and I got caught in the middle of it. Chest hurts this morning. 🙁

What if you're on a mission from God?

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depends on the mission?
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I've just read this thread and my PA's now wondering why I'm crying with laughter.

Elf: much respect on the baconphone. Surrealism at its finest.

Are you ok Emsz? 🙁