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so im recently seperated fro an eleven year relationship.i have two kids 4 and 6 years with my ex.she also had three older kids that lived with us.
now im staying at a mates place... alone. kids come to me alternate wends and one night a week.obviously there is the hurt of seperating to get over but as a mate said, do i miss her or am i struggling with being alone? i have never lived alone before and am wondering how people do it and stay happy/claim to be happy. whats good about it, i miss the fact there is no one to talk to, even just about junky stuff. will i adjust in time? theres also no internet there and basic tv so its not like i can live on facebook etc. 🙁
I miss living alone...
But I have to say that when I did.. I didn't spend much time at home alone.. My local pub was ace and I could pretty much guarantee that whatever time of the day or night I arrived there I would see a familiar face and share a drink and a joke or two.. The regular punters were a good laugh and could be relied upon for some very sage no-frills advice..
It was great for just sitting around and seeing who would turn up that evening.. and what sort of atmosphere the evenings clientele would create.. and what parties I would end up at after closing time..
only danger with it all lies in the severe alcoholism that I am left to struggle with on a daily basis now that I am no longer drinking..
why don't you take up a hobby..? mountain biking or similar..?
I have a gf but we have seperate houses. I love living on my tod, never found it to be a problem. Its what you get used to. Tinternet helps though.
neil.... and a regularish legover helps too...
Living on your own is great fun, but sometimes feels a bit empty, living with someone is fulfilling but sometimes feels like no fun.
A houseshare while rubbish for the kids would mean you had people in the house and an instant ready made network of friends.
Use this time as an opportunity to reconnect with your mates, you'll miss them once the next lady comes along
An emphatic 'yes' from me! Having spent decades in a marriage, living alone made me relish space ... until my daughter moved in. 🙁
No moaning about bikes being in the kitchen, mess everywhere, maps strewn across the dining table, no more hiding frames/forks in the wardrobe etc etc etc.
You won't get me permanently sharing a house with a man again!
Seriously though, use the time constructively by clearing your head, thinking about your character and whether there are aspects you would like to change, really get to know yourself. Finally like yourself.
Don't get caught in the trap of permanently being down the pub. Always have a variety of stuff to read plus a good source of music. Having a 'special friend' helps as you go at it more like a beast if you don't live together. Always keep a fridge full of good food and keep on top of domestic duties. It's easy to descend into the depressed state of being a slob, not liking it but not caring. Be busy.
Thinking about it now I don't think that I have ever lived on my own.
Stayed at home, stayed in flats at university and then moved into a house with my wife 15 years ago.
I don't know how I would cope to be honest.
On reflection, I think BillMC's advice above would be right for me.
I get fed up if I'm in a hotel for a night on my own 😆
I enjoyed it - lived alone from 1995 till 2002 and had some great times - had a pub around the corner (only visited occasionally though), a good Chinese takeaway and a good friend then bought a house 5 minutes from mine.
It was the party house - we always ended up back there on Fridays and Saturdays, but during the week I led a pretty 'normal' life.
And the girl opposite was hot and liked to read the Yellow Pages in her bedroom :-O
I used to live happily on my own and then my current girlfriend moved in and spoilt it for me!!
It can be lonely from time to time (and more so i guess if you are used to a house full of children) but i found that i just filled my time up nearly every evening. Pub darts team one night, gym a few nights, riding the others. Weekends out with friends.
Don't know how i'd have coped if i had no interests though - i'd probably have turned into one of those people who lives their life online. STW is as computer geeky as i get. No facebook etc for me - leaves me cold.
i've lived on my own for the past few years, not due to splitting up from a relationship or anything, just got sick of shared houses.
It does take quite a bit of getting used to and it can be a bit lonely, but its better than the alternative of a shared house with strangers (can be very irritating). I tend to be out quite regularly though, round to other peoples houses, out biking, walking, playing football or at the pub. Some weeks its a relief to have a few days to myself!
My experience is that the biggest shock is having to organise you own social life and plan things in advance. WIves/girlfriends are very good at that sort of thing.
yes, but company is nice too 🙂
My experience is that the biggest shock is having to organise you own social life and plan things in advance. WIves/girlfriends are very good at that sort of thing.
But you don't HAVE to when single and living alone - just do whatever takes your fancy.
I love living on my own... most of the time anyway.
Downsides are never having a meal ready waiting for you when you've done a crazy long day at work, and the enforced 'no clothes policy at the weekends' seems a little pointless without female company....
Downsides are never having a meal ready waiting for you
I would hate that! I like to eat when I'm good and ready, which may be anything from 3 seconds to 3 hours after I get home 🙂
organise you own social life and plan things in advance
never have, never will :o)
simonfbarnes - when you've jsut spent the last 2 weeks getting home at 9pm and then you have to turn to and cook a meal it becomes a bit boring. Otherwise I agree with you. Plus the ex didn't eat pasta.... WTF!
No moaning about bikes being in the kitchen, mess everywhere, maps strewn across the dining table, no more hiding frames/forks in the wardrobe etc etc etc.
C'mon cinnamon_girl, you must surely be talking about a man's behaviour and your reaction to it, not vice versa!?
C'mon cinnamon_girl, you must surely be talking about a man's behaviour and your reaction to it, not vice versa!?
That is my behaviour, shocking isn't it? 😳
I will readily admit to being a PITA. 😆
I've never lived with a'partner', only family and flatmates. Lived alone for last 3 years.
I like my own space. TBH I get agitated if someone else is around too long really. On the rare occasions a young lady might be stupid enough to stay the night, I'm quite relieved once she's buggered off home again. Don't get me wrong, I like the benefits, but it's my 'space' and I don't like sharing it with others. I like my immediate environment to be completely to my liking, and the thought of another person's influence on it gives me the shivers. Plus other people irritate me in my home, so I get easily frustrated with them. Sharing a flat was a ****ing nightmare for me. I was tense the whole time. So nice to be able to shut myself off from the World, when I close my front door.
I think I was, just got a winging e-mail
"Are you going cycling tonight?"
"I'll tackle the ironing then shall I?"
No, becasue you told me we were going out for dinner so I got into work late palnning on working late and meeting you in town, I've got to spend more money on a return ticket as I only bought a single this morning, and feel like I've wasted the day as I'll achieve f*** all in my personal life.
And no there is no mountain of ironing to do, you've been out having fun the last 2 weekends so I've been left to do it and actualy did it rather than just moaning about it!
Sometimes..................
It's the future. Certainly, it seems to be my future.
I never lived alone for long. I couldnt be without sex on tap and my dinner cooked every night.
I'm kinda liking it again. It can feel lonely sometimes, but my daughter stays a coupla times a week, so that breaks it up.
Like someone above suggests, having external activities can help, in my case the gym.
As for the eating thing, if I want to I will. If I don't, I won't. Ironing is done once a fortnight, and the pile of it is vastly reduced.
I tried the pub thang, but never felt comfortable being a regular drinker.
Don't wish to be alone forever, though, so change would be considered.
As long as you have STW, however, you're never alone. That's what I've found. You don't even have to contribute posts if you don't feel like it. Just reading the threads is enough sometimes - hearing the familiar 'voices' can be comforting, even more so when they get too much and you log off for a bit of peace!
Stay positive.
I spose it must be the ADHD, but I get bored being around the same person/people for too long.
Plus the ex didn't eat pasta.... WTF!
Not everyone is able to eat pasta! Carbs do not necessarily have to be included with every meal.
Surely you can rustle up a salad? 😉
I am happy living alone, I would like a boyfriend, but not a live-in one - there isn't room what with the dog and my bikes...
I enjoy the autonomy. On the other hand, when I came out of hospital three weeks ago and the dog needed walking and the fridge had packed up the idea of a live-in boyfriend had some appeal, some 😉
OP, give it time, it's bound to feel strange to start with. You're in a strange place and your routines will be all messed up. Get out on your bike, post on here for folk to ride with and don't whatever you do get into another relationship until you have got your head straight about this one.
C_G my cooking repertoir is large and varied, and I love cooking. I am ideal boyfriend material 😉 But some of my fav recipes do invlove pasta.
Aye. The missus is away on a horseriding holiday for a week. Woo hoo! The telly is MINE! 😈 No more sitting watching all sorts of pish until she goes to bed before I get to play the XBox...
Hi C_G - hope all is well? x
cinnamon_girl - Member
...No moaning about bikes being in the kitchen, mess everywhere, maps strewn across the dining table, no more hiding frames/forks in the wardrobe etc etc etc...
My first thoughts were
then I remembered the badgers 🙂"My god! The perfect woman exists!.."
the past five years...the conversation has become a little one sided, however i am now a master of bejewled blitz and call of duty
Lived on my own for 19 years now though was married for about 8 before that. Always preferred living on my own really, even when married if truth be told. Been seeing the current Mrs B for some years but we live 2+ hours apart and it is always great to see her. Gives me a reason to dust, hoover, change the bed etc when I know she is coming round....
Suspect you will grow to love it or just not get on with it. I can come and go as I like, eat what I want when I want and listen to music / tv without consideration for anybody else.
Lived on my own for last 8 years and really like it. I quite often have friends stay if they're working in Cambridge and the GF is here most WEs, but I do like the peace and quiet and lack of clutter when it's just me.
Lived with people for 18yrs in a houseshare, then with my ex.
Now been living alone (apart from 2 cats) for almost two yrs & not tired of it yet!
Ok, the housework has to be done but the house is tidier now anyway 'cos a lazy fata***d cow isn't dropping her stuff everywhere & filling up every room with (quite literally) rubbish.
The current G/F visits every weekend & that's enough for me. I enjoy my solitude, allows me to wind down each evening. Maybe at some point the situation might change but for now i'm happy exactly as i am (well, more money would be nice! :lol:)
nope i dont like it. I'd much prefer there being someone around to chat to, but there isnt. And I can't get a lodger till I've done the DIY so looks like I'm stuck this way. The problem is, the less you see/talk to people, the less you seem to want to. Which is surely not a good thing?
for me it depends a lot on what's going on with the rest of life. am i 'with' someone, working alone from home, working with nice people, working with tossers, traveling a lot etc. generally i like it but sometimes it's crap.
I lived on my own for a year ish, didn't like it much, lucky i met my perfect wife 😉
I thought when my ex moved out and the house was all mine i'd re-decorate and put MY mark on it. I never did and sold up and moved in with my, now, Mrs.
I truly think man was meant to live with woman...
Just got to find the right one for you.
easier said than done 🙁
😆 @ epicyclo. I'm billy no mates these days, can't imagine that anyone would want to ride with me following that badger thread. 😳
I truly think man was meant to live with woman...
Couldn't disagree more. I'm happier than I've ever been.
Purely out of interest - the people who are happy living on their own, were you a bit of a loner as a child? Does it necessarily follow?
Yep, I think fundamentally I'm antisocial and quite like just being on my own and have been that way for quite some time...
In the summer yes, i like living alone . In the winter say Nov - March its abit crap tbh. The constant darkness , cold, wet weather , very little sunshine grinds me down. In the summer its ace . No one to moan if i go out playing til 8pm , warm evenings , dry trails .
Never lived with anyone so not sure whats its like. I know what i like and its a sort of regimented chaos. Not having to worry about what time food is ready , and having a full complement of freezer, microwave , dishwasher and tumble dryer means meals in minutes and domestic chore time minimised.
Cant see it changing in the immediate future either.
Yep, I think fundamentally I'm antisocial and quite like just being on my own and have been that way for quite some time.../
I thought that, and still am antisocial, but my wife and i do it together 8)
I truly love her.
I enjoy living alone so long as I meet people on a regular enough basis that I don't start to feel depressed or something! I've lived with a flatmate for the past 3 years at uni and it's good but I honestly preferred the weekends when he buggered off to see his girlfriend and I had the place to myself 😆
Don't get those people who constantly feel the need to be surrounded by others, alone time is good 🙂