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Kaiser - That sounds familiar, I'll set aside the time I think, I don't see how it can hurt.
Had my first counselling session last week and half way through the counsellor said that she had repeatedly put in her notes about aspergers. She continually referred back to that thereafter.
She was careful not to make a diagnosis but made it plain that her opinion was that I had aspergers.
I'm not sure what to do with this, I'm conscious that it could become an excuse and I really want to avoid that.
I'm not sure what to do with this, I'm conscious that it could become an excuse and I really want to avoid that.
I'd worry less about the possible diagnosis and more about learning how to adjust your behaviour. Relationship counselling is 50% about understanding each other's behaviour and 50% learning how to communicate better, which requires both parties to make an effort to change behaviour.
She was careful not to make a diagnosis but made it plain that her opinion was that I had aspergers
Then change your counsellor immediately. Aspergers is no longer a thing, she should have been aware of that and should not be using the term.
What are her credentials?
Counselling has the problem of attracting enthusiastic amateurs.
Kaiser - That sounds familiar, I'll set aside the time I think, I don't see how it can hurt.
Had my first counselling session last week and half way through the counsellor said that she had repeatedly put in her notes about aspergers. She continually referred back to that thereafter.
She was careful not to make a diagnosis but made it plain that her opinion was that I had aspergers.
That doesn't sound very helpful... she not 'making a diagnosis' but she is clearly making an assessement and letting you know - which is as near as.
Aspergers is no longer a thing, she should have been aware of that and should not be using the term.
Unless I'm misunderstanding what you're getting at, I'm not sure as "incorrect terminology" is a compelling reason to be kicking out a counsellor?
You are misunderstanding. Use of 'incorrect terminology' is not a reason to kick out a counsellor. Failure to keep up with recent changes within a largely unregulated profession, is.
What do you mean when you say aspergers is no longer a thing?
aspergers is no longer a term used in the medical world and it hasn't been for a long time. Its ASD or Autistic spectrum disorder
Having said that I don't think its particularly important what term is used but I would question a councillor even thinking that and especially telling the person.
thats not the sort of counselling I know.
I....agree....with....with.....T.....J.
Agreed with TJ
it's not their place to say so at all.
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day 🙂
Failure to keep up with recent changes within a largely unregulated profession, is.
Perhaps she's perfectly well aware and is deliberately using language that she thinks a client is more likely to understand?
"Asperger's" may well no longer be a thing in the medical profession, but I doubt it's going away any time soon in public. I've heard many more people refer to themselves as Aspie than I have saying "I have Autistic Spectrum Disorder." "Aspie" is here to stay if only colloquially.
I would question a councillor even thinking that and especially telling the person.
It's a good point, I did wonder the same myself (and by extension, whether it's in a counsellor's remit to be up to date on Asperger's / ASD).
I'm not sure what to do with this, I'm conscious that it could become an excuse and I really want to avoid that.
It can/could become an excuse if you let it, but formal diagnosis can also be quite liberating and can open doors to help/support that otherwise would not be there.
all NHS trusts have to have a diagnostic path in place for ASD, and your first point of call would be the GP, who can refer you on, but the wait can be significant (I was initially referred by GP for a MH assessment, and they referred me on to specialist ASD team, it took just under a year for a formal diagnosis, which was on the basis of score sheets and a two hour plus interview)
IMO its a somewhat unusual thing to say and goers completely against the ethics of the counselling I was trained in. Differnt models of counselling have differnt rules tho.
As others have said CBT might be a way forward, however I would not advise a book, you can't really get it from one! More towards group or solo with a therapist. My therapist steered me away from CBT as my mind would dissect it too much, and would destroy the group dynamic (her words not mine!).
I found it useful to realise that I am on the spectrum, not because it gives me an excuse, but rather it allows me a prism to view my behaviour through! I think that along with the therapy I developed a toolbox of strategies for interacting with people in a more positive way!
Perhaps she's perfectly well aware and is deliberately using language that she thinks a client is more likely to understand
Yeah, perhaps! 😀
Keep up the fight! 😀
, whether it's in a counsellor's remit to be up to date on Asperger's / ASD).
If you're going to talk about it in a professional context? Yeah, I reckon it's important to know about it.
Seems to me that I should be ignoring the councillors faux assessment and look to address the issues myself.
I'll ask about a formal diagnosis but I'm not going to hang my hat on it for now.
Thank you all
There's a certain irony to people getting all pedantic about the counsellor calling it Aspergers here.
Seems to me that I should be ignoring the councillors faux assessment
Speak to your GP in the light of what she's said? Take the online test? I have to admit I was way ahead of her based on your OP.
And +1 for Ninfan that you could find knowledge of the condition liberating and helpful, even if you don't go down the formal diagnosis route.
Keep up the fight!
I've no interest in a fight, I just thought "find a new counsellor" was a bit of an overreaction is all.
Deadpool. Its a minor issue and fairly irrelevant really. the key thing is do you get on with the counsellor? IMO that is the one critical thing in counselling. Styles etc are all secondary to that
As someone who struggles with stress management myself and who struggles to get myself out of the house unless I have a "proper" purpose, such as cycle commuting to work, try and do more aerobic exercise.
I've no interest in a fight, I just thought "find a new counsellor" was a bit of an overreaction is all.
Fine, in that case you tell him.that his counsellor is just fine a to stick with him.
I'm expressing an informed opinion, If you have a different one, you should express it, not just criticise mine. You already accepted that you misunderstood the initial statement with regard to finding a new counsellor. Your discussion should be with the OP, not me.
There's a certain irony to people getting all pedantic about the counsellor calling it Aspergers here.
And I don't really want to derail the thread, but this misrepresentation n and misunderstanding of ASD is just not helpful. Not to mention the misunderstanding of the word irony
Sorry OP.
I'm like you OP. I sporadically use mindfulness, and I've read a lot of self help books.
For me its my work that leads to stress, which then gives me a short fuse and I also am rubbish at communicating hindered by a very dry sense of humour which some don't "get".
I found that using mindfullneess principles - 10 minutes of meditation to relax, not "wanting" for material things. not reacting to others but thinking before I respond. The best thing I find is a really short (and cheap) book available in paperback and Kindle books called "The poet of acdepying yourself" by Michael Cohren. Its a really good plan English book about simple stuff, which when you actually apply then really helps.
The one very applicable to me - and perhaps this short fuse situation - is The tale of the two arrows. The basic metaphor is that, if you are in pain because someone has shot you with an arrow, would you pick up another and stab yourself with it? The example given is missing a train. Ok, so your annoyed, you'll be late for work, you have to wait now for another 10 minutes and you'll have to explain yourself to your boss. BUT, if you stand on the platform watching the clock slowly getting angry at further delays, stressing over the fact your perhaps could have brushed your teeth quicker, or blaming the guy that walked slowly in from of you just now aka all of which represent the second arrow, do you think it'll get better? No. You'll be more stressed. So forget the first train, wait patiently for the second without the above and deal with the aftermath intelligently as it comes.
That general metaphor has helped me quite a bit.
this misrepresentation n and misunderstanding of ASD is just not helpful.
I think I have a fairly good understanding of it.
Of course it's a mistake to generalise for ASD, but a tendency towards pedantry and "being a clever clogs" is a common feature - and is something I have to deal with on a daily basis.
And being aware of this tendency can help modify its expression IME - so, y'know, I thought that comment might be helpful in a way.
🙂
I generally pretty much as myself 'Am I about to be a cock?' before I respond to anything potentially stressful. I'm generally quite manic and can be quite volatile.
It's generally helped on 4 fronts, not all of which were intended.
- I say less things that make me a cock.
- My general outlook is more positive as that pause for thought allows me to see beyond my knee jerk reaction.
- My general reflection and planning skills are more positive. Some people find this in itself annoying as I'm too upbeat.
- I really focus my ire at people who I want to be upset.
If looking for a good book, I'd definitely recommend Steve Peters' "The Chimp Paradox"
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558X
He trained and worked as a forensic psychiatrist and now works with British Cycling, and lots of others.
His basic premise is that there are three main parts to your mind that shape your personality, and the main one that acts first without you having time to govern it is your inner chimp. Chimps react emotionally, they want to fight and they want to win. They're not good, they're not bad, they're just chimps.
It's an excellent approach to looking at why you think about things, and why you react to things, the way you do. And how you can understand and change it, and prepare for challenges in future.
Of course, it's not the only approach, and not the only answer, and may not even be the answer, but I've found it excellent (so far) in making me think about how I react at times and - sometimes - at least making me pause before acting like a dick.
I'm expressing an informed opinion, If you have a different one, you should express it, not just criticise mine.
I wasn't criticising anything, you're seeing arguments that don't exist. I don't particularly have an opinion as I've no idea what sort of counsellor the OP is seeing and thus don't believe I'm in a position to pass judgement on what she should or shouldn't know. I was trying to understand why you held the opinion you did is all.
misunderstanding of ASD is just not helpful.
Sadly, it's all too common.
I was once pulled up at work for allegedly being abrupt & confrontational.
When I asked for examples it turned out some tosser had taken a dislike to me because I was northern and was economical with my vocabulary ..and then several years later it appears that I'm on the autistic spectrum . You ought to ignore the last bit though...ffs.
Hope the counsellor helps .
And here I was putting a post on here cos I thought it was mainly educated and self reflective blokes with a desire for self-improvement.
Turns out we're mostly a bunch of dysfunctional cocks on the spectrum!!!
No wonder I feel right at home.
🙂