[Closed] Any reluctants Dads on here? Experiences when you had your first born

Yeah you're right . . . [i]goes off to search for No 72[/i].

Hey, don't be too hard on your lady - she'll be so excited she'll want to tell everyone 🙂

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But I suspect the horse has bolted...

Ps. As for telling strangers on the net. I told her to keep it to herself for now/you know until its for sure etc. So guess which bigmouth told her sister/brother, friends and everyone else on the sodding planet?

Ummm. you? DO I win a prize?

nbt. You win. She even said 'I cant beleive you've told my Brother before me' (she said it jokingly) Errr.... oops. Me bad. So tonight, she had to tell her parents as everyone else knows but them at the moment. I even told her mates so she had to call them. Err. Im not very good at secrets at all 🙄 😆

Yep,totally normal to feel like that when you first find out.

It's how I felt when I found out about our 3,none of which were planned...

I just hope for her sake that it goes well. There's a good reason you're not supposed to tell anyone for the first trimester, take it from the voice of expeience 😥

I take in lodgers to help with beer money, bikes etc and the stories I hear are both heart breaking and quite vile in equal measure.

As been said, the likelihood is that, because small babies look like shrink-wrapped aliens, the parental bond is oft' with the mother, not the father from the outset. 8-15 months down the line and it should happen.

Mess up the nappy changing from the very start and the mother will take the child off you with much huffing and puffing and that's the last you'll have to do in that department!

Mess up the nappy changing from the very start and the mother will take the child off you with much huffing and puffing and that's the last you'll have to do in that department!

Of course. Duly noted. 8)

Don't believe any of the 'you'll never ride your bike again' crap.

I've got triplets who will be 6 in August. I reckon I get out on one bike or other twice a week on average over the last 6 years. I think it helped that I was training for a marathon when we found out she was expecting so from the off we've found a balance between me doing my stuff, her doing her stuff and [b]plenty[/b] of time together as a family.

So one night a week daddy's not around at bed time - no great issue. In fact a much bigger disruption has been that, until recently, I've worked abroad one week a month. People can work unsociable hours, away from home, shifts etc and still be a good father. I don't need to be there 100% of the time.

Most years I get away for a long weekend in the Alps. Mrs Higs gets a spa weekend or goes skiing with friends. So 50 weekends out of 52 both of us are around.

Doing stuff outside the house (normally cycling or running) gives balance and perspective to my life and (I believe) sets a good example.

Happy parents are good parents. Obviously it's tough at times and choices have to be made but as long as the things that get sacrificed are watching crap TV, washing the car and trips to the Trafford Centre, I think we're doing alright.

Nicely put higgo, spot on 😀

First one due in October, and to say it was all a bit of a shock is a massive understatement.

Have now adjusted to it and really looking forward to her arrival in 3 months.

As for costing a fortune, Freecycle is your friend. Have only purchased maternity office wear to date, have managed to get everything else I need except a crib from freecycle. Has also been great for shifting all the bits I needed to get rid off to make room for a nursery.

May sound cheap, but for things that are only going to be used for 6 months, I can't see the point in shelling out 100's of pounds.

Oh and congrats 🙂

May sound cheap, but for things that are only going to be used for 6 months, I can't see the point in shelling out 100's of pounds.

you sound too good to be true!

Don't believe any of the 'you'll never ride your bike again' crap.

Quite clearly it is important to you and good for you for finding a balance that works.

Thanks wors 🙂

Have already picked out her first few bikes and new pink components for my Sants Cruz for next years incentive to get back on the bike asap

you sound too good to be true!

[i]Don't believe any of the 'you'll never ride your bike again' crap.[/i]

Not crap at all I don't get out much as I said due to shifts, have 2 kids of different ages one at school the other not and my wife still works pretty much full time. Not been to the Alps since the second one was born got away twice a year with the first. Still next week I'm off to the Lakes, was at STW weekender and probably off to SITS and a few other weekends planned so this year has been much better than last 3 years.

Don't believe any of the 'you'll never ride your bike again' crap

My son is 3 1/2 now, the look on his face when i say i'm going out for a bike ride is enough not to bother!

Kids are great when they are young. The older they get the more expensive they get, but biking time can increase. Welcome to the world of "thinking about someone else rather than oneself" (oh, she's just read that and asked "when did that start then?"

Another few months then you'll be wondering where your sex life went, your spare time, your OH's flat tummy, your money, and you'll be looking for a nice sensible estate car (good for bikes!).

Can't wait for mine to leave home or start paying rent now......

Don't have time currently to read the thread, but it needn't cost tons. You probably know someone you can borrow old stuff off, and just go round eBay for bargains. It's expensive if you go mental and think that £700 is worth it for a Bugaboo Chameleon (pushchair) but it bloody well isn't. Start off with a £30 sling and see if you need a pushchair and if you do wait for a bargain. Treat baby shopping like being a tourist in a middle-eastern bazaar - someone's always trying to flog you something crap for a ridiculous price. Do your research and buy re-usable nappies (little lambs are the ones you want) since they cost nothing week to week. Also breast feed - it's free. Tough at first tho.

Oh and the sex is less frequent but possibly more fabulous.. specially as you have to take it really gently at first which is just lovely.

Also breast feed - it's free. Tough at first tho.

Gonna be tough for Hora, moobs or no moobs.

Og gawd what has thinking with my knackers done. I feel even more scared now 😐

HORA If it hasnt been said yet how much for your Cham?

Oh and congrats kids are great. Love having my two.

You will get to ride again, I am riding much much more than I used to at any point apart from when I was doing my GCSEs. 😀

Just out of interest, we don't seem to have heard from many Mum's............do you get more riding in than before?!?!

That wasn't meant in a Men v Women way - I just wondered!! 8)

When you become a parent you wonder what the hell you wasted all your time and money on before. Now our twins are 7 months old they are good fun to be around so I'm not riding, and toys are cheap compared to nights out and bikes, I've never had so much spare cash!

djglover, I love you dude. Funnily, we havent been that bothered about going out any more so hopefully its a natural progression/grown out of it eventually.

I_Ache - Member

HORA If it hasnt been said yet how much for your Cham?

£190 posted?

Kids are what makes a family; just back from camping up in NW Scotland with the missus and our two young uns, have stored away some good memories for both me n them. Didn't bike - didn't miss it - just played in the surf.
And this from someone who used to put in 10hr training on the bike a week.

Our first is due in October, we both want kids but I still had a horrible feeling of regret when we actually found out the mrs was expecting.. all that changed when I saw little un move during the 12 week scan..

The Mrs is awesome though, she knows I love biking and I don't think she'd ever try and stop me, I get the feeling I'm more likely to stop myself going out when he's here than she is 🙂

Erm, is this 'normal'? Since finding out I am even randier than normal (think coalfired power station to French Nuclear powerstation network) 😐 😕

eeewww, too much information 😯

. By agreeing I thought I'd bought upto 2yrs+ of breathing space. Not preggers within two weeks FFS.

LOL! two good friends of ours got together, neither wanting kids. Over time, one changed their mind.....
much discussing etc later they agreed to give it a go.... the bloke thinking he'd get a good few months 'practice' in..... his Mrs caught 'first time out'......

Chris S I know but Im Conan the Barbarian at the moment
[img] http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2Z7VYcC8u4c/R2rGQEM-zMI/AAAAAAAAA-s/StzB2zqT2vY/s400/arnold- [/img]

Hora, mate, ignore all these miserable sods on here. First bit of advice: don't listen to people telling you what's going to happen. Imagine if you were two people sharing a house. Would you be able to predict what happens when a third person moves in?

Just don't go mental. Babies are easy to look after, all you do is feed them, dress them and change them. They might need entertaining, which will eat into the time of whoever's got them.. they might cry a lot in which case you have to work out what they like.

Some people seem to let the baby rule their lives, like they exist only to service the needs of a tiny angry monster, making sacrifices to appease it.. For us, we're just on a journey through life, and we've picked up another traveller on the way 🙂 The three of us have needs, so we just work out something that suits us all. Our Meg for instance just wants to be doing stuff all the time, so she comes along with whatever we want to do and she's happy. We've tried not to stick to a rigid routine and structure (apart from a few key cues like change, feed, bed at a roughly regular time) so that we aren't forever chained to one 🙂 It's only a big deal if you make it one (or something bad happens like serious illness etc etc).

I'd suggest hanging out with people who've got babies. You can come down and see us if you like, Mrs Grips is the best at making people feel at ease with babies 🙂

molgrips, totally agree. I dont want to revolve around the baby or those types that have to talk about babies constantly. I had to interrupt and stop GF/friend the other night as it was getting abit repetitive but she is coming upto the end of her maternity and goes back to Teaching in Sept so has had almost a year of baby-baby-baby 24/7.

We're also going to a Jazz club tomorrow night and missus said 'do we have to/dont want any loud noise etc' FFS. Its the size of a coin if not smaller..sheesh 😆 🙄

Obsessing over a baby cant be healthy. It needs to form itself, be open to risk etc doesnt it. Not cotton wool.

FFS. Its the size of a coin if not smaller..sheesh

She's probably talking about the baby.

It needs to form itself, be open to risk etc doesnt it.

Absolutely. For instance, Meg gets bored if you just sit there and pay her loads of attention. She is happiest when she's with you out doing something else - which is great 🙂

The one thing we spent tons of money on was a Chariot trailer for the bikes. Specifically one with suspension and a sling for newborn babies so we could take her out asap. The mrs didn't want to wait a year before getting out again. They don't suggest you take babies out on the bike (the baby sling is for pushchair/jogging mode) but that's just arse covering. She was fine on the canal towpath.

This is a really nice thread. Congratulations, Hora.

I'm not a parent but I wonder if anyone has pointed out that men generally don't bond with their child until after the birth, whereas women get that rush of love pretty early after conception. I think obsessing over the baby is normal and necessary. There's [url= http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20327184.000-fathers-arent-dispensable-just-yet.html ]a good article in New Scientist this week[/url] about the mechanism. Forgive the long quote.

There is, however, evidence that when men become fathers they undergo biochemical changes that affect their behaviour. Ruth Feldman of Bar-Ilan University in Ramat-Gan, Israel, visited 80 couples shortly after childbirth and again after six months, and found that the transition to parenthood was associated with increased oxytocin not only in mothers but also in fathers, compared with single, childless people.

Oxytocin levels in the parents also had different effects in each sex. Mothers with highest levels of the hormone engaged in more gazing at the infant, affectionate touching and speaking in a sing-song voice. Fathers with higher oxytocin played more with their child, who displayed more attachment to them than did kids whose fathers had lower oxytocin.
Higher oxytocin had different effects in each sex. Fathers engaged in more play with their child
There is, however, evidence that when men become fathers they undergo biochemical changes that affect their behaviour. Ruth Feldman of Bar-Ilan University in Ramat-Gan, Israel, visited 80 couples shortly after childbirth and again after six months, and found that the transition to parenthood was associated with increased oxytocin not only in mothers but also in fathers, compared with single, childless people.

Oxytocin levels in the parents also had different effects in each sex. Mothers with highest levels of the hormone engaged in more gazing at the infant, affectionate touching and speaking in a sing-song voice. Fathers with higher oxytocin played more with their child, who displayed more attachment to them than did kids whose fathers had lower oxytocin.
Higher oxytocin had different effects in each sex. Fathers engaged in more play with their child

"Fathers and mothers contribute in a very specific and different way" to infants' social and emotional development, says Feldman, who presented the results at a Society for Research in Child Development meeting in Denver, Colorado, in April. She says fathers may be "biologically programmed" to help raise children.

Once again, congrats.

Going back to the getting out- wont be out riding as much etc.

This weekend I mentioned this. Girlfriend was horrified- said we need our own space still. After all for the past 19yrs whilst Ive gone riding etc, GF's slept in or gone shopping. Phew.

Take the kid with you, if it gets into shopping mode it will cost you a fortune. 😆

mmmmm she will do a lot of sleeping in and shopping with a new born baby....you BOTH have so much to learn.
You will be so tired the thought of riding for hours will be along way away from your thoughts .....you will have simple aims like 4 hours uninterupted sleep, perhaps to have SEX ever again, not smell of wee or vomit (you may be used to that bit though hora 😉 )

My wife was great with the first one. She went to friends and family showing him off whilst I went out riding. It was only when the second one arrived that my riding time dropped sharply. I get out by myself for an hour or two, maybe once a week/fortnight, but I can't remember the last time I went out with a bunch of mates at the weekend. Still, the in-laws live near the Sierra Nevada so I get a good summer riding fix with live-in babysitters. Awesome 😀

There will be no second. Definitely not. Im so adamant that Ive already discussed the snip. No ****ing way. Full stop.

you say that now. wait until he / she arrives.

Echo pretty much of the serious advice above. things will change but not necessarily for the worse, just different. the only thing I would really say is that you lose the flexibility to do stuff on a whim (not as easy to say - wow, it's a really nice day, think I'll go for a ride after all). So you make plans for when you're going to ride, and then stick to them irrespective.

So that would be my tip for riding with children about. Save a bit on baby clothes via freecycle, etc., and spend what you've saved on lights and a decent waterproof.