[Closed] Any foster parents on board?

I used to be, am now an adoptive parent and hopefully will get back in to fostering in a couple of years when the wife and I have finished uni as mature students.

No but was fostered.

My brother and his wife fosters.

I'm a family support worker for an independent fostering agency. If you think I may be able to help, please feel free to email me, address in profile.

Naa, we both drink Stella.

Yes.....

Yes

Why do you want to know, It can be a thankless job.

Thanks for the replies.

My partner is very keen to become a foster parent has raised the subject a few times in the past and is at me again. I'm not totally against the idea, but it's not something i've ever considered doing. I'd hope we'd be able to offer a good home and a friendly family environment to someone, but we have two boys of our own (10 + 4) and i'm concerned how this will affect them.

I'm also slightly worried about the extra financial burden fostering a child could cause, although my initial googling suggests that an allowance is provided, so this may not be a big deal.

Obviously never having done this before i'm apprehensive. It's still early stages, but i'd appreciate any advice.

Many thanks

From somone who has adopted (not fostered), it can bring you the best of times and the worst of times. Remember kids who are in need of fostering or adoption are there for a reason and will need massive suppoort to come through the process. We are still really friendly with the couple who fostered our kids originally and they are amazing people so if you think you are up to it go for it but be ready for the roller coaster.

a quick example

you might get a child who has NEVER had any boundaries so you might need to over enforce boundaries (make everything black and white with no room for manouver), this can all be done calmly and nicely but you will still get friends who wwill come out with lines like "he's only a child he'll grow out of it" or "all kids do that", as they dont understand the background of the child in your care, these things can test your own relationship, and yours with your friends.

Dont let this put you off I wouldn't change things for the world now, but anyone 'thinking' about this need to go in with eyes wide open

We started fostering last year for the very same reasons as you.

We also have 2 boys (4 and 8).

You will find that you will only be able to foster children younger than your own siblings with at least a 2 year gap from your youngest ie a baby from birth to max 2 years old in your case. This maybe different betwwen boroughs.

But defo give it a try. It's been one of the best things I have ever done. My boys have been great and has made them appreciate that not everyone has had the same loving background as what they have had.

But and it's a very big but. When our little one goes up for adoption (we've had him since birth and he it now 9 months old) it's going to cripple us emotionally. I really do love him as if he his one of my own. But I feel you have to be emotionally involved to be able to supply a stable upbringing.

All the best with whatever you decide dude.

Edited to add:

Forgot to say: I know it different between councils regarding allowances, but we basically get £85 a week as a wage (child or not) and about £130 a week as an allowance for the child.
You also get a startup fee towards cots etc and money for the child should you go on holiday.

MrsMCTD may be able to answer questions - she was a social worker in child protection for years, did some private fostering work and sat on the county adoption panel whilst our two were little

Not far from you squire and foster so understand a bit of how it works in The Northern Trust - email me if you need any info

Not wanting to rain on anyone's parade but a couple we know (we met them in pre-natal classes) adopted after a tricky first childbirth and it has broken them apart.

They had everything going for them but she wanted another child and after ticking all the boxes and jumping through all the hoops they adopted 3-month old baby from disfunctional parents. The stress of bringing up what can only be described as an absolute nutter of a child has caused them to separate and also had a detrimental effect on their own child.

As above make sure your eyes are wideopen.

I didn't realise the adopted child had to be younger than your own. Kinda throws a spanner in the works as it would require the Mrs to give up her part-time job. She'd love that, but obviously less income coming in will affect the standard of living for the whole tribe, which is something i'm not keen on.

I'd hadn't even considered the heartache (or relief) of having to hand them over for adoption. I think/hope i could handle that, but i'm not sure the lady would cope so well if her reaction to selling our old rabbit and guinea pig is anything to go by, not to mention how the kids would take it.

Cheers folks. Plenty to think about.

Edit: AnnaB + mundiesmiester - thanks for the offer, once I have a few sensible questions i'll be in touch.