What's the difference between a kangaroo, and a kangaroot?
One's an Australian animal, and the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift!!
Any more for tonight??
Van Gogh sitting in the pub. His mate comes in and says
"Vincent, do you want a pint? "
"No thanks" says Van Gogh, " I've got one 'ere."
Pavlov sitting in the pub, and the bell rings for last orders. "Bollocks!" says Pavlov "I forgot to feed the dogs."
Bloke goes into a dentists. "Can I help you?" asks the dentist
"I am a moth" says the bloke
"I beg your pardon?" says the dentist
"I am a moth"
"It's not a dentist you need pal, it's a psychiatrist" says the dentist
"Oh I know that" says the bloke, "but I was on my way past and your light was on."
Bloke goes into a petshop and asks
"Have you got a Manx cat?"
"No," says the owner "but I could make you one."
MrsTHtobe told me to stop quoting Oasis all the time.
I said ‘yeah, I probably should, guess it’s getting irritating’
What bird sounds like a car horn?
A pipit.
