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2 people i have regular contact with and cannot "cut out" are suffering with mental health issues - one ocd\anxiety\depress (person A) and the other with stress\depression (person B)
I am finding it increasingly hard having contact with both without it having a detrimental effect on my well being
Person A makes me feel anxious as hell as i don't know what to expect but also exudes negativity to a huge degree pulling me down and angering me having a negative impact on a third party who is super close to me.
Person B is negative about many things which again makes me feel jittery\nervy.
As i say i can't cut either out for various reasons - just need strategies to not let their issues get into my head and affect me.
Sorry for the vagaries but not sure how to type it to be honest. I suppose it's like CBT strategies for dealing with others??
Mindfulness probably has something to offer in your situation. Sort of learning to let thoughts and feelings come and go while retaining a healthy perspective and a sense of calm.
Headspace is helping to keep me sane through a breakup just now.
It takes a fair bit of time and effort but I think it's worth it.
Good plan
Not sure what to say to help you, but I totally understand the issues it's causing you. Having been fairly open about my own recent issues with colleagues at work, one of them seems to have started to use me as a sounding board for her own problems, and it's hard not being sucked in/dragged down again.
At least you’ve recognised that it’s you who needs to develop new coping strategies for dealing with a complex situation.
No one makes you respond and react to anything, that’s your doing and by giving yourself different options as to how you may choose to react to their attitude and behaviour. CBT could help you with developing these new options, other approaches are also available because different people respond to differing approaches. Also check out some Transactional Analysis’ The Drama Triangle, awareness is sometimes enough. Mostly though, action has to be involved too.
Primarily, start thinking about focusing on your own personal responsibility. There’s no need to take responsibility for the actions of others, or blame them for how they make you feel.
one of them enjoys making me feel shit - the other is the opposite
I was also going to mention drama triangles. A counsellor told me the theory. They describe interactions that are dysfunctional and involve a victim, a rescuer and persecutor. Turned out I was playing the role of Rescuer in a drama triangle with 2 people who are quite close to me, and I was able to withdraw from the triangle without falling out with anyone.
If you look up drama triangles on the internet you can see if it rings true for you
person a and person b are not related to eithers scenario - these are stand alone
But I think you can still learn how to deal with people like that even if the 3 of you aren’t in a triangle.
At least have a look! The triangle bit doesn’t necessitate a third person! It’s more about interpersonal relationships and how we choose to involve our role/s within that relationship, or not.
one of them enjoys making me feel shit – the other is the opposite
Your point being? You are choosing to react in the way you currently do. You can choose a different way to react.
@slackalice I did have a look and tbh cannot see the relevance. In my op I said I wanted strategies to deal with how their personality made me feel - not sure if I misread you reply but in face value quite an abrasive response?
Even if the triangle were any use how would one go about withdrawing? I need these interactions for various reasons
You don’t withdraw from the relationship, you withdraw from the way you interact with them. For example if you recognise yourself as the rescuer and the other person is the victim, you stop trying to rescue them.
👍🏼
Okay, I can see where you’re coming from about the perceived harshness of my post, it was kinda intentional. I shall say no more about the drama triangle.
My recommendation now is for you to seek out a CBT practitioner, talk to them and then listen to what they suggest.
Good fortune with your journey.
mental health helplines and charities are also for you - lots of advice available there.