Given our current predicament ( looming redundancy, financial woes, difficult to manage mortgage and bills, general depression) my wife last night had one of those moments whereby she suggested that rather than endlessly struggling along and doing what 'most' people do (home ownership, estate living, 9-5, working to pay bills and enjoy occasional pleasures etc) that we should do something completely different.
She started ranting about not wanting to be 'part of this hopeless system anymore' and 'reaching 70 and just having a semi detached house and a few memories of bike rides and cinema trips'. She was quite emotional about it all and has clearly had enough of things but seems quite determined that she doesn't want the typical anymore. I tend to agree although I went through this process of thinking 5 years ago in my mid twenties.
The problem was she didn't have an idea of what we could do instead. Neither of us have incredible jobs that we love, we don't have kids and we don't have big families so there is a feeling that we could do what we wanted and really should. We met at Uni, graduated and straight into work, home buying all the usual stuff and I guess neither of us feel like we've lived much.
I guess we're at a point where we don't have much to lose so could take risks, do something a bit 'out there' but I'm at a loss at what we should do. I absolutely do know that come 30 years from now we will regret our choices if we just stick at this. I guess the old adage 'there must be more to life' springs to mind.
I feel a bit better for that.
Could you rent/sell your house and disappear somewhere to volunteer?
A friend of mine just returned from a (very) extended trip volunteering on everything from a ranch in Canada to a schools project in Sierra Leone.
He lived off the hospitality of those he was helping. Proper roughing it a lot of the time, but he came back a different person (in a very good way).
You might find that a year or two doing that will give you the clarity and direction you need to work out what you want for the next X years?
human trafficking is the career for you
I think everyone feels like this to some extent and at some point in their lives.
My sister and her husband just got back from walking the [url= http://www.pcta.org/ ]Pacific Crest Trail[/url] after taking 6 months off from work. Is there a something like this that you could do?
If I didn't have kids and had no plans of having them, I'd hope that I'd not be doing what I'm doing. Once they're older, I'm hoping to be in a position to do something 'different'; a colleague took early retirement and went to Africa to advise on science teaching.
It's a good idea and I've certainly looked at those options before. A few years ago I got quite stressed at the idea that I'd not contributed anything, I'd not helped anyone or anything. My job is just about lining the pockets of the top brass.
I think my wife might be in a different place though. I think she is just utterly disenfranchised with it all. I might suggest living on a barge, see how that goes down 😉
stick your house on the market then and do it.
whats the worst that could happen?
No bairns does give you the freedom to up-sticks. As always, though, these problems you're describing lie closer to home, and will not be solved by the usual 'yeah man, you should totally re-boot your life and move to Canada' type of thinking.
That's not to say you shouldn't try and hang your balls out and make a move for greatness, but it needs to be in the context of a really close, analytical look at where you are and what's making you unhappy. Few jobs are perfect, for example. Could you grow to love it by putting more in? Or if it's just never going to be like that then accept it and work on growing your interests outside of work to awesome levels.
You are lucky in that you don't have kids
IMO this is the thing that really locks you in to the life you describe
I had kids young, of course I don't regret it but it did set me on a very "safe" path which I do have pangs about from time to time.
Do it, sell up/ rent out your home. Volunteering overseas would be a great start - an opportunity to get some perspective on what your long term ambitions might be.
[i]I'm at a loss at what we should do[/i]
Rent your house out and travel the world. You have a great time and your tenant pays for it. Come home after a few years and you'll have a different outlook on life.
You have nothing to lose but your chains.
Sounds like you should embrace the festive period and then see what happens in the new year 😉
What about walking round the world?
Keep life simple by reducing your expectation/consumption.
Forget about those aim high bullcock motto coz they are only meant for some greedy barstewards.
For example, set low target so that you can achieve them without stress. Then depending on how you feel you may set another low target or simply be happy as it is.
Have you considered starting a drug cartel and moving to Cambodia?
Alternatively, go travelling, go get a job for a few months on an ice breaker in the Arctic ocean, get a job as caretakers at Halley Research Station in Antartica, get a TEFL qualification and teach English in Africa or Asia, get a job in the Alps and move there to work in the summer biking and winter snowboarding industry, move to Goa and work in a beach bar, get a job as a tea taster for Twinnings and travel round India and China tasting tea, take 6 months and travel around South America, buy a landrover and drive to Cape Town, go teach basic IT skills to nomads in Mongolia, move to America and get a job as a cowboy, buy a canoe and canoe as many rivers in the UK as you can, buy a canoe and find the source of the Nile/Amazon/Yankze, go build a school or dig a well in Africa, learn to fly, get a job with a global charity.
Write a book while you're doing it.
*you could also do what I just did, and sit down with your wife and just write down a list of amazing/ridiculous/stupid/funny/fun things you could do around the world. Then wittle it down to one thing.
Having no kids and few family ties makes things easier.
but it all depends on you finantial situation as to what your options are really.
Small Mortgage and Big equity with plenty of savings makes things easy, loads of options.
Big Mortgage and Small/Negative Equity and no savings makes things very difficult.
Sounds like you should embrace the festive period and then see what happens in the new year
Touché.
Keep life simple by reducing your expectation/consumption.Forget about those aim high bullcock motto coz they are only meant for some greedy barstewards.
For example, set low target so that you will achieve them without stress. Then depending on how you feel you may set another low target or simply be happy as it is.
I agree entirely with that sentiment, and that is exactly what we are trying to do. We want a richer more rewarding life that isn't based on endless consumption.
Small Mortgage and Big equity with plenty of savings makes things easy, loads of options.Big Mortgage and Small/Negative Equity and no savings makes things very difficult.
Sadly, the latter part of that statement is true for us, which is both our limiting factor and our desire to change.
sit down with your wife
No wife, no girlfriend, a job I hate.
Getting the **** out of dodge next year. Canada no less.
Huh - Zah
[url= http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20243493 ]write to this chap for advice[/url]
I guess your options depend a lot on how much you're prepared to rough it, what you have in the way of savings to fall back on and do you want to leave the UK or not.
Kill your wife and bury her in the garden. Then just carry on as normal.
Some have said you're lucky that you don't have kids... I'd like to say the opposite.
I've never had "a richer more rewarding life" now that I've got a couple of dust bin lids.
I had some of these thoughts at the beginning of the year. I decided to make a list of things I actually wanted achieve, or goals for my life, and then figure out the best way to get from here to there.
decided that i want a place in the alps, and sufficient time to spend there before I am too old to enjoy it.
it was quite eye opening, and led me to make some hard decisions. I quit my permanent job and am now contracting.
Hopefully in a few years, I'll be able to shift to taking a few months off at a time each year. Whether or not I'll buy a place in alps is not certain yet - I've got a van now, so might fit that out and take to touring about.
Not quite as drastic as you're talking about, but it might be useful for you and your missus to sit down and decide what you actually want from life, and then decide what you'd need to do to get it.
Dave
Small Mortgage and Big equity with plenty of savings makes things easy, loads of options.
Big Mortgage and Small/Negative Equity and no savings makes things very difficult.
Sadly, the latter part of that statement is true for us, which is both our limiting factor and our desire to change.
That does make life changes quite difficult, but not impossible.
If you sold up - everything - would you have anything left, or would it all have gone paying off the mortgage ?
I suppose there are two possibilities. I've built a bunch of bikes for people or couples who sell up to travel the world, and it does sound wonderful - but they usually have to put up with an awful job for years first to get enough money to get to that stage. Then what happens when they get home?*
Our alternative is different, we both gave up proper careers to do our own thing, and though we'll never have enough money to travel the world (and a kid doesn't help with that) we have a happy life with no debts, no mortgage, nobody telling us what to do. No money either, but money doesn't make you happy for long.
*One couple got a tandem, and cycled off on their honeymoon to Beijing. They took six years, got within spitting distance of Beijing, and decided they didn't want it to end so turned around and headed back again...
May I suggest the traditional/creative craft industry, wood craft, hand weaving/spinning, maybe even into food, Chocolatier perhaps?
It'd probably take you a decade to build up the skills required to make a living out of it. But once you do you can drop out of the rat race, but maybe not the grid.
You wouldn't earn much, but you could get by...maybe
e.g. http://www.durness.org/Balnakeil%20Craft%20Village.htm
If your considering selling the house, then maybe buying something that you could use to make a product.
http://www.forestharvest.org.uk/business_what_is_wild_harvests.php
No idea on the practicalities I'm afraid
I work on a social services emergency duty team and meet lots of folk who seem to have chosen an alternative to normal life. Not sure many of these are for me, but if you can't be arsed to travel and want some low cost alternative options you can do from your own home, drop me a mail 🙂
Our alternative is different, we both gave up proper careers to do our own thing, and though we'll never have enough money to travel the world (and a kid doesn't help with that) we have a happy life with no debts, no mortgage, nobody telling us what to do. No money either, but money doesn't make you happy for long.
Wise words
i have a mate who had a similar outlook on life as the OP (in fact i too have a similar outlook... i think most of us do but we just carry on knowing about the futility of it all as its easier to plod than it is to jump into the unknown).
he got rid his life of possesions... wittling it down to a Vito van, his bike, his snowbaord and a suitcase full of clothes. he has kitted his van out and made it a very comfortable place to be - if a little small. he guides in summer and teaches boarding in the winter and pisses off somewhere exotic during the seasons between seasons. when guiding and teaching he gets put up in hotels.
he seems happy. saying that, due to his lifestyle he does have a bit of money to throw around as he wishes. whether that will change in five years time when he is bored of his nomadic existence, i don't know...
drug mules
Our alternative is different, we both gave up proper careers to do our own thing, and though we'll never have enough money to travel the world (and a kid doesn't help with that) we have a happy life with no debts, no mortgage, nobody telling us what to do. No money either, but money doesn't make you happy for long.
I think it's that really. That sums it up for us, but it's working out how you make that possible. I'd rather have time than money.
I work on a social services emergency duty team and meet lots of folk who seem to have chosen an alternative to normal life. Not sure many of these are for me, but if you can't be arsed to travel and want some low cost alternative options you can do from your own home, drop me a mail
I'm interested. I'll drop you a mail.
If you sold up - everything - would you have anything left, or would it all have gone paying off the mortgage ?
We'd have something left I think. Not much but about 10-15k.
A friend of my dads sails posh yatchs around for v rich people. He sails them from France and across the Atlantic and what ever, they are always looking for people. Mind you it's terrible money ( almost nothing tbf) you get treated like shit by rich people and he still feels trapped, bored, in a rut!!!
Its not your life that's wrong it's your happiness that is
Mind you, I dumped who I think is probably the love of my life and have been pretty selfish lately, so what do I know!!
Having time rather than money is easy. Just don't turn up to work.
I tend to agree although I went through this process of thinking 5 years ago in my mid twenties.
We went through the "what if" thought processes at separate times, too. It created a big blocker between us for a while as our aspirations began to diverge. We brought it back before it was too late.
I have two good friends who threw it up and changed out of the norm. We all trained as lawyers at the same firm. They always had a plan that they would do it for so long (it's a shitty job TBH), save up what they could, and then move to southern France to open a bar or restaurant.
They went. they did the right thing. I'm now "stuck" deciding to apply for a job with a 10k pay rise or stay where I am and cash in the share options next year. What did I become?
Small Mortgage and Big equity with plenty of savings makes things easy, loads of options.
Big Mortgage and Small/Negative Equity and no savings makes things very difficult.
We managed the former, to an extent. Partly through luck and partly through planning.
Luck: we got married in 1999 and bought a house in 2000. Our £55k house became a £115k house.
Planning: we always knew that we'd have kids at some point and that we'd want one of us to look after them, so we bought the house based on just my salary.
Even before we had kids, the planning enabled me to quit the job I hated and to retrain. We moved house after having kids, but kept the mortgage based on just my salary. In a few years, we'll either both be able to work part-time or we'll both be able to take lower paid jobs that we want to do or take the risk of going self-employed.
Of course, with house prices now being stupid, this isn't as much of an option nowadays.
Have a look on Alistair Humphreys site. Lots of inspiration ongetting out of a rut both big and small
It might help you. It certainly helped me
Plum
I felt like this at 26, some 17yrs ago, when i got divorced. First thing i did was a crash course to pass my motorbike test.
Then bought a Fireblade and scared myself witless.
I then met a girl with no ties like me, i sold my house and we travelled the world for 5 yrs.
We came home, she got pregnant, we split up.
Best 5 yrs i've had, i haven't been out the country again because i've been to the most amazing places, and i'd struggle to top it.
Also makes me appreciate my life now, and this wonderful country.
Do it.
with 15k in the bank and no commitments I'd be buying a one way ticket somewhere nice.
with 15k in the bank and no commitments I'd be buying a one way ticket somewhere nice.
You don't even need that. I know of at least one couple who funded emigrating with credit cards that they had no intention of paying off.*
You'd have thought that the CC company would have spotted the one-way ticket they bought their dog, and the Canadian immigration lawyer they were paying, wouldn't you?
*I do not condone this course of action
mook bark
I'm not buddhist and have never totally agreed with this but something about the sentiment always rings true:
A man said to the Buddha, "I want Happiness."
Buddha said, first remove "I", that's ego,
then remove "want", that's desire.
See now you are left with only Happiness.
I'm not sure humans can do this but identifying where your happiness comes from is a good start, clearly you and your other half get happiness from each other, but what else makes you happy?
Is it friends / family? Experiences? Sharing knowledge? Recognition and a feeling of worth? Money (very rarely is it money even if you think it is)?
When I travelled I found that all the problems I had at home went with me, a different life / location didnt change that. So before you up sticks make sure you have a grip on what specifically makes you both happy. Then take that with you on your travels.
EDIT: blimey can I bulls**t with the best! lol 😉
On that note, you could follow in Bob Kulls footsteps
I quite liked the book
Edit: Look at the fun you can have; http://www.bobkull.org/Photos/Spring%202001/Pages/62_Tooth_CorCom.html
As others have said you need to have a talk amongst yourselves about what you want.
I have heard of people who:
- Rent out house here and then work for guiding / holiday companies abroad.
- Rent out your expensive UK house and rent somewhere cheap such as Asia or South America. Live cheaply on the difference.
Takes some guts to chuck in a good job, pension or whatever. Not sure I could have done it after daughter was born.