Our neighbour's wife had a very bad accident a couple of years ago and she struggles to walk. She's probably been outside 10 times since then, as she's slowly getting back on her feet.
Her husband hoards junk in his garden but is quite green fingured, but there is very little nice space outside to sit in, there is a considerable bottleneck to get from their driveway in to their garden, where the ground is uneven and its surrounded by junk and a dwarf wall that serves very little purpose. She has complained about it but he's done nothing about it. He thinks she's play acting to a degree and isn't trying hard enough, but hasn't done anything in the last 2 years to make the outside more accessible.
Yesterday she fell (thankfully on her bum) when trying to get in to the garden and needed our help to lift her up. She now probably won't go outside.
I'm thinking of rallying some help from another neighbour to get the patio / driveway area levelled but the main thing is going to be getting him to let go of some his junk. It will mean he'll have to foot the bill of a skip and some cement / aggregate but I'm sure the money isn't a problem, that and getting him to accept that most of the stuff in his garden that has set there for nearly 10 years is better off in a skip.
His wife is disabled now, her life has changed and he should change the garden to allow her to enjoy it, otherwise she'll stay indoors for another summer, however I think he likes it like that.
I may speak to a couple of other neighbours who may know him better on the best way to approach this, some of them are more diplomatic than me, I'm great with a shovel and wheelbarrow though!
Having written all this now I feel ashamed that we haven't done anything earlier.
You may have spoiled the husbands plan of a new patio.
but the main thing is going to be getting him to let go of some his junk.
You've just described my Aunt and Uncle. Any attempt to broach the subject of the carnage that the house/garden had become with him was met with serious levels of hostility.
We didn't get in to clear the house/garden until after he had a series of strokes (not the good kind) that put him into a home. And by "clear" I mean "go in with rubble sacks and shovels and load most of everything in the house and garden into a series of huge skips"
Good luck with your endeavour, his wife will appreciate it if you manage it!
Speak to the council, pretty sure that's enforcable if it presents an environmental hazard.
Sadly people's tidiness is often refelctive of their mental state and hoarding is just another level. Best of luck.
I read somewhere that hoarding is now recognised as a compulsive behaviour as a result of mental illness and that your neighbour may benefit from therapy first rather than simply rocking up with a skip.
Good luck, my neighbour never bothered with her small garden, front lawn went to seed etc. It's right below our bedroom window so really made my wife's hayfever flare up if we had the windows open at night. I mowed it when she was out, got a sort of half thanks and said I'd gladly do it when i mowed mine, she reluctantly agreed and now i get a bottle of whiskey each year. Although that might stop as shes just had a mssive stroke and is now several hampers short of a picnic.
She's was a bit odd before the recent medical moment, almost saw any offers of help as suspicious, meant people stopped offering. She was rather inward looking and couldn't quite grasp people were happy to help without wanting anything in return.
Maybe I'll go round and offer to help create some space and try to level up the slabs, then maybe the volume of junk cleared just to give her a space to sit may make him fit. Even if he moves it elsewhere in the garden then that's a win.
Whilst a commendable proposal, could he get a bit narked that your offer might imply he can’t /can’t be arsed to look after his wife?
Hmmm, are you on the deeds then?
You think you are helping.
He thinks you are the enemy.
There is no way to win.
I speak from bitter experience and a similar case fronting all funds myself.
Everything you throw in the skip will get replaced with a vengeance, twice as high.
Hoarders gonna hoard.
I can offer some practical experience on this subject except the neighbour is my parents and I'm the person trying to get the garden sorted.
It will take years to get anything done.
You will not win as they will use delaying tactics so well that you cannot keep up with the growth of the plants or the crap.
My issue is mainly my mum as she was given control of the garden when they married but she is physically unable to do anything other than tend to a hanging basket (which she will also struggle with as she's under 5ft tall!). Anything to be done has to be agreed by her and she takes ages to decide anything but then decides she will do it herself. It never gets done. Dad is the hoarder to the point that the shed and its contents that got flooded over 18 months ago are still at the bottom of the garden (the shed is being held up by brambles and the stuff inside) and he refuses to let me sort it out.
I occasionally broach the subject and do a little bit of work but nothing that really makes a dent. The only time I got to go at it full-on was after the flooding but I could only tackle the growth as the insurers had to still value everything. It went from this:
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To this:
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Bear in mind that this was the winter growth and that the incinerator in the second shot is where the white plastic planter is in the first shot. That's also 1/8th of the garden!
It's pretty much back to how it was again now but nowhere near as dense as I haven't been allowed to do anything with it since. A real pity as the garden is massive and could be lovely with a bit of work.
Sadly I'll have to wait until they both pop their clogs to be able to sort it. Thankfully the neighbours are very understanding.
Politely offer to the husband to help. If he doesn't bite, leave it. It's not your problem and you'll not be welcome interferring and I reckon everyone will end up sadder. I absolutely commend your intentions and wish you luck, but I wouldn't push if the husband doesn't agree.
^this!!!
Commendable intentions, but "mind your own business" would be an equally acceptable response!
Pieface, if I were a hoarder I'd like you as a neighbour, most would be less understanding.
My father lived next door to a guy with mental health problems, despite being twice his age my father offered to 'help' with the garden, he did the lot, by himself and then realised he was going to have to maintain it for him or it would be a tip in a few months, he did for while then just stopped, and it was.
Moral of the story I think is that some people just live like that, I hope you have better success.
Skips are expensive, someone with a trailer? to the local recycling? good luck.
Can't believe that frozen sausages haven't been mentioned yet.
Surely the easiest way to get down to bare earth
I wouldn't get involved personally - sounds like they have the means to sort it themselves but the husband is being a dick - far more worthy causes to spend my time on.
I read somewhere that hoarding is now recognised as a compulsive behaviour as a result of mental illness and that your neighbour may benefit from therapy first rather than simply rocking up with a skip.
Yep, some people can't throw stuff away, so just move it to the garden / garage etc...
some of them are more diplomatic than me
Good. If I were you I'd leave it. It isn't really any of your business, and you should be wary of getting too heavily involved. Bear in mind your interference may not be welcomed, and may sour relations between you and your neighbour for some time.
Could be sensitive. I would play along the lines “I know how busy you must be looking after your wife…, me and the neighbours would like to help by…, we are happy to give you…”.
And club together for the skip. Make it a gift that the two of them will enjoy. Then it’s an easy “yes” for him. Then have a decent bbq and party to celebrate the new space.
far more worthy causes to spend my time on
But he's wanting to do if for the disabled wife, not the lazy bloke so that does seem like a worthwhile cause.
I'd talk to the neighbours who might know him better first, they may know if he'd be amenable to it or not then get the ball rolling.
My wife went round this weekend and offered to help clear some space for his wife, the carrot being that it would allow her to get out an about more, and in time get back on her feet and do some of the chores around the house to relieve him, that and if she fell over again next time it could be much worse.
Sadly though it was met with complete refusal to do anything. It was amicable enough but this guy clearly loves his junk more than his wife 🙁