We are expecting our first in Jan, i've read a few books etc. But haven't really come across anything that tells you how not to kill the baby in the first few months. E.g. we're quite outdoors focused, so plan to go for walks with the baby in the buggy - how do you know when it's at a suitable temperature? My default plan would be to shove a wireless thermometer near it and keep it around 36-37 degrees, however I imagine actually executing that plan would earn me a look from the wife. Or how often should you feed it? Do you just offer it a boob everytime it wakes up, etc?
So, any good you tube channels that offer straightforward practical advice on the first 6 months of parent hood? Ideally the type of channel that will provide some evidence (e.g. references to studies) for their suggested approach on things that are not straightforward (e.g. does baby led weaning actually result in better outcomes that kind of thing).
Any advice tips, etc welcome! We start NCT classes in a couple of weeks, and i'm sure that'll tell us something, but better to have more knowledge...
Congrats, best advice I can give is get some sleep while you can and if you really need to do something in the near future do it now.
PS those little devices to suck out bogeys are brilliant.
Go round to all the parents you know who are doing it wrong and tell them how to do it right. It is the last time you will have all of the answers.
Joking aside, babies are pretty resilient and let you know when they want something (food/burping/warmth/nappy change etc). The hardest part is remembering to work through the list as the only signal you get is crying, and lots of it.
My default plan would be to shove a wireless thermometer near it and keep it around 36-37 degrees,
This seems an entirely reasonable approach to parenting. Also, fuel in one end and occasional cleaning of the other. You can stop in about 18 years after which it's mainly about money...
(Okay, I recall small ones as being reasonably portable. V small sling round your front, bigger go on your back, but you'll be an expert by then. They need a lot of wrapping up. They're not difficult to keep alive, and generally you'll be let know when they're unhappy. The end. Right back to Mumsnet.)
Try and relax; babies have been about for a long while, are (mostly) tougher than you think and are more than happy to let you know when they need something. Early days are pretty much a constant cycle of feed/sleep/change nappy and depending on how you baby feels some of these things may be easy or some may be more "fun".
If you're going to try and get out walking I would suggest ditching the buggy and going for a baby carrier instead. For our last one we have have had an ergobaby carrier that worked well, though it can take a bit of practice to get a decent coat on to mum/dad when wearing it.
Go to NCT with loads of questions and ask. You'll be in a group of people who have no idea and hopefully make some friends in the process to help get through the process when the dirty nappies start.
There is a practical and emotional side to this.
Practical
1. Snot sucker (nose frieda/Frida)
2. Don't buy special bins for nappies. Just get kitchen bags or any other bag.
3. Don't buy nice furniture or new carpets - they will be utterly damaged
4. Just get the IKEA high chair
5 black out blinds ftw (proper).
Emotional
1. You are no longer your partner's most important person , you're a distant second
2. Your partner will rely on her mum / other mums perhaps in the beginning. You'll might feel left out.
3. Forget about sexxy time for a looking
They are all different so you’ll mostly need to play it by ear. Don’t over think it, people have been doing it for thousands of years.
Congrats!!
Don't go overboard and stress to much, you will get a good feel for what needs doing, usually sleep eat, poo. Dont bother with you tube talking about a different baby - they are all individuals. Temp wise check every so often and adjust blankets accordingly.
Get some sleep yourself, you will need it to help out. Your wife will be in full mother mode so go with her lead and support her.
Remember babies are very resilient
Joking aside, babies are pretty resilient and let you know when they want something (food/burping/warmth/nappy change etc).
This, really this. I have two little boys (7 and 5 now, but it doesn't seem too long ago...), but they're surprisingly resilient. Be sensible - most of ours spent their early years sweating when outside because we were so scared of them getting cold that they had about 7 layers on 🙂 If they feel cold, they'll cry but if you have them dressed appropriately, they're fine. Just keep an eye on cold cheeks - the wind is more of an issue than the cold for that.
The fact that you care enough to try to do it right means you'll be fine. Use common sense, ask parents/friends, but don't get stressed if you don't do exactly what the whole of the internet says you should do - and it'll stop you enjoying it. Kids are great, you'll wonder what you ever did with all the free time you had before 😉 but it's hugely rewarding, so amongst the things you ensure you do, ensure that you're taking the time to enjoy the moments and not just fretting constantly about everything you might be getting wrong (g'wan - ask me how I know 😉 )
Common sense is a great tool and has been working for generations, so ask when you're unsure, here if you want, but your best will certainly be good enough.
I think abandoning all expectations is the key. I would be careful with any Youtube / Facebook stuff as it can set unrealistic expectations of what you can or should try and achieve, if indeed there is anything to achieve. The massive unknown is your baby - how it will react and what it will enjoy. I wish I'd read Robert Plomin's work before we had ours as I wouldn't have stressed as much. Basically middle class parent's probably spend way too much effort trying to create the perfect environment for their kids with little evidence that it changes outcomes.
Best advice is just take it easy in the first year. Take tiny steps and see what's enjoyable for you and the baby. Babies are fairly sturdy but stuck in a pram or back carrier it is easy to freeze / roast them without realising and you need to keep an eye on them. Some people will manage to climb 40 Munros with their babies first year. Other people will have a baby that won't go in a sling and does explosive shits 3 times a day rendering leaving the house a mission in itself.
NCT seemed more about getting through the birth than looking after them later.
Temperatures - an IR thermometer is definitely a good thing to have just to check. But generally aim to keep them a bit cooler, if they’re too cold they’ll wake and complain, if they’re too hot they can pass out. Under rain covers in pushchairs can get surprisingly hot and it’s out of the wind too.
You just work out the rest (feeding, sleeping, etc) as you go, don’t stress about it, they don’t need any kind of routine at first.
Congrats and enjoy, although I found the first 6 months hard and not just the sleep thing. All those cliches about instant outpourings of love for your newborn aren’t true for everyone, it can take some time.
Sometimes they just cry for no reason. They're fed, burped, warm, comfortable, clean, but still they cry and it will drive you both to despair.
Completely by accident we found out that when we switched on some white noise - hairdryer was the most effective for us - son #1 would stop crying and calm down. Worked for son #2 just as well.
Don't get to hung up about whats right/wrong, whatever works for you. Babies let you know when they need something, best advice is to work in shifts with your partner and grab sleep when you can, both ours were nocturnal as babies as they are as teenagers.
Get a stairgate before the baby starts crawling.
Most of all enjoy the experience take plenty of photos, they grow up fast.
Oh and fwiw we found the “Secrets of the baby whisperer” book most helpful. I watch a lot of other YouTube stuff and wouldn’t go near it for baby advice.
Dad of 18mnth old, second all of the above. Sleep now while you can.
I had our lad out within couple days in pram to walk the dog while mum slept. They cannot regulate temperature well so just keep an aye and always have extra blankets in bottom of pram.
It's just survival for 1st few months, but you'll be grand.
Best advice mate of mine, father of 3, gave was - ignore all the advice you get and do what feels right for you guys and baby. It's worked a treat for us. Baby will let you know when it needs something.
Yep, as above. They are tough little buggers and have only very basic needs - warmth, being clean and not being hungry or tired. It's a pretty simple checklist really 🙂
There's no one size fits all advice, but it is pretty intuitive. One thing I will say is - be kind to each other, the first few months can be hard!
Good luck!
I think the most important and positive change in engaging with the first baby that came into my life was understanding the difference between caring and minding. It's a bit of a personal philosophical thought and I'm not always the most eloquent of people, so please excuse me if this is a bit jumbled.
I think a lot of the way that we are engaged with getting things done in the modern world is by being taught to mind about it. Once you mind about something you create goals and strategies to achieve those goals. You make put yourself in a critical mindset that motivates and can push you forward and people can achieve incredible things when they mind about something. The trouble is it's not a strategy that works for all situations, and in my experience it particularly doesn't work for babies because there are no goals or agenda, you have to give yourself over to them and the only way to do that is to put yourself in a mindset of caring.
Caring is about being present and attentive outside of your own needs, whilst still acknowledging that you have to look after yourself. Caring is how you learn to change a nappy in the middle of the night without being really sure if you are awake or not. Caring is laughing at the baby sick on your clothes in an important meeting.
I think reading all the books you can find is no bad thing, they can really help on some specifics, but I think the overall underlying mind set is the most important thing.
Reading that back it sounds awful preachy, sorry, didn't mean it to be, hopefully someone else has something more specific to help.
Good call on the IR thermoeter. Just to clarify - I get that this will all go out of the window the first time it poos all over my hair or something 🙂 Just figured best to have a bit of knowledge. I also understand that a baby is not like a SLX groupset and doesn't just need technical tweaking 🙂
So did anyone use any pre birth resources to learn about stuff? I'm a bit of a just in time type of person, and I figured a couple of months beforehand was about correct to start worrying about it. I'm not seriously worried about killing it - as pointed out above they're presumably fairly robust!
Google new-born babies.
They come out a very strange purple colour. I was tempted to ask if this was normal but kept quiet as no one else appeared to be concerned.
Swedish Matt makes some very good points.
Don't overthink it. Thermometer for going outside? Just wrap them up in blankets in the buggy and use a rain cover to keep wind and rain off. Cheap/second hand stuff is absolutely fine too.
And what you want to do going forward may not be quite the same as what you realistically can achieve going forward. Learn to adapt, maybe scale back some plans.
You will be tired, stressed and emotionally wrung out for at least the first 12 months. As will your partner. Make sure you each get an evening a week and half a day at the weekend to do your own baby free thing. Even if that's just sleeping.
Every minor issues in your relationship will magnify 100 times due to the tiredness and stress. There's a reason a lot of relationships fail when kids come along. Be aware, try and think before you snap at each other.
It is the scariest, most emotional rollercoaster you can ride, and I don't regret a second of it. Your world turns upside down the moment you first hold them.
And once you've figured it out with the first one and decide to have a second, you'll discover that they are all totally individual.
But generally aim to keep them a bit cooler, if they’re too cold they’ll wake and complain
This is dangerous advice - yes they will often wake but particularly if using a pram / sling / car seat you cannot assume that they will. It doesn't mean you need to be super paranoid but you do always need to be aware how they're doing.
There was a book by a former soldier which was pretty good - Commando Dad.
Best advice I ever got was never turn down anything someone wants to give you, particularly clothes. Just take it, they’ll ruin it anyway and you can sell on or giveaway.
Advice should be taken with a pinch of salt, particularly from your parents. Unless they are foster carers for they have the experience.
Don’t stop doing what you do, for the most parts, babies are fine in the pub etc.
Make time for you and yourselves.
Congratuations!
I'm now at grandad stage so re-living (part of) the experience.
As for the outdoorsy bit - get best quality buggy/pram you can afford with strong frame and wheels; rain cover; warm clothes for baby - layer up so you can help regulate their temperature.
They have an in-built warning system - when they want something, they will cry.
I doubt you will find anything worthwhile on youtube; GP and health visitor are your best sources of information and advice.
NCT wasn't around when mine were born but I'm told they're good.
Grandmothers have tendency to proffer advice - whether you want it or not.
As above ^^^ common sense and caring will cover most things which happen.
It's the greatest time of your life - enjoy!
Congrats, best advice I can give is get some sleep while you can and if you really need to do something in the near future do it now.
^^^^
My default plan would be to shove a wireless thermometer near it and keep it around 36-37 degrees,
You're over thinking something humans have been doing for millennia.
however I imagine actually executing that plan would earn me a look from the wife.
Hopefully.... this might sound unlikely right now but trust me you'll know, it's instinctive.
and FFS... she's got to do childbirth soon. Help relax her not wind her up. 😉
Ours was off in the buggy/chest harness in the Polish winter in the mountains at 3mo old... just wrap em up... they let you know if something is wrong.
Or how often should you feed it? Do you just offer it a boob everytime it wakes up, etc?
Again it will let you know.... they mainly like routine and they pick up on your mood or uncertainty.
Any advice tips, etc welcome! We start NCT classes in a couple of weeks, and i’m sure that’ll tell us something, but better to have more knowledge…
Nah... just chill and go to NCT.
You'll need a rear facing car seat ... a cot and lots and lots of nappies and a changing mat or two and industrial amounts of wipes.
You are also THE most vulnerable person to advertising....
We succumbed to all sorts of useless stuff... you get advertised to think you need.
We got a changing table for example... we used it once. After that it was just easier to stick the changing mat on the bed. [when you need to change them you don't wanna be pulling out a fold up table]
I mention this because I think it feeds your current feeling.
Do NOT under any circumstances be tempted to watch it come out. The rest will be fine.
Advice should be taken with a pinch of salt, particularly from your parents. Unless they are foster carers for they have the experience.
Our experience was they couldn't remember...
At the time it seemed weird ... how can you not remember... but now I get it. You just adapt to the age they are as they reach it and forget the details.
I doubt you will find anything worthwhile on youtube; GP and health visitor are your best sources of information and advice.
NCT wasn’t around when mine were born but I’m told they’re good.
NCT were great.... and I'd go further and say watching YouTube will just lead to more anxiety.
PS those little devices to suck out bogeys are brilliant.
We're a skoosh (Sterimar) then suck household - it's kinda like a baby version of Dynorod. Youngest currently finds it hilarious, which is handy.
Or how often should you feed it? Do you just offer it a boob everytime it wakes up, etc?
Get involved in feeding if you can, makes everyone's life a bit easier if you can take over a certain feed (could be combination feeding, wife could express, whatever - it's up to you two). If you can do some feeding it means your other half can get away for a while, even if its just to relax somewhere. Longer term it will make it a lot easier for her to go out sans-baby. And its quite a nice thing to be able to do tbh
watching YouTube will just lead to more anxiety.
This.
Amazingly the human race managed to thrive before YouTube - you're looking after a baby, not fixing a lawnmower..... everyone's different. You'll be fine so stop overthinking it.
Many congratulations - sit back and enjoy the rollercoaster!
This is coming from a clueless dad of 1 x 20yo girl and 2 x 18yo girls. There's still many issues to deal with on a daily basis, but now it's boys, universities, CV and driving tests rather than milk, projectile poo and lack of sleep 🙂
edit: and please never complain about "how hard it is" - you can only say that when you've raised twins, triplets, etc.
You'll look back one day and realise that it was probably the best time of your life.
You will do it wrong. It's the only way!
Try and have a bed time routine and a routine in general but at the same time be flexible.
Get out asap for mental well being even if it's just to supermarket. We went out as soon as partners came home from hospital. Day 3 I think. Don't lock yourself up. Baby's are plenty tough enough to be outside.
Re walking get a good baby carrierand a large coat. When very small we found a wrap best as it supported the head. There are more expensive ones but we got on fine with a cheap one. Practice with a teddy.
When a little older baby bjorn carrier chest carrier. We tried a cheap one but no good. Got a second hand baby bjorn well worth it.
Then a back pack bit that's some time down the line!
We did use a pram but in general baby was happier in carrier and more convenient.
Amazingly the human race managed to thrive before YouTube – you’re looking after a baby, not fixing a lawnmower….. everyone’s different. You’ll be fine so stop overthinking it.
My OH read/watched something and convinced herself exposure to sunlight would lead to instant skin cancer... she'd even shield the poor sod from the car to front door and nothing I said would change this.
He ended up with Vit D deficiency...(only spotted before it was trendy because our GP was Indian)
You are also THE most vulnerable person to advertising….
We succumbed to all sorts of useless stuff… you get advertised to think you need.
True companies will sell to your fear. Don't buy too much. Buy as you need, beyond a changing mat blankets, nappies and child seat that's it. Cardboard box will do as a cot. It honestly doesn't matter.
P.S. keep an eye on your partner for depression. I think it tends to come a few weeks after birth as hormone levels drop.
The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year by Armin Brott. Brilliant book that takes you through all the development stages and explains what that little meatsack is doing. Helped us loads.
swedishmatt
Free Member
There is a practical and emotional side to this.Practical
1. Snot sucker (nose frieda/Frida)
2. Don’t buy special bins for nappies. Just get kitchen bags or any other bag.
3. Don’t buy nice furniture or new carpets – they will be utterly damaged
4. Just get the IKEA high chair
5 black out blinds ftw (proper).Emotional
1. You are no longer your partner’s most important person , you’re a distant second
2. Your partner will rely on her mum / other mums perhaps in the beginning. You’ll might feel left out.
3. Forget about sexxy time for a looking
I came to post this. The emotional bit is the most important, I would add:
4. Accept that there is more than one way to bring a child up, and your wifes way is the way that is chosen and you will back this up. If you don't do this, you will regret it, much more than regretting not doing it your way.
Given your name...Ewan the Dream Sheep!! 😀 My boy is nearly eight, and it still lives in his bed, albeit not really functioning anymore. He does turn it on sometimes in his sleep which is quite sweet. I think the newer versions are machine washable these days. Ours is the colour of a sheep that’s just come in from a wet day in the valleys.
Don’t get hung up on routine. The little one will settle into its own pattern in its own time.
Google Dream Feed (not for a few months after birth) - good bonding time for dad and gives mum a chance to get an unbroken 5 or 6 hours sleep.
Get involved! Pay scant regard to any penis person that tells you “it’s just a blob...really boring...I just let ‘er indoors get on with it...” He’ll be the same bloke whinging about how “left out” he felt for the first couple of years.
Lastly, depending on travel restrictions of course, take baby to see friends and family that want to see him or her rather than having loads of people round your place. That way, you get waited on and you get to decide when to **** off home. Your house will be, shall we say, a little disorganised for a few months and you don’t want to be stressing about tidying for visitors and having stuff in for them.
Enjoy. It’s a very special time. Best of luck!
I've got 2. Can confirm they are all different.
Best advice:
- Don't buy a load of tat...there's a whole industry looking to prey on your insecurities
- Ikea high chairs are the best and cheapest
- Slings are much better than buggies if you're out walking in my opinion...loads on ebays
- Look after mum
- Look after yourself
- Enjoy the wild ride ahead (and don't focus on how tired you are!)
Good luck!
Don't overthink it. With new-born's it's a simple cycle of eating, sleeping & pooing. Some people try and impose a routine, whilst that works for some it can be restrictive. Try and get some sort of bedtime routine of feed, wash, bath and down in dark room going.
We found using a sling to carry a baby works really well. You can monitor the temperature easily, covering/uncovering with jacket as required. They also allow you to easily access footpaths, shops and steps that you can't get a buggy on easily. I've seen babies being towed in sleds by cross country skiers in Finland at -15 C, so don't worry about the cold.
Sleep when you can. 20 minute naps during the day will help keep your sanity when a baby cries for no obvious reason at 3 in the morning.
Have a large, easy to carry bag that opens up easily. Have this packed with nappies, change of clothes, changing blanket, wipes, cream etc. Be ready to go. You need to be able to get out of the house quickly whilst your between a hungry and pooing phase.
Slings are better for dad maybe
Without going into detail sling use contributed and extended post birth issues.
Mum will appreciate a buggy.
Try and have a bed time routine and a routine in general but at the same time be flexible.
Nothing more stressed than the parents that MUST FOLLOW THE ROUTINE!!!!! Babies are more like the British Rail timetable than the Japanese
P.S. keep an eye on your partner for depression. I think it tends to come a few weeks after birth as hormone levels drop.
This is a big, serious, one. Hormones will be all kinds of weird and wonderful things, but post-natal depression is serious and can take months to really come on (or can be very quick). Annoyingly I can't remember the proper phrase - "it's ok to be sad, just not all the time" or words to that effect are what I've always had in my head and help catch my wife when she started having issues after the 2nd born
If breast feeding ... Introduce and keep on top of bottle feeding early once the innital breast feeding link has been established.
We had issues where after we got her going on a bottle along side breast feeding I had to travel for work at 5 weeks old for 3 weeks and the bottle was forgotten. She has never taken a bottle since which made it hard for my wife.
If breast feeding … Introduce and keep on top of bottle feeding early once the innital breast feeding link has been established.
But don't forget to leave some for the baby
Don't worry bud, we had our first back in December last year.
We worried about the same thing - how do we keep her alive? I thought I'd be a pretty crap dad as I've never really been into kids but love it and took it all in my stride. Its hard work to start off with when she just cries and you think you've tried everything, but you won't have, they'll stop crying once you've pandered to their need, it's just trial and error till you get there.
The temperature gauge is overthinking it, the rule is one extra layer than you're wearing. It's a judgement call and he/she will cry if they're too cold but just sleep and sleep if too warm.
NCT class was great for meeting like minded people and the wife has made loads of mum friends out of it, its kept her going in lockdown but NCT doesn't teach you a damn thing about keeping bubs alive, in that sense it was rubbish. It was just all about the birth and showing you how horrific natural births are and that C sections are the way forward, haha.
Anyway as others have said, you wont realise it but you'll learn really quickly that the little bag of wrinkles is pretty sturdy and will let you know how he/she wants to be treated i.e. feeding etc. You'll manage, don't try to fret to much but you probably will!
It’s just survival for 1st few months, but you’ll be grand.
Best advice mate of mine, father of 3, gave was – ignore all the advice you get and do what feels right for you guys and baby. It’s worked a treat for us. Baby will let you know when it needs something.
A lot of that ^
One of my sons put it best.
When they were little, the first time I ever raised my voice and gave them a real telling off (for something trivial) they were stunned. It had been at the end of a long day of looking after them, trying to get food ready for us all and their Mum (still at work). No excuse, completely my fault and I felt horrible.
I sat down with them and said “Boys,I am really sorry for being angry Dad, there was no need, you didn’t deserve that, sorry for shouting”
Smallest child then says” It’s ok Dad, you’re just the Dad we need”
From then to now, that’s what I have tried to do, be just the Dad they need.
Only resource we used was a book called something along the lines of: your baby week by week. It helped in that 1) it gave you a few indicators as to why your baby's behaviour was changing - things like changes in sleep patterns were remarkably accurately predicted with respect to the baby's age 2) for the most part it told you that almost everything was normal and chill the heck out.
The big cloth slings are really nice at the start, keeps the baby warm and asleep for ages if you want to go out for a walk in the cold.