[Closed] A question for the ladies...

A question I have often asked myself. 😀
If they can tell, how can they tell?

Maybe mystic meg can tell.

Not sure, maybe we detect you aren't trying so hard. Perhaps the fact you are already with someone means you might be a catch and could make you more attractive than you are....

No, in fact the effect you are describing is the reverse. Once you aren't available to throw yourself at random women any more your super-ego compensates by fooling you into thinking all women are gagging for you.

Creepy.

Recent experience suggest differently hels, but... I do have a super-ego, so probably haven't got a clue.

creepy?

Yeah, creepy.

I've often suspected that wives have a nose for this sort of thing...

Hels +1 🙂

From the opposite perspective, how come so many 'attached' guys (married / long term partners etc) seem to think that as I'm single I'd of course want to go off with them for a quick and dirty couple of hours before they trot back to their OH's? erm, no thanks!

I believed there was some science behind this...

If a woman knows a guy is involved with someone then biology kicks in and she knows he must have something to offer. If a guy is single then he must not be worth mating with!

As for knowing a guy is with someone - I reckon a guy behaves differently around attractive females if he is single or involves. Also womens perfume etc probably linger the involved man and are probably detectable without the woman realising it.

There is a lot that goes on in the background that we don't realise.

This also explains why married men who try to act single fail so painfully obviously.

Sue_W +1 !!

Rachel

But what about when you tell them you have a girlfriend and they tell you to start 'living a little'?? How does that work then Rachel and Sue?

Anyway, TSY, can't you just ask Sammie?? 😉

Rachel

So what you are saying is you've found yourself a gf and now all of a sudden you are getting hit-on from elsewhere? Don't knock it - good for the ego...

Rachel

This quick and dirty couple of hours, tell me more.

It goes the other way too - men perceive involved women differently but mens instincts are probably more basic and centre around wanting to spread his seed!

Of course there are the other instincts as well which look out for a woman who would make a good mother or has a good likely hood to conceive. Eg a pregnant woman or woman with a young child is obviously "in her prime" and thus the depths of your brain thinks she would be a good choice.

Yes people can try and force a different approach or some indeed may have reasons for not going completely by these instincts but our underlying behaviour is basically the same as any animal.

all men are beasts.

horrible beasts with no morals.

especially you, you furry beast.

Maybe there's something in the fact that, if you see someone in a relationship, you can see that they are actually capable of it and you can see that they would be good to be with. You can imagine yourself in that relationship with that person.

If you see a person only in the single state, how do you know what they will be like?

Maybe we are attracted to the safe option?

Rachel

Leaving the cheesier comments aside (including my own, above), I have often wondered about this...

... not talking at all from a salacious point of view, just from a normal "flirting" type perspective. Is there an element of "safe to flirt with", or is there something more going on there *
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* and no, I'm prety sure it isn't just my ego talking - I'm not that sort of guy...

See what andyl is saying? It's beautiful in its ignorant simplicity isn't it. He's definitely nailed it. End of thread one wishes.

Don't knock it

I didn't... because I'm not a horrible beast.

Darcy... why do you want this thread to be over? 🙁

sorry, to call you a beast was insulting to REAL men like the beast, i think we must all remember who the baddy in that story was!

[img] [/img]

Phil - I sent you a msg on FB re: your question... they're slowly locking down my internet at work and I can't even get on to Hotmail now... what did you reckon?

ohh its a sexy looking bike but based in aberdeen... i think i'm gunna have to keep my search a bit more local, luckily i'm not in a rush 🙂

liking the 150mm up front (was hoping for 140 or longer)

I've noticed this too, I definitely seem more attractive to the opposite sex when in a relationship. When single it seems much harder work.

IME flirting is easy when you know your bluff isn't going to be called. If you have a Mrs I think you tend to just carry yourself with a bit more confidence.

Of course, if you're so inclined you can flirt away without fearing that you might be rejected. If you are rejected, well it doesn't matter does it. You can tell yourself you were only messing around anyway, bit of harmless fun, and you were always going home with your Mrs who you love very much and don't need anyone else, thank you very much.

If you're single you're flirting with a mission, and if you're rejected it matters because you go home alone. The stakes are high and the nerves kick in.

Plus as stated above, if you're in a relationship it sends a message that you might have something to offer. Bit like applying for a job whilst in a job, vs applying for a job whilst on the dole.

Yeah, since I've been married, it's like I'm a walking piece of Velcro. It's that simple really.

Was musing on others' willingness to flirt, rather than the other way round - if that makes sense?

I'll do a bit more searching then Phil.

I think you're talking some sense there JTD. I've also long felt that women (and men too) can sense the desperation in singletons... something which is not attractive.

Sorry Darcy... have I hit a nerve this morning?

I think there is also an element of 'safe' flirting... when you got married Darcy... did you have a stag do? Was it obvious you were the stag? Did you get more attention that night than you've ever had in your life?

Yeah, since I've been married, it's like I'm a walking piece of Velcro. It's that simple really.

Skinny Velcro jeans.

Over the last few years I have noticed that women seem much more inclided to flirt with me than when I was younger. Seems odd to me - I don't believe that I look a more hansome specimen than when I was in my twenties... 😳 Perhaps it's all in the mind 🙁

Kinda of links to a thread I started a while back...

[url= http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/what-tragedy-is-it ]middle aged men[/url]

Is it a very sad middle aged male delusion - ie that we become / think we become more attractive to the opposite sex as we get older...?

...is it real, but just related to the increased confidence and self-assuredness that comes with age?

... is it just increased (female) willingness to flirt, but only because we are "safe", and that they would be horrified if they thought we thought that they were flirting...?

... or are they just being polite and friendly?

... or is it in our addled middle-aged heads?

Genuine questions - I find this all quite puzzling

middle-aged man mindset if you ask me 😛

friends just turned 32, been single a while now and he has the fantastic ability to assume that any female that so much as cracks a smile in his general direction must want to climb on his penis.

being in a relationship shouldn't make you more comfortable with flirting... why would you be flirting if you're happy in your relationship? one of the answers to that question i hear a lot is "it makes you feel good, nobody gets hurt.. its nice to know you're still attractive" etc etc and so on.

nothing is harmless when somebody else's emotions and trust are invested in you in my mind. i know i'm being uptight and all relationships are different.. possibly 'cos i've been cheated on but never cheated on anyone myself.. sensitive philly somewhat!! some relationships thrive on the attention of others and the explosive 'you're the only one for me, even if i do tease and flirt with other men' factor. who am i to judge?

i've heard many women admit that a married/taken man is more attractive... there's the "i want what i cant have" factor and the "well he's taken so he must be alright in bed/in life" factor. evolution and biology will play a part too me thinks.

the middle aged mans ability to assume every female wants his penis always makes me chuckle... but its flipping frustrating when women go on about men as if every single male wants to cheat on their loving partner with them and are only after one thing.

32 middle aged??

No, I can't tell when a bloke has a girlfriend, other than by asking straight out.

If he has got a wife/girlfriend I'm outta there

Sue_W +100 !

middle-aged man mindset if you ask me

Hence the title of my previous thread... 😉

But just to qualify my comments, you are being far more base about this than I was implying...

Flirting comes by degrees, surely. Not just about cutting to the chase and trying to "get off" with someone. Is there not an element of flirting to many male / female situations?

I find that I often end up in bed with married women - thing is, you're a lot more confident with each other once you both find out that the other is "unavailable" - you feel that there is no pressure to "pull" or "impress". Half an hour later, you both find that it's progressed to a point where shagging one another's brains out is just the logical progression - it can be a bit awkward sometimes, as I found out in the garden centre at the weekend.

The other week, an extremely attractive woman smiled at me, came up and started chatting. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was holding my baby daughter at the time...

you are being far more base about this than I was implying...

... and then along comes dd 🙄

... and then along comes dd

You'd just better watch out if your missus is about - and it'll be very little to do with me 🙂

a little humility please dd.

EDIT: forgot to add 🙄 you dirty boy

I agree that people in a relationship find flirting easier, I know I do. It's safe, bit of harmless fun, boast to the ego. Can tell if people are in a relationship, they don't try as hard, like you said Yeti, singles have a whiff of desperation LOL.

Hmm. After reading through this thread, I am one year from being middle aged and whiff of desperation.

Bum.

haha old man jimmers, bumbling along with his zimmer frame. 😆