[Closed] A Life less ordinary...

What did you want to be/do when younger?

CaptJon - Member
What did you want to be/do when younger?

Psychologically as far as I personally am concered, good question - I didn't I just went with the cards I was dealt and here I am...

I just went with the cards I was dealt and here I am

[i]I've been musing on this for ages, like years, it can't just be me who does such musing? [/i]

Nope, you're not alone. However, rather than just musing, I've been actually screwing my life up for decades.

[i]Just do it[/i]

😉

You think to much Stan.

It's called a mid-life crisis, isn't it? 🙂

[i]You think to much Stan.

[/i]

I know. And my name isn't Stan, btw.

EDIT:
[i]It's called a mid-life crisis, isn't it?[/i]

Not at 20yrs and only into 2nd year at Uni, I hope 😯

It's called a mid-life crisis, isn't it?

I hope not!

Yes, I am always living with an ever present sense that there must be more to life than there is. Most will see this as very negative or depressing but there you go.
As a consequence, the pj Harvey version of this song is like beautiful poetry to me...
🙂

Spooky, thought this yesterday but in my case I had a clear idea of what I wanted when young and went on to achieve it. Now though, something's scratching at the back of my mind. Hmmmm, must practice my dovetails and start churning out that bespoke furniture.
On the other hand I suppose I should take a step back and realise that with a loving family, food, a dry bed and sport I love I'm about one hundred times luckier than most on the planet and I should stop my bitching (last comment no reflection on OP, hope you find what you're looking for).

PeaslakeDave - Member
I just went with the cards I was dealt and here I am

I am doing the same right now. I thought exactly the same thing the other day. I'm 20, and in my second year of uni. What can I do that would go that extra way to no longer being one of the masses? I have always wanted to do more than others but lack inspiration for what to do

So many students i teach are in the same position. By the third year more and more have a target. You've got a fantastic opportunity to try out loads of things - just do stuff and at worst you'll eliminate stuff you don't want to do.

My post was pitched at the OP.

silly solo.

How about a hobby? I climb cranes at night and stuff like that - I would say it keeps me out of trouble, but really it does the opposite.

I think it's normal to wonder what it's all about sometimes - that's why religion is so popular. I studied to be an astrophysicist and now I build bicycles - right decision or not I don't know...

For all those folk seeking an ever greater sense of acheivement through material or positional gain; forget it, it doesn't exist.
Advice: settle down with a good lass, have kids and pass on what you've learnt. That's the meaning of life. Have fun with your hobbies etc. Take nothing for granted and expect shit to happen. But most importantly make the most of what you've got, it really makes no difference if you have it all or nothing.
Oh and stop reading magazines they're written to make you feel inadequate and want stuff.

I think it's normal to wonder what it's all about sometimes

It's essential. Just don't let it stop you actually trying stuff out though.

There'a a big aching gap in a lot of peoples minds that used to be where you might want to keep spirituality. It's just enough space for desires and "what ifs" to echo and resonate. I find the more you learn and the more you see of the world, the bigger and hungrier the void gets. Mid life Crisises happen when the void implodes.

Trail buzz fortunatelly drowns out all of the nonsense.

If I was 20 and I didn't know why I was doing my degree I'd take some time out, do a ski season, then a beach season and repeat until I'd talked to enough interesting people to make an imformed career choice.

I've learned the most important thing in life is to be thoroughly decent and take great care of your family friends and others around you. Don't think how can I make my life better...think how can I make other people's lives better instead.

I've learned the most important thing in life is to be thoroughly decent and take great care of your family friends and others around you. Don't think how can I make my life better...think how can I make other people's lives better instead.

🙂 agreed but with the addition that sometimes you have to make decisions for your own gain as you cant help others if you're not in a position to look after yourself properly, just try to ensure that the decisions for your own gain aren't going to harm others, if that makes any sense?

If I was 20 and I didn't know why I was doing my degree

[quote=pudd ]
Oh and stop reading magazines they're written to make you feel inadequate and want stuff.
+1

I was just thinking much the same yesterday watching the Go Pro ads. They're not selling a camera for £400, they are selling you the idea that your life could be more exciting if you did stuff to warrant having one. 99.99% of them will be used to film someones descent of a trail centre that's been done thousands of times already.

If you buy this camera, you get to hang out with mermaids in bikinis.

@Kryton

Ditto

Advice: settle down with a good lass, have kids and pass on what you've learnt. That's the meaning of life.

This^^

It is after all, what nature intended. Shelter, food, some security on top.

The rest is just guff to distract you along the way.

Kryton +1

bencooper - amazing blog and pictures. be careful 😉

*wonders who pudd is, he seems northern*

Advice: settle down with a good lass, have kids and pass on what you've learnt. That's the meaning of life. Have fun with your hobbies etc. Take nothing for granted and expect shit to happen. But most importantly make the most of what you've got,

It seems Pudd knows me, so he'll know that everything before "But" I'm doing. I've just had my second child and don't get me wrong, I've scraped the bottom of the barrel many years ago and now I'm back sitting with a good career, nice house, wonderful wife, two great kids and four bikes which I enjoy a lot when I can not to mention my currently altering social circle. Thats a lot, and as someone mentioned I'm very lucky to have that, many don't.

I just can't help thinking there's something else I can "achieve". For those that implied asking, I'm 40 btw so mid-life crisis maybe? I dunno its not the first time I've thought this...

I'm also capable of the odd meltdown. Call it argumentative, or as Pudd mentions overthinking, or perhaps even a social inadequacy I do tend to get in some odd situations of my own making - I'm starting to wonder if this is caused by celebral frustration.

Strava?

freeridenick - Member
Strava?

Done / doing with 2 x KOM 😀 and working on some other.

Stan is er, my real life nickname btw.... 😐

I always wanted to start a family and now I've got one I do sometimes think "what next?" Is life now all about moulding my boys into mini-mes and making retirement plans? 😆

Agree with much of what has been written here and have concluded that material stuff (above a certain required level) doesn't really bring any long term happiness.

I have however observed quite a few guys at work going part time in their 40's and finding themselves a lot happier because of it. I actually think that the pace of work has accelerated so much that work that used to be quite enjoyable and even relaxing is now frenetic and stressful. Back in 1995 I worked with a couple of guys and we all loved cars so every morning we would stand around in the bosses office with a coffee chatting about Top Gear, cars, etc etc. It was a great way to start the day and I was much happier at work then. Like most human beings I don't enjoy frenetic and stressful and am really happiest when I have a day off to spend with the family, mooching around, watching films, listening to music, cycling or whatever. The secret therefore is to spend more of your life on days off doing stuff you enjoy...

I just need to start living within my means to enable me to do that - although I'm starting to think that if I worked part time I would shop at Lidl instead of Sainsburys which would cut the monthly food and drink bill from £700-£800 to £400, couple that with less commuting cost, less tax, more homemade food rather than meals out or convenience food and I reckon financially I wouldn't be that much worse off.

Maybe more of us should be thinking along the same lines...

Airborne

'tortoise my mentally means my kids shouldn't be mini me's, they should be better than that. As for retirement plans, thats one of my thoughts.

I started to think the other day perhaps I should make "paying off the mortgage early" a focussed project, with influencers (like my job) a sub-focus to achieve that. I'm going to be 58/60 when my youngest is encouraged to leave home, and I'd really like to move somewhere nice and enjoy my twilight years with Mrs K without a financial burden. This though, is a personal goal, I'm thinking I'm looking for something that reflects positively on or contributes to others. I've started to think of charity work or similar as well...

Edit: Re airborne's post. Dead right, I can remember years ago that out Tech Director would quote BlackAdder with much hilarity across the office, and encourage practical joking. We all however achived much in the early part of our careers. Now, its a grey box with an HR policy / corprate rues that weigh so heavily to stifle anything not classed as "mundane" in any aspect of the working day.

[quote=Kryton57 ]
I started to think the other day perhaps I should make "paying off the mortgage early" a focussed project,
I think that's the best plan. Resist "upgrading", live with what you have, pay it off early. Folk are living healthy, productive lives well into their 70s and 80s now too, so it's not like you need to do everything in the next couple of years either. Enjoy a long and stress-free retirement and you can do charity work then!

I know what I want, and I have a few ideas on how to achieve it, but it's not easy.

I want a means of earning money that doesn't tie me to 40 hours a week 47 weeks a year or a specific location.

The big issue has so far been inability to pay off debts and the IT contractor trap, but my hand is now being forced, I have to make a plan so hopefully things can improve.. hopefully as ever...

[quote=molgrips ]
I want a means of earning money that doesn't tie me to 40 hours a week 47 weeks a year
So does everyone else

What the shit does [i]celebral[/i] mean...?! 🙂

But seriously - no; I'm content with my life.

So does everyone else

Yeah, I was in the situation to actually do it too but I messed it up.

teasel, Pudd touches on it - my mind races at 100mph even when I wake up at night - yet without much productivity.

I'm not the brain of britain but I feel if I has a focussed approach it'd calm down, or at least be channelled appropriately and not rampant with utter tosh as it is now. Hence Celebral (brain) frustration....

I'm on the lines of paying off the mortgage soon and cutting down to fewer hours. Life has to be lived not endured. Why work like a dog until retirement so you can live your less capable years with a bit more cash in your pocket?

[quote=Kryton57 ]Hence Celebral (brain) frustration....
Cerebral!!

Next time you wake up in the middle of the night, brain racing, try reading a dictionary 😉

[quote=glasgowdan ]I'm on the lines of paying off the mortgage soon [b]and[/b] cutting down to fewer hours.
Few folk have the luxury of doing both.

Cerebral!!

Next time you wake up in the middle of the night, brain racing, try reading a dictionary

🙂

Lol @ Druid / Teasal. er, sorry. 😳

Don't apologise, it's actually quite amusing. As is...

I'm not the brain of britain but I feel if I has a focussed approach...[aye]...

..where you're starting to sound like Ali G or other psuedo-Stains-dwelling yoof. Maybe that's what was meant by [i]celebral[/i] - you have a form of celebrity personality disorder...

[url= http://www.jesus.org/ ]Look here for the answers...[/url] 🙂

Stan. You have it all but i think you need a new distraction. Do you do much exercise?

I recently went through similar stuff. I was (not implying you are) extremely overweight, lost the lard, then joined a gym, got bitten by the bug but was still being undually fussy with every one so started MMA. a bit random maybe but it stopped me searching out something i didn't need and focus more on basic stuff like my misses, my daughter and my Daft JRT.
Nothing beats simple base level endeavours to keep you focused. Plus you get to beat the poops out of folk to.

Paying off your mortgage early is hardly a "life less ordinary". Well, maybe it is unusual, but you know what i mean.

[quote=finbar ]Paying off your mortgage early is hardly a "life less ordinary". Well, maybe it is unusual, but you know what i mean.
It's more what that then enables. Too many folk are channelled into increasing debt, which becomes a stress and a burden.

I know, i just thought it was a funny juxtaposition with the original thread title.

I'd like a bike built from unobtanium 🙂

What did you want to be/do when younger?

finbar - Member
Paying off your mortgage early is hardly a "life less ordinary". Well, maybe it is unusual, but you know what i mean.

Eh? Of course it's a major thing, it enables you to change your approach, cut back on work a bit, spend more time with the family/people you love, use the cash you would have spent on it for charity, travelling, expanding your experiences.

Pudd - any hint to how we know each other? FWIW I ride 3-4 times a week and entertain the odd kettlebell session but know from my past endeavours that dedicating myself to exercise isn't the answer. Neither is the mortgage thing (albeit a major achievement). If you know me that well you'll know the Arts are not likely to be entertained.

No, I'm really searching for what the thread title hints at, a legacy perhaps the isn't classed in the realm of ordinary, not even self effacing. I want it to be of the scale that other people say "he did that", without resulting to self flagellation. Of course I may be reaching for the stars there in terms of the scale of the achievement but hey....

"have a burning desire to be or achieve something "different" yet not know what that thing actually is?"

Shhhh .... I don't want your nice thread to descend into a normal STW theological mudslinging fest.

“Ask, and it shall be given to you; search, and you shall find; knock and the door will be open to you.”

Sorry that’s a biblical text and as such I sound like a God botherer

I did try and explain this via my own story which is completely normal and probably not unlike your own, but it was far more long winded.

Suffice to say, your feelings are ones that I have known …. I now have or am working to have peace with them

In fact I’ve never felt more at peace, chilled out, empowered and free… that’s not to say I know it all… far from it…. But it’s interesting this life or maybe this “inner life” …. the burning desire

Right.... It's friday can we now get back to taking the p155 out of people, their wheels and brickies please 😀

Pretty much everyone in developed countries feels like this to some extent IMO. It's because we are constantly bombarded with advertising specifically designed to make us unsatisfied with our present lot and always wanting something more.

I was chatting to a guy from Ghana the other day who lives over here and he said it's noticeable how comparatively unhappy people are over here, despite having on the whole great living conditions etc. He puts it down to excessive advertising/materialism, and I think he has a point.

a legacy perhaps the isn't classed in the realm of ordinary, not even self effacing. I want it to be of the scale that other people say "he did that", without resulting to self flagellation.

How about some [url= http://www.beacouncillor.org.uk/default.htm ]civic duty[/url]?

Kinda sums it up.....

All I really aspire for is a bit more time to do everything I try to cram in my life.

Beautiful wife, 2 thoroughly barking mad sons, house in a nice town, several bikes, supportive extended family, large circle of friends, career I enjoy for a company I like working for.

Sorted, I'd say.

Yes, a newer car would be nice, as would a house with bigger kitchen and a bigger garage. To have several months of paid/affordable annual leave would be good to allow more time for holidays/travel/exploration but if you're going down that route, how about a cure for cancer and World Peace.

ze grass is always greener on ze ozzer side.

Eh? Of course it's a major thing, it enables you to change your approach, cut back on work a bit, spend more time with the family/people you love, use the cash you would have spent on it for charity, travelling, expanding your experiences.

Well, yeah, but i don't have a mortgage so i can do all that stuff anyway. The joys of renting 😀

But then you'll [i]always[/i] be renting whereas those with a mortgage will, at some point, have paid it off. 8)

...and in theory finbar, our houses we've invested in will be worth more than the cash you've saved over the same period. I did say "in theory"...

Ennui?
Existential angst?

If your'e a student (Solo if not the OP) you should be all over this melancholy navel gazing. Because the ladeez love it.

Because the ladeez love it.

They do? I haven't had any approaches...?

But then you'll always be renting whereas those with a mortgage will, at some point, have paid it off.

...and in theory finbar, our houses we've invested in will be worth more than the cash you've saved over the same period. I did say "in theory"...

That's all a bit... ordinary though. This way i can up sticks whenever i want (or at least until i [s]feel the need[/s] get the opportunity to get all normative and settle down).

Don't doubt the dream. Everyone has a dream, as you get older you start to doubt that dream, then you live a life, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but it feels...not quite right.

lazybike - Member
Don't doubt the dream. Everyone has a dream

I don't, thats half the problem...

You do, just not clear to you yet...If you won 10m would you live your life differently, not just buying stuff, but differently...

In a similar condition at the mo.

38, great partner, lovely house, nice car, nice bikes, job which I'm good at, no debts (bar the mortgage which we're overpaying massively). Yet I'm constantly on the edge of throwing the whole lot away, because its essentially all pointless.

The job is the bit that's particularly driving me crackers. Essentially I put on parties for people with too much money. It's a constant fight to do the job "right", the end result of days of mental and physical brutalility lasts for 3 or 4 hours at most, and essentially the whole sorry shebang never need happen in the first place, as it's just a bit of diversion for rich, bored cretins. Problem is I'm good at it, I'm unqualified for anything else, and I'm fairly well paid. I'm also absolutely unwilling to take a step backwards in my (comfortable but not excessive) lifestyle because that simply is failure.

I used to live for riding my bikes, but I'm getting to the point this last few weeks that I'm terrified of going out and not being good enough. My average speed on road seems to have dropped over the summer. Off road I'm turning into a mincer. Making stupid mistakes. Falling off. Just being crap. If you're not going to be the best you've ever been, why are you bothering? yet if I don't go out constantly, of course my riding is just going to get worse. Anyway, even at the best of times, riding an expensive bike in a big circle is just another bit of selfishness, and equally pointless/wastefull.

So all that pointlessness is leaving me wondering whether any of it is worthwhile. All any of us do is sit on this frigging planet and consume what scant resources are left. Yet I can't even do what often feels like the right thing and remove myself from it (in as clean and tidy a fashion as possible). By doing so I'll stitch up the missus on my life insurance and get her chucked out of the house we've both worked so hard for.

Trapped.

All first world problems at the end of the day. It's occurred to me farly regularly that my definition of "enjoyment" is doing something that stops me being able to think. Because thinking just brings me straight back round to how empty it all is. Maybe it would be better if we were fighting for the next scrap of food or sip of water and watching children die of disease in front of us while the rest of the world looks on uncaringly.

[quote=JonEdwards ]I'm also absolutely unwilling to take a step backwards in my (comfortable but not excessive) lifestyle because that simply is failure.Only in your eyes - and only if you let it be.

I used to live for riding my bikes, but I'm getting to the point this last few weeks that I'm terrified of going out and not being good enough. My average speed on road seems to have dropped over the summer. Off road I'm turning into a mincer. Making stupid mistakes. Falling off. Just being crap. If you're not going to be the best you've ever been, why are you bothering?

It seems to me that you are very competitive - in your career and in your riding. What's wrong with just doing stuff because you want to/like to and not seeing it as some need to get "better" all the time?

essentially all pointless.

It seems to me that you are very competitive - in your career and in your riding. What's wrong with just doing stuff because you want to/like to and not seeing it as some need to get "better" all the time?

Hmm, although a completely different industry, Jons work issues reflect mine, and that statement ^^, rings very true. I always ride to "beat" my times / as hard as I can as well.

My view(others are available at popular outlets )

If you (and the people you care about) are in good physical and mental health,then life is a simple balance.
It's the over complicating things,that spoils it.

There are things that people want because they think they need them.
What do you really ,really need?

Find your place on the seesaw.

What's wrong with just doing stuff because you want to/like to and not seeing it as some need to get "better" all the time?

Because the bit that is FUN is the feeling of satisfaction having done something better. Bikes/climbing/driving/work/DIY/anything is just a means to access that feeling. As soon as I stop learning/improving it's just drudgery.

Poor you.

All first world problems at the end of the day. It's occurred to me farly regularly that my definition of "enjoyment" is doing something that stops me being able to think. Because thinking just brings me straight back round to how empty it all is. Maybe it would be better if we were fighting for the next scrap of food or sip of water and watching children die of disease in front of us while the rest of the world looks on uncaringly.

Sounds like you have some mental health issues (that's not at all meant as a snarky comment btw).

Really? From where I'm standing it comes back (as demonstrated in this thread) that nobody has actually given a good, non-selfish definition of why their life isn't empty.

The "standard" definition was the guy who was talking about bringing up kids, but to my way of thinking bringing more consumers onto the planet is selfish, and then effectively treating their upbringing as a hobby/lifestyle to keep you entertained and busy is equally selfish.

nobody has actually given a good, non-selfish definition of why their life isn't empty.

I don't feel like my life is empty at all, and I don't have kids. I think I need to try and be a bit less materialistic and less competitive, but so do most people IMO, and I'm doing ok.

I used to live for riding my bikes, but I'm getting to the point this last few weeks that I'm terrified of going out and not being good enough.

Anyway, even at the best of times, riding an expensive bike in a big circle is just another bit of selfishness, and equally pointless/wastefull.

So all that pointlessness is leaving me wondering whether any of it is worthwhile. All any of us do is sit on this frigging planet and consume what scant resources are left. Yet I can't even do what often feels like the right thing and remove myself from it (in as clean and tidy a fashion as possible). By doing so I'll stitch up the missus on my life insurance and get her chucked out of the house we've both worked so hard for.

Trapped.

Try reading some of this stuff back with an objective eye - doesn't sound at all healthy to me. I've had similar thoughts at times, and associate it with clinical depression.

If you really can't enjoy a gentle walk or bike ride with your missus or your friends, don't you think that's not a healthy way to be?

And if you really hate your job and the people you work for, do something different/better. Even if you earn less money/have to have a less shiny bike/car/house/whatever. Being miserable is not worth any price IMO.

Because it's full of things I enjoy doing and people seem to enjoy doing them with me. Madame seemed to enjoy the lie in as much as me, the people down the pool were happy, the man in the computer shop fixed my box with a smile and happily took the cash, people shared the roads with no aggression. In fact it was all going swingingly till I logged on to STW (there was a downside to the man fixing the box so quickly afterall).

I thought about the kids issue and decided having one wasn't irresponsible, would add something to my/our lives and would hopefully add an eco-friendly citizen rather than a marketing-brainwashed super-consumer.

On the grass being greener, sometimes it is. I resigned a career job with Welsh Water, quit motorsport, said farewell to the lady in my life and took a job as a campsite courrier in France. I forgot about all my old references and ambitions, new ones appeared and inspired.

Slowing down, reflexes going and feeling the effects of ageing has happened but later than I expected. I just keep buying bigger computer screens and avoid looking in the mirror with my glasses on.

Happiness is a simple thing: you are happy when you are not trying to be happy

Zen Saying

(Easier said than done, but musn't try too hard 😉 )