Forum menu
So the big boys asks if we can go to the Skate park. We've been loads of time and I usually ride a skateboard there, let the boys get on with it and sit aside till it's time to go home but today I have a list Mrs has given.
The big boy asks if he can go on his own, it's not far, I say yes.
He's not gone a few minutes and Mrs asks where he is, I tell her, she GOES NUTS!!!!
Not just a little but properly into a mad panic!! He returns a short while later and everything is cool-ish!
How old were your off-spring before you let do things on their own?
I'm sure by the time I was 8 by the time I'd made made it out my postcode and even hitch hiked home once after a puncture ensured a lengthy walk home, but that was in the 70's.
furthest my kids go alone is about 1/2 mile but he has no sense of direction
FIrst few times mine went to the park alone I was bricking it but at his age i was going much much further [ and on a bike and on the road]
Just wait till he is 17 and he does not come home 😉
8 is a No from me... and yeah i have an 8 year old.
Do/would you let him walk to school on his own ? Our school is only 500m or so, no major roads, but it's still a no.
Times have changed.
In the 70's, my mate and me would regularly walk half a mile to the swimming baths, I had to lie about my age as you had to be 8 to swim without an adult and I was only 7. Seems unimaginable nowadays.
When I was 9 I rode 15 miles to my Grans house with a mate. When I got home my Mum didn't believe me when I told her where I'd been, until she saw Gran next time.
But this was 1965 when roads were quieter.
[quote=weeksy ]8 is a No from me... and yeah i have an 8 year old.
Do/would you let him walk to school on his own ? Our school is only 500m or so, no major roads, but it's still a no.
Yes I do let him do this
Its essentially a slow procession of lots of [ over protective?]parents walking their kids to school.
Worse than this he often goes on his bike....he is alone in that respect.
When I was a kid in Liverpool in the 70's I used to ride my bike about 10 miles every day. They found me in Glasgow.
How far away is this skate park?
My kids were allowed to go around to friends in the street at 8 but that was it, eldest 11 before being allowed to go down the street about 3/4 mike away. Both allowed at 10 to walk to Grans which is about 1/4 mile. We live in a small rural town.
Times have changed. No reason why this should be sadly.
I've no kids but I was walking to and from school alone from primary 1 at 5 years old. At 8 years old I could have been 3 to 4 miles away playing in the woods or a bit further than that cycling to friends houses. If you can't let an 8 year old kid walk 500m to school these days then I am even more thankful I don't have any. **** that!
its fear IMHO when my kids went out alone i was terrified [ often still am] counting the minutes till they returned and hoping nothing went wrong
I can avoid this fear by simply not giving them the freedom to do things that are not really all that dangerous that we all used to do
What we did as kids is a useless bench mark as to what is deemed acceptable for you to permit your child to do nowadays. Our eldest is 11 and started High School in September and since walking with a couple of mates each morning to catch the bus is now allowed to walk or cycle across the village to friends houses and to meet friends for a kick about on the field. The youngest at 8 is not allowed to walk/cycle to the village hall for her dancing lessons yet I can see the hall from our drive. I argue that they need little bits of independence for growing up but the wife is more concerned about what other parents will think. I understand that the world has changed since the 70's but is it really that bad out there?
that was in the 70's
Quite a few people have said similar. What difference does that make (other than less traffic)?
This story would be the same in my house. My daughter is now 7 and I made a comment a few weeks back that pretty soon she will be able to take herself to the Park (which you can see from a top floor window).
It didn't go down well...
I was 7 (mid 80's) when first allowed to go to the local park and shops - although my 8 year old sister was usually supervising 😕
It's paedogeddon these days though innit!
Sadly, most people live in fear due to the media, although I imagine the world is a much safer place for a lone child now, compared to what it was in the years gone by.
Was it the being out alone or the being out alone somewhere that (presumably) sees quite a few injuries ?
Sadly due to media coverage and parents fear of things that may happen, eg paedophiles, they existed many years ago and still do, but usually in controlled situations, schools,sports clubs,the catholic church, etc.
Traffic increases ad poor road designs,illegal parking and speeding all cause traffic injuries and deaths, the more vehicles people choose to use the more the above become more prevelent.
Then we have parents and their childrens inability to both understand and impart the dangers of crossing the roads or keeping safe on he highways, being aware of whats around them and dealing with it effectively. If the kids are ferried everywhere they soon learn road rage, from their parents and others around them and expect to be ferried everywhere and loose their independance, then just sometimes they are allowed some independance and in a very few cases something may happen.
Its up to each parent to decide whats a slight risk and whats not a risk.
It's paedogeddon these days though innit!Sadly, most people live in fear due to the media, although I imagine the world is a much safer place for a lone child now, compared to what it was in the years gone by.
That's where I was going with that question, yes. The idea that nonces are recent invention is, er, nonce-sense.
What [i]has[/i] changed since the 70s is that we are so very much better at reporting such crimes. Plus, we've got the likes of The Express cheerfully splashing "MUSLIM PAEDO GANG!!1!" headlines across the front pages of their toilet paper.
But is really any more dangerous? Traffic aside, I'd wager it's a great deal safer to be a kid playing out these days than it ever was in the rose-tinted 70s. Everyone has instant communication and video recording capabilities in their pockets, for a start. Hell, you could even GPS-track the buggers.
What we did as kids is a useless bench mark as to what is deemed acceptable for you to permit your child to do nowadays.
WHY?
Then we have parents and their childrens inability to both understand and impart the dangers of crossing the roads or keeping safe on he highways, being aware of whats around them and dealing with it effectively.
That's a very good point actually. When I was little we had Darth Vader telling us all about the Green Cross Code, whereas the current crop of kids are born of parents who themselves have no bloody road sense.
@ project
http://makingthelink.net/child-deaths-road-traffic-accidents
Cannot show graph for some reason but wirht a look
dropping every year this millennia and much lower than when we were kids
Its a perception not matched by the facts - though i do agree most folk think as you have said - no offence meant there.
Lots of fear-mongering media these days. Vast majority of abuse is by relatives or family.
Biggest risks to children (in no particular order) murderous/criminally distracted people in cars, early death due to obesity related issues caused by eating shite and not moving enough.
When we where kids we used to chop trees down, climb trees, build dens, walk around a lot, fight with the other kids, build go carts, get sweets and biscuits and pop off the old people down the road, get told off for playing ball on the grass,pick blackberries and sell them door to door, deliver papers, scrumpy apples and pears and get chased off,hang onto the back of buses,ride bikes and scooters everywhere,walk 3 miles to school every day and home in the rain and snow sometimes,go shopping for elderley neighbours.
all with few problems, do children nowadays do any of the above, think not, if they do social services get involved as theyre disfunctional , naughty kids etc
When I was 8 (back in the 70's) we were living in the sticks and my best mate lived on a farm about 3 miles away.
I regularly used to bike over to his on my own. I remember getting a set of bike lights so that I could come back after dark!
Building dens with the proper sized [small] hay bales in the barn. Very happy days of innocence.
That's a very good point actually. When I was little we had Darth Vader telling us all about the Green Cross Code, whereas the current crop of kids are born of parents who themselves have no bloody road sense.
That and Tufty club but we also had Rolf telling us to get into our swimwear. 😯
10 year old can go to school or village shop by himself. 6 year old is allowed to go to three friends houses all within 50m of home by himself to see if they're allowed out to play. Both/either of them are allowed to go to the swing park (across the road from our house) either together or by themselves as long as there is at least one other child they know there, they're not allowed to play there alone. They walk to school together, 6 yr old isn't allowed to by himself, and he gets collected as he finishes earlier.
And to answer the question ours where 8 or 9 local shops and park.
Had been there many times. We talked them the first couple of times then left them to it.
That said I know multiple folks whose kids hadn't been out alone until school Y8!
Times have changed.
I don't get this. Everything is much safer than when I was a kid in the 80s, so if anything kids should be running around even more. I used to walk myself to school (2.5 miles) at aged 10, no one batted an eyelid.
Crime is down, road accidents are down, pedos are down.... what's the issue?
Genuine question as I don't have kids (yet).
Biggest risks to children... not moving enough.
I wonder whether things like:
The youngest at 8 is not allowed to walk/cycle to the village hall for her dancing lessons yet I can see the hall from our drive.
... might have something to do with it?
I understand that parents want to be protective of their kids, there would be something wrong if they didn't. But I think there's a gulf of difference between perceived and actual danger, and this "it was so much safer when I was their age" guff needs to be challenged.
When I was little we played in abandoned buildings, on construction sites, on spare land littered with broken glass and worse, all places you wouldn't get within ten feet of these days. We rode bikes with no brakes (or helmets); we climbed trees and fell out of them; we had a park with spider-web roundabouts that could be spun up to [i]incredible[/i] speeds by kids in the middle, set into solid concrete. And of course, we walked to school.
And now little Hermione is a fat knacker because she's not allowed to walk 100 yards on her own, because thanks to the media people are scared to let their kids be kids.
That said I know multiple folks whose kids hadn't been out alone until school Y8!
Sorry, what's that in real money?
2 nd year at big school - 12-13 yrs old basically
Gotcha, ta.
Oh - I've emailed you, incidentally.
OH gawd what Have I done now
EDIT: Ah cheers
My kids have walked 1km to school and back since they were 4. Quiet residential roads, no pavements.
Not sure about skate park though. Risk of injury would worry me, but would depend on how sensible and experienced he was on a board, plus if there were friends or older kids around.
Mine are 8 and 6 and I'll cycle them down to the park but wouldn't let them on their own yet. They have to cross a fast B road on a bend.
I think traffic is definitely different from when I was youg and the things that scares me the most. When I've been with them on the road about 1 in three cars flies past at 40-50 in a 30. They'd be nothing left of them if they got hit.
Graphs like the above on accidents are tricky as it's not normalised for the distance traveled. If everyone is getting a lift to school I can see why accidents are going down.
We currently have a massive obesity problem with our generation which given the commments above it's only gonna get worse by the sounds of it.
I was hardly ever inside growing up, even then it would be because the weather would be classed as biblical!
Would always walk to primary school (2 miles or so) and when I went to high school I was then allowed 'up the town on my own' which was into our town about 4 miles away usually by bus or bike to meet up with friends.
I dont have kids yet, however i'm forever telling my neice and nephew to go out and play and fortunately their mother doesnt mind so much either, as long as she or I am aware of roughly there wherabouts.
Christ, not letting a 10-12 year old out your sight seems insane to me given in a few years they can legally be parents themselves!
You can't be too careful...
Both my kids have always got plenty of exercise but it is more controlled than when we were kids of the same age. It has meant visiting play centres when they were younger and getting season passes at the local farm play centre where they are safe to run around independently and learn the importance of making friends and sharing the play equipment. As most parents understand, this is not a cheap pastime and when you consider that in my youth, most parents let their kids out to play, they didn't know exactly what they were up to. As I said in my earlier post, I've argued with the wife over many issues with giving the kids opportunity to assess risks and be independent but she really is concerned what the other Mum's would say if I sent youngest to dancing on her own! She cycles to and from school every day on the road with me and I have taught her all about signalling,road position and awareness. Nevertheless, none of this qualifies her to cycle the hundred metres to the village hall. I despair for the next generation!
Q: Is the drop in pedestrian deaths on> http://makingthelink.net/child-deaths-road-traffic-accidents <- due to less children walking to school?
Phew, thanks for all the replies.
I did worry about him while he was away but he's really risk averse and wouldn't do anything silly, unlike his little brother whose already tried setting fire to his room.
I didn't think he'd do it but I was proud of him he did.
The Skate park is really close, about half a mile and there's no big roads to cross.
It is next to a traveller site, which I don't mind because the kids have always encouraged the others to have a go at some trick, their language is awful but so is mine!!!
Not read any of the above but 8 is too young imho to be out solo. We do live on a busy road and it still concerns me to this day. Kids are now 12 and 15.
she really is concerned what the other Mum's would say
I don't know what the other mums would say, but I know with cast-iron certainty what my reply would be if they did.
Seriously, why is this an issue? WGAF what anyone else thinks, they're your kids and your responsibility to do what's best for them. The coven can wind their bloody necks in.
As for the right age to let them go out alone, I'd have no idea. I'd posit though that age isn't an absolute, you might have a particularly sensible and mature 7 year old or a completely batshit 10 year old. I'd perhaps think the right age is "when you think they can be trusted."*
(* - which will be about 28.)
We're letting the oldest one slowly spread his wings at 8, problem is other friends his age don't seem to have the same opportunities to do this.
Some of their parents are seriously overprotective, stressing about their kids in supervised activities.
Most recent, taster session for free running lessons that were great, but some of the lads are not going back because it looks too dangerous. It was like a gym class with a foam pit to jump into, sigh.
I totally agree Cougar but the wife is insistent! She's a Headteacher and is constantly risk assessing everything. It's a real shame as we live in a quiet country village where they are as safe as anywhere to have a little independence. I'll never win the argument but try to find opportunities where they have to make decisions for themselves.
Things have changed and it's a real shame. I was out roaming at 8 and we didn't have mobile phones in case we got in to trouble. I think it's sad that people just stay in doors and play on computers, my Mrs. Took out eldest to a couple of the neighbors houses when we moved in as she noticed they alsohad boys close in age to ours, they didn't want to know 🙁
Show Sandgirl this thread?
Things have changed and it's a real shame.
Parents' attitudes have changed, not "things."
I'm suddenly reminded of this:
Age aside, if it was the first time they'd ever been allowed to venture away from home alone, I'd have probably checked with my wife first and made it a joint decision.
Is the drop in pedestrian deaths on> http://makingthelink.net/child-deaths-road-traffic-accidents <- due to less children walking to school?
Well all you have to do is see how many thousands of kids were killed on the way to school in the past and see if its higher or lower than the reduction
I will posit - without researching - that its much much lower than the reduction
I have to say the most dangerous place i walk or cycle is the 50 metre radius of any school which suggests that the the number of car users exacerbates risk not the number of pedestrians.
Roads might be getting safer but it's from a very high starting point
2412 kids killed or seriously injured in 2011 , this is scandalous and way too high
I won't let my 8 year old out on his own unless I am confident he takes road safety seriously
Used to cycle 6 miles each way to my grans and back on narrow country roads from about the age of 7 (early 70s). Did my first hitch-hike home aged 10, and at 11 was stuck on a train in Abergavenny and met in London the other end with one change in between at Newport. Before I was old enough to drive I would happily hitch hike the length and breath of the country including Scottish highlands to South Wales aged 16 after a climbing trip.
Having no kids of my own though I have no idea what I would be like as a parent myself 🙂
Crime is down, road accidents are down, pedos are down.... what's the issue?
Maybe these things are down because of the restrictions parents place?
JY -"that its much much lower than the reduction" ? I can't get/understand your wording (sorry)
"I have to say the most dangerous place i walk or cycle is the 50 metre radius of any school which suggests that the the number of car users exacerbates risk not the number of pedestrians." - This I totally agree with as they double park all over the yellow zigzags at our primary school.
- On an aside - I drive mine to school because the nearest schools got 'trashed' by a bad academy chain. 🙁
- But I do drop them at the other end of the village so they have to walk 😉
Our misperception of risk is, funnily enough, killing us. e.g. by driving everywhere instead of cycling or walking from fear of getting hit by a car we're dying of fatness instead.
I'm tired of getting talked to like I'm exceptional for cycling to work through winter because 'it might be icy' - it's scary how deeply ingrained our poor risk perception has become.
There was a case in SE London about 5 years ago where the parents had to fight the council not to report them for letting their kids cycle to school... 😯
Best way to keep kids safe is for them to be exposed gradually and sensibly to risk, to ensure they build their own risk-perception capabilities and their own confidence they can deal with risky situations with their own resources...
My 8 yo daughter can make her own way to and from school, the Co-op or the local pool, all within 200m of home. We only do this as she's sensible and we trust her. My son started getting the bus to his diving lessons when he was 9. We took him in the first few times and got him a cheap phone then left him to get on with it. Its about a 30 min journey. Now he's 13 we are happy for him to go into Edinburgh on his own during the holidays.
Far too many vehicles on our roads. Any scrap of greenbelt where previous generations enjoyed now built on. No youth clubs for the young to escape to. Electronics completely hoovering young minds which in turn drains any urge to allow the imagination or child to roam. The list just grows and it's stifling parents judgements. Its helpless for todays generation.
Sometimes you've just got to let your kids go. They need the adventure and you need that healthy worry in order to allow them to develop and grow.
What do you mean no clubs?
My youngest on a Monday has brownies, Tuesday Harriers, Thursday cricket and Friday swimming. She has electronic devices too but so did I over 30 years ago. They have been proven to help increase imagination.
My kids have walked ahead at first.
By 6/7 they walked to school about 1km away in quiet Highland village by themselves.
By 8/9 they walked a couple of km across Dunblane by themselves. Same age they would go to park, about 1km away.
At 12 they went on short, easy bike rides.
By 13 they went to bigger and more difficult rides with mates.
By 14 they have done overnight camps in hills with mates, and traveled alone half the length of Britain by train to visit grandparents.
By 16 they will be going on day to college.
By 17 they drive.
By 18 I expect them living independently.
Progression is important here. Next door to us tell a hilarious story of thier 16 year old who didn't know how to catch a bus, fund his way round a bus station or be away from mum for a day without multiple phone calls.
She's a Headteacher and is constantly risk assessing everything.
I suspect she is used to covering her arse and overly concerned parents saying that Tarquin cannot get muddy or go out in the cold, and a local authority who do not back her up.
Children have to experience managed risk to prepare them for life, both in practical skills of risk assessing and the mental well-being of coping with risks and fear.
A colleague speaks about the day her 15 year old daughter, having barely been out of parents view, was suddenly off to first proper party, and did she have the risk management skills to avoid the many (now life altering) risks she faced? The daughter had never been able to demonstrate to mum the most simple skills of managing risks, as she hasn't had chance...
Funnily enough in north Manchester you see plenty of orthodox Jewish boys cycling to school. I wonder why their parents don't over-protect them?
It's paedogeddon these days though innit!Sadly, most people live in fear due to the media, although I imagine the world is a much safer place for a lone child now, compared to what it was in the years gone by.
There's a lot out there though and they seem to be hidden
We were given a Pedo Meter by a friend, so I gave it to the little one to wear by the time we had walked to school it had counted over 3400 pedos. Didn't see a single one, well hidden !! Stay safe
8 seems pretty young to me, depends where you live in some respects. I am not all together surprised the Mrs went nuts.
I don't particularly worry about 'stranger danger'; the schools cover it and tbh, with 2 daughters if they were ever going to be subject to abduction, etc., that won't go away even with age (I perceive a young female is just as likely to be abducted / assaulted as a child), so unless I don't let them out alone even as adults I'll never lose that fear.
For me the worry is roads and traffic, and that depends on your kids. We live on a busy rat run road but we let them walk to school now - youngest is now 10 and has a couple of side roads to cross and then the main one is lollipop ladied. Eldest goes to her school about 1.5 mi away - first bit the same and then meets friends after about half a mile.
We let them walk together to the local shops, mainly because the chances of them both ****ing up a road crossing at the same time is lower than one of them. It's not that they don't know how to cross roads, just that occasionally attention wavers. eg: Youngest has just run her bath, forgotten it and now we have no hot water left in the cylinder as most of it went down the overflow.
Not read any of the above but 8 is too young imho to be out solo. We do live on a busy road and it still concerns me to this day. Kids are now 12 and 15.
Jeezus! At eight/nine I was walking to school roughly half a mile or so away, this was in the winter of '63 when there was thick snow on the ground, I was off playing in the woods and fields all around the town, probably a couple of miles in all directions, my mum was looking after my baby brother born in January of '63, and my dad was at work, so I was expected to be able to cope on my own, I had nobody to hold my hand, wipe my nose and wipe my ass for me!
I was catching a bus out to my aunties house, around ten miles away in the countryside during that winter on my own as well, because that was the [i]only[/i] way I could get out there, my dad had a motorcycle, we had no car, like the majority of my friends at school.
I honestly despair that people are so bloody risk-averse that they're bringing up an entire generation of weedy, whining little snowflakes who are afraid of their own sodding shadows, and pathologically incapable of doing anything themselves without having a 'grown-up', and I use that term reservedly, to be near at hand in case they scrape a knee and need to have someone wipe their tears away, and call a solicitor to start the litigation process.
Pathetic, absolutely pathetic. 👿
Used to walk to school from about 5/6, which was half a mile away. Seems mental now I think about it!
I had nobody to hold my hand, wipe my nose and wipe my ass for me!
Yeah but I am fairly sure more kids got killed in those days.
I'm not sure some of the points here are pathetic. If hardly anyone had cars in 1963 as mentioned that is very very different to now. And the speed of cars was different then and roads have many more parked cars on them now. For me the only issue is on crossing or riding on fast roads these days. If some of the posts on here about near misses or idiot drivers are when an adult is involved I darent think how a young child would deal with the situation.
Mine play in rivers, climb trees and all sorts but I think road safety is a different kettle of fish from when I was young.
Mine started going places like the park out of sight of the house at eight in the town.then moved to a village with a busy road I'm not keen on but she does nearly a mile to school on her own and to guides. She is allowed to play out side and visit the park but rarely does as none of her friends are without supervision. Judging by them skypeing and instagramming at all hours of the night and posting selfies trying to look much older than they are, they are unsupervised in thier safe family home....
Seriously, why is this an issue? WGAF what anyone else thinks, they're your kids and your responsibility to do what's best for them. The coven can wind their bloody necks in.
Except if your wife gets into a fight with the other mothers this can end up with your kids not being invited to parties etc., it's not that easy.
OP: my kids would head down to the shop at the end of the estate (about a 10min walk) for bread/newspaper from about 8 or so. All quiet, residential roads though.
Children have to experience managed risk to prepare them for life, both in practical skills of risk assessing and the mental well-being of coping with risks and fear.
As a society we've already lost that IMO - look at the financial crisis, which apparently no-one saw coming, and look at how well we've learnt the lesson of excessive debt since... it's got worse, not better. We've had the risks of our own mistakes hidden from us and so, we've learnt nothing.
And the increase in mental health issues, particularly amongst the young, whilst it may be increased diagnosis rather than occurrence, strikes me as people struggling to deal with the realities of life. Brexit too, IMO, was people struggling to deal with the harsh reality that we're not as rich as we thought we were - hence tantrum and emotion instead of stoic acceptance and holding it together to rebuild and strengthen ourselves
Mrs BigJohn had to wait till she was 9 to go on the tube from Kent into London with her 9 yr old friend. She went down to the shops across the main road from 6.
Born in 1955 if that makes a difference.
They still had strange men you should keep away from even then.
I should know.
My bro was 10 when he had to get the bus from his London school to the train station and then train back home where he rang Mum from a phone box. I'm surprised my parents were happy with that really but no option I suppose.
Ewan - MemberI don't get this. Everything is much safer than when I was a kid in the 80s
Yeah but when it does go wrong it gets [i]reported[/i].
I cant be the only one that read the title as "8 year old makes his own skatepark and mrs goes mental"
I had visions of ramps made out of cut up wardrobes or something.
I cant be the only one that read the title as "8 year old makes his own skatepark and mrs goes mental"
No you are not I read that as well 😀 😀
Age old argument at our place as well. Wife wants our daughter to take the bus to school from next year age 10. I was thinking more on the lines of the fact that the buses are the least reliable around here didn't even consider the other stuff.
Jeezus! At eight/nine I was walking to school roughly half a mile or so away, this was in the winter of '63 when there was thick snow on the ground,
Luxury! We used to have to get out of the lake at six o’clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
9yr old daughter and 14yr old son here.
We actually purchased our house based a lot on its location. It has a big green area to the front on a newish housing estate. Over the past 15yrs our kids have been able to grow up playing out there with their friends with the feeling they had independence (Often I would be sat on the doorstep reading or their mum would be watching from the upper windows)
When they got to the 8yr old time we did have to deal with difficult questions like going to the near park (No roads and about 250mtrs) OK. or to the far park, 1 road, 500mtrs (Only with friends).
I must admit my son has taken my daughter for bike rides to local villages about 2-3mls away on A roads and we have worried but they are both very sensible. My daughter also now goes around the estate by herself (Scooter and bike) and walks to the school bus herself (500mtrs). I do worry sometimes but I really don't want them to miss out on having a childhood rather than a prison sentence which is what I think it would feel like if I had to be there every minute of the day.
I too read it like that wiggles