[Closed] 5 Weeks to go for new dad... any final tips..

Best tip - don't listen to anyone telling you how your baby and your life are going to be. They'll be wrong.

whatever you do in the first few weeks is imbedded for the next 18-36 months.

That for example is not true at all for us.

Tips though - let's see.

-- You will be able to get out riding if you approach it with sensitivity and make sure your Mrs is ok with what you want to do.

-- We found that a good way to get the baby to sleep through was to stuff her with as much food as she'd take in the evening

-- Breastfeeding can be very tough at first but has massive advantages that will last the rest of the year - you've always got food with you, no sterilising, no buying formula, no paraphernalia to cart about, you can't overfeed your baby and give him/her diabetes, better for your wife's body and best of all, it's real proper food for your baby not synthetic artificial rubbish.

-- Take part responsibility for the baby. Being a good dad isn't playing football with your kid or carrying him/her sometimes, it's making decisions and doing some of the thinking.

-- Nature nappies are better than huggies/pampers etc and eco friendly too, but not as widely available. Sainsbury's eco are not so good, they leak.

-- Babies are people with their own character, behaviour and needs.

-- Try and understand your baby - learn to figure out when he/she is hungry, tired, upset for some reason, in pain etc etc. Try and put yourself in your baby's position...

-- Close baby carriers are great - found it much better than a pushchair when she was small.

-- Don't go overboard - babies are resilient. Don't pamper him/her too much, just give him/her what he/she needs and let him/her explore the world on his/her own terms.

-- Don't over-use gender ambigious pronouns

-- Don't over-stimulate the baby. Toy companies will want to sell you stimulating beepy plastic crap that drives kids mental.. often exploring any 3D object is a great entertaining project - it doesn't have to be brightly coloured and sing crappy songs at you.

-- Further to that last one, don't buy your kid too much crap. Only buy new stuff when he/she's bored of the old stuff, and then start rotating it - bringing old stuff back out again.

-- I guess that last one goes for supposedly essential baby equippent too. Only buy what you really need, and then buy more stuff when you figure out if you need it or not. You can still go to town and shop when you have a kid 🙂

-- Not sure if sterilising is really necessary. We BFed until 6mo then since she was crawling about sticking everything in her mouth we thought sterilising food utensils was a bit pointless.

MB - Its upto you and how you are with your family/friends but don't grit your teeth too much, visitors caused me and the wife more falling out than anything else in the first few days. It can be hard to tell your mum it's time to go when it's her first grandchild but they do understand.

Steriliser - get an electric steam one, the supermarkets usually have either the tommy tippee or philips one on offer including 3 bottles. Think we got ours for about £20 but keep the receipt they can be prone to packing in after 9-10 months.

I was like you thinking its all natural who needs a book BUT the best money we ever spent was on the books below. At 4 months thanks to the sleeping plan in the first book we could get 12 hours a night if we wanted it.

http://www.whsmith.co.uk/CatalogAndSearch/ProductDetails.aspx?productId=9780091912697&shop=10004&type=Froogle

Then

http://www.whsmith.co.uk/CatalogAndSearch/ProductDetails.aspx?productID=9780091912680

Re breast feeding - it's worth a really hard try - there are loads of support networks and all. We needed a combination of sister-in-law's help, comedy northern bf expert lady from the hospital who reminded me very strongly of Les Dawson in drag, and a lot of my wife's courage, grit and determination. We were one of the more problematic cases because Meg had a small mouth and wouldn't open it wide.

[opinion]If you start doing stuff like expressing or supplementing with formula I think it's less likely to work well. Your baby and boobs need to be in synch, and if you start mucking about with machines and all it gets confused... Night feeding is hard, but learning how to feed in the lying down position is the best. For a while we could only do it this way in fact. I really think that giving her feeds ever two hours from about 6pm helped her sleep through the night, or only need one feed.[/opinion]

ps- whats the best type of steriliser to get??

a tad Prosaic but I thought of that in a different way to avoid a second..

I'd say avoid Gina Ford like the plague:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/apr/21/leaving-baby-to-cry-brain-development-damage

I don't want high levels of cortisol in my baby's body.. it means she's really upset and unhappy, and has loads of damaging effects - at least in grownups.

If she's upset, work out why and fix it.

Oh, and for us the hardest thing about weaning was trusting that she'd not choke on the food she was putting in her mouth. Make sure it's small bits of soft stuff and let her get on with it.

On the breast feeding front one of the most useful things our midwife taught us was dream feeding, basically you can feed and wind a baby without waking it up. Works wonders!

Take Douglas Adams advice :- Don't Panic!

One of the best bits of advice I was given was warm the cot before putting the baby in it, then they may not notice that they are not on you anymore.

Certainly load up the dvd/sky+ for the first couple of nights you may well be stuck in front of the tv while the misses catches some sleep & the baby may not settle.

molgrips - Member
I'd say avoid Gina Ford like the plague:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/apr/21/leaving-baby-to-cry-brain-development-damage

Agreed you shouldn't leave a baby to cry itself to sleep if it's hungry, in pain, needs nappy change etc BUT sometime they cry because they don't want to be in bed and want cuddles etc. If you go down the route of cuddling your baby to sleep everynight you'll get into the position where they always need a cuddle to sleep. Babies need to learn to self sooth IF all other reasons for crying have been eliminated.

Re breast feeding, your wife shouldn't have to try too hard, we're made for it, most feeding attempts work but women bow to social pressure. Get lots of breast pads and a pump after several weeks then you can freeze it. It's the best feeling in the world. It's so convenient and has instant settling effect on baby. They usually fall off after a feed fast asleep and that's when you can rest too. I've had 3, last one wouldn't have anything else for 16 months, that was extreme feeding. I am a realist though, anatomy, babies and mulitiple births can make it difficult.
Just go with it, it's fabulous.

As the dad be prepared to be ignored for the first couple of weeks. Baby comes first, then mum and you will be a very distant third. Your main role will be to keep out of trouble and be the doorman.

And you can keep up your activities. My wife managed her tennis (4 times a week) and I managed a combination of cycling/hockey with not much drop off. Just requires [s]some[/s] a lot of planning.

Hopefully it will be one of the best experiences of your life, it was for me.

Mums get quite neglected when a baby comes along and they really take it to heart.

Best steriliser? The one that is designed to work with your bottles. We use Tommy Tippee and have all the bits that work together (much easier to fit more into small spaces). And we use the microwave steam steriliser (used cold water at first to clean breast pump bits but we don't use it at all now).

As the dad be prepared to be ignored for the first couple of weeks. Baby comes first, then mum and you will be a very distant third. Your main role will be to keep out of trouble and be the doorman.

STW is full of pathetic men with not enough common sense to choose a tyre on their own, why on earth would you ask them for advice on a new baby?

Therealhoops - that is a very cute baby 🙂

mastiles_fanylion - Member
Therealhoops - that is a very cute baby

For some reason I looked at that pic and thought - he'll have the very same expression in 18yrs time in a Threshers Ball photograph. 😆

the wine shop? 😕

No-one tipping on the re-usable v disposable nappy debate then yet 😉

sometime they cry because they don't want to be in bed and want cuddles etc

Yeah, and you have to learn the difference. Ours would not want to go to sleep - ie be too interested in the world - and hence cry when you put her down. If you left her a bit when she was like this she'd start to tail off and lose a bit of interest. If she was really upset she'd wind up and be really screaming in a very upset way. So even if there was nothing specifically wrong, we went to comfort her and then put her back. We wanted her to know that we were there and still cared for her, but it was unfortunately still bedtime. DEFINTELY do not get him/her up and start playing..

Oh and another possible tip: Do not expect necessarily to instantly bond with your baby and feel some kind of cosmic love.. To a large extent (it seems to me) babies are sort of formless little things, and you build your bond as they develop their person-hood over the coming weeks/months/years/decades.

Agree with Molgrips (what is happening to me?) you get to know your own - one of ours (Izzi) will scream blue murder sometimes towards the end of bedtime feeds and it is to tell you she wants to go to bed.

The first time this happened I was holding this screaming ball writhing around in my hands so I said to my wife 'I'll just have to put her to bed - this isn't working'. As soon as I put her down she fell asleep - that was about 6 months ago and she does the same now - it is her way of saying 'right, I want to sleep now'. Evie (the other twin) has never done anything like that - she has a whole different set of quirks.

Agree with Molgrips (what is happening to me?)

Oh no.. am I in the same bracket as TJ?

Oh no.. am I in the same bracket as TJ?

Well, infamy is better than obscurity I suppose.

Infacol

Lots of muslins in your airing cupboard (not to be confused with muslims)

A good camera, they change EVERY day

Sky+ or Virgin+

If you want to breastfeed but Mum is struggling, INSIST that the hospital/health visitors help her more, you woudlnt believe how many mothers fall over at this first hurdle and CONVINCE themselves they cant manage it or they're not producing milk etc etc. Newborns drink a spoponful of milk at a time, their bellies are tiny, and remember that both Mum and baby need to learn how to feed, it doesnt come naturally to either, they need to learn from scratch so will need help and gentle encouragement

You WILL still get time to ride your bike!

Good luck 😀

+1 enfht.

And unless your baby is seriously losing weight - you're ok. We had a lot of problems and we were worried that she wasn't getting enough.. although she was gaining very slowly for a couple of months - once they got the hang of it she ballooned with weight gain that would do an STW member proud. 23lbs at 6mo.

23lbs at 6mo.

just short of 11 months for our two - currently (approx) 15lbs and 16lbs. (Izzi WAS only 4lb 10oz as newborn though)

Zachary
[img] [/img]
[img] [/img]

on the breast feeding thing. The OP has the right attitude, try it and stick with it but don't stress over it. My wife was determined first time and stuck with it for several weeks of cracked and bleeding nipples, and baby still didn't grasp the idea, . I can't imagine the stress my wife had, when every feed involved having a baby chewing on your already bruised and bleeding nips for hours on end. I know what mine was like just watching it. We had help from NCT, Midwives, La leche.... and nothing seemed to work. Our daughter didn't gain any substantial weight, cried continuously. I'm ashamed to say it but I hated her in those first few weeks.

Finally it was my mum, herself a retired NCT counsellor (but not a BF specialist) who demanded we give her a bottle of formula milk and it was like turning a light on. She went from strength to strength, we supplemented expressed milk and formula and replaced breastfeeding time with skin to skin contact time, and she's now a thriving 6 year old. She has no allergies, no asthma, she eats healthily and well, is a perfect height and weight.... everything that we 'risked' by not sticking with the breast is best has not come true.

DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOUR WIFE AND BABY.

(as a final comment - despite nerves about what was coming we'd already decided that we'd try breast with the second but wouldn't fret if it didn't happen. Maybe we were already better prepared and more relaxed but she went straight to the breast and stayed with it until her teeth started to come and bit the wife once too often)

Hora - he looks beautiful in the first photograph.

What did you do to him in the second?

😉

Ours circa. 2 hours old...
[img] [/img]

And last week (10.5 months)
[img] [/img]

Talking of NCT- ours never answered the phone. I had one returned call and "we are full/over-subscribed" 😐

mastiles_fanylion - you can almost seem them as they'll be at 14yrs old and little scruff/tear aways in the woods!

little scruff/tear aways in the woods!

23lbs at 6mo.

😯

I apparently weighed 22lbs at THREE months....!

Since we are all posting pics of our kids, let me see if I can link to one of Meggie from Facebook:
[img] [/img]

Seconded re pressure to breast feed...mrs is quite petite...gave birth to a 9lb starving lump, she was in surgery post birth and despite trying really hard for a couple of days couldn't cope with it...daughter had a bottle of SMA and it was a big relief..happy baby happy mum...some of her mates acted like we were abusing our nipper 😥 going on about her development...one of mrs childhood friends(most vociferous about breast feeding) said how much better her daughter would do because of it...our daughter who is 18months younger at 8 towers over this kid and has far better physical development...makes us chuckle everytime we see them together!..I know breast is best..in most circumstances but don't stress out mums at a very vulnerable time!

whytetrash - Member
Seconded re pressure to breast feed...mrs is quite petite...gave birth to a 9lb starving lump, she was in surgery post birth and despite trying really hard for a couple of days couldn't cope with it...daughter had a bottle of SMA and it was a big relief..happy baby happy mum...some of her mates acted like we were abusing our nipper going on about her development...one of mrs childhood friends(most vociferous about breast feeding) said how much better her daughter would do because of it...our daughter who is 18months younger at 8 towers over this kid and has far better physical development...makes us chuckle everytime we see them together!..I know breast is best..in most circumstances but don't stress out mums at a very vulnerable time!

Totally agree with this!

My wife and I have 3 children and each of them was "only" breast fed for 4 days or so because my wife just could not get on with it and at one point had a really bad case of mastitis (sp.) and each time she has had to have a Caeserean section, so she was knackered.

All 3 children are really healthy and full of vitality. Their development has not been retarded at all.

Oh, and to the OP, I hope all goes well 🙂

.I know breast is best..in most circumstances

Breast is always best. Just got to do your best to sort it out. And it can almost always be sorted out.

And no-one's saying your kids will guaranteed be feeble mutants if you don't. Or that bf kids will be bigger/stronger etc than bottle kids. But a bf kid might be bigger/stronger/etc than the same kid if they'd been bottled.

But you know all that. It's just the non-science that annoys me a bit.

it's real proper food for your baby not synthetic artificial rubbish.

That's bollocks, basically. Formula milk is not quite as good as breast feeding, but it's not that far off. Both my daughters are fit and healthy and none the worse for it.

Don't sweat the not-riding bit, maybe not for the first few days (and I mean days) but beyond that, as long as you're doing your part, why not? Let your wife have a proper lie in on Saturdays, and Sunday mornings are yours to use as you see fit.

My tip: microwave sterilisers are fast.

Skim read the posts so having a camera in the hospital bag may have already been mentioned.

First picture of the three of us was taken by one of the doctor / nurses types within seconds of the Beamlet arriving in the world.

Stand by for the best days of the rest of your life. Being a Dad is ace!

As others have said, try your best at breast feeding, but if the combination of mother/baby/boobs don't get on, admit defeat and move on.

Be prepared for the BFM (Breast Feeding Mafia). IIRC, hospital staff are not allowed to advocate long term formula feeding and it will be your decision to go to bottled formula - even then, they cannot recommend a particular brand so DO SOME RESEARCH BEFORE YOU GO THE HOSPITAL so you have made the choice before your presented with X-number of brands and told to make a decision there and then. After BB Jr had spent a couple of weeks trying to get the hang of it, being in and out of hospital as she wasn't putting on weight and swallowing/coughing up more blood than milk I basically told the midwife to '..give her some f'cking formula now' and the relief on the midwifes face was visible as she clearly knew she was pushing a bad situation and couldn't say stop.

The BFM message is ingrained to the point that the government has decreed that you can't use Boots points to buy formula as it's deemed to be bad....m'kay.

Still boils my piss just thinking about the stress of those first few weeks....

Get all the sex you can squeeze in now. Seriously.

5 weeks and counting here. I'm wasting away 🙁

I'm wasting away

That's bollocks, basically.

No it's not. Formula isn't as good at all. It's not gonna poison your kid, but there you go. End of. It's not meant to be a guilt trip. As long as you tried as hard as you could then fine.

The reason for the pro-BF propaganda is that a lot of people just can't be arsed with it for their own convenience. Not saying that applies to anyone on this thread but I've heard a lot of people just not bother even trying. Now that boils MY piss.

FWIW we had extreme pain, cracked nipples, mastitis etc for about two months ish and our midwives were supportive (not because they'd been told, but because they really were behind the idea) to the point that we eventually got the hang of it, and it was worth all the trouble for the subsequent ease and freedom. Note that I am not meaning to belittle anyone else's efforts so hold your fire.

Stop making me agree with you again Molgrips. We even saw people with day-old babies in SCBU using bottles. We had a mix of breast and express up till 3 months-ish when my wife's milk just wasn't coming in enough quantity anymore. The health visitor admitted that it was further than most mothers to twins get (imagine how difficult it is juggling two babies and trying to ensure they both latch on).

You got 5 weeks to go, and I am 5 weeks into being a dad... Its the absolute best thing I ever did..

Good luck..

Here is a picture of my Jimmy having a little shut eye in the park. 🙂

Notice he is ready for some riser bars already..

[img] [/img]

And another thing that boils my piss too.. Seen plenty of mothers out and about bottlefeeding their kids, fair enough; but they are sitting there in Costa or whatever gassing away to their mates ignoring their kids completely.. poor little thing with helpless eyes searching for its mother's face and she is just yacking away about rubbish.

Being a mother is not a chore, it's something you should respect. And that means at least making bloody eye contact and giving some love and bonding whilst feeding. Really sad, that one.

No it's not. Formula isn't as good at all. It's not gonna poison your kid, but there you go

No, it won't poison them. It'll feed them fine, and they'll grow up perfectly well on it. If you live in a developing country with unsafe water I'd say otherwise, but that's not the case here.

They'll be missing out on some of the immune system advantages, but that's about it. Again, unless you live in a developing country it's not going to make much difference.

I watched my wife suffer in pain during the first month, watched my first daughter not gain weight, crying with frustration and hunger. Given that choice, bottle feeding is far superior.