[Closed] 29 year old who still hasn't left home.

Don't make her choose between you - you'll be the loser.

Just try and be as decent to him as possible.
Perhaps he needs your help, or a friendly boot up the arse. 😀

There's no way I can plan a future with her while this carries on,FFS,he's nearly 30! I'm beginning to think it could be me or him soon. What do you guys think?

Sure you want a future with her?
If you do, you'll have to tolerate him.
Just be honest, but in a diplomatic way. 🙂

It'll always be him.
Sorry dude but he'll leach you dry of emotion, money and love. The lady you like so much will end up in the middle as you bounce off each other and he will win. Blood, water.

That's my internet opinion.

The only chance you could possibly have is if you manage to convince your lady friend that she is being taken for a mug so she puts a boot up him. Then he'll hate you, then she'll hate you. No prizes for guessing what will happen then.

That's another internet opinion. She may be lovely but like a woman with more than two cats, you're just an interloper with an evil plan. It all depends how responsive she is and how much she needs a real man in her life.

It is you vs. 30 years poor parenting.

I doubt that she will suddenly PTFU.

You could just adopt a simple 'Daily Mail' approach, which may result in you NOT moving in - or try and look at why he is like he is.

Still doesn't mean that he doesn't need a simple kick up the ar5e, but probably a better approach initially.

And tbh what does his Mum think?

My folks eventually moved house (and about 200 miles), kinda gave my brother a reason to move out as he wanted to stay in his home town - he was mid 20's by then.

And why not have her move in with you, half way there then.

And I'll add that I see nothing massively wrong with a 29 year old still living at home. It's a tough old world out there and it's hard to find your own place. What is not acceptable is not even trying to do anything about it.

Sorry dude, you're outta there.

Sorry to be flippant but the guy has got issues, possibly very selfish issues but there nonetheless. As others have said, he is her son and will always outrank you. Plus which would you be happy making the beast with two backs with him CoD'ing in the next room?

I thought not.

#edit Agree with Samuri btw in that a 29 y/o at home wouldn't be a problem. If my children are still at home then, then great as far as I am concerned. However I would expect some contribution to the running of the family home. If not fiscal then physical.

Hiding to nothing, matey

She will always back the son, no matter what an arse he is ...

So fill yer boots, pick the moment and ride off into the sunset

create a life away from him at your gaff

You could try upping your volume of sex noise.

Especially the finale. That'll help......probably,

If she gets rid of the slob, she'll only get cats. Do a runner.

If I was in the situation as you I wouldn't move in. I couldn't see a relationship moving beyond more than casual with that nonsense going on.

Not sure what advice to give as you're fighting against 29 years of conditioning.

Not very helpful, sorry.

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/how-much-should-i-charge-for-keep

which side of the debate did you land on 🙂

piemonster - Member
You could try upping your volume of sex noise.

Especially the finale. That'll help......probably,

Who's your daddy, who's your daddy, who's your.............

[i]She will always back the son, no matter what an arse he is ...[/i]

Not nesser-celery. My Mrs's lad is still at home, he's 25 & has (at least) done a degree & a masters in...some course or another, he's got a part time job at a supermarket ATM but my Mrs wants him gone. He pays no board & we can juuust manage to get him to wash up & cut the grass at a push (thats if he's not either in bed or messing about with his BMW. Yes, BM ****ing W) I mean he's an ok lad but **** me.
So in essence, my Mrs isn't exactly backing him but she can't just kick him onto the street either!
Actually he washed his own clothes today which is a step in the right direction. 🙄

Just wake him up tomorrow at midday with a nice cup of tea and tell him to call you dad. I'm sure the two of you will get on just fine, if you put a bit of effort into it.

wake him up *naked*. Job done.

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Why's it a question of him moving out? The two of you are thinking about moving in together. You're both adults - you can move in together anywhere. Whats wrong with your place?

Run!

Mum needs to take control of the situation. Ask her what's she's going to do about him.

My brother in law has just moved out of his folks home - aged 31.

They kept talking about kicking him out for YEARS but it never happened, then one day he dropped a banger - told his Mum (whilst totally pished at 2am, while she only walked downstairs for a glass of water....) he liked to dress up in women's clothes, and felt more comfortable in them, and said the reason why he has never moved out is because they never forced him out.

He was given 1 month to leave the house... and everybody but his father know about his "cross dressing"....

To this day, my father in law still doesn't know why his wife was so insistent on their son moving out....

So which big hitter is the son on stw?

Bide your time. He might be nursing a hidden talent and just waiting for the right moment to unleash it on the world before he moves out!
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next time mum's away and he's in bed, walk into the room stark bollock nekkid, tell him you've always fancied a mother/daughter threesome and, in the absence of a daughter, he'll do, after all those are EPIC breasts dude, do you do bouncing up and down?
After that, the odd sureptitious smile, and he should be out in couple weeks, one way or another

Who's the land-whale?

It's Jonathan Antoine and they're not a couple

If you watched more bollocks on TV you'd know this.

I'm afraid I've got to agree with those who've said she'll always choose him over you when push comes to shove...

My wife has a mate with two waster sons who have basically bankrupted her.. but will she say a bad word about them? nope.

I'd broach the subject with her, and ask what the plan is...

Buy him an mtb

If he's already on benefits, it shouldn't be too much bother to find him a wee cooncil flat and get housing benefit too (never mind the rights and wrongs). Sounds like he'll be just as happy loafing about there as in his mum's house.

But as others have said, this would be much easier to achieve if there was a sea change in his life, like his mum moving out and selling the house.

He might quite like the idea?

get her to stay at yours long enough for the fridge to get empty.

If you watched more [s]bollocks on[/s] TV you'd [s]know this[/s] have less time for good stuff.

OK, wikid him and found out that he is 18!!! Carry on like that oh butter behemoth and I'll lay odds on your 40th being a cheap do for your folks.

From your OP, I would suggest that the issues are more to do with the mother, not the son.

Proceed with caution.

From your OP, I would suggest that the issues are more to do with the mother, not the son.

Is he the youngest son? - if yes then the above rings true - Mummy not letting her baby grow up?

Unfortunately if he has not worked by the age of 29 it is unlikely that he will ever do so. Even if he did move out then he would probably be back on the scrounge very time a bill was due.

it shouldn't be too much bother to find him a wee cooncil flat and get housing benefit too

I think that as he is under 35 he would only be entitled to a room in a shared house rather than a flat - this is how it works near me.

Unless the mother is willing to start showing some "tough love" - i.e. boot him out and make him take responsibility for himself I would steer clear.

www.russian_organ_harvesters.sov

Chop him in

Fwiw lad I know on the social just got a flat, he's 25.

My step-brother got booted out of home at 20 for being like that - did him the world of good. Was tough though and my mum and his father had been together for some time.

I think the big problem is the loss/lack of life skills he is going to have - I bet he couldn't even do a decent shop for food or know how to manage bills etc - longer it goes on the more institutionalised he will get and the harder it will be for him - if she loves him she'll send him out into the world.

Perhaps watching the film "Stepbrothers" might help too... 😉

My brother in the USA found himself in almost the same situation; his wife (mad as a box of frogs) has two sons from her first marriage. The younger was sharing a flat with some guys, smoking and dealing dope and living in hs room with his semi-paralysed dog, which was incontinent. Eventually the smell became too much and the flatmates forced the son out, so he moved into my brother's basement where he lived with his stinking dog on a mattress. After a few months my brother also lost patience and threw the son out, which prompted a massive guilt trip in his wife, who blamed him for the whole sorry situation.

Just to give you an idea how disfunctional his in-laws are, the brother-in-law has never been outside the USA so one day two years ago they persuaded him to get his first passport and come with them to visit lil' old England. The BIL agreed on condition that he could share hotel rooms with his sister and my brother!! They came over and the BIL went straight to bed and stayed there; on the couple of occasions my brother got him out of the hotel he was terrified of the cars passing so close, especially when they went to the Lakes, and he and his sister insisted that they changed their tickets and flew home early to the US. On returning home my sister-in-law left my brother and went to live with her mother for a month, which she has done each time they've come over to the UK. I don't know how he stands for it all.

I honestly can't comprehend how anyone can still be living with mummy at that age. I moved out at the age of 18, having left school with no qualifications. I now earn enough to support my family of 4.

I'm 25, by the way.

The poor bloke is presumably struggling with life so it's only right that he is helped. The easy option is always to ignore a situation. Is his father around to help? What relationship does he have with his siblings?

I guess some sort of counselling is needed, he's obviously lost his way and one doesn't want to be cruel. Crucially, you don't want to move in and be expected to act as a substitute father figure.

Again, I come back to his Mum needing to face up to her responsibilities and be pro-active. Until that time comes, stay put.

Ignore some of the horrible comments above, it's a very worrying situation that you're in.

The poor bloke is presumably struggling with life so it's only right that he is helped. The easy option is always to ignore a situation. Is his father around to help? What relationship does he have with his siblings?

I guess some sort of counselling is needed, he's obviously lost his way and one doesn't want to be cruel. Crucially, you don't want to move in and be expected to act as a substitute father figure.

Again, I come back to his Mum needing to face up to her responsibilities and be pro-active. Until that time comes, stay put.

Ignore some of the horrible comments above, it's a very worrying situation that you're in.

The fat prick needs a bit of hard graft !

My youngest brother lived at home pretty much all the time until he was 31, he moved out to Uni which he dumped and didn't tell my parents he'd buggered off to London. He moved home soon after they found out, he then tried moving out a few times and never held down a job for long. I kept telling them to stop bailing him out but they couldn't do it.

Last year he was diagnosed with Liver Cancer he had a transplant and since then he's a whole different person, has a place of his own, gets out loads with his little dog and has started looking for work. You never know what's going on with people, I missed it with my brother and kick myself as there was obvious clues when I look back.

You need to speak properly to your partner, it may be the kick up the backside she needs to cut the cord. No half measures though, he's got to go, set dead.ines and be prepared to do the leg work for her to set up him up on his own. If she's not prepared to do this you're stuck in the worst possible three way, get out.

My guess is the lad is beyond saving, he certainly will be if he doesn't get kicked out soon. FWIW my brother (40) still lives with my Dad, does work and pays a contribution. Has no life skills though, even his car is a company one, he's never paid a bill, sorted a house repair, organised a holiday or done proper shop. Gonna be very hard for him when my Dad passes away. Oh and he's single and likely to stay that way. Ultimately it was my Dad's fault, should have kicked him out years ago but couldn't find the balls to do it.

You say that you've recently met this woman. Imo you need to give the relationship more time before leaping in and telling her to get rid of him.

There are some good pieces of advice above.
Where indeed is his father?
Also I'm guessing that he is her little baby and she's not yet prepared to ask him to leave, however if your relationship carries on in the way you hope, she may have the courage with you at her side to slowly get him to change his ways, at 29 years of age it's not too late.

If you live close enough maybe you could arrange she eats with you and uses your fridge, thus emptying out all the food from his grasp, he'll then have to start taking responsibility.

Also not washing or ironing his clothes etc.

If you do end up asking her to make a choice I think you'll lose at this stage.

With anyone who has extra baggage any relationship is difficult, you need to find the compromise and work something out, or walk away.

Good luck.

Its odd as in many cultures its normal to live with your family at that age, then again its also normally to contribute to the family.
How much do you love her? That is what id base it on , and just except that the fat **** is part of the deal. Like someone else said its him or cats, and cats piss in ur shoes!

Is he fully weaned ?

Is he fully weaned ?

bityyyyyy!!!

This reads like a 29 thread over there <<<< if he was 26 the sun would shine out of his arse...

Mate of mine moved out of his parents into his own place last year.

He didn't quite manage to move before his 40th birthday.

I think I need to stick up for your lady friend a bit, it may be this situation has evolved and she just hasnt been able to to deal with it effectively - I dont think you should assume it what she wants.

Mothers may want to nurture their young - but we know when they need to fly the nest too, but sometimes its not that simple. I have a 20 year old at home who walks a very fine line at times, he works in a bar and there fore keeps odd hours etc. Trying to get him to behave in an appropriate way (clean up/pay rent/respect others) can be very draining for me as I have two younger ones to deal with and work full time.

It may be that she has tried to make it right but it has now got to this point, I know sometimes I wish their were a bloke about who could have a bit more of a bloke to bloke chat with my son.

If I were you I would get to know them both more, and encourage her to share her dreams with you - always good to start with someones hopes and aspirations for the future then you can justifiably talk about ways to make it happen. Rather than starting with 'your son needs to go' . . . .

Whether she is a fruitcake or just stuck in a bad situation it will be a delicate matter to discuss

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He is 29,grossly obese

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Loads of good advice there! Thanks for that guys.

[i]Just to give you an idea how disfunctional his in-laws are, the brother-in-law has never been outside the USA[/i]

To be fair, I believe the figure is something like 99% of Americans have never been outside the USA. The rest of the world must seem a very scary place to so many of them.

letting someone of that age life at home and contribute nothing whilst sponging of you ois not helping it is enabling...they do it because you let them.

Al kids will take the piss out of their parents if they let them.....even if they work many would not volunteer to pay rent

I would be worried about why she has let him do this tbh and I doubt anything you do will change her mind

Move her in with you . rent the house to him and charge rent ??

Just to give you an idea how disfunctional his in-laws are, the brother-in-law has never been outside the USA

That's not dysfunctional, that's normal. The US is the size of Europe, Georgia on its own is almost the size of England. How many people do you know who've never been outside of Europe & the Med?

Apart from that, I appreciate the thread. I'm still working out how to get my own son out of home. He's not quite 29, but finding a job is hard for him.

Well okay, but insisting on sharing a room with your sister and BIL at the age of 58?

Silenced pistol or crossbow?

If he's already on benefits, it shouldn't be too much bother to find him a wee cooncil flat and get housing benefit too (never mind the rights and wrongs).

That's the funniest thing i've ever read on here.