Having just read
10 million people have no idea where their other half's money is banked or invested
So, how does STW fair?
We have separate accounts, but I manage the big picture i.e. pensions, savings etc for both of us (wife has zero interest so happy to let me log in as her and move money around as need be).
We are pretty much the same, but my husband used to work in stockbroking so he is more qualified than I am to look after my SIPP.
We have shared money / had a joint account pretty much since the day we met 25 years ago. I find it amazing that married couples treat income each recieves as 'theirs' and just pay enough into the joint pot for household expenses. We have no concept of seperate money in our house.
we spend mine - everything goes on it; the object is to get it as close to zero as possible each month
my wife saves hers, for big expenses (cars/holidays/bathrooms), and rainy days.
Most joint expenses comes from the joint account
We each do our own pensions (though we know the status of each). She looks after the savings/mortgage. I have a few savings accounts that I don't know much about, and have no idea what's actually in them. This is a good thing!
She has a credit card on my account; that pretty much covers everything. She has her own; solely for hair cuts (i'd be shocked...) and if I'm lucky my birthday present. She notes down all (most!) expenditure, and logs it in a spreadsheet each month
Her dad was a bank manager. It rubs off. He's in charge of the kids' savings (we can't be, due to tax on interest rules). Again, I have no idea what's in them.
There needs to be a certain amount of trust between you. But we've been together 23 years, so there is a hint of trust now.
I never wanted to be like my [great] aunt and uncle; when he died, she had no idea. Had never signed a cheque etc etc
We got together in our 40s so we both had individual savings/property/pensions already built up. She pays me some money each month to cover some of the bills but other than that her money is her own to with as she pleases and it's none of my business although I do have to nag her to make sure her tax return is done in good time. Also we don't have kids so that makes things simpler.
I have a few savings accounts that I don’t know much about, and have no idea what’s actually in them. This is a good thing!
My wife used to have loads (as in 10 or so) all over the place with random small sums in them, all earning about 0.1% interest. I consolidated them all into a stocks and shares ISA...
My wife works and earns similar salary to me, so once we've both paid into our joint account for household bills and expenses what's left from our monthly pay packet is ours to spend on what we like so no need to keep an eye on what she spends her money on and I certainly don't want her to know what I spend my money on. Saves a lot of arguments in that regard and when bike bits turn up on the doorstep I don't get hassle, similarly when her weekly delivery of clothes and shoes turns up I don't hassle her. I dread to thing what she spends on her crap every year and I'm sure she'd rather not know how much I spend on bike related stuff.
Would be a very different story if one of us was the main or only breadwinner though so I guess it depends. A mate of mine earns the majority of his household income and recently found out his wife had been squirreling away most of the small wage she gets from her part time job and had accumulated about 10K without him knowing in a secret savings account. That seems to have caused a huge ruckus in his household as he pays all the household bills and mortgage and has sweet FA left of his monthly salary by the time he's paid for all the household bills as well has his wife's daytime social activities with her other part time mates while he's at work and all the while she's squirreling away a little war chest.
Someone quite close to me kept everything secret from his wife. Everything... they split up last year and my word did it make it a hell of a lot more painful than my divorce was, where everything was shared. Beyond me why you'd be married to someone and have to keep your finances secret.
3 bank accounts here, Mine, hers, joint. We split all household expenses equally and each pay half of that into the joint account. We have over the years earned roughly equal amounts. No secrets tho and no unreasonable spending. Mutual trust and a partnership of equals
I have no idea how some couples manage without money to call their own 😉
different strokes for different folks.
IMO the key thing is not what your deal is but that you are both happy with the deal.
I used to cut things quite fine, so never got a joint account as it would be one more point where a £50 float would be required. Things are a bit worse than that now, she's moved out, I wish we'd had everything in joint accounts so she would've believed me when I said we were skint.
I think a joint account is the best way in theory but like so many things I worked hard for I didn't feel she took any care with money - since she moved out she's a lot more frugal, which is a bit upsetting after years of me asking her to spend less...
Edit - I did at least try to make sure she knew about all life insurance I had, just to be on the safe side.
A mate of mine earns the majority of his household income and recently found out his wife had been squirreling away most of the small wage she gets from her part time job and had accumulated about 10K without him knowing in a secret savings account.
Quite common, also possibly a generation thing. I know my MIL has no idea about how much money they have other than the state pension (both retired).
Seperate accounts here from the day we met but a joint savings. No idea why people feel the need the pay into one account but I guess it’s down to trust.
Agree with tjagain - I pay for pretty much everything, but thats by a chunk of wage going into a joint account.
Whats left is mine to spend & save as I see fit - this way I can 'treat' everyone to a meal out every so often and not feel I'm having to be careful with 'our' money. Mrs B works part time and keeps it all bar a token amonut into a savings pot - but she is way better at saving, and will accumulate a pot for a project (which generally I also top up, from 'my' money).
28 years together and never had an argument about money, other than her once having a wobble as she felt she should work more and put more in, which I had zero interest in her doing - she has a way better balance as things are and I'd rather pay more in myself if needed.
IMO the key thing is not what your deal is but that you are both happy with the deal.
This really.
I just hope my wife's secretly (very secretly) rich.
3 bank accounts here, Mine, hers, joint. We split all household expenses equally and each pay half of that into the joint account. We have over the years earned roughly equal amounts. No secrets tho and no unreasonable spending. Mutual trust and a partnership of equals
This. I pay a bit more into the joint account and carry a higher proportion of shared expenses - broadly in line with our relative incomes. I don't care what mrs njee20 spends her money on, I trust her not to run up huge debts or run out of money, or compromise any 'necessary' expenditure. I believe she's the same. She has vetoed me ploughing savings into more risky investments though!
Seperate accounts here from the day we met but a joint savings. No idea why people feel the need the pay into one account but I guess it’s down to trust.
With ISAs, SIPPs and Pensions, they have to be individual accounts (as the tax benefits are individual). So we both have one of each (a company pension, a SIPP and an ISA), hence six savings accounts to manage.
We have a joint bank account. I pay in, my wife spends it. I'm allowed homebrew and a bottle of whisky a month.
dinkys here, joint account transfer monthly for mortgage / bills + food and adhoc purchases / meals out etc.
no arguing on spend, so balance is our own..
i don't think it'd work if everything went into the same pot..
Also I do the spending - she does the saving 😉 I know roughly how much she has stashed away. It in her name but I trust her. It will equal out the fact my pension will be better.
Personally I would be quite happy to hand all the money over to her and she give me pocket money - she is a lot better with money than I am but apparently I need to take responsibility for myself so she won't do this 😉
No idea why people feel the need the pay into one account but I guess it’s down to trust.
IIRC we (me and the ex) had to have a joint account to get our first mortgage.
each have our own accounts and a joint one for paying bills. we each put a percentage based amount of our wage into it depending on what we earn, so we roughly have the same 'spare' cash each. no savings, except short term for the next holiday 🙂
i now have a SIPP too which footflaps helped me with (by the way ff, did you get my last couple of recent emails about HL?)
Total sharing of all accounts and where it is spent here.
My aunt is married to a guy, she has to keep her finances a secret from him, as he would just spend every penny and then some.
when her father died, he did leave her some money, but she has to keep it in my mums care, if she put it in the bank he would have spent the lot.
and she can’t leave him due to her religion (JW)
sometimes, it’s better to keep finances separate.
a number of years ago, he got a brand new car, a Mercedes A class. (Via motability)
when it turned up, the last three digits on the reg plate were his initials.
after about a minute, my aunt noticed this and pointed it out, he was like, ‘oh yeah so it is, what a coincidence eh’
she agreed it was an amazing coincidence, then went on with her life.
A couple of days later, while at the supermarket checkout, she realised that it wasn’t a coincidence, when her card was declined.
When I got together with my partner 15 years ago I was shocking with money. Had consolidated debts into a bank loan and was struggling to pay the bills and loan every month. We moved in together and she supported me incredibly and the debt dropped far more rapidly than it could have done without her advice and support.
A year an a half ago she sustained a head injury and has had to leave work due to post concussive symptoms that persist and prevent her from doing her job as a teacher. We now live on my income alone and are fortunate that I left teaching 5 years ago to enter a profession in which I can earn significantly better money.
She feels awful that I'm paying for everything but as I keep pointing out, her support over the years including that first lesson in finance is the reason we are able to keep above water now. I wouldn't think of keeping financial information from her or vice versa. We are a team.
due to discrepancies in salary, I pay all our household costs, so a joint account wouldn't actually make a difference - I'd be the only person paying in. the only thing my wife pays for is the cat insurance - we then have the same income after costs. The only real assets she has are her workplace pension (final salary), I guess she might have a small pot of savings squirrelled away somewhere - so I don't feel any need to understand the details
This thread has reminded me of the other thread a while back which mentioned creating a 'death list' of important account numbers etc. I've got some cash in a few places (not hidden, just spread about), I should probably do something to make sure she can access it if I go pop.
10 million people have no idea where their other half’s money is banked or invested
Sounds about right, why should they know where your money is?
If you have a Will, thats all that matters. If you don't have a Will I suggest you write one and hand it to a reputable solicitor for safe keeping.
I personnaly only know of one account my wife has, thats her current account. TBH I'm not bothered what she has, she could be a millionaire for all I care. I keep my finances to myself.
Just a wee point. Just about every woman I know has an escape fund. Those of you who only have joint money I wonder if your other halves have a wee bit stashed away just in case and / or are your other halves totally happy to have no money of their own? Or is this now an outdated concept left over from the days when a woman would have no access to any money if she left?
My mother has finally spent her escape fund at 83 having been married 60 years 😉
With no money of your own you cannot really "treat" your partner either. For example one weekend away I booked us into a posh hotel rather than camping as Mrs TJ thought we were going to do. How could I have spent " joint money" on this?
i now have a SIPP too which footflaps helped me with (by the way ff, did you get my last couple of recent emails about HL?)
Nope, will send you a better email address, I don't monitor the ff one much...
OK, found one and replied...
Joint account for everything ,long before we were married.
We are partners so it's part of the deal, never even thought about individual accounts.
We don’t do any secret spending and are up front about everything we need.
I trust her with way much more than my money.
My kids on the other hand 😉
Joint account here too - finance is part of the being married deal as far as I am concerned. Everything goes into the joint account that runs the family and house, and we each have small individual accounts as spending money.
I don’t understand not sharing the finance - both in the good times and the bad - in it together. 17 years married now and no rows over money! Either we both have it or both don’t, usually the latter!
Total sharing of all accounts and where it is spent here
Same here, although I look after the money. Just me working whilst the kids are little, so not much money to manage.
We only have one joint account ..... or I think that's all we have.
Just a wee point. Just about every woman I know has an escape fund.
Not every woman has one. Only the ones who've met TJ.
Makes you think. 😉
With no money of your own you cannot really “treat” your partner either. For example one weekend away I booked us into a posh hotel rather than camping as Mrs TJ thought we were going to do. How could I have spent ” joint money” on this?
Save up the house keeping and spend that on it....
I'm with most on here, joint account for house stuff and saving, the rest is for me or her to spend as we please from our separate accounts.
I earn far more than my wife so if we go out I cover the cost of most stuff.
Suits me and her without issue.
Surely it doesn't matter who earns what, you both have the same amount to spend on yourself each month. All out money goes in one big pot. I earn a bit more than my wife but I would never consider that I should get that bit extra for myself.
Joint account. Both paid in when both working, now just me paying in. Both take out the same amount each month for personal stuff.
My wife looks after all the savings, so some savings are in her name, some in mine (to maximise tax free savings).
Joint account for joint stuff which we both pay the same amount into (or supposed to, it's more of an aspiration on my salary).
Beyond that I think I know roughly what's where, but no idea about pensions.
I have no idea about my money, let alone my OHs.
She knows how much money we have and doesn't think we have enough, ever. I just throw money into the joint account then anything left in my account at the end of the month goes on mortgage over payments, I don't tell my wife about them and occasionally give her mortgage updates. I don't know why i bother she seems to find savings accounts much more exciting than mortgage balances. Weirdo.
Basically there's visibility there, if we wanted it but generally we don't use it. Then we both build contingency in at every layer 😀
I earn a bit more than my wife but I would never consider that I should get that bit extra for myself.
I earn considerably more than my wife, we have separate accounts yet some how I don’t consider I should get extra either. Funny that it doesn’t need joint accounts for such things.
I have never, and will never, tie up my finances with someone else. A number of partners have pulled their faces about this over the years but, well, I've had a number of partners and never had to subsequently extricate myself from a fiscal knot when it all went sideways.
At times I've been out of work, and at others I've had out of work partners. I've been the primary 'breadwinner,' been on fairly comparable salaries, and had a partner on double my salary. In all cases, whoever is in the best position to pay for things pays for things. All the household bills come out of my account, and in the case where I wasn't the main earner we set up a direct debit to move money into my account every month.
A mistake I've made too often in the past is to consider a partnership as an amorphous whole, at the cost of any sense of self. It's not, it's a team (clue's in the name "partnership") made up of individuals. So no, I won't be merging our CD collections either.
Just about every woman I know has an escape fund.
I'm male and I've got one too. And I'd be surprised if mt wife hadn't got her own. I also have a bag packed and hidden in the garage that can sustain me for a week or so if I needed to escape. I suspect I'll never use it, but it's good to know it there.
I earn a bit more than my wife but I would never consider that I should get that bit extra for myself.
I too earn more than my wife but she is adamant that we should contribute equally as we both use the same amount of electricity, live in the same house and eat the same. Given she instigated this and I challenge it regularly, does this make me a bad person?
Escape funds and packed bags seems strange to me.
However I do have a secret room under my shed 😉
I’m male and I’ve got one too. And I’d be surprised if mt wife hadn’t got her own. I also have a bag packed and hidden in the garage that can sustain me for a week or so if I needed to escape. I suspect I’ll never use it, but it’s good to know it there.
WTAF?
I'm quite surprised about escape bags.
How bad is it that the thought of running away is always there?
I don't have an escape bag. If things got that bag either
a) I'd just get a bag together
or
b) all my stuff would be on the front lawn, and I could get a bag together out of that.