Having spent a few minutes excavating a mashed slug out of my ear hole following an unplanned dismount last night I was reminded of the time a friend managed to OTB into a large area of mud with the consistency of mashed potato at the bottom of a long downhill.
This but with added bicycle:
Slurry pit anyone? Canal?
One of the funniest things was when @pictonroad off here fell face first into a huge puddle at the Dorset SSUK (2013??)..... bottom of Frank's tank, IIRC..
I've a photo somewhere!🤣
DrP
A huge gorse bush, headfirst, downhill. Never again will I hire a bike in Europe and think I'll be alright with the levers the wrong way around.
Riding a trail which had been painstakingly cleared through gorse. Crashed on a jump, fell into a massive hole which had been dug out to provide soil for jumps/berms, and had been filled in with all the cut gorse. Basically sank into the hole while getting prodded ad scraped to bits
Nettles.
😑
That was ridiculous, my bike came out with someone else’s mudguard stuck in the front wheel. There may well be one or more full bikes in that bloody hole.
I skidded on ice in Sefton Park Liverpool, hit the railings and went into a foul duck pond down a two metre drop. I went completely under the deep anoxic layer of congealed duck shit. It was utterly freezing, and not a little frightening. Had to cycle through the city stinking covered in crap. I was not popular even in our disgusting student digs.
Trying out SPDs for the first time (mid 90’s?) when I stopped due to the depth of mud on a bridleway before toppling over, still clipped in to a pile of horse manure.
This year being shown round Dartmoor and my guide got off to push across a stream/boggy bit and I decided to show off and ride it, till I sank up to my BB and hubs and toppled over into the bog. Had I been doing pantomime I’d have been labelled 1/2racist I was that black down one side.
As the other HK meMyers will attest, the feral water buffalo deposit their waste in planetary amounts ! If that shit dries on you or your bike ...!
A pedal, right to the ribs.
A shallow puddle hiding something that broke some bones in my right hand. I was upset about getting soaked until I tried picking my bike up and felt my hand crunching inside.
The canal
I don't think my old mate Dave enjoyed landing on that big rock about a second after this pic was taken:
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'Chiltern Slurry' was a thing from about October until March. Many times I've full body surfed along, through and occasionally under its mulchy goodness 😉
Last January was ejected from the bike after a less than ideal landing from an over 2m high huck to flat (on a trail bike) and landed on my back on the biggest pile of boulders around. Got a big scar on my right shoulder blade and broke a toe
I think I have a few, mostly many years ago:
- gorse bush, full-on into and on top of it, quite entertaining trying to extricate oneself
- pavement covered in fallen berries, numerous drivers stopped because they thought I was covered in blood
- face first into river at embarrassingly low speed, epic ****fall
- a large stone, which briefly paralysed me as I landed on it back-first about half an inch from my spine
- electric fence, got the bike tangled in it, had to untangle it whilst getting electrocuted
- tree, from above, which was nearly "glaciated valley via 300ft cliff" had it not been for the ledge on which the tree was situated
Years ago I found a particularly swampy off-piste shortcut near the Coldharbour section of Leith Hill. Twas the middle of winter, proper sketchy and it looked like I'd stumbled into Dagobah. Maneuvered myself halfway across, KickStart-stylee, then suddenly my front end dropped and bike and I went 90deg up in the air. Wheel and forks were consumed by swampage and I was suspended with nowhere to go ... except down. I was a right stinky turd monkey for the remainder of that ride.
Last year, winter night ride, mistook a pond for some hard peat, straight in, about 1m deep, smelt like a sheep latrine. Couldn't unclip from the spd and spent a little to long flapping about.
I was not a happy chappy. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it though.
A hidden small tree stump, now that really hurt.
Funniest / most disgusting was while doing and "adventure race" with work. First stage canoeing along a canal in Brecon. Managed to capsize and when I got back in I'd collected a massive dog shit from the canal.
Years ago, the wife fell off on a Spanish MTB holiday and landed on a 4" piece of rebar sticking out the ground. Made a large hole in her abdomen....
Patch of nettles at speed. Enough speed to give me a friction burn which made the nettle stings last well over a week.
I think I have landed on most things with the amount of crashes I've had. Worst was in the Alps when I left the trail after hitting a rock and went over the edge, me and the bike bounced for some distance, wrote a carbon frame and a helmet off and just came out with a few scratches and bruises.
going downhill and fell off onto loose rocks and flinty gravel. years ago 1992 in the middle of summer and only wearing only a pair of shorts, slid on it for quite a way. I yelped quite loudly and my mate who was riding in front came back up the hill, took one look at me said, shit you okay, you look like you've run over a land mine!
OTB at speed on a freezing day and somehow landed on both knees. All is well at this point as I do my "embarrassing Dad at a wedding knee slide across the dance floor"...then I meet the sharp flint protruding through the muddy/chalky surface!
Never seen a cut that deep take so long to bleed...
Definitely the tree that broke my neck.
Followed by the fence that almost busted my head.
Then the rocks that broke my ribs.
Followed by the swamp when I couldn't unclip from my mates SPDs.
Nettles whilst wearing short sleeves (twice, it was no better the second time), and a high speed face-down slither for about 30ft through little saplings that repeatedly smacked my ears, and garlic that stank for days despite repeated washes.
Worst? A hidden tree stump in long grass that I hit at walking pace. I burst all of the ligaments in my right shoulder.
Most controversial? Probably riding back with my brother to his home in The Hague after a night out on an Apollo something. I came within centimetres of putting us both in a canal.
The "Accidental Dirty Sanchez Award"? On my local trails, I managed to ride through a fresh dog turd that launched bits of itself everywhere, including a splat that landed in between my nose and mouth. I remember thinking "F*** me, it stinks round here" when I realised the awful truth.
Cactus - while riding in Tucson this year.
Wasps nest.
@spacemonkey would this be the scene of your Coldharbour dunking?
I waited for my mate for about five minutes before heading back to find him stuck fast. I may have laughed more than I helped
What’s the worst thing you’ve landed in when falling off?
The Seven Sisters Road, in London. It was shortly after I slid down the back of the black cab I'd gone into the back of on my Katana 550.
The back of a parked lorry. Head down, grinding uphill. Helmet split down the middle. The lorry driver jumped out of his cab and said "**** I felt that!"
Arse first into a gorse bush at Kirkhill, nearly off a shear drop into the Findhorn river, thankfully a tree got in the way. Or a full bath after hitting an iced over puddle & not getting my foot unclipped fast enough.
The best fun was ending up nearly waist deep in snow while riding the fat bike in the Cairngorms with Bothy Bikes over Easter. I make a really fat Snow Angel.
Inspired by this thread...
My mate Jason at the bottom of a descent on Skyline many, many years ago
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Afan again, Andy after landing his cotic on a stump on the descent down from Windy point
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Martin landing on some spikey twigs after failing to ride a swtichback in the Malverns
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Yorkshire. 😙
Maaany years ago, probably 1990, spent a weekend with a prospective GF and we drove up to see her brother and his family in Perth, no doubt so they could check me out. Brother and his son were mountain bikers and I'd been presented as this fanatical mountain biker so off we went for a ride up a hill. I spotted an icy puddle and thought I'd do an impressive bunny-hop and smash the ice through with my front wheel. Except that the ice didnt smash and I decked extremely hard, hurting my wrist. How they laughed. The relationship petered out soon after.
Some time after that on a night ride I came down and stopped behind a group of bikers, put a foot out, found nothing and silently toppled sideways into a huge bramble bush. I couldn't get out and it took four blokes pulling to extract me as I couldn't help myself... once they had finished laughing.
And back in 1978 I was a student in Grenoble and I borrowed a road bike from an Iranian friend, hoping to find out why French people went and cycled up all the local hills at weekends. I thought I ought to shave my legs, which is what they all did apparently. Got to the top and discovered I had ground all the way up in the big ring - d'oh. Set off back down and was enjoying the speed when a Renault 5 crowded me on a bend, forcing me onto gravel. Both wheels skidded out, I smacked down on my side and slid over the edge, falling about 15 feet down a wall and fetching up against a sapling on a steep boulder slope. I heard screeching tyres and the whine of straight-cut gears in reverse and the car's occupants appeared, looking down at me from the top of the wall. Passed the bike up, climbed up and refused a lift so I rode back to my Residence bleeding from knee, thigh, shoulder and head. Boy, did that smart in the shower.
I fell into a very deep, muddy puddle on an off road night ride. Front wheel slipped out from under me and literally body slammed me into the puddle. My head went right under water. My mate was pissing himself laughing at me and I still had 7 miles to ride home in -1 degrees C so I wasn't laughing much.
I remember falling into thick sticky mud similar to that in the OP following a fast descent. I slid, unhurt but dirty, to a halt. The bike embedded itself upside down in the mud 🙂
A friend severely damaged a nipple on some barbed wire following an off.
Me, probably a toss up between the barbed wire fence into which I flew gracelessly upside down, or the coffee table in my living room in a second floor flat which broke a rib whilst testing SPD's.
@yogibear went headlong into mud which was pretty close to the bog of eternal stench (from labyrinth) about 5mins into a night ride cutting it very short. I have photos, but since it scarred him mentally, ripped his jacket and left him stinking I'll only post up his bike.
I struggled to keep it together once it was clear he wouldn't drown and had all limbs attached
https://photos.app.goo.gl/nnvz2usCN97cGmz16
When I was a kid, I’d not noticed my shoelace had come undone and started to wrap itself round the pedal axle. Came to a stop and tried to put that foot down. Started to fall, frantically trying to back-pedal to undo the lace, failed miserably and keeled over, right into a bed of nettles...
Cycling home slightly worse for wear in the pitch black with no lights through Grantchester Meadows, I cycled straight into a herd of cows sleeping on the path. Over the bars, bounced off a cow and landed in the middle of the herd which promply got up and proceeded to both stand and shat on me.
on the bike - caught my bars at my local woods and went straight into a barbed wire fence. That really hurt.
off the bike - just off piste on a black run enjoying fresh snowfall, hammering it, then hitting something square with the front of the board hidden under the powder. Massive front flip followed by sky, snow, sky, snow, sky, snow....for a long time. Ripped jacket open and pulled my trousers down! Had to dig compacted snow out of everything luckily no actual injury and board survived. Tbh snow is probably the best thing I could have landed in on that particular crash...
Cycling home slightly worse for wear in the pitch black with no lights through Grantchester Meadows, I cycled straight into a herd of cows sleeping on the path. Over the bars, bounced off a cow and landed in the middle of the herd which promply got up and proceeded to both stand and shat on me.
Brilliant, laughed at that one !!!!!
I'm glad we're back to things like riding into cows instead of near-fatal impalements 🙂
A sobbing mess of utter desperate ness to do up the poppers on my shorts
Probably the rocky landing at Cathkin after an innocuous front wheel washout which smashed my shoulder 7 weeks ago, been in a sling since and had shoulder reconstruction last week...
Spain 1991, riding through suburban wasteland. Went OTB, landed among a load of used heroin syringes, complete with needles. There was a huge heroin epidemic at the time. Didn’t ride that way again...
I have two, one which looked fine but wasn't and one which looked really terrible, but wasn't!
1) A new trail appeared in my local woods. AH-HA i thought, new trail! Lets ride it. So i sent it off down what was a rather good trail at an significant rate of knots, only to send a blind turn/drop off a large log combo that turned out to be the end of the trail, because that's as far as the trail monkeys had got with building it! Luckily, there was a huge and soft looking rhododendron bush, so i chose to crash into that. Unfortunately, that same invitingly bushy bush was also where said trail monkeys had hidden their trail building tools, and as i crashed in, a caught the handle of a large spade straight up and under my jaw (i was in a full face helmet), which slammed my mouth shut, to the point where i saw stars for a good few minutes. Amazing, nothing broke, but it felt like i'd not found a soft landing so much as a knockout one!
2) Coming down off the top of Les Arcs, from Arc1600, down through the woods, under the pipes, and cutting down through various brilliant trails, i thought i knew where i was, so sent it off a blind drop, which if it were the one i though it was, would have been into a lovel long smooth landing into a nice vertical gulley. Unfortunately, THAT gulley was not actually on the trail i had ended up on, and i basically sent it out into a massive spikey bolder field because the trail i WAS one had a 90 degree switch back at the bottom of the run in! Astonishingly, despite the almost certain chance of serious injury, landing from about 15 foot up at about 20 mph, i managed to land directly on top of one bolder, that "cusioned" (relatively speaking) my fall, and then bounced to land flat on my back on the only other large smooth bolder on that side of the mountain! Astonishing, especially to my riding buddies who were already composing my eulogy, all i suffered was a brusied lower back, and was bascially un-injured and rode the rest of the holiday fine! In fact, i nearly twisted an ankle trying to recover my bike that had bounced some distance and was making a bid to beat me back to Bourg 🙂
A dustbin. Head first. Actually no, it was hands first. My arms were then rendered useless by my bodyweight crushing them into the bottom of the bin. The bin fell over with me stuck in it. My bike was still attached to my feet, thanks to good old fashioned toe clips. It took two people to remove me from the bin and bike. Mostly because they were laughing so much. I can't blame them.
Hawthorn tree. I was picking thorns out of pustules for a couple of weeks.
Either the tree stump on the North Yorkshire Moors or the 1 bar gate in Wark Forest. I'm still concussed from each one.
A few winters ago, recent snow and -10C so decided to bimble along the towpath on my single speed - it was mainly crunchy, except the bit where it dipped under the canal bridge and the local kids had polished it smooth. Took my foot out, but fell on my arse and was propelled quite elegantly into the water. I remember looking up from under the water at the blue sky. I was about 10 miles from home and realised that if I called for a lift / waited then hypothermia was a distinct possibility so decided to ride home to keep warm.
I landed in deep shit with the girlfriend when I seriously scuffed my face up on a gravel OTB hours before going out to meet her family for the first time.
The feshie in the middle of the night in November in -6 .......
Lost balance while riding a narrow raised section and fell backwards , putting my arm out behind me to save myself . Turned out that I'd put it straight into the body of a dead and decaying sheep , in through the ribcage and out the other side .
I know how awful that is. I did a similar thing when bouldering up near Trevor rocks back in the ‘90s.
No bouldering may, just a bit of carpet to wipe shoes on. Came off a crimpy overhanging bit while doing a mid level traverse and landed on a dead sheep. The impact drove all the gas out of the carcass so as well as slightly rotten meat and intestine contents I was also covered in my own vomit. Had to throw those clothes away and ride back to Wrexham in my pants as my mate would t let me back in his car otherwise!
I’ve been in that same pit at coldharbour. Twice!
About 20 years ago a mate who thought he was Danny Mac tried to ride across a narrow wooden bridge which needed a good hop and 90 degree shuffle to get on. His front wheel slid out and he fell straight into a stream. He submerged briefly and after we had all stopped laughing we spent ten minutes picking tiny leeches of his arms, legs and neck....same guy endo'd into a barb wire fence and landed on it chin first. It looked like he'd been attacked by vampires.
Various spiky cactus like things riding in Spain. The usual stinking mud.
By far the worst I've seen was on the Trailbreak Iron Lemming many years back. There was a fast downhill along a gully beside a drystone wall. A large ewe had breathed its last and lay rotting right in the centre of the gully, There was a line up the bank around it but one poor rider had piled straight into the dead sheep, OTB'd over the top and landed in the stinking liquid death trickling down the slope on the far side. We found him trying to wash his clothes in a public toilet at a feed stop. Two day event, and he was sleeping in a village hall with no showers.....
Blimey where do I start?
2009 riding on Dartmoor from Princetown towards South Hessary Tor, back in the days when they had mud bank water bars on the trail. Flying along getting quicker & quicker & more confident over the mud water bars using them as kickers to get air, then on the final one the handle bars landed at 2 o'clock rather than 12 o'clock, the front tyre dug in & the bike disappeared, at this point I then had a Dartmoor granite facial at around 15mph 🙁 it took most of the skin off my face from my chin to mouth. Funniest moment was sitting in minor injuries unit waiting to be seen when my LBS rang me to say that my other bike was ready for collection.
On a night ride I knew there was a new grantie clapper bridge coming up that had 2 stone slabs sat side by side & I didn't want to ride across the middle where there was a gap, cue me getting it all wrong & the front wheel getting trapped in the gap, the bike stopped dead I didn't and went OTB, I ended up on the far bank with my feet in the stream a little dazed, my mate came running back asking 'Are you alright?' .... Yes, I said when you get off my bloody hand!!! which he was stood on.
Next up 2013 again on Dartmoor flying down the Widowmaker & near the bottom I thought I saw a large rock in the middle of a tight right hand turn, decided to go left of the rock but was going way too fast to make the corner so went straight on, according to Strava I hit the gorse bush with my face at 12mph 🙁 ended up almost ripping my Tragus off my ear which needed 3 stitches to re-attach it.
My latest was 8th Nov 2019 on my road bike this time, I was knocked off my bike by a car on a roundabout 🙁 Luckily for me he hit my bike rather than me, however I hit the road face first & ended up with 15 stitches in my face & six stitches in my right knee 🙁
A putrefying, part skeletonised sheep carcass in Bin Coombe, Quantocks.
Scotland - but then I was on the Pennine Way in the Cheviots at the time. Had I fallen off the other way the answer would have been England. Every so often there's a gap in the paved section with a peat filled hole just daring you to have a go…
Found the photo of the wife's "landing on rebar" puncture wound. Quite tidy considering...
[url= https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/49183267033_c0db75de66.jp g" target="_blank">https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/49183267033_c0db75de66.jp g"/> [/img][/url][url= https://flic.kr/p/2hWa6LD ]Puncture wound[/url] by [url= https://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/ ]Ben Freeman[/url], on Flickr
She was very lucky, it didn't puncture any organs and the hospital just cleaned it out, packed it with gauze and sent her on her way. Luckily no infection or any other problems.
A very long time ago in a galaxy far far away...was out in the wilds of Glen Feshie on a MBR route with @nobbingsford. Once more directionally challenged (frequent occurrence) we stopped to work out where a wall was we were supposed to be following when I stepped in a boggy bit of ground and disappeared thigh deep. Needless to say @nobbingsford was 'suitably' sympathetic. I returned the favour (total lack of sympathy shown but much laughing) when he lost his shoe in a boggy bit on Deels Hill/Border Ridge in Northumberland.