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No poncy coffee with invented names that are not BRITISH! Black or white and add your own milk. Tea (yuk) the same. The whole rendy cyclist/coffee shop is a bloody silly invention by wimps and posuers who want to feel Italian. In the UK cyclist go to the Milk Bar, have a good strong tea and bugger off back into the rain.
Dirty great wood burner in the winter and wipe clean chairs. Summer needs cheap ice cream.
Quick service that doesn't let you freeze whilst waiting. A track pump to borrow and a few cheap tubes might help. The café in Tintern fits the bill here. Waitresses in tight jeans or short skirts help on a cold day.
"Invented names that are not BRITISH"? Not sure if my irony detector's on the blink or whether we've got a Kipper displaying the usual Selective Ignorance of The History of Everything. Amazed you were in favour of black coffee, to be honest.
It's my irony detector, isn't it? Please tell me it's my OH DEAR GOD no it's not I've just checked the posting history.
Hmm.
I notice you're using "café", an adopted French word. You've even included the accent that is often dropped in the Anglicised form; how very Europhile of you. And naturally "poseur" (or "posuer" as your enraged key-mashing fists put it) is French, and again you've shunned the Anglicised form. That most stalwart verb of the Englishman, "bugger" is derived from the French "bougre". And of course you use a lot of other nouns, which are all "invented names" after all (mostly traceable back to Greece or Italy, of course). Dreadful thing, this invention malarky. Shouldn't be allowed.
One of the few phrases in your post which actually has its roots in England is "bloody silly", which probably sums up xenophobia in language.
Vegan cake.
@Bez Well put, also a Cafe I think I would avoid, sounds like somewhere that has no interest in either flavour, taste or food.
What is this obsession with cheap?
Nobody wants to be ripped off but cost is only a factor in the absence of value.
I wouldn't drink turgid instant coffee even if it was 10p.
Bacon
No roadies
Cake
Large or small stuff not poncy sizes
Bacon
Repair stand
Tea in mugs
Bacon
Efficient service
Cake
Fair prices
No roadies
Sorted....
Somewhere to charge my e-bike....?
Somewhere to charge my e-bike....?
Sort of related - a load of USB ports on each table for Garmin/lights charging. The only problem is that it can then tie up a table for ages while an entire group faffs around charging things but actually only orders one coffee each.
Top gear style lap time board?
Proper salad if available if out of season then just sausage or bacon rolls with brown sauce not orange slice of tomato thick and fibrous no seeds etc , white bits of lettuce I always thought lettuce was green and half baked baguettes passed off as pannini. So many cafes you go once and never go back but there are one or two gems to be found
Top gear style lap time board?
Cycling cafes are already full of Strava ****ers braying loudly about their latest KOM, please don't add to that!
Amazed you were in favour of black coffee, to be honest.
Quote of the day 🙂
I wouldn't drink turgid instant coffee even if it was 10p.
As it goes, im surprised by the backlash towards instant coffee.
I like a nice ground coffee, I like a good fancy frothy jobbie, but during the day at work im happy to knock back 1 or 2 instant coffee's.
I guess it's a bit like picking a Carlsberg when you couldve had an IPA.
Either way, the best coffee i've had served was a fairly standard 'illy' freshly ground in a cafe in East Dean. It was a delicious easy drinking all rounder. I think that would be a great place to start.
On the instant thoughts...
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It's costing you an amount just to have something in the mug/cup would you pay £2 for a cup of nescafe?
Not sure I fancy the 1970's style greasy spoon 'Brexit Nirvana' cafe mentioned above. One of the key things that makes all cafes good is sunshine and lots of seating outside, with a long rail to hang your bike from the saddle. Otherwise:
Nice coffee (can have 'foreign' name)
Simple and healthy food, decent portion size
NO MANSPREADING IN LYCRA
For the times when I would want to go to said cafe when not riding, i'd actually like a decent array of magazines and books. None of this buying books by the metre to fill a shelf crap.
I like a good fancy frothy jobbie
I don't.
That's why I don't drink Guinness anymore.
When we open the climbing wall i was adamant that we had a coffee machine that did decent coffee, one of the other directors was completely against it as climbers wont pay for decent coffee -all they want is cheap coffee.
We compromised and so we sell both decent coffee and instant.
I had a look the other day and we see 10 :1 Americanos to Instant coffee, let alone the numbers of cappuccinos, lattes, mocha, etc.
Well worth the investment in my opinion.
I also would walk out of a tea room that only has instant coffee or filter coffee as the former is disgusting and the latter is invariably been sitting there for a few hours !