Finally realized today why Cliffsend is named as it is. Only lived in the area since forever.
@icic that would be fine, if it wasn’t an identity management solution I was implementing. When they go wrong they go horribly wrong: I was once sent into a large auditing company to troubleshoot some issues. Got there and all hell had already broken loose. HR had accidentally sent the IDM solution a blank feed that morning. Our (at the time) dumbass solution had taken that as a signal to disable everyone in the company, in every application, in every part of the business. All 225000 of them. Very shortly after that dev produced a patch allowing us to include some threshold checks.
On one motorbike tour ‘round Europe we accidentally ended up at Octoberfest in Stuttgart. The day after the night before we went to set off on the bikes and I heard a clunk, the bike stopped dead - forgot to take the disc lock off. €280 for a new disc later + an extra night in Germany and we were off again.
Too many to list:
Packing kit back into the car after a ride - backed the car out of the parking space - crunch - that would be my helmet I'd not put into the boot.
Turned up at a ride without my spd shoes - luckily a friend happened to have one flat pedal in the car - so completed the ride with one spd and one flat.
Recently refitted my kitchen - in trying to fix the leaking joints of the new taps I'd isolated the hot tap, opened the tap to remove any pressure in the system, undone the pipe, daughter asks if she can fill up her glass of water - yeah no problem I thought I've only been messing with the hot, that's odd water pressure is a bit low and why does it sound like water is pissing all over the new kitchen cupboard.....
Many years ago went to Austria with a couple of mates to bum around for the ski season. Night before we flew one of me mates pulled out a big bag of weed he planned to bring along, after a brief conversation we persuaded him to leave it behind, he stuffed it into his pocket we went to the pub and forgot all about it. And yes, he flew with the now forgotten bag of green in his open jacket pocket, only realised when we finally got to our digs and he stuck his hand in his pocket. He was one of 'those' mates, no-one normal would do something so silly...
...fast forward to 4 years ago, i'm flying to Dubai, sat on the plane an hour or so from landing I stick my hand in my jacket pocket to discover with horror its full of weed, not even in a bag, loose! I'd grabbed the jacket on the way out of the door that morning, last time I had worn it had been to a festival a good six months before. A dash to the toilet to empty the pockets down the toilet and for good measure give everything as thorough a wash as possible in a plane loo. Must admit I walked through Dubai customs with clenched buttocks, especially when the person in the queue in front of me was pulled aside by customs. To think what would of happened if I hadn't stuck my hand in the pocket...
Left my bike on the train once and realised it after I'd walked about 5mins....lucky that Bedford has 2 stations about a mile apart so I legged it to the other one to find the guard with my bike at the platform.
I used be an electrician and have had that sinking feeling a couple of times after realising that I've forgot to fit the glands shroud on the 240mm 4-core armoured cable (quite large cable) after you've been wrestling to terminate it for the last hour. 😤
Forgot and lost numerous bike bits whilst either travelling or out riding like: lights, gloves, shoes, helmet, the list goes on....
Or those little silicon doughnuts that stop your cables rattling, often forget to fit those when changing cables.
Too many to mention however one does sticks in my mind.
Booked to guide an uplift day on Exmoor. Turned up and while waiting for the clients realised to my horror that I'd left my bike lock key 300 miles away at home. Bike locked up securely in the back of my van! Try finding an angle grinder on Exmoor at 9 o'clock in the morning on a Sunday. Eventually rescued by a very friendly farmer.
I've done most of the bike related ones, including threading a bottom bracket into a new frame only for it to get a bit tight after a few threads.
The first time I was stupid and put the wrench on it, thinking I was just too weak. It went a few more turns then got really stuck.
Cost me a £50 bottom bracket and £200 for a chase and face tool to clean up the damage.
Then about £400 off the price of a non damaged frame when I sold the frame after only having it six months. Still worked fine tbh, just didn't feel happy not declaring it when it was sold.
I say first time as I did it again a couple of years later. This time only hand tight but it was enough to damage the btm bracket thread when taking it back out. Didn't cost so much that time.
Also had a fair few non cycling related 'doh' moments. Best of which was taking a work mates car during lunch as mine was in for service. Went to the supermarket, bought lunch, went to get back in his car to find it was unlocked. Figuring I had just pressed the wrong remote button instinctively through it being an unfamiliar car, I got in unpacked and made my cheap ass DIY bread rolls and packed meat sandwich. Then went to turn the radio on. Somebody had swapped his touch screen thing for an old school tiny radio with knobs on !
A quick double take and I'd gotten into the wrong damn car - his was 3 bays down and looked remarkedly similar. Nobody noticed thankfully.
realise I’d fenced my van in the garden.
By far the best. Nicely done.
I cycle to work, my wife used to always drive. One day the logistics required me to take the car home. I rode there, approached from the driver's side, front wheel off, bike into the boot, got into the car. It was a parking space facing onto a busy road, I waited for a gap for about two minutes - wanting to turn left. Saw a small gap but I'd have to time it perfectly and then boot it. So I did.
Unfortunately I hadn't seen the very large, very solid wooden bollard near the passenger side of the car. Managed to damage the front left wing, both doors, rear left wing and the bit that runs beneath the doors. $6000 of damage, just shy of writing off the car.
Thought I’d booked a plane ticket to San Jose, California, but somehow ended up in San Jose (I think it was a long time ago) in central america and being robustly interviewed by gun toting drugs officers.
Having said which, this is also a peach
realise I’d fenced my van in the garden.
Looks like you aren't alone in that little exercise.
I'm being oppressed 🙁
Aw Northwind turn that fork frown upside down.
I plan to retire it at 10 so not long to go...
Best thing I've done on this front relates to a rental car, parking and somewhere in Spain.
Went to watch the F1 at circuit de catalunia for a weekend away, was the last year of the v8s (incredible noise).
Fly there, rent a car, drive around and watch F1, fly home. That was the plan at least.
First time driving in a foreign land on the wrong side of the car and the wrong side of the road was interesting. Stayed in a little town around an hour from the circuit, found a normal looking car park (hotel hadn't any parking), asked the locals of all was good to park there (I definitely cannot read Spanish). All good, or so I thought. Onto the hotel for drinks etc.
Next morning, breakfast and excitement to go watch some fancy noisy cars do their qualifying. Walk to the carpark to find that an outdoor market was taking up the entire carpark including where I'd left the car, car was gone, cue sinking feeling.
Many thoughts going through my head, first being shall I just go home and hope the rental company never ask for their car back?
After flapping around for some time I spotted a police station so headed over to ask.
Fortunately it was them who moved it into their secure compound just behind that station. Most expensive car park I've ever paid for, think it was 120euro to release the car.
I parked elsewhere the 2nd night.
Forgot my shoes last Sunday and only realised 75 miles from home. Pair of new shoes later…
Dropped car off for service, was 20 miles away when I received a call to let me know my immobiliser wasn’t deactivated…
Some years ago five of us did a 100 miler south to north Devon coast to coast mostly off road between Paignton and Ilfracombe. Spent weeks planning the route and equipment. 95 miles and 14 hours in we got to Woolacombe beach, north Devon and it was getting dark and starting to rain. Time for a bit of night riding! Only one had forgotten his lights, two sets of cheap eBay ones failed almost straight away and I’d brought my light and battery but the lead I put in was the charging lead with a three pin plug on the end! We were left with one light which was basically an old EverReady torch for the last very, very long five miles.
While screwing down some 8x4 marine ply sheets to lay tiles in my bathroom refit, I sprayed a red line where the plumbing was routed underneath.
I must have been completely hypnotised by the repetitiveness, after 100 or so screws, and promptly put one straight through a pipe - at least I knew I'd marked the pipe location correctly.
Although the water was off, there was still enough pressure in the pipe to soak the ceiling below. Luckily I didn't have to cut and replace any plaster sheets. (I saved that for the shower trap)
Went for a wee canoe after work. I was camping and tied canoe on the roof but just slide the 2 paddles on the roof of the car. Slept in the car and then headed off to work in the morning. Coming up to a roundabout the car in front brakes sharply causing me to do the same. 2 paddles fly forward off the roof narrowly missing the car in front rear window. One survived one cracked. Lesson learnt.
Oh also ride in spds but carry a set of flats in the spare wheel well, no need to ask me why.
Sledging on Arthur's seat. Great day, but couldn't find car keys at end. It was the festive period so quickest solution was a train to home 450miles away to retrieve spare key and back.
Keys were handed in to police 3 months later and got them back.
After months of careful planning I drove down to do the 2013 Mega.
I’d packed everything, so I thought.
I built my tent under the main lift feeling accomplished
I was gutted when I noticed I hadn’t packed the pump for the Air bed. Luckily I soon noticed I’d also forgotten the air bed.
Borrowed a tent for the Easter santapod drag racing, many years ago. No tent poles, got drunk and burnt my coat to keep warm...
More recently, spent ages carefully replacing a turbo and cleaned the whole engine as I went. Really took my time. Started the engine and pumped 3litres of oil from the high pressure fitting I’d forgotten to tighten. Greenpeace were outside cleaning seagulls. The mess was horrific.
There are loads more.
If it involves mechanics i seem to be completely unable to do things first time without doing it wrong. It's an effective, albeit expensive, learning method, except if I repeat the mistake.
Bike-related I had a nightmare in the forest a few months ago. On my way home decided to take a particularly extreme singletrack through thick rainforest. Climbing to the top of one of the gnarly sections I got the chain stuck twixt cassette and a hard place right on the chain link. After struggling for ages I ended up having to break the chain with my EDC tool to be able to get it off. It was getting towards twilight (no lights) and i was being swarmed by a combination of mosquitos and March flies (like horseflies) which was making it even more frustrating. Then ... i put a second chainlink in and was all happy with myself, before realising i'd put the chain on the wrong side of the chainstay!!!! Yes. Proper stupid. It's not getting any lighter and I figured it would be a quick job to undo the chain link and correct... surely the EDC tool has a chain link breaker, right? Luckily i had phone reception so i found the video showing how it worked, but bugger me i couldn't get it to work. I was absolutely howling and slapping myself silly with the mozzies. Nearly bawling.
Ten miles from home, no way of getting the back wheel to turn unless i cut the chain again, and on a hillside with the options of walk down with a bike on my head in the semi-dark or riding in the absolute dark.
After watching the video umpteen times I eventually got the piece of crap to work and managed to get down all the rock slabs before it was properly dark.
Next month it'll probably be something equally stupid. I'm resigned to this stuff happening to me, but having the bloody-minded tenacity to try and make it out alive.
@db - genius. I'll be doing this, and also a spare helmet.
Oh also ride in spds but carry a set of flats in the spare wheel well, no need to ask me why.
I particularly like the moments when your head says "no, don't do that, XYZ will happen" then 2 seconds later XYZ happens and your head says "I just bloody told you!".
I also love a good drive to get to a ride, emptying the car, setting up your bike, packing your backpack, slurp of water, foook..... Left my helmet at home.
Bloke turned up to the club ride one day with spds and no shoes, just the crocs he was wearing. Someone produced a roll of duck tape and we taped his crocs onto the pedals, which gave him a weird pair of dignity diminishing toe clip style solutions.
Apparently they mainly worked fine although the soles are not great for power transfer or hot spot prevention. And you get wet feet if you put a foot down.
Another time, an after ride work with a couple of colleagues. This time flats but no shoes, so a Surrey Hills circuit was undertaken in MTB kit and a pair of polished black Oxfords.
got drunk and burnt my coat to keep warm
Never has this GIF felt more appropriate:
The first time on a camping holiday with a roof-box fitted. Went for a day trip with it still on and drove into a multi storey car park that was just a teeny bit too low! Had to do a full circuit of the car park with it scraping the car park roof.
When I worked for Coca-Cola I drove my work van into a multi-storey, I knew it would be tight but cleared the barrier. Did my work, which included unlading the van which was brimmed full of multipacks of Coca-Cola. When it was time to leave the unloaded van no longer fitted under the barrier.
Idiocy by proxy. 7 yr old son was in A&E this morning till 5 am after swallowing a magnet at around 9 pm last night. :facepalm:
I'm sure there was a story in my internet news feed about a little lad who swallowed about 20 little neodymium magnets to see if he could make stuff stick to him.
Your son needs to up his game!
Oops, no it was 54. 🤣
I've had a couple of rides when I've been completely unable to judge anything quite right, clipped every tree, mistimed every edge, usually as the ride goes on I get more annoyed, a slowly building crappy headache and sometimes a bit nauseous until I give up, head back to the car/home only to realise my clear lenses are still in the case and I've got photochromic ones in.
So it turns out that my prescription is just strong enough that wearing contacts and prescription glasses at the same time isn't immediately obvious but really ruins your day.
I'm one of those people who learned to drive later than usual in life at like 33 or something and shortly after passing decided to surprise my wife by picking her up from Stockport train station.
She was happy to see me after a work trip coming home from London but this changed when I was pulling out of the station car-park and crashed her own car straight into the ticket barrier whilst she was in the passenger seat and got it stuck there blocking the whole car park from exiting.
It was only one magnet luckily, so it's just a matter of letting nature take its course. I'm pretty annoyed at my wife for not managing to get a copy of the x-ray.
– Thought I’d booked a plane ticket to San Jose, California, but somehow ended up in San Jose (I think it was a long time ago) in central america and being robustly interviewed by gun toting drugs officers. They genuinely could not believe I’d been so stupid. Luckily I was able to convince them that I was in fact an idiot.
Variation on this: I booked our honeymoon flights to Costa Rica, 2 days before the trip the Tour company we’d used for the in-country stuff called to say I’d booked a flight to San Jose, California instead of San Jose, Costa Rica. Cue 3 hours of pleading with American Airlines on the phone who initially insisted we’d have to cancel with no refund and pony up $1500 for the correct flight. Luckily, after finally reaching a manager, they cancelled and re-booked us on the correct flight for only $250 extra! Was extremely relieved at that.
spds and no shoes, just the crocs he was wearings
Did this on an xbike ride in the cheviots (not crocs, obviously *shudder*) I was effing and blinding wondering how I'd follow my faster mate with just trainers, when a kid who;d been orbiting us on a bmx said his dad would lend me a pair, which was very nice of him. On the plus side his dad was landlord of the local pub, which we were therefore obliged to spend a bit more in after the ride than we otherwise might've; and he also recommended us a route. On the negative side, the shoes were a size too small, and the route took us past an army exercise which involved tracer fire and a tank.
A friend asked me to come to his birthday party in Ireland and would I mind Djing. I exitedly called from Dublin airport to tell him I'd arrived, "thats great mate, but I live in Belfast".
That covid magnet story is brilliant, I love that he blames it on running out of magnets.
Early one for me. 1997 or 98 my mates Dad had taken us over to watch the DH racing at Inners. Think we must have rode in the morning as we had our bikes. As it was a really hot day i was worried about leaving my helmet inside the car, mistakenly thinking it might melt or be damaged by the heat somehow. So instead I stashed it on the ground behind one of the car wheels! The inevitable happened and i was pretty gutted. The potential for crackhanded mistakes hasn't left me.
On the flip side we saw mad skills from Will Longdon to beat Steve Peat, and also got Peattie's autograph.
My old boss booked cheap flights for him and his missus to Biarritz, for a late winter weekend break.
Which was all well and good, except in his head he'd got it mixed up with St Moritz - and they had been wanting to go skiing.
I have, Laurel-and-Hardy-style, stood on the head of a sweeping brush, causing the handle to flip up and fully crack me in the face. It gave me a proper black eye I could barely see out of.
Didn't think it was possible in real life until I did it.
Light a fire and you'll be warm for the night. Set your coat on fire and you'll be warm for the rest of your life
First night at Glastonbury, met up with friends I'd not seen in a while, it got messy, I got back to the tent completely off my head.
I got confused with the 2 zips on the sleeping bag that allow you to open from either end, so I decided to fix it by breaking off both zippers.
Not satisfied with fixing my own sleeping bag in this way I did exactly the same to my girlfriends one.
She was less than pleased with having to spend the next 3 nights in a sleeping bag that wouldn't do up.
For some reason decided that the sensible route from Brighton to Dover is along the coast not via the motorway. Got to Dover to see ferry leaving the harbour. Thought no worries there'll be another in an hour or two. Except that I'd saved money by booking with Speedferries who only had one boat so it was 4 hours to the next boat but the boat broke down and could only use one engine so it was actually 6 hours. And the boat was still broken so the crossing took 3 hours instead of two. Landed in France at 1600 instead of 0900. There was very little to do in Dover at 0600 on a Sunday 20 years ago.
