Cracking morning on Sunday so set off to my favorite local bit of off road trail. Passing a cottage off the beaten track and as i approach catch sight of movement in the rear garden.
There is a guy stark naked burning rubbish in an old oil drum. Back and forth with armloads of stuff and stoking it up in the old can. He was some way off so i wasn't sure whether to about turn or keep to my intended course. I kept going and he eventually scuttled off behind his house when he caught sight of me.
To be fair it was the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning and i if the guy wanted to enjoy the moment doing a bit of gardening at one with nature fair play to him!
It certainly took the sleep out of my eyes and arguably the strangest thing i have ever seen while out for an early morning cycle.
Riding the southdowns way at midsummer, seeing a group of Druids walking out of the mist. Freeky.
On a misty day in Ashton Court, Bristol: a deer appearing from nowhere and running parallel to me, only a few metres away. Magical.
Junkies giving blow jobs/other sexual favours against trees in Glasgow green.
There is a guy stark naked burning rubbish in an old oil drum.
He wasn't covered in blood and burning bloody clothing was he? Keep your eye on the news!
...early morning rides... what's that about then eh?
a rat knawing on the fetid corpse of a badger.
Some weirdo riding a push bike in the woods at stupid o'clock in the morning while I was burning some evidence from the night before.
a 'lady' 'entertaining' five,yes FIVE 'gentlemen' all at the same time,in the woods.....
I had to do another lap to make sure I wasn't seeing things...
Also saw a bloke having a dump in a bucket whilst reading a newspaper...
JM's w@nkbank (that's another story)
a sex swing
a Machete hanging from a tree...
the list goes on...
oh,and pants,lots of of pants.
Once saw a well dressed woman taking a dump on the pavement at a fairly sheltered bus stop on the outskirts of town. She looked mortified as I approached. I had a good laugh, called her a dirty bint and told her she could have went a few yards into the bushes behind her. She looked like she was about to die of embarrassment.
Once saw a porn shoot when out for an early morning climb.
Peacock outside Geoffrey Butlers South Croydon.
I had another cyclist go absolutely ape because apparently only he rides that early, and I was intruding on his personal space. Not as fun as some of these but still weird.
I've seen the porn shoot thing too and also a naturist dog walker who was only too happy to run over and explain his state of disrobement.
Me on a bike before 7am is the strangest thing i will ever see
A bloke with bluetooth speakers on the handlebars.
I do a fair bit of early morning riding (5-7am) and am disappointed to say that I've not seen anything I'd even consider odd, let alone strange. Must try harder.
A threesome.
Not early in the morning, but yesterday afternoon I met a women out for a ride with Marie, her one-legged parrot. She was towing it in it's cage, in her cycle trailer.
A bloke with bluetooth speakers [s]on the handlebars.[/s] rammed up his bottom
Not early morning, more night rides but I have seen the following over the last year or 2.
Teenagers hotboxing the car, plenty of steamed up/bouncing cars, a man having a tug in his car with a top shelf magazine on the seat next to him, a naked rambler, some very lost and completely under prepared walkers, lots of wildlife and a lot of people who look at me like I am completely out of my head for cycling around on a dark and cold evening
Up on Blackstonedge, Fog so thick you could see less than 20 feet, suddenly came across lots of guys dressed head to toe in white robes ! Spooked me good style !
Was told later that it was an African religious group. Still - Not what you expect whilst riding about in the middle of the moors.
Live roleplayers - orcs, dudes in chainmail, wizards - the usual 😉
A guy walking his parrot
Plenty of deer
A crazy ass huge boar
on a morning:
- nearly getting knocked off by a large male deer running straight across my front wheel on a bridleway. gave me a right fright!
- various animals/birds eating each other
- car drivers being courteous when overtaking cyclists
on an evening:
- medieval combat re-enactment in the woods i was riding through (strange!)
- man crapping in the middle of a footpath
- rode into a bat surveying net pulled across a path at night (the surveying people were hiding round the corner and weren't happy)
- people riding with small dogs in front wicker baskets
a sex swing
Where did you say you go riding?????
riding over to the descent of the hepple nuckle near simonside theres a remote house and early on a sunday morning our group ride went past a naked man in a barrel, he smiled, climbed out and then poured buckets of cold water over himself. I guess it didnt have running water.
I saw a drunk mexican walking along the rhine in Koln, he had a huge sombero and mahoosive moustache... sadly it was the morning after carnival and not the real deal.
This makes me realise just how boring my current commute is.
Must get up earlier don't tend to ride till 07.00 am and don't see anything odd
Call me naive but what's the difference between a sex swing and a swing?
Edit: google is my friend. Stirrups.
Why would you know what it was?
Sex?
Now your edit makes me look like I'm requesting some - I wasn't. Unless....
Clayton Vale mtb track- a girl sat ontop of a shaved-head lad riding him with his feet on the trail. I shouted GO ON MY SAN! He grinned, I grinned as she demounted looking very pissed off 😆
5 blokes? I'd have made it six!
Near to Membury back in the 1989 when illegal raves were the thing to go to we came across 3 blokes who were off their tits. Me and my mate were on Enduro bikes (moto) and these 3 looked terrified 😆 we stopped to ask if they were ok and one asked where the M4 was. Told him it was about 4 miles away and pointed him in the right direction. Only when they were leaving did I notice that one of them had no shoes 😯
Up in Wentwood cycled through a bunch of German 2nd World War soldiers, about a mile further on we found the American forces. Very weird but lots of Willys Jeeps.
one morning last year about 7:30am i'm stopped on a lovely piece of singletrack by a bloke who handed me one of those 'god loves us all' type leaflets and then proceeded to tell me all about his group and that id be more than welcome to join
Why would you know what it was?
Because not everyone needs to google "sex swing" to find out what they are 
A bunch of those military fitness types being ordered to do press-ups mid 06:30 run..........not odd, in itself but when an overly friendly labrador started humping "the fat lad at the back", things became "odd" for him.
Did stumble upon two blokes at 'it' the other day. GF was with me, I shouted up so they could hear us and retrieve their dignity.
Weird thing is in, years of riding I've never seen anything else like that.
Put lots of strange thoughts in my head about the safety of girlfriend on her own, if she startled blokes, who perhaps didn't want to get caught - as they may be married. Usual complex stuff.
Serious question, Rone: why would you worry more about her safety than yours? And did you recognise the gentlemen? If not, why would they worry about being caught?
I would worry about her safety because it's natural to be concerned/ protective for your partners well-being. I can look after myself. She didn't see them, and I didn't want to surprise them.
They are hidden deep in the woods, it's fairly self evident that they don't want to get caught or seen by anyone.
rone - MemberThey are hidden deep in the woods, it's fairly self evident that they don't want to get caught or seen by anyone.
Most people shagging al fresco don't want to get caught or seen, it doesn't mean they're going to attack someone if it happens.
I would suggest the entire point of shagging 'al fresco' is the excitement that you might possibly be seen?
I would suggest the entire point of shagging 'al fresco' is the excitement that you might possibly be seen?
Possibly not the [b]entire[/b] point
I want some of what the magical bike ride lads are on.
Most people shagging al fresco don't want to get caught or seen, it doesn't mean they're going to attack someone if it happens.
I didn't say they would 'attack' anyone.
I would rather it not be part of hers or my bike ride. There is always potential for conflict with all path users.
It's the strangest thing I've ever seen - as per the original post. I've never seen two blokes bonking in the woods.
I saw a woman riding away on a bloke the other day (not early morning so doesn't count.) And equally that caught me off my guard.
I would defy anyone, to be out on a bike and not count the first experience as a bit unusual, surely? Or is part of the mountain bike tradition that each ride is often bathed in sexual experiences?
I obviously ride in the wrong places, having only ever seen two blokes giving each other the heimlich maneuver. It was very vigorous though as it had caused both their trousers to fall down.
But it was also very effective, as the maneuveree seemed to recover very fast and they both ran off into the woods quickly. So, all's well....
gay doggers up at Hylands, Chelmsford, a few years back one summers evening on my way home from the pub. it was only after i rode into a third guy that my brain clicked. got out of the woods sharpish.
doggers near Danbury on a night ride. cue lights off, ride up to car, lights on!
doggers at Thorndon Park, Brentwood.
near Mayrhofen, at 2300m, whilst guiding a group of 8 guys we came across (not in that sense!) a womanm giving (presumably) her fella some oral relief. small footpath. she spat it out when she saw us (coming?) whereas her fella made no attempt to put it away. we all gave a cheery "Hallo!" as we passed and broke out into streams of laughter about 2 yrds further on.
the wnaked woman who waddled out into the river whilst i was sat behind her (and some reeds) reading my book. she obvioulsly felt that she didn't want to get too wet so went in up to her knees and gave her piss a crotch to knee freefall into the river. she was a little surprised to see me sitting behind her, mouth wide wide open ([s]and beating the monkey[/s]).
if naked people surprise you, you should make a point of riding through Germany on hot summer!
if naked people surprise you, you should make a point of riding through Germany on hot summer!
This was not Germany on a hot summer, this was Esholt Woods at 7am in March. I'm amazed he survived.
Or is part of the mountain bike tradition that each ride is often bathed in sexual experiences?
My bikes do it for me. Maybe you just haven't found the right one yet? 😉
I would defy anyone, to be out on a bike and not count the first experience as a bit unusual, surely? Or is part of the mountain bike tradition that each ride is often bathed in sexual experiences?
Used to go on an evening/night ride from the John Thompson near Derby.
The lane opposite was a local dogging spot. One summers evening I rode down the hill, and shouted a cheerie hello to a couple going at it over the spoiler of an Astra, then 20 minutes later they were still at it when a group of 10 of us rode back up the hill!
That was a fairly regular occourance.
Top of Portsdown Hill, Portsmouth. 830pm, dodgers in the carpark heading down into Portchester. And in the same place an elderly lady having sex with her gear stick of her car (I think it was her car) whilst two blokes watched.
It used to be quite common but I've not seen any in a year or so, maybe the Politzi move them on now.. 😆
Apparently Ainley top/Outlane theres a big dogging spot?
Im road riding from there tomorrow/would be nice bit of scenery.
Which wheel size is best to make the doggers come alive?
I once saw a vicar praising gods beauty with his organ but I don't think he was a bona fide member of the clergy. Very odd
I rode through the middle of some sort of medieval film shoot in Leigh Woods. I was so confused I lost the trail. Most annoyed as I was on a stupidly quick strava run on empty trails other than people dressed up in funny clothes ****ing about with swords.
Not an early ride but a night ride had five armed bushes stand up in front of me on a trail turned out to be members of the para's on an exercise had a VERY surreal conversation about bikes with them then went back the other way as they told me they were laying an ambush and "it might get a bit loud round here soon" 😀
P.s ride in an army training ground in case you hadn't guessed
it was only after i rode into a third guy that my brain clicked
What a way to realise.
I saw a platoon of 2WW US Army reenactors in the Peak District - a little odd to see "tooled up" people in army uniforms. I saw the naked hiker in Long Dale near Bakewell - by saw, he was on the hillside and he did give a warning "I've got no clothes on"
Loads of blokes dressed in WW2 uniforms filming for some low budget/college film screaming and running through the woods towards me. I s**t a brick.
The most unexpected was an old man who must've had a heart attack on his early morning stroll though. A couple of dog walkers had found him and I had to race back home call the emergency services then went back to give directions to the ambulance when it arrived.
2 weeks later there was a segment in the local paper as he hadn't been identified and obviously no one had reported him missing. Seemed really sad that in 2 weeks no one had missed the poor old boy.
14. doing my paper round in the 0600 summer sun. Middle of countryside. Saw a big orange ball size of a towerblock of flats fly silently over my head, about 500m up. It came from a spec of light from the east and disappeared off into the distance as a spec of light to the west.
UFO? Who knows. I'm no believer and its before I started dabbling with drugs.
Pedalled straight home to wake my dad who didn't care a toss.
Also on me paper round I saw many morning boobs. Including old peoples.
Also had deer run out in front of me on the MTB early hours. Stunning.
There is a whole other world out there!
Seen a few older types going at it up Lordswood...
... in the afternoon mainly.
Last year (or possibly the year before) we set off down the Blue route at GT from Buzzards Nest. On rounding the first corner, there was my mate Jim with his keks around his ankles, apparently curling one out. Not pleasant.
Seen a Tank last week whilst out on road bike ... Just been unloaded off lorry heading into someone's big garage 😯
I once went for a ride the morning after going to a gig. At the gig the show was stopped by the band to get some pissed up bloke thrown out. I saw him the following morning at 7am asleep in a bus shelter covered in his own vomit. Not that unusual but the bus shelter was way out in the countryside and he was thrown out of the show after the last bus would have gone. I could only guess he walked the 20-odd km
A cpl shagging at side of a trail in roman lakes Marple on a Sunday afternoon. I said hello as I passed and she smiled back. Seen cpls doing it into there cars in reddish vale car park on night rides I just shine my lights at the cars.
Some guy with a shovel and large black bag in the local woods.
Nude photo shoot in the middle of a field of Sunflowers
Edit for Thisisnotaspoon.... this was as i was returning to the John Thompson
Not an early ride but a night ride had five armed bushes stand up in front of me on a trail turned out to be members of the para's on an exercise had a VERY surreal conversation about bikes with them then went back the other way as they told me they were laying an ambush and "it might get a bit loud round here soon"
Aye, a few of us puffing our way through the Pentlands, by Howden Burn. Dreghorn barracks not far away. About 4/5 of us, strung out uphill, each of us, in turn, do a double take as the ferns by the side of the trail emerge from the shallow trench, as above army blokes on exercise... each of us crapped it, got to the top, "did you see... scared out of my wits .."
Since then known as Camouflage Path..
One girl weeing on another in the Nidd Gorge. The one who was doing the weeing branded me a pervert as I rode past. Words completely failed me, so no witty retort.
I was leading a ride in Austria and came across an attractive topless lady sunbathing outside her chalet in the middle of nowhere.
Completely unembarrassed she bid us a good day, and the group of 15-18 yr olds I was leading stood there like deer in the headlights. Most amusing part was they had to walk past her to fill bottles in an alpine trough - poor little lambs didn't know where to look.
Lovely trail in Murcia that descended to the cliff atop a beach below the Fuente de Leon.
Stop to admire the view. Look down. Three young ladies being very friendly. They had some toys to play with as well.
Admired the view for a while longer.
Oh, and fell runners. I mean we're talking 07:30 and I've been on the bike for 30mins on the Coniston/Walna route, and this guy is running down the bloddy fell!
God know what time he started. I think he enjoyed my look of incredulity..
Oh yes - riding through Ashridge on second date with the now Pimpmistress Jazz and came upon an odd hut with a guy in hi-viz standing next to it. We'd inadvertently stumbled into the set of Russell Crowe's Robin Hood.
Oh if it's films, we stumbled into the set of Clash of the Titans one weekend in the Surrey Alps. They told us, quite firmly to fornicate off.
Game of Thrones is filmed at my local MTB trails.
Ive rode on to the set of some bbc ww1 documentary on my bike. Drove a truck through some trees into a ww2 battle to find it was the 1st captain america film oops.
Many people wearing not alot of clothes in the woods behind keele uni. A rave in a cave. A chalk outline of a man at the top of a hill with what i think was a exploded sheep spread all about the place.
OP he'd murdered someone. Had already burnt his clothes and was getting rid of anything else in a radius that was blood-spattered.
OK, not really anything whilst our early riding....must try harder.
Was out VERY early for a spot of shooting on a VERY remote grouse moor. There was maybe 7 or 8 of us all stung out in a line walking through the heather and out of no where 2 x fell runners bob along right across our line. We were all still a wee bit tipsy from the night before so it's all a bit hazy but I can remember we were all rather lost for words...so we drank a little more Grouse!
Whilst fishing on a local loch a RAF chinook helicopter appeared on the horizon. I thought to myself, wouldn't it be cool if I caught a fish just now...and hey presto a fish complied. It eventually hovered within maybe 20m from where I was fishing and close enough to the ground for the chap in the back to jump easily to the ground. They eventually disappeared leaving me thinking...did that really just happen? I later found out the local RAF officers fish there fairly often and they are usually buzzed at every opportunity by their colleagues.
Riding off the road around arthurs seat, Edinburgh, bloke getting a BJ from a very attractive naked girl with red high heals, mid avo on a sunny Saturday. Then couple of weeks later, 7am sunday , what could have been same girl,with similar dress sence , running around kings road roundabout, with "friends" egging her on from nearby flat. I miss living there...
She wasnt a redhead as well?
Just the bog standard dogging first thing in the morning. Seems there's a lot of it about. Difficult to know if it's an early session or one hell of a long night...
SnS - ive seen the same group of African religious types. I was sat at the trig point on Blackstone Edge & i could hear singing. It was quite an overcast day,windy & dark clouds roiling across the sky - a little eerie. I couldn't see where this singing was coming from but it was all close harmonies & very distinctly 'African' in sound, i was getting Zulu images in my head & kept looking at the skyline in case they appeared!
Eventually i realised the singers were just below the Edge sheltering from the wind, had to fight the urge to stand above them and yell "Zulus! Faaarsaands of 'em!"
Apparently they like to worship up there as they feel closer to God. Fair play to them, seem like a pleasant bunch.