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gay doggers up at Hylands, Chelmsford, a few years back one summers evening on my way home from the pub. it was only after i rode into a third guy that my brain clicked. got out of the woods sharpish.
doggers near Danbury on a night ride. cue lights off, ride up to car, lights on!
doggers at Thorndon Park, Brentwood.
near Mayrhofen, at 2300m, whilst guiding a group of 8 guys we came across (not in that sense!) a womanm giving (presumably) her fella some oral relief. small footpath. she spat it out when she saw us (coming?) whereas her fella made no attempt to put it away. we all gave a cheery "Hallo!" as we passed and broke out into streams of laughter about 2 yrds further on.
the wnaked woman who waddled out into the river whilst i was sat behind her (and some reeds) reading my book. she obvioulsly felt that she didn't want to get too wet so went in up to her knees and gave her piss a crotch to knee freefall into the river. she was a little surprised to see me sitting behind her, mouth wide wide open ([s]and beating the monkey[/s]).
if naked people surprise you, you should make a point of riding through Germany on hot summer!
if naked people surprise you, you should make a point of riding through Germany on hot summer!
This was not Germany on a hot summer, this was Esholt Woods at 7am in March. I'm amazed he survived.
Or is part of the mountain bike tradition that each ride is often bathed in sexual experiences?
My bikes do it for me. Maybe you just haven't found the right one yet? 😉
I would defy anyone, to be out on a bike and not count the first experience as a bit unusual, surely? Or is part of the mountain bike tradition that each ride is often bathed in sexual experiences?
Used to go on an evening/night ride from the John Thompson near Derby.
The lane opposite was a local dogging spot. One summers evening I rode down the hill, and shouted a cheerie hello to a couple going at it over the spoiler of an Astra, then 20 minutes later they were still at it when a group of 10 of us rode back up the hill!
That was a fairly regular occourance.
Top of Portsdown Hill, Portsmouth. 830pm, dodgers in the carpark heading down into Portchester. And in the same place an elderly lady having sex with her gear stick of her car (I think it was her car) whilst two blokes watched.
It used to be quite common but I've not seen any in a year or so, maybe the Politzi move them on now.. 😆
Apparently Ainley top/Outlane theres a big dogging spot?
Im road riding from there tomorrow/would be nice bit of scenery.
Which wheel size is best to make the doggers come alive?
I once saw a vicar praising gods beauty with his organ but I don't think he was a bona fide member of the clergy. Very odd
I rode through the middle of some sort of medieval film shoot in Leigh Woods. I was so confused I lost the trail. Most annoyed as I was on a stupidly quick strava run on empty trails other than people dressed up in funny clothes ****ing about with swords.
Not an early ride but a night ride had five armed bushes stand up in front of me on a trail turned out to be members of the para's on an exercise had a VERY surreal conversation about bikes with them then went back the other way as they told me they were laying an ambush and "it might get a bit loud round here soon" 😀
P.s ride in an army training ground in case you hadn't guessed
it was only after i rode into a third guy that my brain clicked
What a way to realise.
I saw a platoon of 2WW US Army reenactors in the Peak District - a little odd to see "tooled up" people in army uniforms. I saw the naked hiker in Long Dale near Bakewell - by saw, he was on the hillside and he did give a warning "I've got no clothes on"
Loads of blokes dressed in WW2 uniforms filming for some low budget/college film screaming and running through the woods towards me. I s**t a brick.
The most unexpected was an old man who must've had a heart attack on his early morning stroll though. A couple of dog walkers had found him and I had to race back home call the emergency services then went back to give directions to the ambulance when it arrived.
2 weeks later there was a segment in the local paper as he hadn't been identified and obviously no one had reported him missing. Seemed really sad that in 2 weeks no one had missed the poor old boy.
14. doing my paper round in the 0600 summer sun. Middle of countryside. Saw a big orange ball size of a towerblock of flats fly silently over my head, about 500m up. It came from a spec of light from the east and disappeared off into the distance as a spec of light to the west.
UFO? Who knows. I'm no believer and its before I started dabbling with drugs.
Pedalled straight home to wake my dad who didn't care a toss.
Also on me paper round I saw many morning boobs. Including old peoples.
Also had deer run out in front of me on the MTB early hours. Stunning.
There is a whole other world out there!
Seen a few older types going at it up Lordswood...
... in the afternoon mainly.
Last year (or possibly the year before) we set off down the Blue route at GT from Buzzards Nest. On rounding the first corner, there was my mate Jim with his keks around his ankles, apparently curling one out. Not pleasant.
Seen a Tank last week whilst out on road bike ... Just been unloaded off lorry heading into someone's big garage 😯
I once went for a ride the morning after going to a gig. At the gig the show was stopped by the band to get some pissed up bloke thrown out. I saw him the following morning at 7am asleep in a bus shelter covered in his own vomit. Not that unusual but the bus shelter was way out in the countryside and he was thrown out of the show after the last bus would have gone. I could only guess he walked the 20-odd km
A cpl shagging at side of a trail in roman lakes Marple on a Sunday afternoon. I said hello as I passed and she smiled back. Seen cpls doing it into there cars in reddish vale car park on night rides I just shine my lights at the cars.
Some guy with a shovel and large black bag in the local woods.
Nude photo shoot in the middle of a field of Sunflowers
Edit for Thisisnotaspoon.... this was as i was returning to the John Thompson
Not an early ride but a night ride had five armed bushes stand up in front of me on a trail turned out to be members of the para's on an exercise had a VERY surreal conversation about bikes with them then went back the other way as they told me they were laying an ambush and "it might get a bit loud round here soon"
Aye, a few of us puffing our way through the Pentlands, by Howden Burn. Dreghorn barracks not far away. About 4/5 of us, strung out uphill, each of us, in turn, do a double take as the ferns by the side of the trail emerge from the shallow trench, as above army blokes on exercise... each of us crapped it, got to the top, "did you see... scared out of my wits .."
Since then known as Camouflage Path..
One girl weeing on another in the Nidd Gorge. The one who was doing the weeing branded me a pervert as I rode past. Words completely failed me, so no witty retort.
I was leading a ride in Austria and came across an attractive topless lady sunbathing outside her chalet in the middle of nowhere.
Completely unembarrassed she bid us a good day, and the group of 15-18 yr olds I was leading stood there like deer in the headlights. Most amusing part was they had to walk past her to fill bottles in an alpine trough - poor little lambs didn't know where to look.
Lovely trail in Murcia that descended to the cliff atop a beach below the Fuente de Leon.
Stop to admire the view. Look down. Three young ladies being very friendly. They had some toys to play with as well.
Admired the view for a while longer.
Oh, and fell runners. I mean we're talking 07:30 and I've been on the bike for 30mins on the Coniston/Walna route, and this guy is running down the bloddy fell!
God know what time he started. I think he enjoyed my look of incredulity..
Oh yes - riding through Ashridge on second date with the now Pimpmistress Jazz and came upon an odd hut with a guy in hi-viz standing next to it. We'd inadvertently stumbled into the set of Russell Crowe's Robin Hood.
Oh if it's films, we stumbled into the set of Clash of the Titans one weekend in the Surrey Alps. They told us, quite firmly to fornicate off.
Game of Thrones is filmed at my local MTB trails.
Ive rode on to the set of some bbc ww1 documentary on my bike. Drove a truck through some trees into a ww2 battle to find it was the 1st captain america film oops.
Many people wearing not alot of clothes in the woods behind keele uni. A rave in a cave. A chalk outline of a man at the top of a hill with what i think was a exploded sheep spread all about the place.
OP he'd murdered someone. Had already burnt his clothes and was getting rid of anything else in a radius that was blood-spattered.
OK, not really anything whilst our early riding....must try harder.
Was out VERY early for a spot of shooting on a VERY remote grouse moor. There was maybe 7 or 8 of us all stung out in a line walking through the heather and out of no where 2 x fell runners bob along right across our line. We were all still a wee bit tipsy from the night before so it's all a bit hazy but I can remember we were all rather lost for words...so we drank a little more Grouse!
Whilst fishing on a local loch a RAF chinook helicopter appeared on the horizon. I thought to myself, wouldn't it be cool if I caught a fish just now...and hey presto a fish complied. It eventually hovered within maybe 20m from where I was fishing and close enough to the ground for the chap in the back to jump easily to the ground. They eventually disappeared leaving me thinking...did that really just happen? I later found out the local RAF officers fish there fairly often and they are usually buzzed at every opportunity by their colleagues.
Riding off the road around arthurs seat, Edinburgh, bloke getting a BJ from a very attractive naked girl with red high heals, mid avo on a sunny Saturday. Then couple of weeks later, 7am sunday , what could have been same girl,with similar dress sence , running around kings road roundabout, with "friends" egging her on from nearby flat. I miss living there...
She wasnt a redhead as well?
Just the bog standard dogging first thing in the morning. Seems there's a lot of it about. Difficult to know if it's an early session or one hell of a long night...
SnS - ive seen the same group of African religious types. I was sat at the trig point on Blackstone Edge & i could hear singing. It was quite an overcast day,windy & dark clouds roiling across the sky - a little eerie. I couldn't see where this singing was coming from but it was all close harmonies & very distinctly 'African' in sound, i was getting Zulu images in my head & kept looking at the skyline in case they appeared!
Eventually i realised the singers were just below the Edge sheltering from the wind, had to fight the urge to stand above them and yell "Zulus! Faaarsaands of 'em!"
Apparently they like to worship up there as they feel closer to God. Fair play to them, seem like a pleasant bunch.
When I go on an early road ride the next town along is usually still busy with people drinking and staggering around. Had a few friendly exchanges with them over the years.
Caught someone trying to break into a barn, he scarpered.... then two weeks later the same bloke appeared again, pre 6am at another location.... he was on his toes again. very odd!
African religious types
I love meeting/bumping into them. So happy regardless of the weather- polite and obviously really into their worship/what they are doing up there.
A friend was out on a road ride many years back and came across a charred body by the side of the road.
It was a girl from my old school who'd be killed by her ex-boyfriend and the girl he was seeing.
Friend was second on the scene by a few seconds IIRC - he was more than a little cut up.
Edit: Can't remember if friend was "man that spotted flames" as I thought he arrived very shortly after a woman. He may have arrived shortly before... http://www.suffolkfreepress.co.uk/news/latest-news/murdered-girl-s-body-set-alight-1-560897
Not an early ride but a night ride had five armed bushes stand up in front of me on a trail turned out to be members of the para's on an exercise had a VERY surreal conversation about bikes with them then went back the other way as they told me they were laying an ambush and "it might get a bit loud round here soon"P.s ride in an army training ground in case you hadn't guessed
I nearly rode into a tank on Salisbury Plain.
It was reasonably well hidden, but I started wearing my glasses when riding that way after that. They did offer me a brew which was handy, no cafes for miles round there.
Will quite often hear 'mate, don't ride over me f****** legs' from what appears to be a bush in a ditch up there.
This morning I saw a lot of joggers wearing less than they have for several months. Some of them were attractive. Some of them were female.
A friend of mine found a roadie collapsed at the side of the road at Easter. Poor chap didn't make it to hospital in time. Not seen an update in the local news for a week or so, so must been natural causes. 4 years older than me.
African religious types
I love meeting/bumping into them. So happy regardless of the weather- polite and obviously really into their worship/what they are doing up there.
They didn't have a pot on the boil, licking their lips in anticipation of a Hora Breakfast.?
This was yesterday morning. A chap on a quad bike taking 18 hunting dogs for a run.
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mid afternoon, pushing up a track which is lined in hedges for most of the way near Bakewell. Every 20m or so was a page or two ripped out from a really bad pr0n mag. At the top of the track was a lot of tall grass and a 3ft pile of used knickers, bras and stockings. It reminded me of Hansel and Gretel...
P0rn shoot
Welsh Singing Choir at top of a mist shrouded hill, voices literally comign out of the clouds
Dens of Sexual perverts
Large pile of box fresh 1980's 'jazz' mags
man carrying a rolled up carpet and a spade through the woods
Dogger spotting is standard entertainment.