[Closed] How would you punish bike thieves?

nice little bit of torture.................
or maybe we could just let em off with it..........like the soft lefty shytes on here would......... 😉

£50 fine, twenty hours community service and a bike maintenance course.......that'll show em!

Anyone remember the Coddling Grinder from "The Blackadder"?

DEATH! 😈

I was working in China earlier in the year and was watching the local TV.

They had a program that seemed to be locals setting up a sting to catch bike thieves. Home video catches someone cutting a lock, then three people running over, flooring the guy, giving him a bit of a shoeing and slap about, then sat on him until the old bill arrived.

The cops turned up, gave the thief another shoeing then took him away.

They caught loads of thieves like this. Didn't understand a word of it, but it was great TV!

I'm all for the Chinese way.

And then some.

Unfortunatly I'm not a magistrate so am unable to inflict the dire punishment I said above, so I'd resort to one of these for chopping em up instead

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Anyone seen "Law Abiding Citizen" ?

Seriously though - aside from physical abuse, maiming and death they should have at least have posters of them up where people park their bikes "asbo style" to make people think about locking up more effectively and to get them noticed.

Some good old waterboarding as advertised my Messrs Bush and Co

Remove both thumbs with bolt croppers?

£50 fine, sounds generous!

Seeing as it took me more than 10 years to get back into biking after some nice chap thought he liked the look of my Giant more than anything else chained up in the middle of Bristol, and I'm only now realising how much great trail riding I've missed out on in that time, I'd say an equal term would be fair plus compensation by way of a new bike.

But torture works for me too...

A good 'debate' with TJ about helmets. That'll learn 'em! 🙂

Put their fingers in the spinning wheels of the bike they just nicked...

Force them to ride a bike with no saddle, naked with no lube.

Wee in shoes for a starter, followed by a good seeing to with a pair of bombers. Then a bit of boarding...rip heart out and show it to him just before he croaks.

I'm normally quite well adjusted but have had a bike nicked...

chaining them to the post where they nicked the bike, until someone comes along and sets them free, or just douse them in petrol and set them alight whilst still there..... sorry been in China too long

make them do without a piece of kit that is as precious to them as the bike is to the owner. So their satellite TV then.

There was a great video on YouTube where some guys in New York set up a sting; locked up a bike and waited til some thieving scrote came along then grabbed him and chained him to a lamp-post and hung a big sign round his neck saying "I'm a bike thief", then they left him there

Apparently, the guy nearly got lynched by various passers by so they had to free him after an hour or so.

Lock them to railings for a week in an inner city jungle.

feed em to the pigs 'arold

Not sure what's the best thing, but secateurs would be involved...

I honestly think that they would benefit from a nice warm loving cuddle

Anyone seen (or heard about) that film "The Human Centipede"...

Sharia law ,chop a hand off for theft

A bit of dog poo smeared under each nostril, then tie them to a chair for a while. 😈

Uh oh, can see the Daily Mail headlines tomorrow

"Cyclists support Sharia law"

You couldn't make it up.

What?

Cracking thread 😈

They would only do it twice though,unless they are good at riding no handed then you start on the feet ,or blinding them ,yes !that would work

give them the bikes they've stolen, surely (and i think the police agree) once they've got a bike they wont need to steal another one?

and i think its only fair they have their benefits increased as its obvious they're running low on cash.

Drop em off in Helmand. With out a gun and a star of David painted on them.

once they've got a bike they wont need to steal another one?

until they sell it to buy crack and need another

As someone who asked if torture was ever justified, in the case of bike thieves, there should be an exception. First apply a pair of oversize crocodile clips using a modified set of jump leads, making sure that there's a really strong spring action clamping the jaws shut. Then clamp them to each b***ock so that the oval 'nads begin to take on a "figure of eight" outline as the jaws of the clamps squeeze tight on each of the twins. Then connect the testicles to the national grid via a rheostat. Gradually crank up the voltage beyond the point of burning flesh until they go pop and splatter testicular material on every vertical surface within 500 yards. By now, the clamps will be attached to a smoking thread of sinew dangling between the legs. Crank up the voltage further, until the smoking sinew glows white hot and starts to crackle, fizz and pop. Then ask the scoundrel where your bike is and gradually crank up the voltage incrementally with each incorrect answer. I'll wager that your bike will be back in your hands, lubed, waxed, polished and serviced within a short space of time....well as quickly as is humanly possible with a crotch like a flame grilled whopper.

For a first offence - the death sentence.

I like your style Tinners 😈

or maybe we could just let em off with it..........like the soft lefty shytes on here would.......

Ah, bless...

Personally, I'd want to look into reasons why they feel the need to steal bicycles, and address the underlying problems which drive them to crime. By using empathy and organising outdoor activity holidays and go-karting to help them to open up and discuss their issues, I'd hope to seek opportunities for their effective rehabilitation, so that they can go on to have a positive future, rather than feeling alienated and disenfranchised. Because ultimately, it's not their fault; they're victims of their circumstances. Nurture, not Punishment.

🙂

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If they touch my bike I'll kick their ****ing heads in though.

Feed 'em to the pigs Errol..

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D'you know what Nemesis means?

took the words out my mouth!

make 'em smell my dogs farts

Tinners; you've thought about this one perhaps just a [i]little[/i] too much... 😯

Through the courts?

APF

I often wonder how many thieves read forums like this. Mrs T tells me that a she read about a thief in the papers (I think, from memory, he came from Bristol) who used to follow cars home from Afan. If that sort of thing goes on, they're going to get pictures of bikes, rides, the lot from here.
That said, life's too short to worry about things like that. Now where are my jump leads again.....

PS My bike is a "Mountain Predator" 10 speed, fully rigid, mountain bike that I bought from Asda in 1984 and still going strong.
Yours faithfully,
Tinners
4 Acacia Avenue
Outer Hebrides

The current Mayor of London was one of the first to advocate the application of sharia law punishments for bike thieves. And why not? They'd soon stop..... 😉

Sounds about right for a bullington boy......'orf with their hands old boy'

Own them with some bombers.

Place bike thief in a large copper pot with a special lid that bolts around their neck like a collar, leaving only their head poking out.

Place copper pot & bike thief on top of large pile of primed tinder.

Bring forth all members of bike thief's family & ritually disembowel them, throwing their corpses onto the tinder.

When all are dead, light fire & slowly bring to the boil.

As he boils alive in agony the last things he will see are the dead faces of his family staring sightlessly at him in reproach.

Either that, or carefully flay him alive & nail his skin to his parents front door as a polite warning not to breed anymore anti-social scum.....

Register on this forum 🙂 which will subject them to ever lasting pish tripe 😉

surely that would fall under 'cruel & unusual punishment# though? 😆

Actually, talking about this at work today. A colleague had his bike stolen (Marin commuter type) & his brother who is a taxi driver saw it being ridden around by a teenage lad.
When caught & questioned the kid said he'd bought it, bu couldn't really say who from or where from. Colleague ended up buying the bike back off the kid! 😯

Personally i'd have been tempted to 'pay' him with a hammer blow to each kneecap - but that's just me.

I agree with edric 64 but do it using a blunt kitchen knife

Bombers

report to police claim on insurance leave it to the judical system to sort this out

EDIT: oh yes sorry should have got al totalitarian because they stole my things and I am a man BS on a forum. Own with wee bomb in their shoes or something

Some form of humiliation - Lycra, single speed, 29ers, that kind of thing

That's a bit strong, Rudedog??

How can somebody be called 'RudeDog'? 😕

does not in any way make sense....

pile them all up in Middlesbrough

then

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Bit unfair on Middlesbrough, no?

I've never bin there. Is it that bad?

Without undue brutality - [url=

really improper but definitely efficient.[/url]

a heaft fine followed by fingers in a vice then one of those park tool frame holders in the back passage that will sort the mother bitches

I know someone who carried some thick plastic cable ties with him after he previously caught a mugger and ended up having to let him go as the 'mob' weren't taking to kindly to his citizen's arrest. His new plan was cable tie ing the scum to a lamp post and reporting his location to the police.

Lock 'em in solitary with only the complete works of Jeffrey Archer to while away the time.

Actually, come to think of it that's positively barbaric.