LHS - Wasnt TJ once a child and therefore knows what its like to have parents that work?? (which I assume they did)
I think if I asked any work colleague/friend/child I know if they would prefer their parents to be at home more or at work more, I'm pretty positive most of them would say at home more. Of course alot would say that you have to work to get money to live, but thats where people boundaries differ. Some think its acceptable to not see their kids every day because they leave before they go to work and dont get home until after they have gone to bed, others think that is not excusable.
IMO its a compromise, but to think you can buy your kids love is just ridiculous.
Well roll up my right trouser leg, blow me and call me Grand poobah Susan the third I've seen the light!!!!!
TJ you're a bloody genius, the second coming, an Edinburghdonian soothsayer.
Every pissin' post on here you've got an alternative opinion and I can't believe it's taken me this long to realise why I'm always so wrong.
On your advice today I'm gonna quit my job, fain some kind of injury (maybe a dislocated left ball) and get me some of that incapacity benefit stuff. (you know the good stuff, not that job seekers crap)
That way I could get the council/government to pay for everything and I could stay at home all day with my kids.
I could join Britain's work shy, work to rule, it's all owed to me and I don't have to do anything, I should just get it 'cos they've got it underclass.
I could join the smug fine up standing pillars of the community they are with some of the brightest and best kids.(they are really very mature and even though they are only 6 some of the privileged kids with stay at home parents at my daughters school can swear better than a mechanic that's just caught his nob in the car door)
And when I fancy a new bike I'll just nick one, it will be okay, it will be insured right? and they'll have more money than me so that will make it okay.
And if my kids turn out to be thieving retarded scum bags I can always blame the system can't I?
Happy days....
About 40 hours a week the rest of the time I'm on call so I never really switch off, don't do this for luxury holidays (I don't have holidays or time off other than bank holidays and weekends) but I do it to provide a comfortable house for my wife and daughter, oh and the BMW.
dunc - I was created fullyfledged in my second childhood. I am a bot. 🙂
Tiger6791 - Member
Great post. That's clearly the only alternative to working lots of hours.
Well we don't do live and let live middle of the road common sense on here do we 🙂
[quote=FunkyDunc]IMO its a compromise, but to think you can buy your kids love is just ridiculous.
As is assuming that the extra hours worked (either through recompense or greater job security, whether it be perceived or otherwise) go towards trinkets etc, rather than keeping a roof over your family's heads..
Or the assumption that someone who works less hours will automatically invest them in his/her family rather than, say, riding their push-bike more..
LOL @ tiger
That way I could get the council/government to pay for everything and I could stay at home all day with my kids.I could join Britain's work shy, work to rule, it's all owed to me and I don't have to do anything, I should just get it 'cos they've got it underclass.
I could join the smug fine up standing pillars of the community they are with some of the brightest and best kids.(they are really very mature and even though they are only 6 some of the privileged kids with stay at home parents at my daughters school can swear better than a mechanic that's just caught his nob in the car door)
And when I fancy a new bike I'll just nick one, it will be okay, it will be insured right? and they'll have more money than me so that will make it okay.
And if my kids turn out to be thieving retarded scum bags I can always blame the system can't I?
Brilliant post, I'm surrounded by these people on a daily basis.
LHS - leave it out, you don't have to have kids to be qualified to comment on this.
Yes you do.
Of course you don't. I have kids now, I didn't before. My view hasn't changed. YMMV.
So how do you work 11-12 hours a day and still spend time with your children (Assumning your office based, not working from home)? I'm there for my children when they get up and when they go to bed. Our neighbour works long hours, he rarely sees much of his 6 month old daughter between weekends because of it. He's pretty miserable as a result, all because of the doing the extra "bit" every day.
I work in the oil industry, where the mentality is to work more than contracted hours. I choose not to, end of. I have on occasion worked extra, but i can count those occasions on one hand. And i get paid way over the national average.
If you work extra hours, its because you choose too, you swallowed the propoganda, got suckered in to the work more for less ethic. Your a sheep.
My father was in the military and spent a lot of time away. All the jobs he had thereafter involved long hours and being away. Whilst it was very nice having the Bentleys and Rollers parked on the drive, when my father died when i was 18 i would have traded it all to spend more time with him.
You can always earn more money, you can never get more time.
So how do you work 11-12 hours a day and still spend time with your children
When the kids were growing up my typical day would be something along the lines of
Work 5.30am to 6.30am.
Get the kids out of bed at 6.30am have breakfast with them and the wife until 8am.
Work 8am to 6.30pm
Dinner and time with the wife and kids before they go to bed at say 9pm. Follow up work if required 9pm to 10pm.
The challenge comes if you travel internationally when you are away for a week at a time. But thats not uncommon for a lot of people - up to you to manage.
If your happy with that LHS, than fair enough. But that is living to work, in my opinion.
Intersting LHS and certainly one way to manage your time. Not leaving much for you to wash, sleep, talk to adults and so on.
We all make our compromises and that would appear to be a well thought out one but IMO hardly conducive to a healthy life for you - but may well not compromise your kids
[i] LHS - leave it out, you don't have to have kids to be qualified to comment on this.
Yes you do. [/i]
Sounds like we need a union. I'll bring the brazier.
Out of interest, LHS, what did you do when they were younger and sleeping 12ish hours at night (7 to 7 give or take)?
I was wondering that too, but didnt want this to turn in to a witch hunt for LHS.
I wouldnt work in that kind of regieme for any money, but then everyones different.
We all make our compromises and that would appear to be a well thought out one but IMO hardly conducive to a healthy life for you
You see I don't see it as compromises. I get plenty of time with the kids, don't work weekends, have sent the kids to great schools and Universities, ride my bike a lot, take 4 holidays a year and will be able to retire in the next few years, at which point I will also be able to spend as much time travelling the world as I like seeing nieces, nephews, and grandkids. I've never felt healthier.
EDIT: Retiring at 50 will also enable me to have 15 years more out of work than the average person, significantly improving my life expectancy.
You're missing out on the opportunity to call fellow workers 'scabs' though.
Look at Mrs T, she never slept, worked a lot and she's still alive. Dennis had the easy life and he's not with us.
And her kids turned out pretty well. 🙂
Journo & Military coup instigator
I predict that in under 25 more responses before Godwin's law kicks in
tiger - she has multiinfarct dementia -hardly "alive"
[i]I predict that in under 25 more responses before Godwin's law kicks in [/i]
It could be argued that you've already triggered it with the third and fourth words of your post...
Just out of interest LHS what do you do for a living? I notice from your forum history you have asked about cheapish suits so I guess it's not banking. 😉
Just out of interest LHS what do you do for a living? I notice from your forum history you have asked about cheapish suits so I guess it's not banking.
Classless 😐
[i]how many hours do you work a week?[/i]
60 PLUS !.
If I do not work,.... I do not EAT.
Private sector innnit !.
big hours, no pension.
Thing is LHS, you get paid to work those hours, based on you retiring 50. Theres a lot of people out there that work those hours and dont get paid.
You can easily work an 11-12 hour day and still be around for your kids.
Not as much though, as shown in your example. If you can be flexible as shown, I can accept that it's not as detrimental as actually being out of the house from say 7am-8pm or longer like a lot of city workers.
My daughter is 5 months, generally wakes up between 6.30 and 7.30 and is in bed by 6. If I'm working a long week I rarely see her, which hurts.
ride my bike a lot
Between 10pm and 5.30am??? Do you never sleep. Or maybe you're just a weekend warrior 😉
Thing is LHS, you get paid to work those hours, based on you retiring 50. Theres a lot of people out there that work those hours and dont get paid.
And that in my mind is not acceptable.
I notice from your forum history you have asked about cheapish suits so I guess it's not banking
good to know I have a stalker, cheapish suits - yes, you don't become wealthy by being flash and wasting your money!
Guys - LHS has been very open here - don't hit him with a big stick
My daughter is 5 months, generally wakes up between 6.30 and 7.30 and is in bed by 6. If I'm working a long week I rarely see her, which hurts
I sympathise with that, when my kids were much younger I was able to tailor my hours so I could be around at the right times and this got adjusted as they got older and went to school.
I notice from your forum history you have asked about cheapish suits so I guess it's not bankinggood to know I have a stalker, cheapish suits - yes, you don't become wealthy by being flash and wasting your money!
Not stalking (on a regular basis), just thought I might get some idea of your career from your previous posts, to be fair you have posted a utopian picture of your life (that's not a dig at you BTW) one tends to be a tad inquisitive.
TandemJeremy - Member
Guys - LHS has been very open here - don't hit him with a big stick
OK, who's hijacked TJ?
When you work out what I do, can you tell me....
Wow - Ironically too busy working this afternoon to see my parenting decisions called into question. Like LHS says it is about time management. I get up and have breakfast with the children and most nights see them for an hour or two around bedtime before doing a few calls before I hit the sack. If I travel for work then when I get back I spend the next day at home with the children when they get home from school. Weekends are protected and ultimately the only thing that suffers tends to be my stuff.
The benefit for my children is that they have lived in London, Cotswolds and now Singapore and not in some token material goods every once in a while when I have to work late. I happen to think giving them experiences of living in different cultures is a pretty great benefit of me working a few hours more than average.
What is disappointing in the other comments here is in-ability to try and see anything from anybody else's point of view. I am not suggesting that anyone else works more hours I am simply suggesting that I would like to be free to work as many hours as I would like.
Long borough nick, yes there may be benefits to moving around but it also brings its own problems, lack of stability family arguments etc.
Everyone had to make their choices, every choice brings pros and cons, to me you are a long time dead and how many people look back at life and say I wished I spent less time with their family when kids are growing up.
Long borough nick, yes there may be benefits to moving around but it also brings its own problems, lack of stability family arguments etc
In my personal opinion the benefits FAR out-weigh any negatives you think are relevant.
Why does living in a foreign country lead to family arguments?
You don't have to work excessive hours to do this tho.
longboroughnick - if you take compensatory time off then again its no issue.
Why does living in a foreign country lead to family arguments?
I think mainly because I forgot to tell her.....
Why does living in a foreign country lead to family arguments?
Not so much the foreign country more one party having to sacrifice their life. The number of middle aged execs i have met who are now divorced and the common theme is the travel, the relocations etc and the stress it places on any relationship.
Yes there are couples where one party is happy to sacrifice ambition, but there are plenty of others where it simply puts too much strain on the relationship.
I know in part my parents divorce was the result of my dad never being there, never being able to offer support when it mattered.
I lived in Nigeria when I was a kid (10-13) because my parents thought it would be a good experience. It was. My Dad still didn't work particularly long hours though... I don't really get the relevance to a discussion on hours worked.
(incidentally, I was one of the very few Brit kids of that age out there - the rest were all packed off to boarding school if they were in secondary education - I went the American International School out there)
Why does living in a foreign country lead to family arguments?
Think never being there when it mattered, leaving one partner to do everything. Think stressful situation, arguments, etc. Yes there is money and "nice life" but waking up in the night to hear your parents arguing because of hours worked isn't a nice memory.
35 hours a week, 9 to 5, with an hou for lunch (sometimes longer).
In the 9 months since starting my current job I have only had to stay an extra half hour 3 times.
It then takes me 50 minutes to get home and I am able to enjoy dinner with my wife and children 🙂
Think never being there when it mattered, leaving one partner to do everything. Think stressful situation, arguments, etc. Yes there is money and "nice life" but waking up in the night to hear your parents arguing because of hours worked isn't a nice memory.
I guess its different for everyone. We have lived in 4 different countries now, 3 with the kids. We made it a priority to ensure everything was discussed and rationally thought through to avoid arguments. Yes we have had the occassional falling out, but over the usual stuff rather than living in a foreign country.
As I said, everyone is different, but for me the experience that I have been able to give my kids through travel far out-weighs any negatives.
Crikey, this has gone a bit serious! Tiger gets the best posts award!
Back OT, it's 35 for me, with flex time, so any extra I hours I take off elsewhere.
Not going to get embroiled in the absentee parent thing... my parents both worked long(ish) hours from the time I was born, so I was shipped off to childminders and what not constantly, only child too, so lots of time on my tod. I don't think it did me any harm! I always felt I had enough contact with my parents, I've never ever ever argued with them, not once, no raised voices or anything, and thoroughly enjoy spending time with them now, I think it made for a better relationship with them. We had lots of nice holidays and things too, which was good.
LHS, i think sometimes the same drive that makes people think they have to do the hours almost makes them blind to the "bigger picture", i am glad you make it work, i just know that for a lot of people they don't see the problem until it is too late. And as soon as kids get involved in anything it always gets far more complicated.
It probably depends on priorities - I asked to move here because it was what my family and I had decided to do rather than the other way round. I was lucky enough to do something similar as a child and still to this day value and use some of things the experience taught me. So naturally want the same things for my own children.
So far they love it although having your children start to talk in Mandarin because they know you can't understand is not a downside I expected.
TJ - I may or may not be compensated and balance the hours out, who knows I just don't feel the need to clock watch. I count myself very lucky to be in that position and know I am the exception not the rule.
Monday 12
Tuesday 13
Wednesday 13
TJ is Citizen Smith
Currently just 12 a week but will be starting a new job on the 21st working 12hrs a day on a 4 on 2 off pattern 🙂
I just do 9 to 5 plus 1hr commute each way, but I've been stiffed on my holiday entitlement this year. Plan to leave soon job or no job as I hate working rude racists, who have small man syndrome!
I'm shocked that people actually work 9 to 5 & have an hour for lunch. I've never managed to find a job with such short hours.