I was driving into work the other day after picking my car up from the bodyshop fresh from a nice shiny new paint job.
I was stationary in traffic coming up to Shoreditch High St with a no entry on my left, having left sufficient space for cars to emerge from my left. As I was sitting there contemplating another shift in the hood two fixie riders approached in the opposite direction. A trendy East London type with coiffed hair, skinny jeans and the look of a malnourished crack dabbler turned hard in front of my car to ride through the no entry. As he did this, he shouted to his lady friend riding her trendy fixie with rolled up jeans mere feet behind him. As she was listening to an iPod and staring at her trendy London reflection in a shop window she completely over shot the illegal turn, skidding uncontrollably sideways into the front of my newly valeted and stationary car. My immediate reaction was to check that she was ok. As I stepped out of the drivers door she looked at me like a startled and very fashionable rabbit, got back on the bike, and f*cked off as fast as her legs could carry her. I looked at the front of my car and saw a massive new dent and a big chunk of front grille missing. I looked up and saw about 25 people standing dumfounded, with one or two of them shouting after the modern art and metaphysical cardigan knitting undergraduate student.
At this point I don't mind addmitting I suffered total, catastrophic sense of humour failure. So I did a U-turn and used the legal turning that was only metres behind me to find (carefully observing the sppeed limit) Tarquin and Lucinda (not their real names), and found them trying to catch their breath outside a pub. I asked Lucinda if she was hurt and if she thought it was reasonable to ride into a car because she wasn't paying attention and then bugger off having caused a load of damage. I was at this point feeling rather smug at how restrained I had been, having taken a 2 second breather before confronting her. She told me that she didn't cause the damage and that I was blocking the turning anyway. At this point I think my right eyelid may have twitched uncontrollably. Rather than resort to physical violence or any kind of verbal assault. I introduced my trump card. Suggesting that next time she tries to ride the wrong way up a no entry, whilst listening to an ipod, cause damage, then make off from the scene of a road traffic collision, she might want to make sure it's not a police officer on his way to work.
I have never seen a look of trendy self-important arrogance drain from someones face quite so quickly. Sometimes my job really does feel like I can make a difference.
good story, teach those hipsters a lesson! 8)
So, did you book 'em?
ace 😆
Pmsl!!
so, carry on, what was the outcome? Or did you let her off?
Admirable restraint shown so far, by the way.
I asked her for her details and some ID and told her that it was probably best that i sent her a bill for the damage, rather than giving her a summons for riding a pedal cycle without due care. Then I had to go to work and get someone to report the bloody collision to cover me. Got the council CCTV as well, which I have to say looks very funny.
I felt smug and I was nice to her! Go me!
Hopefully locked up, god knos this countyr needs more prisioners 🙄
Sometimes my job really does feel like I can make a difference.
No-one can mess with you because [Judge Dredd Voice] you are the Law [/Judge Dredd Voice]. 🙂
Got the council CCTV as well
Good to see the rozzers can act quick on this (when it helps them too 😉 )
I prefer the "respect my authoritaaaa" approach of Officer Cartman.
he he, karma in action.
Completely feel for people who are not off duty police officer who get their property damaged by these oiks.
book 'em Danno
Please stop your fixie. You have 20 seconds to comply.
You have 5 seconds to comply.
Four... three... two... one... I am now authorised to use physical force!
Now tis is very funny 😀
Great feel-good story. Only improvement could have been the use of the word FAKENGER and some CAPS LOCK and mis-spells.
FWIW what can a non-copper do in this scenario? She can just refuse to give her ID and then you are ****ed Shirley?
FWIW what can a non-copper do in this scenario?
Take her bike... or let her tyres down (to give you time for the coppers to arrive)? or... own her with the Bombers in the back of your car 8)
Does citizen's arrest actually exist?
You would need to call the fuzz as it's a reportable RTC. And don't call me Shirley.
I had to go to work and get someone to report the bloody collision [b]to cover me[/b]
What does this mean? Just out of interest?
Excellent 🙂
Post up the CCTV video now.
POST IT POST IT POST IT POST IT POST IT POST IT!
BigDummy because it's a reportable RTC I'm obliged to get it reported. Given my job I have very little discretion if I'm involved in any way. I also didn't want her to go straight to a where there's a blame there's a claim joint pretending she'd been hurt and that it was my fault in any way.
bigyinn - not a chance
Ah OK, thanks.
Reads well like someone who is used to paperwork..
J.
shame we dont all find it so easy to file a report and get the required cctv through the police.
psychle - MemberTake her bike... or let her tyres down (to give you time for the coppers to arrive)? or... own her with the Bombers in the back of your car
Does citizen's arrest actually exist?
This is the kind of nonsense I was trying to cut through.
CCTV Post it +1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Karma. Glad she got her comeuppance for riding like a d*ck
I'm not an expert in the law, but I would have thought anyone riding a fixie in Shoreditch High Street could be arrested and charged with being dangerously stereotypical in a public place?
Brilliant.
helping to rid the world of the fixie menace.
"Now then, sweetheart, we can sort this one of two ways..."
😀
I'm not an expert in the law, but I would have thought anyone riding a fixie in Shoreditch High Street could be arrested and charged with being dangerously stereotypical in a public place?
Outstanding.
Good story 🙂
One of my sisters is an Inspector - she's had similar experience of watching the dawning realisation on a persons face that perhaps their previous beligerent stance might need modifying in the face of new information.
🙂 Post of the week for me.
Love it. But, and I can't stress this enough, THIS POST IS USELESS WITHOUT PICTURES
(of the female rider) 😉
Nonsense - MemberGot the council CCTV as well,
nice one. How did you do this- would it be just as easy for a civvy to get this for example if they had had car damaged or been knocked off bike by cab driver for example?
Top story!
DenDennis - I'm not an expert but I believe that under freedom of information and data protection legislation you may be able to request a copy of footage from the local authority if you believe you are shown on it. Please don't take my word for it though as I frequently talk out of my arse.
BTW it is an entertaining post, definitely not a
long dull post
Think I was right
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/HomeAndCommunity/WhereYouLive/SaferStreets/DG_10034524
Excellent 😆
absolute genius! put a smile on my face. 😆
Funny, not sure of the relevance of her drivetrain though 😉
nicko74 - Member
Love it. But, and I can't stress this enough, THIS POST IS USELESS WITHOUT PICTURES
(of the female rider)
Just for you...
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She forgot her ipod!
Haze - Member
Funny, not sure of the relevance of her drivetrain though
The rise of the oh-so-achingly-"on trend"-fixie rider has spawned a terror on London's streets. That terror is people who are not experienced (or sensible) cyclists, riding bikes which handle like pigs on stilts and which (because it is oh so achingly fashionable) have no brakes. As such, these twunts are unable to control their bikes and are causing many accidents.
But still, they are all sooooo very fashionable and are sooooo very "at one with their pure, essence of bike" fixies.
Twunts.
Yup - one of the biggest arguments for not riding a fixie now is all the other twunts riding them...
And that was her ossifer, I'd recognise them anywhere!!
Nonsense, hilarious - do your IRB's read this good? 😆 "Your Honour, it happened like this ... "
I wasn't able to glean from your post whether you were in fact blocking the cyclist's route?
Sorry, I'm probably going to get shot down by this given the response you've had so far, but I'm surprised that you post a rant about "bloody cyclists", when you were driving...on a cyclists forum.
I can see where you're coming from, but you're on a cycling forum...right? I mean I'm bemused that you posted this here, but I'm really disturbed that more people haven't asked you more questions (why were you driving to work in central London anyway? Again, this is a cycling forum!) before rounding on the cyclist?
Also, I know from personal experience that the police in Shoreditch are really anti-cyclist, they're quite threatening to cyclists verbally, and don't pursue investigations of potentially criminal conduct even when there's quite compelling evidence, taking the driver's word against that of the cyclist where it's his word against theirs. Sort it out.
*grins*
I regularly commute across SE London - on a Marin Rock Springs if you please and for the most part other cyclists are fine.
The most irritating breed are the fixie riders who hold you up and then pass you at a red light once you've overtaken them.
jhw - Do you know, some people who ride bikes also drive cars. Sometimes they even need to do so.
How's the view from up there on your high horse?
jhw - a few things.
1. I don't work in Shoreditch so it wasn't me guv'nor. I'm usually very nice and very pro cyclist (hence me being on a cycling forum).
2. You clearly haven't read the post properly. I was stationary in traffic, having left a gap for vehicles coming out of a NO ENTRY on my left. So no I wasn't blocking anyone, especially people doing an illegal right turn from the opposite direction.
3. I live about 35 miles away from my place of work so it's quite a long bike ride home up the M11. Especially after a 10 hour night shift. I didn't realise I'm not allowed to drive cars because I visit bike related websites?
Sort what out? The actions of people I don't know and have never met? Or am I missing something? If you have an issue with the way you have been dealt with by an officer, I suggest you make a formal complaint. They won't change otherwise. I don't think you're directing your anger at the right person.
Deluded - I don't do IRB's anymore I'm on WBA 😉
CFH, think jhw just got a downer on police at this time. See his post about getting tugged by a rude PC for injudicious use of buuny-hop! A heinous offence punishable with three months imprisonment.
OK OK I digress, I normally have zero sympathy/time for car users in central London at rush hour and to see one on a cycling forum complaining about cyclists seemed a bit much, although clearly there was no fault on the driver's part in these circumstances.
Well this seems like a good place to try and sell this! 😉
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At least the valves line up with the tyre logos
jhw - just for the record I frequently ride in central London and I agree entirely. I could give numerous examples when I've had a quiet word in the ear of some drivers. Including a police officer I might add.
Nice! OK, hope the dent gets sorted out
Well this seems like a good place to try and sell this
How much for the Brooks?!
jhw - I see crap cyclists everyday in London, should I not complain about them because i'm a cyclist? By the same logic, would it be fine for car drivers to stick up for each other just because they all drive cars?
There are shit cyclists as well as shit drivers, I think you need to realise that.
Made me smile, thanks for posting.
Lets hope she has learnt her lesson, before she becomes another red/blue statistic!
apart from proper couriers there are not *that* many fakengers on commutes, see themmore at weekend.
I have a single speed road bike run it freewheel, but it has mudguards and brakes - it is an great bike.
funny anti hipster/fixi vid here from MC Spandex
[b]
I doubt that bird on carnaby st has managed to fit cleats to those shoes 🙂
I was driving into work the other day after picking my car up from the bodyshop fresh from a nice shiny new paint job.
Immediate loss of sympathy.
*Reads the rest*
Nope. No change. 😛
Bugger off to a mobile lounge-driver's forum and don't come back.
Is this you 'calming it down a bit' Mr Woppit?
No.
ah well, I'm sure the bile will find a more constructive outlet one day.
That's nice for you. Can I interest you in a baby-wipe?
Way to spoil a sub-culture, im glad mountain biking is not fashionable. I feel sorry for all the proper fixie cyclists that have to carry the can for a bunch of numpties who got into it because they cant skate or ride properly.
"Yeah - oughta be a law. It's not like it used to be. Bl**dy newcomers, spoiling the niche for the half-dozen original REAL single-speeders. They don't even wear the proper clothes not like wot WE used to do..."
Feh. Grow up.
im glad mountain biking is not fashionable
It's not? Aww nuts!
*looks for new hobby*
apart from proper couriers there are not *that* many fakengers on commutes
er... define *that*. There are heaps of them, riding round in jeans, hanging around Soho in the evenings. You can tell by a) how ****in clean their bikes are and b) their general poncey air that they're not couriers.
and c) their inability to control a fixed wheel bike without brakes.
and d) all their phoney alley-cat cards in the spokes.
I doubt that bird on carnaby st has managed to fit cleats to those shoes
I hadn't even noticed her shoes.
Grow up - ha. Id rather not.
Just spotted this, thread of the week.. or at least it [i]would[/i] be if the video were included 😀
Think I spotted her in Brick Lane the other day:
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funny, thanks