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Get on the footpath you're holding me up.
After pulling out to get past some cars parked on the side of the road then having to stop because of the queue for the lights. 😆
What idiotic shite have you had shouted at you?
Nineteen yr old girl driving a poweredby fairydust car headlong at me, a 50yr old bloke, life long worker who has had almost nothing from the state.
"I pay tax"
allez allez, on me mountain bike!
*off Wiggins you *
Going up a hairpin climb. I actually had to to pull over as going flat out and pissing with laughter meant I really couldn't breathe!
"Moooooooooo!" while shaking a small stuffed toy cow at me.
"Oi mate - you look like your dog!"
"Where's the rest of ZZ Top"
I have a rather large beard
nice arse
sorry mate i thought you were a woman
I had long hair
"You're not a f*cking taxi!"
From a Taxi driver whilst I was in the Bus/Taxi/Cycle lane. I mean I'm glad he could tell the difference, shows they aren't letting just anyone drive.
Today on road bike with wife, gentle pace uphill, chap in vintage car rally shouts at us to slow down so he can overtake and to stop showing off. Other half doesn't see funny side. Driver resembles Farage!
"You're just not good enough" screamed at me by psychotic ten year old.
"Gay" by white van man. Wtf?
My personal favourite though ,is of course ,the perennial "Mr!your back wheel is going round !"
"Lycra lout!" .... while I was wearing jeans and a raincoat. I did respond with "You're a very strange little man" ...this seemed to cause much upset.
While out cycling with dog someone shouted “oi mate bring the wife out for a run"
My reply
" No but just left yours she's a great s**g!"
Nothing inventive, I'm afraid. Just the usual "get on the f.. cycle path" sort of rubbish.
Years ago as a roadie , 'Phwoar look at the package on that' . I was greatly amused and suggested a sight test as they had obviously noticed something I was unaware of.
"You're a very strange little man" ...this seemed to cause much upset.
I do love it when I get a chance to offer a comeback.
They've probably spent some time thinking up their whitty one liner, they may even have got it from Dave in the pub/youtoob/top gear. The last thing they expect is instant belittlement. The look on their faces as their entire manly self image crumbles for a few seconds almost makes me sorry for them 🙂
I do love it when I get a chance to offer a comeback.
Best I could muster was **** off you ****. 😳
'Real men ride women!'
By a pram pushing teen as I rode through Hebden Bridge
"nice tights" shouted from the back seat of a sedan by a 10 year old. He was right, they are nice tights.
"Full kit ****er!"
I was wearing baggy shorts and an old band t-shirt.
Get off the pavement, whilst riding on a cycle path, yelled from a car that had been blocking said cycle path.....
Judging by the answers/quotes it seems that my teachers were actually correct in observing:
'Empty vessels make the most noise'
"Get a horse!"
London sh*t
Weird, because at that point in my life in the early 80's I'd never journied below Staffordshire
Best I could muster was * off you *.
POSTED 1 HOUR AGO # REPORT-POST
It's rarely anything original.
"Yer back wheels going round"
"So's the clap, get yer wife checked"
"Get off the road"
"Get off yer arse"
"Bradley f****** Wiggins"
"Like a chubby Jeremy Clarkson"
Should see you through 90% of interactions.
Get on the pavement!
And
Get off the pavement!
On a commute on a busy 60mph rural A road with a pavement nobody ever walks on. Can't win.
"Yer back wheels going round"
"Just like your mum*" is quicker to yell back.
*or "wife", depending on age of knobber concerned.
Few years ago riding the road bike home after work, I got pipped at on a corner, I thought fair enough, it was a tight bend, I'd cut across a bit, looks over, the passenger's got his old man out waving it at me in the seat, then they drove past.
Like....what was the convo before that happened?!?
'Ere Dave, toot the horn, I'm gonna get my jimmy out and wave it at this stranger' 'yeah no worries'
Still makes me laugh now
Similar to Scratch, I had a car slow down once with two young women in the front and one offers "ere mate, d'you wanna lick 'er beef curtains?" They didn't stop to hear my reply. Strange
Had the holy trinity of
You Should be on the pavement
Don't Pay tax
your in my way.
Then the lights wen red... reply was something along the lines of Oi fatty want to waddle over here and say that...
[quote=singlespeedstu ]I do love it when I get a chance to offer a comeback.
Best I could muster was * off you *.
My best was when a trucker got out his cab[his fault nearly killed me] and said
Him: "oi come here while i **** you"
Me: " How about we just run around your truck till you have a heart attack you fat bastard"
It did not defuse the situation.
Never experienced anything like this. I now feel that i'm missing out! 🙂
While on my road bike
"Go home your not wiggo"
Which was pretty accurate as I was on my way home and I'm not wiggins.
Him: "oi come here while i **** you"
Me: " How about we just run around your truck till you have a heart attack you fat bastard"
Junkyard wins...
"Du strampelst wie ein Weldmeister!" Is the only one that comes to mind. Made me smile
'Oi, mate, that was f***ing rubbish!'
After I'd pulled a particularly wobbly trackstand in front of a cabbie at the lights.
Rush hour.
Bloke in a car shouted how I'd slowed him down but, due to traffic, had to wait until I was locking my bike two miles on from where I'd over taken him
I had no witty riposte and probably just looked baffled (errr obviously baffled in a cool way)
"t!ts!!"
I do have a pair so maybe he just likes stating the obvious at volume
I'm still amused at the idea of junkyard being chased around a truck by a wannabe cardiology inmate
Whilst cycling into work in London last year a white van pullled up alongside me at traffic lights, bloke leaned out of his window and shouted at me
"oi mate, is that a mountain bike?"
I nodded politely and said "yeah"
"Are you lost then? This is the A206, not Everest, you dozy c**t"
Him, the other passenger and the driver roared with laughter and at the next set of lights the Oscar Wilde of the building industry shouted jubiliantly at me "I mugged you off good and proper, geeza"
Not out of a car window, but from some drunks on a bench:
"Haw, mate, you could choke your chicken on that!"
I was riding a recumbent, to be fair.
Junkyard needs to pass the prize onto Holdsteady's WVM.
After the usual sort of thing (angry honking from a motorist who was unable to straight-line a mini-roundabout due to the selfish, inconsiderate presence of a cyclist legally and properly using the same junction), the motorist pulled up next to where I had stopped a little further on.
Obviously reaching for the worst insult he could muster, if not the most relevant, or evidence-based, before driving off with ostentatious wheelspin, out he called at me:
PAEDOPHILE!!
I was riding around a car which the owner had parked in the middle of a narrow residential street, with cars on both sides already. She got out just as I was passing and called me a pervert.
I'm still confused by it two years later.
"GET OFF THE ROAD YOU CANT"
Not particularly inventive from a 3 series knob end last Tuesday morning on the way to work, guess who my first customer of the morning was? He didn't get a great deal on his tyres but he was too embarrassed to ask for discount!
cycling up marford hill wrexham a few years ago, lgv pulled along at side of me, passenger aked "if i was hot and thirsty mate", and before i could answer poured a bottle of cola over me, 10 miles to go hot sweaty and a bee magnet all the way home.